☆summary: when you move to Seoul to do some research on your upcoming book, your life gets tangled with the city's celebrity scene. It leads to you crossing paths with Jeon Jungkook, whose confusing behaviour convinces you that he hates you. Only, you might have misread his intentions from the beginning...
☆pairings: drummer!Jungkook x writer!female reader
☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, this chapter has mature content)
☆genre: enemies (annoyances?) to lovers!au, celebrity!au, rockstar!au, smut, angst (make it dramatic), fluff
☆warnings: cursing, alcohol, sasaengs, sara, a side character being diagnosed with cancer, cigarettes, panic attack, explicit content: jerking off, oral sex (male receiving), dry humping, clit play (slaps), unprotected sex (wrap it if you tap it), creampie. Different kind of explicit content: physical assault, knife, blood.
☆word count: 12.9k
☆a/n: hope you guys enjoy this new chapter <3 and thank you to @moonleeai for being my perfect beta reader again, you are the best and i'm forever thankful for you <3
☆add yourself to the taglist here!
☆☆☆☆☆
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls
☆☆☆☆☆
Sunday, October 26th
Jungkook is tired. Exhausted, even, and he wishes they didn’t have concerts back to back like they’ve had the last few weekends.
Three concerts one after the other is too much, he reckons. But at least, the streak is done, and they have until next Thursday before the next concert, though they’ll have to travel to a whole other country for that one.
To be fair, Vancouver isn’t too far from Seattle, but still.
Jungkook looks towards Taehyung, who’s typing away on his phone while the other members are slowly taking off the tour outfits to put on their regular clothes again. Taehyung’s smiling, most likely texting Jennie, and Jungkook wonders if you’re busy right now. It’s a little past 11 pm here, which means it should be…
His brain fails to do the maths, and Jungkook pulls his phone out to go look at the international clocks. It should be 4 pm in Seoul, according to the app, which means you’re probably in the meeting for the publishing of your book. Indeed, it’ll be out in two weeks, with a book release at midnight in Seoul, where Jennie, Mingyu, Lisa and probably even Rosé will be in attendance.
You said your agent believed it to be the best way to promote the book, and to have all eyes on it right from the start. Jungkook agrees that it’s a good idea, and he wishes he could be there to support you…
But he’ll be getting ready for a concert in the evening in yet another city. Actually, he’ll probably still be asleep then, considering the time difference.
He’s been missing you a lot. Despite frequent FaceTime calls and almost constant texting, when you’re awake, he feels like he left his heart in your hands that Sunday in August when they first had to leave for the South American leg of the tour. They visited multiple countries there, performing in Sao Paulo, Lima, Buenos Aires, Bogota and even Santiago. Each stop had more than one concert, and then they headed up to Mexico City before starting with a few shows in New York.
And now Seattle, and soon Vancouver. And after that, they’ll be going back down the West Coast.
Jungkook sighs, exhaustion swiftly pushing through him. He feels a little dizzy, and so he sits down, heading to his text messages with you.
[7:07 pm] You: good luck for the concert tonight
[7:08 pm] You: you’re gonna fuck shit up
Your messages made him smile earlier, and they still do as he rereads, imagining you saying it out loud with that twinkle in your eyes he’s been chasing in the night sky whenever the sun is down.
He hasn’t looked at the stars the same since the trip to Jeju. They remind him of you, and he’s taken a liking to stargazing each night, even though the city lights rarely let him see the stars like he saw them with you. They were infinite that night, with the Milky Way striking across the sky.
He doesn’t even know if he’ll be able to see anything tonight. It was cloudy earlier, before they got to the arena, but the clouds were supposed to scatter around midnight…
Hopefully.
[11:13 pm] Jungkook: it was a good concert but oof i’m glad we’re done with seattle
He presses send, watching the message deliver on your message thread. He doubts you’ll reply right away, so he shoves his phone in the pocket of his pants, yawning as he glances around to see that they’re almost all ready to go.
Everyone is in different levels of exhaustion, it seems, with only Jimin brimming with energy as he had the brilliant idea to chug an energy drink before the encore. He’s currently yapping to Hoseok about something Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to, and Hoseok is replying with short one-worded answers, though it doesn’t deter Jimin.
Nothing ever really does. Jungkook envies that of his friend – talking has always been easy for Jimin, whereas Jungkook’s always been a little more on the introverted side. It almost cost him you at the beginning of your relationship, after all.
He blushes. Relationship is a big word. You’ve never really put a label on what it is between you and him, but Jungkook likes to tell himself that you’re his girlfriend. All the members act as if you are, too, so it’s been easy for him.
He wonders if you see him as your boyfriend. Or if the distance keeps you from imagining him as such. It hurts, his heart straining in his chest, and he wishes he could be by your side, if only for a few hours.
He’d ask you to be his girlfriend instead of just assuming you are. He’s thought about doing it over FaceTime, but it feels way too lame compared to the intensity of what he feels for you. And despite the distance, his feelings for you have just kept on growing since the end of August, only strengthening with every day that passes.
He believes you feel the same, if only because you always struggle with hanging up every time you FaceTime, telling him you need to see him for just a little longer. He never minds it, even though it steals some precious minutes of rest from him.
Who needs sleep when he can spend time with you instead?
“Let’s go,” Namjoon says to no one in particular, though Jungkook knows his words are aimed at the group of them.
Indeed, they all file out of the dressing room, heading to the two cars that’ll drive them back to the hotel. Jungkook climbs into the one with Namjoon, Yoongi and Jimin, the two latter deciding to go grab a beer at a local bar while Namjoon peers down at his phone in his hands.
He’s been talking with his ex these last few days, the one he was with during the summer. They didn’t last long, but it seems the feelings lingered on her side, because she reached out to him first. She was the one to end things, though, so Jungkook feels wary for his friend, but he hasn’t said anything.
With his history with Sara, it would probably be out of place for him to say anything. Because he never listened to Namjoon’s advice, no matter how many times Namjoon told him to break up with Sara and block her so that she doesn’t come back.
He still hasn’t blocked her, though he hasn’t replied to any of the messages she’s sent over the last few months. She doesn’t deserve his attention anymore, or at least he likes to tell himself that.
He’s too busy thinking about you anyway. Talking to you, too. There’s no room for Sara in his life when he’s with you.
The car reaches the hotel, parking out front. There are fans waiting outside, and Jungkook shuts his eyes in annoyance, though he knows it’s not as bad as those that come to his house.
There were two break-in attempts this last month, though the police was quick to intervene. Both people ended up doing some jail time, and they have yet to show up on the cameras again.
Hell, one of them was even deported to another country with a stain on their passport that blocks them from ever returning to South Korea.
Jungkook shakes the thoughts away – they’re too heavy, and he doesn’t have the energy for that right now. Instead, he waits for the manager to give them the go to exit the car, and he plasters a smile on his lips when he finally does get out, waving at the fans.
They scream at the sight of him and the other members, and Jungkook could kiss Taehyung on the forehead when he shushes them with a finger on his mouth. They all instantly fall silent, which makes Jimin snort and say, “Damn, they’re well-trained.”
Hopefully, none of the fans speak Korean, because there’s a sarcastic lilt to Jimin’s words. One that doesn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the members, including Jungkook, and they all chuckle before heading in, wishing the fans good night.
Before he gets in, Jungkook makes sure to look up – there’s a break in the clouds, and he sees a lone star shining up above in all its beauty. He reckons it might be Jupiter, but he’ll have to make sure with his starmap app later.
