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To all Bloodymary enjoyers: Simon IS NOT an engineer!
In fact he's not even a mechanic, so consider scrapping that headcanon unless you wanna give him a whole different backstory!
Iron Lung spoilers under the read more but I bring some evidence
In the movie, Simon's first moment in the submarine (SM-13) involve him looking over the control console, and then going through some folios available to him. The very first one he picks, one with quite a few pages, is an instruction manual for operating the sub.
He looks at the cover for a whole two seconds before giving up. He doesn't even bother.
(yes the gif has a weird loop don't worry about it)
The only instruction he does bother with, is the next folio with One Page on it, and all it depicts is the panel at the back of the sub, and a single arrow going "CAMERA". He verifies it works and gets to piloting the sub. The controls are pretty simple, he just rawdogs it.
Later on when the sub's engine has gone offline due to some, err, rough ridin', he finds a crawl space under the floor of the sub and goes down to find some way to revive the engine. When he finds only the black box mechanism (at first), he gives us a lovely piece of his mind.
Not that we needed more proof that him and technical shit don't go together, but there you are. He went down there without even knowing if there would be anything to help or fix the issue. Dumbass extraordinaire <3
Now you may think, oh so he doesn't do hardware but he can do software! Wrooong, he cannot. Later in the movie the computer console is activated and is attempting to download files but the clearances have been rescinded, Simon can't access anything. This is what he tries.
He tries "HELLO" first, yes, and when the other three attempts that aren't even basic console commands fail, he tries asking nicely.
So nah, this man doesn't know much about machines or systems besides some very surface level stuff. He's very capable of learning in a pinch, but if he has a choice then he would very much rather not.
I feel like so many Bloodymary fans are basing this idea on one fanfic thing that spiraled out of control
So many people admitted like the ship but not watching iron lung (some neither movie all together which js fucking crazy idk how you do that)
Iron Lung is a very confusing movie. It doesnāt tell you the whole story right there in front of your eyes. You gotta look for the details. Simon was a ābutcherā said plainly in text. More specifically, you can take that as him being some sort of muscle or solider.
Idk how people who DID watch iron lung look at the way Simon went about the sm-13 and thought he must be an engineer. No heās just fucked up and scrappy. He doesnāt know shit.
sent this to the wrong blog first (embarassing lmao) but I was listening to the phm soundtrack and scrolling Tumblr and I came across my friends call me gay simon and started crying real tears. emotions are running high but I hope you know how influential that stupid comic is (at least to me)
Sigh. Itās so influential to everyone. Literally became my namesake in his fandom.
Iām glad you guys like gay Simon comic so much tho it just tickled me in the shower thinking about it
I got attached to this post @loudmothbother made and needed to write some softness. Hereās Colt getting flowers for his and Jodyās first date.
āāāā
Colt had blood congealed up in his nose. He keeps trying to sniff it back up, causing this gross, snorting sound to come out. There was a clot in there just begging to pop and create the new modern bloody Genesis Flood right here in California.
That sounded kinda cool actually. Like a movie where thereās this big blood-filled typhoon that wipes out California. They could call it like, āBlood Tidesā or something. He bet he could think of a million cool stunt ideas for that. Maybe he should tell Jody about it.
Jody! Right, right, Jody. Jody, Jody, Jody.
Colt wipes his nose against his jacket, quickly checking to make sure there wasnāt any blood. He works his half-jog up to a full jog as he makes it to the plant store.
āWoah, wait, wait, wait!ā
He slams his hand against the shop door, stopping it short with a loud jingle from the doorās bells just before the man could close it.
āSorry, sorry,ā he quickly apologizes, snorting up another blood clot. āI just need to pick something out real quick. Iāll be really fast, I promise. In and out.ā
The manāshorter than Colt, but not at all smallāglares at him through dark, hooded eyes. His hand is still on the door and he looks about ready to slam it shut on him. Colt tries working up the charm on the stranger, leaning harder against the door and smiling pleasantly.
āReally, it wonāt be long at all,ā he says. āI have a date in about 20 minutes that I really do not want to be late for. First date, you know? Sheās from my work, and weāve been flirting back and forth for a while, but we finally said āscrew itā and bit the bulletāā
āYou get five minutes if you just stop fucking talking.ā
The manās surprisingly deep voice cuts him short. He opens up the door and Colt practically falls inside. He nods his thanks at the shopkeeper, wiping his sore nose again and walking inside.
The shop was packed full of plants of all kinds. Ceiling to floor, they were everywhere. There were carts lined up in the middle of the small store, creating very narrow aisles that Colt definitely wouldnāt be able to go through without knocking into one of those hanging plants and tipping the whole thing over. The worker wasnāt that much smaller than him, he was actually just as built. How the hell did he make it through them so easily?
