Almost Merry [MYG]
Lingering memories and unresolved feelings that've haunt you for a year, now that your sister has given you no choice but to attend your mother's Christmas dinner, the season shows you it's unique way of amplifying your heartache while surrounded by lights, warmth and the people you pushed when everything ended.
You shouldn't be so surprised he came to enjoy the night.
Pairing: Yoongi x AFAB Reader
Genre: One-Shot, angst, non idol au, ex-lovers, Christmas Season.
Notes: Italics are memories, and bold italics is mainly oc’s brain being mean.
Warnings: angst, abusive(verbally) mother, oc is depressed, angst, cheating, they were so in love :( angst.
Im sorry it took longer than expected, things were weird.
Playlist
Moodboard
It weighed, every time you walk next to it, its presence made your chest feel heavy, your eyes darting the opposite direction, trying to forget it was there.
You successfully avoided it since last night, if by successfully meant waking up multiple times feeling drawn to it, but dreading looking at it.
It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t necessarily forget about it, but you definitely made sure to hide it, good enough so the heaviness of its presence wasn’t felt, hidden away, along with the reminder of the pain it brings; No, it wasn’t your fault it now was standing tall next to you mirror, on the right side of your room, close to the right side of the bed, a side that has remained empty for almost a year, a bed you thought about getting rid of, but how could you when it holds so much of your time together.
Arriving later than expected to your home, due to the hundreds of people preparing for their celebrations, God, you hated the awful holiday traffic, you find your sister rummaging through your closet.
“It’s insane for you to refuse going to the dinner, there’s no reason for you to stay here alone!” She yelled as soon as she felt you crossing the door of your home.
You sighed as you took of your shoes, damned be the moment you decided to give her a spare key, it was only meant for emergencies, but, that’s very broad word, an emergency for her could start from running out of pasta, to not replying to her multiple messages or calls on a Sunday at 8 am.
"I told you, I don’t have anything decent to wear, and im not planning on having old nosey Carol lecture me about not following the dress code"
Your yearly Christmas “family” dinner consisted on all of your moms high school girl friends and their kids gathering for a cocktail very close to black tie type of dinner at one of their homes, this year, it was your moms turn to host.
“Oh that’s Bullshit” she said looking at you with a smirk, “you are NOT leaving me alone with all of those suck ups”
“You mean our childhood friends?” You replied raising your brows and laying on the door frame.
“I’m SO glad we grew out of that preppy phase” she laughed “I’m thankful for our upbringing, but, aren’t they annoying? Besides I think you and I are the only ones that aren’t ma…” she trailed off, deciding to avoid the topic, one that has been on hold for a long time.
“Anyway” she said “ I know you got this beautiful perfect dress that you haven’t worn, the one you got last year, the burgundy velvet one!”
You froze, your feet definitely started to grow roots in that moment, knowing exactly which one she meant, and suddenly the heaviness in the room began, you could almost hear a pounding noise coming from the corner of the closet, a corned she was dangerously close to.
“Oh” you muttered clenching your jaw, you look at your bed, feeling your legs threatening to fail you as you walk to it, sitting on the left side of it “I…” god, you need to control yourself, she cannot know “I threw that or donated it, can’t remember really” you said shrugging and grabbing your phone.
“Are you insane? Why on earth would you do that?” She turns around to face you “that was so beautiful, and it matched mine perfectly!” She groans turning around to the closet ready to close it.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t think I wou…”
“You kept the box tho?” She cuts you off reaching to that corner and you feel your stomach drop “oh god you’re such a liar! You still got it! There’s no way you aren’t going”
You watched as she pulled out the beautiful French style, burgundy midi dress, and is it fell down, all the memories that were tucked away with it flew through the room like orbs straight in to your heart.
“I can’t believe you left it in the box all this time” she says as she hangs it next to your mirror on the right side of the room “you’re lucky this material hardly gets wrinkles, but leave it hanging until tomorrow, just to make sure it shape looks good tomorrow” you nod, without really paying attention “ Come, I’ll buy you dinner” she says pulling you out of the room.
And that’s how you find yourself here, leaning against your vanity, staring at it, aware of the minutes passing, but completely unable to make a move, frozen in the memory of the only other time you prepared to wear that dress.
It’s a haunting feeling, it’s almost as it is mocking at you with the way it stands tall, beautiful, and perfect, just as your life was when you got it.
Just as your life was when he gifted you that stunning white box, with the green ribbon on it.
You arrived to your mother house later that day, with two bottles of wine in your hands, she feigned surprise at your arrival and immediately sent you to the kitchen, to help finishing the dinner.
It felt nice being at home, and doing something so simple as cooking and setting the table with your family, but as the minutes went by you knew this feeling wouldn’t last long.
Slowly guests started arriving and you knew they would start asking questions, since your life was so different a year ago, that’s why you escaped them as soon as possible, pointing them towards the living room where the drinks were and excusing yourself into the kitchen.
But of course the Jeon and Kim children wouldn’t let you run from them.
“Y/n!! It’s been so long since we last heard of you!” The youngest boy said hugging you tightly, which was true, you purposely buried yourself in work, to stay away from them.