For now, he focuses on heading to his hotel room to take a shower as he waits for you to get out of your meeting so that you can FaceTime before he goes to bed. It’s well past midnight when you finally text him to call, and he’s already half asleep in bed when he presses on the icon at the top of the conversation, the front camera turning on to reveal the dark circles under his eyes along with his tousled hair.
He looks even more exhausted than he feels, and he winces at the sight, trying to fix his hair quickly as the call connects.
“Hey,” you greet him the second you come into view.
You’re sitting at a coffeeshop from the looks of it, having clearly called the second you left the library where the book release will be. You’re sipping an iced americano, and you look so beautiful Jungkook thinks he might burst out crying.
Do you miss him as much as he misses you?
“Hey,” he echoes, wetting his lip. “How did the meeting go?”
You smile, glancing to the side as someone walks past you with a tray in hand. “It went really well. They’ll be able to sell alcohol.”
You’d been worried about that, as you claimed it’s one of the most fun parts of midnight releases. Especially with the crowd that’s expected since a bunch of celebrities will be in attendance.
“That’s amazing,” Jungkook says. “You must be relieved.”
You nod, your eyebrows raising over your eyes. “You have no clue. But what about you, how was the concert?”
“Same old,” Jungkook replies with a chuckle. “At this point, I think I could do the concert asleep.”
You laugh, the crystalline sound carrying so well through the phone Jungkook feels like you’re right here with him for a few seconds. His heart reaches for you, thinking it’ll find you… only to be met with a void that sounds like you.
He didn’t even know it was physically possible to miss someone this much.
“You probably could,” you agree, and then your features grow more serious. “You actually look exhausted.”
He sighs, rolling on his back as he holds the phone over his face. “Yeah, I am.” You look sad at his words, and he quickly adds, “But we have four days off until the next concert, so I’ll be able to rest a bunch.”
“Good.” You nod, as if to put emphasis on your word. “Really good. They shouldn’t overwork you guys like this.”
Jungkook chuckles. “Honestly, most of the time, it isn’t too bad. I’ve just been having trouble sleeping at this hotel, and it was three days of concerts straight.”
“Inhumane!” you let out, which only makes him laugh again.
“I’ll make sure you’re on the tour planning committee next time so we can avoid this.”
You smile. It’s infinitely soft, and Jungkook wishes he could reach through the screen to trace the curve of your lips with a finger.
“I’ll make sure all concerts are in Seoul,” you say with a nod. “Or wherever I’ll be in the world by then.”
“Here, probably.”
You snort. “I did not grow up in the West.” You tilt your head to the side, growing pensive. “I could probably easily follow if it was all in the US, though…”
That’s something Jungkook realized weeks ago, one night he couldn’t sleep and he just ended up staring at the ceiling. As a writer, you’re not confined to one country to be able to work. You could write from anywhere in the world. If it weren’t for the fact you’re releasing your book in Seoul and have to do some promotion for it there, he would have suggested that you join on part of the tour.
But it feels like a lot to ask. Even Minha got too tired and decided to go back to Korea for a few weeks before coming back some time in November. At least that was the plan the last time he talked to Seokjin about it, and Jungkook genuinely hopes she’ll come back.
Seokjin has been a grumpy pain in the ass since she left.
“You could,” Jungkook says as he pulls on his piercings. “And then you could be in Seoul with me when the tour finishes.”
“That’d be amazing.”
Jungkook agrees. To be with you, back home… with nowhere to go and nothing to do. He’d take his damn time with you.
The thought immediately sends a bolt of lust down his spine, and it shoots forward to his dick.
“I miss you,” he says. He wets his lips, shuts his eyes for a few seconds to keep the arousal at bay – you’re in public after all. “I wish I could be with you right now.”
“Oh, Jungkook,” you let out, and he opens his eyes to see a pout on your lips, your gaze growing sad, heavier. “I miss you too.”
“Just want to kiss you.” Jungkook sighs, and he rolls on his side. “Really fucking wanna kiss you, actually.”
Your cheeks dust with pink. “Is that all you want to do?”
The question makes his heartbeat skyrockets, and Jungkook shuts his eyes with a small chuckle. “Don’t do this to me.”
You laugh, mischief in every word you say next, so low he barely hears them. “I really wanna be able to touch you.”
“Yeah?” he lets out as his dick hardens at your words.
You look around, bringing the phone closer to yourself. “Kinda want to ride you, too.”
Fuck.
He can picture it. You on top of him, your breasts bouncing as he jackhammers his hips into yours, the way you scream his name when you come…
You nod your head. “It’d be better than your hand, no?”
You’re insanity personified. Or maybe that’s him. Slowly going insane for a woman on the other side of the world.
He says your name like a warning. “People are going to hear you.”
You laugh, shrugging your shoulders. “Alright then, I’ll stop.”
“Are you far from home?” Jungkook asks, his hand going down his body as he tries to readjust himself in his boxers.
“Why?” you ask innocently.
“You know exactly why.” His voice is low, husky, and he wonders if you can hear the urgency in his tone.
He needs you so bad. Misses you even more and he is truly, fully, going insane with every moment spent away from you.
“Well, I’m meeting with Mingyu soon.”
It’s like someone threw a bucket of cold water at him, and the arousal slips out of Jungkook as if it was never there to begin with.
You’re friends with Mingyu. Obviously a lot closer to Jennie, but you’ve been hanging out with Mingyu lately, hitting the gym with him and Jennie whenever she can. But it hasn’t been too often lately, because she’s been out of the city to film a movie that’ll release next year.
And Jungkook loves Mingyu. They’re best friends after all. But Mingyu is attractive, and a flirt, and has mentioned he finds you attractive before, and…
Jungkook stops the train of thoughts before it can spiral any further.
“Gym sesh?” he asks.
You nod. “And then dinner with Hyunseok and his boyfriend.”
The jealousy dissipates at the knowledge you won’t spend too long with Mingyu, but Jungkook still wishes it could be him instead.
You’ve never worked out together before despite the multiple times you hung out at his house. The only time you ever were in his gym together is that night he ended up fingering you before you ran away.
“Where are you guys going?” he asks.
“The restaurant you recommended in Seongsu.”
You say the words with sadness etched around your eyes. Jungkook frowns at the sight, wishing he could take you in his arms.
“You okay?”
“I wish we were going together,” you admit. “I… I really miss you a lot too.”
A lump forms in Jungkook’s throat, and he gulps around it. But then…
They have five days off between the San Francisco concert and then the following one. Maybe he could fly home for a time…
He sits up in bed, eyes going wide. “I’ll come.”
“What?” you let out.
He laughs, like he should have figured it out before. “I’ll come home in two weeks. I have five days off, I can easily fly in and spend them with you.”
“Don’t say that,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.
Jungkook’s excitement slowly dwindles to nothing. “Why?”
“Don’t make promises you can’t hold.”
He sucks on his piercings. “But I can,” he insists. “I’ll book flights with the manager. I bet some of the other members would also love to go home for a little.”
“But you’re already exhausted,” you point out, though Jungkook sees the spark of hope as it ignites in your eyes, an echo of the one in his, he’s pretty sure.
“Who cares?” he lets out. “I’ll sleep on the flight to Incheon, and then I’ll sleep with you in my arms.”
“You’ll snore in my ears all night.”
You’re smiling. You’re smiling and it’s like the light at the end of the tunnel. Jungkook runs towards it, dives in it.
“I will, and you’ll love it,” he jokes.
The smile stretches even wider, turning into a full-blown grin. “I will.”