Eventually, in the sea of green, Coltās eyes catch on the flowers. They have a whole bunch of them built up in bouquets, colorful, rich, and plentiful.
āWoah,ā Colt heads straight for them. Carefully stepping around a couple floor plants and leaning over the display. He points at them with dirt underneath his fingernails. āDo you guys make those yourself?ā
The man walks behind the display, shoulders hunched. āI just make sure they donāt die. Elli cuts and arranges them. Sheās got a better eye than I do.ā
Colt grunts. He stands back up, chewing on his lip and tapping his foot insistently. He stares at the rows of pretty flowers, slowly spiraling into anxious thoughts about what Jody would like. She wasnāt too girly. Feminine, but not overly so. She wore makeup, liked dressing lighter in earthier tones, but still mostly had her hair up messily and stuck to a lot of shirts and pants. He remembers one jumpsuit of hers having flowers on it. They were pink, or maybe white. Maybe lilies? Lilies were nice flowers, right?
He thought about how the word āliliesā would sound with her accent. He could practically hear her surprise, see the eyebrows raising, a smile she was actively fighting as he shoved them under her nose.
āāLilies? For me?āā Colt whispers to himself, chuckling at his horrible intimation of her voice. His face flushes and he reaches out to thumb at a flowerās petals, rubbing his nose again with his other hand.
āThose arenāt lilies.ā The man startles him, making him jump.
āI know,ā he clarifies. He clears his throat, dropping both of his hands and shifting on his feet. He snorts his nose again. āI was just talking to myself. Do you have any lilies? Pink ones? Or white, Iām not picky. Sheād probably like it either way. Or just throw them away.ā
He just levels him with a hard stare. With their awkward staring contest, Colt could see a bit more of the guy. Mostly, the hunched shoulders half hiding the distinct lack of a left arm. Not that it was any of his business. He doesnāt stare.
Colt sniffs again. The smell of the place was really irritating it now.
The man points at a mostly yellow bouquet. āWe only have those right now, but I wouldnāt get them for a date.ā
āOh,ā Coltās shoulders fall slightly, pouting. āWhyās that?ā
āI dunno,ā the manāColt finally looks at his name tag for a secondāSimon grunts out with a shrug. āApparently they mean friendship if you give them to someone.ā
āReally? Flowers have meanings?ā
āFucking, I guess so.ā
Colt sighs and looks back at the selection again. He chews hard on his lip, eating away at a bit of skin. Bad habit of his.
āCan I have five more minutes?ā
āFuckās sakeāā Simon grabs a bouquet of one of the few flowers Colt does know and pushes them carefully into his arms. āThere! Sunflowers. Those are easy and cheap. Now pay for them and get out so I can close.ā
Colt looks down at the flowers in his hands. The sunflowers werenāt the only thing in the bouquet. There were also little compacted orange flowers and flowy looking salmon pink flowers. They had little leaves sticking out all over the place too, all carefully wrapped in white tissue paper.
He smiles at them. They were perfect! Heās seen all these colors in Jodyās wardrobe. She looked especially good in a salmon color. It matched her complex really beautifully.
āAwesome!ā He exclaims. He tucks them gently in one arm, as he busies himself fishing out his wallet and following the man to the register. He uses his one hand to thumb out his card, slipping it out with two fingers and handing it off to Simon. āThanks for your help, by the way! āPreciate it.ā
Simon reaches for the card, but pauses as he does a quick double take when he looks at Colt. His face shadows over and he grimaces. He quickly takes the card and puts it on the counter without first inserting it. He, instead, reaches for something under the counter. He pulls out a box of tissues and pushes it towards Colt before grabbing the card again.
āYour nose is bleeding.ā He grumbles out as he finishes up the transaction.
Colt starts and his hand shoots up to his nose. He canāt believe he didnāt feel that. His nose was practically gushing!
He dives for the tissues, quickly plucking out tens of them with bloody fingers. āShitāsorry, man. That happens sometimes. The smog outside and the stuff I do for work. My nose has been broken more times than I can count.ā
āāS fine,ā Simon mumbles. He rips the receipt out from the printer and holds out both that and the card to Colt, waiting surprisingly patiently. āJust be careful. Youāre getting it all over your girlfriendās flowers.ā
Colt cursed again. He shoved a wad of tissues up his nose quickly before plucking another tissue to take his card from Simonās hands. Hand. Fuck.
āThanks again. And sorry again. Fuck.ā Colt rushes to the door. He shoved everything into his jacket pocket, bloody tissues and all. āShit, shit, shit, Iām going to be late now. Uh, thanks, Simon!ā
He doesnāt hear a response, nor does he wait for one. He practically sprints out the door, bells ringing as he slams it shut behind him.