Jungkook sends a message to the group chat, asking who wants to go with him, and then returns to the call with you. “I’ll see you soon.”
It’s like he’s suddenly powered by a nuclear reactor, and he feels like getting up to jump around like a little kid. He keeps it in though, his heart galloping in his chest instead, and he realizes his gaze is wet as a tear slips free, a bearer of so much joy he doesn’t even bother wiping it away.
You look just as happy. Your eyes shining with unshed tears too, your grin still just as wide. You laugh, that same crystalline sound wrapping around Jungkook like a warm blanket. It doesn’t hurt like before, just fills him with far too much happiness for his heart to handle.
“I can’t wait,” he says. “We’ll cuddle and work out and I’ll cook some food for you.”
“Oh, your food,” you let out. “I fucking miss your food.”
His lips curve upwards. “I’ll cook you breakfast and lunch and dinner, and as many snacks as you want.”
“I’ll get fat.”
“More of you to love,” he says, and then his gaze widens at his choice of words.
Love is a big word you have yet to say to each other, sort of, and Jungkook does not want to say it through the phone for the first time. Not when he whispered on your skin that he was falling in love with you the last time he saw you.
But he’s not falling anymore. Things are more than clear now.
Your eyes widen too, and you let out a small giggle. “Of course, of course.”
Jungkook’s phone buzzes in his hand with an upcoming message from Hoseok.
[1:04 am] Hoseok: heryung’s home those dates, i’m fucking in
“Hobi is coming too,” Jungkook says.
He receives a message from Seokjin and Namjoon at the same time, both of them saying they want to come as well.
“Jin and Namjoon too,” he adds a second later.
“Taehyung?” you ask, probably thinking about Jennie.
“He hasn’t replied yet, but I’m sure he’ll come.”
“Good,” you let out. And then you chuckle, eyes falling to your coffee. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”
He nods. “Right after your book release.”
You laugh again, slightly shaking your head like you can’t believe it. “I can’t fucking wait.”
“Me neither.”
And it’s true. The two next weeks are going to be hell. If only because Jungkook knows time will feel eternal, inching forward at a snail pace. But even if time stretches indefinitely…
You’ll still be there at the end of those two weeks. And there’s nothing in this world that matters more than that.
Monday, November 10th
Your steps are light today. There’s a bounce to them as if you’re a second way from flying away like a balloon in the wind. It makes sense, as you’ll finally see Jungkook after months of waiting to see him again. Not only that, but your book release was a success over the weekend, and you’ve made record sales since Saturday night.
Your dreams are paying off. In every aspect of your life, it seems. And you really feel so fucking light you might start floating soon. Hell, you’ll float to Jungkook’s place.
You’re on your way there. With a duffel bag with clothes for the next few days, because you’re not planning on leaving his house until he has to leave and go back to America.
He said he wouldn’t let you leave. That he’ll lock you in the basement if you try to, which only makes you laugh because his basement is the least threatening basement you’ve ever seen with the karaoke corner and the bar and the gym.
You’re walking down the boulevard, the wind surprisingly warm today. Or maybe the warmth comes from within, your heart inundating your bloodstream with it as it pumps your blood.
In just twenty minutes, you’ll finally be at Jungkook’s place. He offered to pick you up, but you had a meeting with Stella about the book release and you didn’t want him to wait around for you when he just landed from a twelve-hour flight. So you convinced him to go home, and you practically ran out the second the meeting finished.
Your bag has been ready since he told you he’d come two weeks ago.
So, you walk with a bounce in your step, unable to stop yourself from smiling as you turn into Jungkook’s street. You pass by two girls as you do so, and you smile at them, only to have them glare at you like you’re weird.
Right. People don’t usually smile at each other here. You can’t bring yourself to care, not when you’re so damn happy to see him. And it doesn’t take you long to reach his house, the street outside blissfully empty. He’s given you the code to get in without having to knock, and you head to the door, pressing it in before pushing the door open.
And then you’re stepping in, kicking your shoes off as you inhale a whiff of food. He’s cooking, much like he said he would, and you drop your bag and purse by the door before running in.
He’s in the kitchen, his back turned to you as he’s at the stove, mixing something in a pan with a wooden spoon. He doesn’t hear you, and you just stand there for a few seconds, taking in the fact that he’s standing in the same room as you. That, in a second, he’ll turn around and see you, and you’ll be able to run up to him, to hold him in your arms like you’ve been craving since August.
“Hey,” you let out, unable to wait any longer.
He startles, looking over his shoulder, and the second he sees you standing there, Jungkook spins around, running up to you and picking you up in his arms. You wrap yours around his neck as he spins you around, and you giggle as the world spins and spins.
“You’re here,” he says like he can’t believe it, and then he’s laughing too. “You’re here.”
“I am,” you say, and he stops spinning to look up at you, and you crash your lips on his with enough force he stumbles back.
His lips are just as pillowy soft as you remember them to be, and they part on a small grunt that just makes you laugh again.
“You’re here,” he repeats against your mouth, like he can hardly believe it.
“I’ve always been here,” you say as you pull away to meet his eyes. And then you fall in the depths of them, in the emotions and the stars that look like nebulas as he stares at you with such intensity you feel like no one’s ever truly seen you before. “You’re the one that left.”
He lets out a small chuckle, and then he puts you down. He doesn’t let you get too far, his hands cupping your cheeks so he can pull you into another kiss, much more languid this time.
It’s a heavy kiss. It holds the weight of the months apart, of the distance and the numerous FaceTime calls where you just craved the other’s touch. It’s heavy with the feelings that slowly appeared between the two of you over the summer, strengthened by the time in Jeju. It’s heavy with the way those feelings kept growing despite being away from each other since then, too.
It’s heavy with the fact he alluded to loving you on that FaceTime call two weeks ago when he decided to come back. And fuck, as he pulls away from you to rest his forehead against yours, his thumbs swiping the side of your face, those three little words almost tumble free.
But then the smoke detector starts blaring, and you both startle, glancing at the stove.
“Shit,” Jungkook says, and he runs back to the stove, quickly lifting the pan from it. He grabs the wooden spoon, stirring the contents of the pan, and then looks at you. “Can you grab a towel and shake it at the smoke detector?”
You nod, gaze widening because why didn’t you think of it before, and then you’re jogging into the kitchen, pulling the drawer with the dish towels open to grab one. And then you’re shaking it at the ceiling as Jungkook cranks the fan up to its highest setting. It’s so loud you can barely hear yourself think, but soon enough, the smoke alarm stops, and Jungkook turns down the fan and opens a window instead.
“I think the oil burned a little,” he says, “and some of the chicken might not be edible anymore but…” He shrugs with a laugh. “We still have plenty enough for a snack.”
You smile, walking back behind the kitchen island, throwing the towel on the counter. “Let me see.”
He lowers the pan, and you gaze at its contents. Indeed, some of the vegetables and chicken have blackened, though most of it still looks perfectly fine.
“Yeah, we’re good,” you say with a nod. Right on cue, your stomach wails, and you both burst out laughing. “I’m starving.”
“Then let’s eat,” he says, grinning wide. “I’m famished too.”
You grab plates from the cupboard next to the stove fan, and you help Jungkook with splitting the charred food with what’s still good before you split that into two plates. Luckily enough, and because Jungkook always cooks for an army, you both have plenty enough food for a full meal, and you eat at the kitchen island, Jungkook sitting so close you feel his thigh against yours. You don’t mind – you’ve needed him close, far closer than that, for months.
You’re not going to push him away now that he’s finally here.
When the meal is done and the dishes are washed and left to dry, you return to the front door to grab your duffel bag, bringing it upstairs in Jungkook’s bedroom. He’s your shadow on the way there, right behind you the whole time like he can’t let you out of sight for more than a few seconds.
You put your duffel down by the bed, turning around with the intention of teasing Jungkook about it, but the intense look in his eyes stops the words from coming out, your smile slowly dying.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he whispers as he takes a step toward you.
“Jungkook…”
You both start walking toward each other then, crashing in the middle of his bedroom. Jungkook’s lips are on yours quicker than you can even register it, and it clashes so hard you think your teeth might have slightly bashed together. But it doesn’t hurt, not when emotions pour out of his body and yours like a dam just broke between you and you’re losing yourselves in the dizzying dance of your lips on his, of your hands getting lost in his hair while his hold the back of your head and your waist.
The kiss deepens as Jungkook nudges your lips open with his tongue. He’s gentle about it, like he’s coaxing a wild animal into surrendering to him, and you’d laugh about it, say it’s not needed, if you weren’t so busy kissing him back with so much passion your heart races for a finish line you know it’ll find somewhere in his ribcage.
As your tongues twirl together, Jungkook backs you toward the bed, though he doesn’t push you down yet. He keeps on kissing you, keeps on holding you close like he can’t let go of you yet, even if it’s just for the few heartbeats it’d take for you to fall back on the bed. And you don’t want to let go either. Even as your lungs start burning from lack of oxygen, you just keep on moving your lips against the pillowy softness of his, his taste inebriating on your tongue.
You’ll never get enough of this man. There aren’t enough days in eternity for you to get bored of him, but you want every single one of them. You want to challenge fate, tell it to try and break you apart now that you’re together.
As if that’ll ever happen.
Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, his lips swollen by it, and you just stare at each other for a few seconds like you’re trying to make sure that this is really happening, that you’re finally reunited. And you smile, so wide, because this is as real as can be.
You’re finally here together.
You sit back on the bed, grabbing Jungkook’s hand to tug him down with you. He resists for a few seconds like he needs to look at you for just a little longer, and then he climbs on top of you, spreading your legs with a knee as you lie back down with him hovering over you. His mouth is on yours a heartbeat later, so soft and sweet you could cry.
“I don’t think I can take my time with you right now,” he whispers in a desperate plea when there’s a short break in the kiss so you can breathe.
You’re holding his cheeks, and you immediately pull him back down for another kiss that leads to you sucking on his lower lip, teasing it with your teeth.
“Don’t take your time,” you reply when you part.
It’s like you’ve unleashed a beast. Jungkook grunts, grinding into you to show you just how hard he already is, and then he straightens, taking off his shirt, hands flying to his belt after. He unbuckles it, takes it off in a swift motion, and throws it on the floor. It thumps on the hardwood floor, and you imagine it probably left a mark, but Jungkook does not seem like he gives a fuck as he gets up to quickly push his pants and underwear down.
He steps out of the pile of clothing in his naked glory save for a silver chain on his neck, and he fists his dick, stroking himself as he looks down at you. You sit up, hand reaching for him, and he guides himself to your mouth.
You know what he wants, and you want it just as bad as he does. You’ve been dying for a taste of him, so you lick at the bead of precum that prettily sits on his slit, and then take him in your mouth, tongue swirling around him. Jungkook grunts, head throwing back as you suck hard, and he grabs your cheeks, pulling out of your mouth.
“I’ll come if you suck me,” he says, and he chuckles breathlessly. “I want to be inside you.”
You’re not going to say no to that, not when he starts undressing you in loving gestures, peppering kisses on every inch of skin revealed until you’re just sitting there in your bra and underwear. He leaves those on, pushing you back on the bed until he’s on top of you again, his dick rubbing at your clothed pussy.
“Can already feel how wet you are,” he says as you let out a breathy sound.
Indeed, your panties are sticking to your wetness, even more so as Jungkook rubs himself on you. You spread your legs as wide open as you can as you chase more sensations, more friction, but Jungkook doesn’t give in right away, instead returning to your lips for another languid kiss. Your fingers are on his back, nails slightly digging in his skin, and Jungkook just keeps grinding into you, working you into a tight, uncomfortable knot that refuses to let go.
Not when there’s still fabric between you and him.
“Jungkook,” you whimper against his mouth.
He pulls away to look at your face. His pink lips are wet, glistening in the light coming in from the window, and your gaze catches on the mole under his mouth.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Jungkook asks.
“I want you inside of me,” you reply as you wrap your legs around his waist as if that’ll push him in.
“Want me to ruin you in that pretty thong?”
Indeed, you made sure to wear a nice lace set for him. Maybe that’s why he left the bra on.
“Please,” you beg.
He chuckles darkly, pecking your lips once. “Of course, baby. I got you.”
He kneels back between your legs, hands caressing your thighs a few times as he looks down at you, his eyes shining with untethered lust and passion for you. He glances down between your legs, one hand following to gently rub at your clit through the fabric, and you moan under his ministrations. He sucks in a breath at the sound, and then he pushes your panties to the side so he can directly touch you.
It’s so much sensation you almost close your legs, but he holds them open before grabbing his dick, stroking himself again as he watches your pussy. You whine, and he taps your clit, making you jerk against the bed in surprise, the sudden pain turning into burning pleasure.
“Oh, you like this,” he teases as if he didn’t already know.
He slaps your clit again, harder this time, and your eyes flutter close as you spread your legs open wider. And then, instead of using his hand, Jungkook taps his dick on you, before starting to rub himself between your folds, collecting your juices. It feels insanely good, and you fist the sheets, lifting your hips trying to get him to push in.
He doesn’t. He just keeps rubbing himself on you, your panties to the side, so much so you know your panties are ruined long before he finally decides to put you out of your misery, pushing his tip inside of you.
It stretches, burning slightly despite how wet you are, and you moan his name in a broken sound.
“Fuck, it’s been too long,” he says as he slowly pulls out before starting to push in again, gaining another inch this time. “Way too fucking long.”
He keeps that infernal push and pull up until he manages to fully seat himself in you, and then he finally bends down again, finding your mouth for a sloppy kiss. His tongue is between your lips, his dick inside of you, and you’ve never felt so at home before.
Jungkook’s dick twitches inside of you once as you tighten your walls, and he grunts, pulling away from the kiss.
“I’m going to fuck you so rough,” he says, and it’s the only warning you get before he starts jackhammering inside of you, soon leaning back and pushing your legs up to his chest as he keeps fucking you.
His balls slap on your ass as he spears you wide open, and your mind swims with pleasure as he kisses the side of your leg, teeth nipping at your skin. You say his name as you look at the way the muscles of his abdomen contract with the effort from fucking you. He says your name back, reverence coating every syllable, and your heart swells so much for him, right as the knot he’s been working you into gets ready to snap.
He must have sensed it. Because he pulls out, flips you on your stomach, pushes one of your legs up and then slips inside of you again, reaching so much deeper this time. You hide your face in the sheets as you mewl at the sensation, and he’s unforgiving, fucking you fast and deep, so rough he slowly pushes you up the bed. You hold onto the sheets as if that’ll save you, but nothing can, not when he’s fucking you like this.
You come before he does. The knot inside of you snaps so hard and so suddenly you lose your vision for a moment, everything going white. He slows down then, coaxing the orgasm out of you in slow swipes of his hips, milking it out for so long you think you might be trembling when it finally starts fading.