Colt ended up 5 minutes late to his first date with Jody. His upper lip was still bloody, as well as his thankfully red t-shirt collar. But especiallyā
āThereās blood on these?ā Jody says quizzically. She looks over the flowers in amusement, a light blush and smile on her face as she looks pointedly up at the blood on Colt.
āShit!ā He hisses and reaches out to pluck out a sunflower. He swallows his shame. āSorry. I thought I got them all out.ā
The laugh she gave him was worth the ache in his nose.
Coltland Gentry crowd. I donāt go there cause gray man was only just okay for me, but I hope you know his shirt is clearly wet in the torture scene. Before he is drenched with gasoline. Potential water boarding probably happened.
More butch lesbian Colt Seavers rambling happy pride month to me and a select few only.
One way I generically look at lesbian Colt is pushing my entire gender and sexual identity onto him. Absolutely confidence in being a masc woman, wanting to look exactly like a man, but still 100% butch women realness.
The other side is more coinciding with canon and less self indulgent (as if this whole thing isnāt self indulgent but digress)
Colt whoās identified himself based on his skills and his interests more than anything else. Heās a stuntman, he likes cheesy rock jams, and he loves movies. Thatās his identity for most of his life.
He never really thought about gender and sexuality. He knows he likes women. He knows it feels inherently wrong to be seen as a man, but he doesnāt question it. He assumes it comes from a place where people make assumptions about who he is based on how he presents himself. Heās not the douchey playboy people often see him as.
He doesnāt think about it. Even when he goes back and watches the 1979 Alien movie, seeing Ripley and thinking āgod I wish I looked like that.ā
Doesnāt matter anyways. He found a girl that doesnāt make assumptions about his role as the āmanā in the relationship. Sheās more than that. What they have is more than that.
Then his accident happens and Coltās thrown for a loop.
Suddenly heās not a stuntman anymore. A core part of what he identifies as is ripped away from him.
He starts questioning things, about who he really is as heās forced to sit in that hospital room and watch reruns all day.
Maybe Alien comes on in that time and that fucks him up again.
Maybe he starts to spiral, questioning what he had with Jody.
Maybe he makes the brash realization that heās not the man he thought he was at all. Heās a completely different person. One that Jody definitely didnāt sign up for. One that NO ONE signed up for.
He cuts people off here, terrified for what this means for him. Heās not a stuntman anymore, and now heās not even sure if heās really a MAN at all anymore.
He drops people before they have the chance to drop him first. Why wouldnāt they? Heās hurt and confused about everything. Heās not Colt anymore.
This is when we get into the time jump, the long hair, the beard, the off clothes, the back massages, the new hobbies. Heās still struggling, but heās rebuilding. Heās figuring it out on his own. He can do that.
(Maybe with a bit of Coltland twins, he goes back to his name Grace. Just the barest hint of femininity back into his identity.)
Gailās call and the starting events of fall guy makes him backslide a bit. Suddenly heās expected to be Colt Seavers the Stuntman again. They cut his hair, they put him in Ryderās costumes, they clap his shoulders and say āhey man! Welcome back!ā
Heās struggling to BE Colt Seavers again because he wasnāt that anymore.
But then Jody is there and sheās talking to him and giving him a chance. She didnāt want him here, that was a lie, but she is willing to hear him out. Maybe they can try again. Maybe she could help bring that Colt back again. Because his favorite Colt was him when he was with Jody.
(Maybe he clings to Jody bringing back who he was a little too much.)
From there, I imagine the rest of the movie continues as follows. Possibly he says something more about what losing himself means to Jody when heās about to die. Less of a coming out because he still doesnāt know, and more of an offering. A small explanation of why he fucked it up with her.
And maybe their happy ending ends with a few estrogen pills in his pockets, wheelchair packed in the back, and Jody calling him her handsome girl.
I am falling for the he/him butch lesbian colt propoganda
and sorry to bring coltland twins into it bc the fall guy does not get enough recognition outside of the phm fandom - but trans ryland is really funny in this scenario
identical twins who just so happened to reject femininity for different reasons and still ended up being identical lmao
I am always cool with talking about coltland twins donāt get it twisted. Plus, I donāt mind something a little more Colt-centric in the aus
Thatttt being said I really love trans siblings. Iām a butch (that often gets thought of as trans) and my sister is actually trans. Both lesbians lmao. We always grew up with the āopposite genderā types of interests and personalities.
Hilariously too, my sister is slowly morphing into looking more like me so itās that meme with Coltland where Colt comes out as butch transbian and suddenly starts looking like a cooler Ryland lmao.
I like amab nonbinary Ryland tho. Rejects femininity until heās off in space where gender canāt get him anymore.