Jungkook bends down then, leaning with his elbows on each side of your head. You turn your head to the side to catch sight of him, and he finds your mouth, kissing you sweetly as he keeps up with the slower rhythm he established when you were coming. It’s dizzying, mindnumbing, and you doubt you’re still fully in your body as he slowly starts to pick up the pace, chasing his own climax.
You reach back, cupping his cheek, and then you say, “Please come for me.”
It works. The words make Jungkook pick up the same relentless pace as earlier, and he fucks you hard into the mattress, his balls slapping against your clit now. It feels so good you think you might come again, even as his motions grow sloppy until he grunts out your name, slamming to the hilt as he comes deep within you, his dick twitching and twitching with every spurt of cum he paints you with.
Jungkook leans his forehead on the side of your face as you just breathe in sync for a time, and he interlaces your fingers on the bed. His weight on you is so comforting you feel your eyes watering. You smile, wide, mind buzzing with the remnants of your orgasm.
“I missed you too,” you say.
He chuckles, pecking your cheek. “I know, baby. I know.”
His dick, now softened, slips out of you, and his cum spills out, staining the sheets under you. But Jungkook doesn’t move, keeps caging your body with his like he’s protecting you from the harsh reality of the world outside. And you don’t want to move either. Don’t want to end this moment with him, but the small eternity eventually passes, Jungkook getting up and pulling you with him. You’re wobbly on your feet, but he holds you up, wraps his arms around you in a soulcrushing hug that you return without hesitation.
And then he tugs you to the shower, where you end up having sex again. And then you’re in his bed, sheets off in the washing machine, talking about the months apart. You end up making love again so many times as the day passes that you doubt you’ll be able to walk tomorrow, but you’re catching up for the months apart, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s much later that night, when the sheets are back on the bed and you’re lying in Jungkook’s embrace, looking at each other, that Jungkook says, “I know I said I’d be with you for tomorrow, but I have a quick thing to do in the afternoon.”
You scan his features, his slightly chapped lips from all the kissing. “What do you have to do?”
There’s a short silence as he just keeps on looking at you, and then he replies, “Just a quick something with the company.”
You nod, eyes fluttering shut as you nestle yourself closer in his embrace. “No worries. I’ll stay here while you go.”
He kisses the top of your head, his loose grip around your waist tightening to hold you impossibly closer. “Perfect.”
You smile as he pecks your head again, and you let his warmth guide you to a dreamless sleep that smells like him.
Tuesday, November 11th
Seoul is cold today, the warmth from yesterday having faded away so thoroughly it seems like winter's holding the world in its clutches. Jungkook hides his face from the wind in the lapels of the jacket you forced him to wear, smiling as he remembers how you used them to tug him into a kiss that almost convinced him to not go. And as another gush of wind bites at his features, he reckons he should have been convinced.
He knows he agreed to meet up with Sara last week when she called him crying and he picked up half asleep not realizing it was her. But he doesn’t want to see her, not when he fell for you so, so hard.
But then again, he’s going to pick up roses on the way back, and he’ll officially ask you to be his girlfriend. He wants the label, wants you to call him his boyfriend to everyone you know. He wants more than just the rumors about you and him that have slowly dwindled down over the months he spent away.
Hell, he wants to scream at the world that he’s in love with you. And he reckons some dirty, ugly part of himself just wants to rub it into Sara’s face after the way she’s treated him in the past.
Jungkook finally reaches the coffeeshop Sara asked to meet up at, and he walks in, the warmth a welcome reprieve from the world outside. He heads to the counter to order a hot cup of coffee, and he’s thankful that the person behind the register is an elderly woman. She just smiles at him with a nod of her head, clearly not recognizing him, and then she makes his cup of coffee, handing it to him.
He bows and thanks her before taking it, and then he looks around, wondering where Sara might be. The coffeeshop is tiny and completely empty, but then he spies a staircase in the corner, and he glances at the lady behind the counter.
“Is there someone upstairs?” he asks.
She nods. “A young lady arrived earlier and went upstairs,” she informs him.
He thanks the lady again, and then he heads in that direction, careful to not spill the hot liquid on himself. He climbs upstairs, indeed finding Sara sitting at a table overlooking the street.
Save for her, the floor is empty too, and Jungkook reckons her choice of meeting point was commendable. No one will know they were here together at all.
“Hey,” he says as he nears the table where she’s sat, and Sara startles, looking at him.
The dark circles around her eyes are witnesses to what she’s been going through, and Jungkook stops her from getting up when she tries to.
“No need,” he says, putting his cup of coffee on the table before sitting across from her.
“I didn’t think you would actually come,” she says, her voice wavery like she’s about to cry.
He reckons his would too, if he were to be diagnosed with cancer.
“I said I would.”
She nods weakly, looking down at the smoothie in front of her, clearly sensing that he is closed off.
“Well, thank you,” she says.
He nods curtly, glancing at the steam wafting out of his cup of coffee, his gaze then trailing outside to see some snowflakes fluttering about.
“I just wanted…” she starts, falling silent. “To catch up, you know?”
He wets his lips, sighing as he looks at her again. “Like I said over the phone, I have someone in my life now,” he says. “I don’t really want to catch up.”
She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, just staring at him unblinkingly. “Why are you here, then?”
Because you might be dying, Jungkook thinks, but he can’t bring himself to say it aloud.
“You said you wanted to apologize,” he reminds her instead, because she did mention that over the phone.
Her jaw clenches, a muscle ticking under the skin. “Can’t we catch up first?”
“I don’t really have much to say to you, Sara.”
Her eyebrows almost touch over her eyes as she frowns. “Aren’t you touring? Surely, you must have stories to tell about that.”
He widens his gaze, surprised at her audacity. “Sara, I told you I have someone in my life. She’s the one I want to tell my stories to, not you.”
It hurts her. The frown falls, replaced by a silver line slowly growing in her eyes. She blinks the tears away, looking out the window with a small, hurt chuckle.
“She’s that writer, isn’t she?”
So, Sara must have seen the rumors about you, then.
Jungkook nods. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes.”
“You know, Seojoon broke up with me because he said I’m still in love with you,” Sara casually says, and Jungkook hates the way his heart strains in his chest like a reflex.
He didn’t even know Seojoon had broken up with her.
“I’m sorry,” he lets out, and he’s relieved he sounds a little bit genuine.
Because frankly, he doesn’t care that she still loves him. He hardly thinks it’s true.
She’s too good of a manipulator for it to be true.
“It’s…” she trails off, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s whatever.”
Jungkook purses his lips, but doesn’t find words to say in return. So he busies himself with taking a sip of his coffee, and it’s so hot it almost burns the skin off his tongue. He puts the cup back down, figuring he’s going to have to wait before drinking.
“Honestly, Jungkook, I really wished we could catch up like old times.”
He shuts his eyes at the sadness laced with her words. It’s so potent he almost tastes it on his tongue despite the burn left behind by the coffee.
“I get that,” he says, looking at her. “But what we had was extremely toxic. I don’t want to bring that back into my life.”
“So you’re calling me toxic?” she says.
He cocks an eyebrow. “You have to be aware that our relationship was toxic, Sara. I’m not saying you were.” Even though she definitely was. “I think it’s better left in the past.”
She takes a deep breath, and then draws a sip from the straw in her smoothie. It takes her a moment to speak again, but then she says, “Okay, then. It was toxic. I guess this whole…” she motions at herself, “thing has really just put things in perspective for me.”
Jungkook meets her gaze, but remains silent as he waits for her to keep going.
“I’m sorry, Jungkook.” She sighs. “I’m sorry for everything I put you through.”
He clenches his jaw, not expecting the words to hurt as much as they do. He thought it’d be liberating to hear it, but it just tastes bitter.
“But you also weren’t perfect,” she adds, and it explains the bitterness behind the words.
Because with Sara, nothing ever means what it’s supposed to mean. She always has an ulterior motive, and Jungkook really doesn’t understand why he agreed to meet up. As he sits in front of her, he realizes that he’s been over her for months now, and he likes it as it is.
Likes that she’s just a memory from the past. He’s sad she’s sick, that’s for sure, but he doesn’t want to walk down memory lane when it comes to her.
“Alright Sara,” he says. “Anything else you want to say before I leave?”
“You’re not drinking the coffee?” she asks, her eyes round with fear.
Jungkook glances at the cup, and it looks just as hot as it was earlier. “I’m not sure it was a good idea for us to meet up.”
She starts crying. And he doesn’t know how to react, the good part of him wanting to comfort her, but the more rational one remembering that she uses tears as a weapon all the time.
“I might die, JK,” she says. “I’m scared.”
He shuts his eyes again, because what the fuck is he supposed to say to that?
“You’ve been doing treatments, no?” he asks when he opens his eyes again.
She chuckles, but it’s entirely void of joy. And then she takes off the wig she’s wearing, throwing it on the table. “Yeah.”
Jungkook stares at the wig for a few seconds before looking up at her. She looks so sad like this, so vulnerable, that the good part of him wins.
“You still look good,” he reassures her.
“Thank you for acknowledging that a woman does not need hair to be attractive,” she says, using his compliment as an attack, as always.
He tilts his head to the side, raising his eyebrows like ‘Really?’.
“No, seriously,” she adds, and she wipes at her cheeks. “It’s something I keep telling myself every time I look at myself in the mirror.” She gulps and it’s loud enough for him to hear. “I don’t recognize myself anymore. Even with the wig on.”
“I’m sorry,” he lets out, voice barely above a whisper.
She shrugs. “It’s okay. I’ll kick cancer’s ass and grow my hair back.”
“You will.”
She smiles, so sad he looks outside again to see it doesn’t seem to be snowing anymore. “Thank you,” she lets out. And then she adds, with no regard to him, “And I’m really sorry for taking you for granted all these years. I thought I’d always have you by my side.”
He clenches his jaw, sucking on his piercings hard enough to hurt. “It is what it is,” he says after a few beats of silence. “I couldn’t keep being treated like that forever.”
She nods. “Fair. I really do apologize for everything, Jungkook.”
He meets her gaze, gives her a nod. “Thank you.”
He hears the clear scuffle of steps in the staircase, and his heart stops for a second at the thought of being seen with her. But then Heryung appears at the top of the stairs, and relief washes through him.
Only to be replaced by a wave of sick dread as she takes in the sight of him, gaze widening.
“What are you doing here?” she asks as Hoseok appears behind her.
Jungkook just looks between Heryung and Hoseok a few times before glancing at Sara. She’s looking down at the table like she’s guilty, and he realizes she planned this.
She wanted them to get caught. To be seen together. And for that reason and that reason only, Jungkook gets up from the table, his anger so sudden and potent he figures it best to leave and not say hurtful things to her.
“Nothing,” Jungkook says, and he walks away, not even glancing back.
He’s glad he didn’t take his coat off, so he doesn’t have to awkwardly put it back on before storming away. But despite trying to get away before something more can happen, Hoseok steps in his path, forcing him to stop.
“Does Y/n know you’re here?”
Jungkook frowns. “Hobi, let me leave.”
“I thought you were really into Y/n,” Hoseok adds despite the warning in Jungkook’s tone.
“I am, and I’m going back to her right now, alright?”
Hoseok frowns, but remains silent, stepping aside to let him pass. Jungkook doesn’t wait a second longer, and he quickly runs down the stairs before returning to the cold world outside.
He really shouldn’t have come.
*****
Jungkook’s been silent ever since he came back from the company. You think it might be because he had to call the police before being able to get into the house. You were napping, and so you didn’t hear, but he apparently caught two girls trying to come in when he arrived.
When are people going to get tired of this? It doesn’t make sense to you. As if Jungkook would be happy to see them walk into his house…
He called them sasaengs, but you think it’s more than that. It’s a clinical level of delusion that would need severe therapy and most likely meds to heal from. Because who in their right mind believes breaking into someone’s house will make them like you?
He made dinner when he came home, busying himself in the kitchen for nearly half an hour. You tried to engage in conversation, but he looked so out of it you ended up leaving him alone, though you did the dishes every time he was done with something, if only to keep yourself occupied.
Over dinner, he told you that the meeting at the company was a waste of time, and that he wishes he’d stayed home with you instead. You smiled, telling him you wish he stayed too, and he only then seemed to start relaxing. He still hasn’t been talkative, even as he made love to you on the couch in the living room, while a movie you did not bring yourself to care about played in the background. You then took a shower, made love again in his bed, and then went downstairs for a snack, which you ended up eating in the living room, with yet another movie playing in the background.
And Jungkook is now lying with his head on your chest, soft snores coming out of him at regular intervals while you scroll on your phone.
You receive a text message from Heryung, and you click on it, expecting her to update you about what you’ll do this weekend, as she suggested hanging out while she’s here.
To your surprise, her message is in fact not about meeting up at all, and you frown as you read.
[11:23 pm] Heryung: is everything okay with jk?
[11:23 pm] You: yes?
[11:24 pm] You: there were people at his house earlier but the police scared them off
[11:25 pm] Heryung: he just seemed rattled when we saw him earlier with sara
You stare at your phone, ice filling every inch of your body.
Jungkook was with Sara earlier?
[11:25 pm] You: wdym with sara
It takes a moment for Heryung to reply, and your heart is beating so incredibly fast by the time her message comes in that you feel dizzy.
[11:29 pm] Heryung: he was talking with her at a coffee shop earlier?
[11:30 pm] Heryung: didn’t he tell you?
No, he, as a matter of fact, did not tell you. In truth, he lied to you.
Jungkook fucking lied to you.
“Jungkook,” you let out as you put your phone down, trying to rouse him from his sleep. You push on him, and he grunts as his grip around you tightens. “Jungkook,” you repeat, your tone firmer this time.
“Mmh?” he hums.
“Jungkook, get the fuck up.”
The urgency in your tone must have woken him right up, because he sits up, throwing you a confused glance as he runs a hand through his hair, leaving it dishevelled.
“What?”
You’re disgusted, looking at him then. Because if he lied to you so easily about seeing Sara, didn’t he lie about the rest, too?
“What were you doing with your ex this afternoon?”
Your question does wake him right up. His gaze widens, fear filling the depth of his eyes, and he looks around for his phone, not finding it as it’s currently on the counter in the kitchen, where he left it to charge earlier.
“It was nothing,” he says, and then he must sense it sounds bad, because he adds, “I promise.”
“You said you were at the company.”
He doesn’t say anything for a while, and you get up from the couch, heading to the kitchen. He follows behind you, trying to grab your arm, but you shake out of his grip.
“Don’t touch me right now.”
You would rather jump off a bridge than be touched by him right now.
“Sorry,” he says. “Y/n, she has cancer and she just wanted to talk.”
You laugh, a bitter taste coating your entire mouth. Because what the fuck do you mean he came home and made love to you twice without saying anything? No wonder he was so silent when he arrived.
“I don’t care,” you reply as you find your purse.
You’re wearing Jungkook’s sweater right now, the one he gave you last August, the one you were wearing when you got here. Which is a relief – you don’t have enough energy to go upstairs to grab your stuff right now.
You want out, and right now.
“She wanted to apologize,” he adds. “It really was nothing, and I shouldn’t have gone.”
You laugh again, shaking your head as you glance at him. “I really don’t care.”
You walk around him, heading towards the front door.
“Will you stop for a second so I can explain?” he says behind you.
You spin around, and he’s so close he almost bumps into you. You raise a finger, pointing at him accusingly. “You should have explained before going.”
“Well, with your reaction, I’m sure you would not have understood.”
The audacity of this man…
You spin on your heels again, heading towards the front door. Good thing you’re wearing sweatpants, and not the silky PJ shorts you brought in your duffel bag.
“Y/n, stop, I did not mean that,” he says behind you as you’re halfway through the living room, heading to the hall that leads to the front door. “She was shitty, like she always is, and I honestly just want to pretend it never happened.”
“Why the fuck did you go see her, then?” you ask.
“She has cancer,” he repeats. “She called crying and said she needed to talk to someone, and that she wanted to apologize.”
“It’s unfortunate for her that she’s sick, it really is,” you say, and you mean it. “But if you think that that’s the biggest problem, then I don’t have anything to do here anymore.”
“What’s the problem?” he asks, which only makes you laugh bitterly again.
A look over your shoulder tells you the laugh hurt him. He looks like you’ve slapped him across the face, and you really need to get out of this house before you actually do it.
“You lied, Jungkook. You lied like it was nothing.”
“I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of this,” he says, and his voice shakes like he’s about to cry. “I didn’t even want to see her.”
You turn around. He’s further away this time, having stopped at the start of the hall, of which you’re already almost all the way down.
“But you still went, and you lied about it,” you say. “You really believe I’ll trust a single word you say after that?”
He closes his eyes, cards his hand through his hair again. “Y/n, don’t blow this out of proportion, please. Let’s talk it out.”
“I do not want to talk it out with you,” you spit. “I don’t entertain cheaters.”
You resume your walk to the door, kicking off the slippers he got for you to put your shoes on instead.
“It’s freezing outside, surely you’re not going to walk home.”
You look over your shoulder. “I think I might punch you if you stop me.”
“Your things are upstairs,” he points out, and there’s terror in his voice. It’s shaking at the edges, and you reckon he seems to be shaking, too.
“Give them to Mingyu, he’ll bring them to me.”
You turn to grab the door knob.
“Y/n, stop,” Jungkook insists again. “I’m not a cheater. I didn’t cheat, we just talked.”
“But lying about it is emotional cheating,” you throw at him, the accusing finger back on display. “You lied like it was nothing, and you probably wouldn’t have said anything about it if I didn’t find out on my own.”
“Heryung told you?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me, Jungkook. I’m going home.”
“Stop!” he yells as you turn the door knob, only to find it locked. “Please stop. I’m in love with you, you can’t just leave like that.”
His words take your heart out of your chest, throw it on the floor only to stomp on it repeatedly until it’s a disgusting mess of jam.
“You should have thought about that before lying,” you say, your voice lower this time, and you unlock the door before looking at him one last time. “You really should have thought about it before lying.”
“Y/n, please,” he says, his voice breaking as tears roll on his cheeks.
It gathers tears in your eyes, too, so you turn around, stepping out into the cold November night. The door closes behind you, sounding like the final nail in a coffin, and you feel like you’ve been dipped in acid. Your entire body hurts with the betrayal and heartbreak, and you angrily blink the tears away, refusing to cry for Jungkook.
Not after he lied to you like this.
The street is empty, save for the moon up in the sky, and you walk down towards the boulevard, looking over your shoulder at Jungkook’s house, expecting him to come running out after you, but the door remains shut.
It hurts so bad you turn left, needing to be home as quick as possible before you collapse. Because you will. You know you will – the tears are an impending doom of the collapse that awaits you the second the heartbreak really does fully settle in. So you turn left, heading towards the alley you walked down with Jungkook once, the moon thankfully guiding your path.
And as you walk, you can’t help but doubt everything Jungkook ever told you. It turns the memories from Jeju into a rotten mess, and you clench your teeth so hard it hurts.
I’m in love with you.
Hours ago, those words would have been the most beautiful revelation in this world, but now they just burn and ache and break, and you wish he had kept it to himself instead of putting that weight on your shoulders.
Because why the fuck did he lie to you if he is truly in love with you? To see his ex out of all things…
You reach the alley that cuts through the neighbourhood. It’s dark, like it always is but even more so at night, and you can almost hear Jungkook’s voice telling you it’s not safe. But his voice is the last thing you want to hear, so you ignore it, turning into the alley. You don’t slow down as it grows darker – there isn’t really any light but the light of the moon that’s following you home up in the sky, but even then the full moon barely reaches the ground here.
It’s creepy. Even during the day, this alley has always been creepy to you, and you feel adrenaline slowly surging into your bloodstream, inconveniently erasing the anger you’ve been feeling at Jungkook’s words. Instead, it’s replaced by the primal fear of being looked at right now, and you look over your shoulder.
There’s no one behind you, yet you accelerate, wanting to be out of the alley as soon as you possibly can. Your throat dries out, your heart picking up its pace in your chest, and you hear it hammering inside your ribcage as you reach the bend in the alley.
Your heart almost stops entirely as two girls are standing just right there, and you stop in your tracks right before bumping into one of them. They eye you up and down, exchanging a look that makes cold sweat break out on every inch of your skin, and you immediately open your purse, trying to reach for your phone.
“Sorry,” you tell the girls as you try to pass between them, but one of them steps right in front of you.
You look at her, cocking an eyebrow, hand still fumbling in your purse for your phone. You can feel your Airpod case, your keys and your lip stain, but your phone isn’t there.
Why is your phone not there?
“Are you Jungkook’s girlfriend?” the girl that stepped in front of you says.
Your gaze widens, and you let out a small laugh. “Excuse me?”
“Our friend says you just left his house.”
A ball of lead is forming at the bottom of your stomach, and it grows so heavy you feel like you can’t breathe right.
“Do I know you?” you ask, and you give up your search for your phone – it’s still on Jungkook’s couch, after all – holding onto your purse like it might be a weapon instead.
It feels silly, but the way the girls are looking at you makes the hair rise all over your body, and you just want to get out.
The girl to your left laughs, pushing up the wall against which she was leaning. She’s smoking a cigarette – the smell of it is clouding the air surrounding you – and she throws it on the floor, stepping on it with the heel of a boot.
She doesn’t look much older than twenty. The one in front of you seems older, and she has a predatory gleam in her eyes that makes you take a step back.
“Don’t be afraid,” she says, and just like that, you know that you have to be very, very afraid.
“I’m just trying to go home,” you say, voice shaking slightly, and you turn on your heel, heading back the way you came from.
You make it three steps after the bend in the alley before you notice a man and another woman coming your way.
“We finally got her,” the man says in Korean, and you glance over your shoulder to see the two girls have followed you.
“She’s scared,” the first girl lets out.
They laugh. They all laugh, and you’re hit with the realization that they have to be some of the sasaengs that keep trying to get into Jungkook's house.
“Who are you?” you ask.
“And she speaks English? Not surprised he’s fucking ditching us for a foreign girl.”
You gulp as the four of them walk closer to you. There’s no way out – the walls are way too high on each side for you to dream of climbing them, and you know they won’t let you pass even if you ask. There’s something in the way they’re eyeing you that makes you feel like a mouse in the talons of an eagle, and you raise your hands.
“Hey, I’m not looking for any trouble,” you say.
You can’t even call the police. There’s nothing you can do, and you look behind the man and woman in front of you, hoping to see someone else coming your way. Maybe Jungkook, finally running out after you. But it’s late, and it’s a residential neighbourhood, and you really shouldn’t have come in here at this hour.
“Leave me alone.” You’d hoped to sound threatening, but it only makes the guy laugh, and then everything happens all at once.
You make to scream, but the girl behind you wraps her hand on your mouth, pulling you back and making you stumble. The man is on you in an instant, and his fist collides on the side of your face so hard you see stars, your knees giving out under you. You drop your purse, and you try to raise a hand only for the girl to pull your arm in your back.
“We should film this,” one of the other girls says. “That’s going to teach him that he shouldn’t just date any fucking slut.”
You bite. It’s all you can think to do in the panic and grogginess that are battling inside your mind, and she lets you go long enough that you can scream.
One shrill sound that echoes on the walls of the alley, but that dies the second the man punches you in the stomach. The air goes out of your lungs as you fold in two, and you swear you heard something crack. But you don’t have time to think.
You’re thrown on the ground, and then they’re kicking at you. All you can think to do is protect your head, and tears roll on your cheeks as you let out muffled yelps of pain. You don’t know how long it is before someone’s pulling your head back by your hair, forcing you up in a sitting position. You try to get their hand off your hair, weakly punching at the air above you, but they’re laughing at you.
They’re all laughing at you, and you’re crying. You’ve been crying, and all you manage to do is grab ahold of the fingers in your hair. Your scalp is burning from how hard they’re pulling on it, but you immediately stop moving when you feel something cold on your throat.
“She deserves to fucking die.”
It’s the guy speaking, and you open your eyes to see him bending down in front of you. He’s got a knife in his hand, and the tip of it is pressing on your throat.
You’re going to die. You are going to die, and all you can think to do is say, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
It must have enabled him. Because he laughs, slapping you. “You’re not.”
“Okay, I think it’s enough,” one of the girls says, panic in her voice.
You look up to see the youngest one looking down at you, and the last member of their group is holding onto her arm. “Just let him do what we paid him to do,” the one holding her says.
“We said we’d scare her.”
“She pissed herself, we got her pretty good.”
It occurs to you that you might have. That you’re too dizzy and terrified to compute that your pants are indeed wet, and that something warm is also running down your temple.
“She’s even bleeding,” the man says, and he brushes his fingers on the side of your face.
You’re shaking. You’re shaking like a leaf in the wind and all you want to do is fall asleep and never wake up.
This has to be a nightmare. But everything is hurting, and you’re keenly aware that it isn’t a nightmare. Suddenly, he pressure on your scalp suddenly disappears, and you fall on the ground again, rolling into a fetal position.
You hear screams. You hear screams and something sharp digs in your side twice before they’re running away, and you’re sobbing. You’re sobbing and your hand is red when you touch your side.
You’re bleeding.
Why the fuck did you leave your phone at Jungkook’s place?
They’re gone. They left, and you’re bleeding.
Did they run because he stabbed you?
You take a deep breath, and it hurts so much you choke.
You choke, but hands find your shoulders and pull you up. You cry in pain, shielding your face, but it’s a familiar voice this time.
“Y/n.”
You sob and choke and shake.
“Y/n, look at me.”
You can’t. Everything hurts.
“Please.” His voice breaks. “Y/n, holy fucking shit.”
He gently rests you down on the floor, and then he’s speaking quick Korean on the phone.
“Stay with me,” he tells you a few seconds later, but it also feels like an eternity later.
Time is moving slow and quick, all at once.
“Jungkook,” you choke out. You’re lying on your back, and his doe eyes are so wide you see white all around his irises. “What are you doing here?”
“I called the police,” he says, and you think he’s crying, like he was crying at his house. “Just stay with me.”
He has his hand on your side now. You don’t even know when he put it there, when yours fell away from the wounds.
“But what about Sara?”
You don’t know why you think of her right now. Why you become so tired at the same time, like you’ve just run four marathons back to back.
“Stay with me.”
Jungkook is pretty. You’ve always been aware of it, but with the moon creating a halo behind his head, he looks like an angel. You raise your hand, and you touch his cheek. It stains red, and your hand falls back on the ground. You don’t even feel it hit the concrete.
You see home. Your home country, your family. Growing up with your siblings. You see a night sky over the sea in Jeju, words whispered against your skin. You’re so tired, and you can’t hold on much longer.
“Hey, hey, look at me,” Jungkook says.
You don’t know when you closed your eyes, but they flutter open at the sound of his voice. He smiles at you, and tears run down his cheeks. You want to tell him you’re okay, you’re not mad anymore, but no sound comes out when your mouth opens.
You pass out on your next exhale.
*****
Jungkook sees the moment the light goes out in your eyes. Sees the moment you lose consciousness, and alarms ring so loud in the distance that he startles. He says your name, over and over again, but you don’t come back. Blood still spills from the wounds on your side, and he can’t even tell if you’re alive anymore.
He should have never gone to see Sara. Fucking hell,
He’d kill her right now, but her cancer might just take care of that for him.
“Y/n, please come back to me,” he cries as he gently pats your cheek, only to leave blood on it.
He didn’t even realize his two hands were covered in blood.
“Fuck, Y/n.” He’s been crying, but your lack of response makes him break, and he shatters like glass hit by a baseball bat.
You’re dying. Hell, you might be dead. If he had run out after you faster, he would have been able to protect you. Would have told you to come back so you can talk. Would have convinced you somehow, even though you seemed so disgusted with him before you left.
He doesn’t quite know when the paramedics reach your side. When they pull him away from you, and he resists, refusing to let you out of his sight. He’s screaming, panicking. He might even have punched someone. But he can’t see you anymore, and there’s an animalistic fear in him at the thought that this might be the last time he ever sees you.
“I need you to calm down,” a police officer says, breaking through his panic. “Just calm down.”
“Let me stay with her.” Jungkook cries, and the police officer pulls him in a hug.
“We’ll drive you to the hospital.”
“No.” Jungkook pushes him away. “Where is she?”
“They’re going to take her to the hospital.”
“I want to be with her,” Jungkook says, and he’s almost screaming.
A lot of people are watching him – paramedics, police officers, there are even people looking through the windows of their houses where lights have been turned on since he found you lying in a pool of your own blood.
“Let him come,” one of the paramedics says.
Jungkook almost falls in her arms, and she leads him to the ambulance. You’re lying there, and you’re so pale, and Jungkook just stares at you.
Your heart is beating. At least that’s what they say, and Jungkook can’t even fucking blink.
Everything passes in a blur. The ambulance ride. The hospital, with its white walls and pale blue floors. There are neon lights, and then a doctor calmly tells Jungkook that he has to let go of your hand. He can’t – your fingers are cold under his touch, and he’ll punch whoever tries to take you away from him.
“He’s under shock,” someone is saying.
“He might need calming meds.”
“Please, sir,” the doctor says. “We’ll bring her right back to you.”
Dead or alive.
Dead, or fucking alive?
They manage to get him to let go of you.
Jungkook watches them as they push your stretcher away, and then you disappear behind double doors.
And he dies with you.
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☆☆☆☆☆
........ yeah huh. my most sincere apologies. you're free to scream at me, i deserve it
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