And maybe to stay away from the memories.
“Tiny, I missed you so much, can’t believe we missed your birthday!” Namjoon said as he hugged you, he kissed your forehead and let you go to look at your eyes, which as soon as you made eye contact you looked away, cause this alone, this familiarity was enough to make you break.
“We spent it together since we were kids it was insane not being with you” his brothers now were hugging you and you sure feel yourself getting lost on the youngest Kim brother hug, while you just smile at Namjoon’s words.
While they were happy to see you, they knew the exact reason why you kept to yourself, you’d all been friends for almost two decades now, and although they never wanted to take sides on the break up, you pushed them all to stick with him.
You were about to thank them for coming, and escaping to the kitchen, your now safe place when you heard Hobi’s voice, coming in along with 3 other people. He was immediately greeted by your mother, who started looking for someone to help them know where to put their coat. No, her coat.
Your eyes stucked to her, her long wavy blonde hair, and her red lips forming a smile after taking in his hand again.
And there he was, his hair was now longer, dark wavy strands of hair reaching his shoulders, and his blue colored suit matching her dress.
“Y/n!” Hobi called you and darted to your side to embrace you in the warmest of hugs you’ve received in a while, you always loved being hugged by him “it’s been too long without seeing you” before you could separate from him another pair of arms stole you from him.
“Dove” Jimin called you while holding you tightly, his embrace being the only thing keeping from falling to your knees.
It was too much, and he felt your hold on him grow stronger, and how you were holding on to him to not fall.
“Are you okay?” He whispered, to what you only shook your head and he immediately looked at Jungkook and he took you both out of the foyer and into the empty study, all while Namjoon and Jin distracted the rest with a worried look on their face.
Once you heard the door lock behind you, you let go of Jimin and sat on the sofa, facing away from them trying to not cry.
“Baby” jungkook kneeled infront of you and held your hands “talk to us”
You could only look at him with tears in your eyes, it was the first time in a bit less than a year that you saw him, that you saw all of them. Seeing them again, and seeing your ex fiancé arrive with his new girl, the one he left you for was more than enough to take back all the improvements you felt you made all this months.
“It’s too much” you sighed “ I shouldn’t be here, I wasn’t supposed to” looking up at Jimin you could see it pained him seeing you this way, after all this time and how close he was with your ex you never imagined you’d see him care this much
“It’s your home, you are supposed to enjoy being here” Jungkook said
“It’s not my home Kook, it’s the first time I come here in months, I’m a disappointment for my mom, she kicked me out, for not marrying the guy I spent years with“ you sobbed
“It wasn’t your fault“ Jimin said with tears in his eyes to what you only shrugged “ how can she do something like that? “
You shrugged while wiping some tears, attempting to calm yourself and not wanting to make it more obvious of how much their presence affect it me
“I need to go, I can’t…I don’t wanna be here” You looked at them, begging for help, an excuse that’d set you free.
“You can’t always hide” Jungkook said while he grabbed your shoulder “You cannot keep running away from the past, no matter how much it hurts you, how can you move on if you never face it?”
“I’m not ready Kookie” just as Jimin was about to reply a soft knock on the door and the sound of it opening made the three of you turn.
“Sorry” Jin said half way in “Just wanted to let you know that the coast is clear, in case you wanted to come out”
Holding Jin’s hand and mouthing thank you, you venture in to the corridor, planning on running to the kitchen to be alone and figure an escape plan.
You can hear the Christmas music coming from the living room under the chatter and laughter of the people in it, although unlikely, you felt that laughter being directed to you, their eyes watching you escape into the kitchen through the walls mocking your pain your can hear them clearly
“So many years of knowing him and she never knew he wasn’t going to marry her?”
“But how did it end? Did he find someone better?”
“It must’ve been on his trip to Thailand, he met her there and he realized what he really wanted”
“Yes! We met and immediately knew we were meant for each other, he told me he just needed to leave her and we could live together”
“She was always my friend, and I thought I was in love, but I realized just in time, so I broke off the engagement”
“Y/n” Joon found you pouring wine into a cup “Drinking would only make it worse” Jin swiftly intercepted the cup and started drinking it himself, while his brother rolled his eyes at him.
“It’s okay, cause I’m leaving, I’m not staying for this”
“Why are you taking away our only chance to see you after so long?” Said Namjoon leaning at the doorway “You cast us out without a word, after you moved out your department you didn’t tell anyone where you lived, you even quit your job”
“It was his apartment” you said looking down
“You know he would’ve leave it to you if you stayed” you looked at Jin while he said that
“Why would I haved stayed there? Everything there was a reminder of what I lost, the life we were building, I didn’t want any of those memories, I needed to forget all that”
“Forget about us too?” This time you have no words, you could only look at him with sorry eyes.
“We missed you, you are our friend too I know what happened took a big toll on you but you didn’t have to go through it without people that love you” he was now holding your face forcing you to look at him.
You knew your friend, and felt the truthiness of his words, he was always smart and careful with the things he said, he was being honest but holding off to not push your boundaries.
“I’m sorry” you pouted
“It’s all forgiven as long as you take us out for dinner next Friday” Jin said from behind you.
Chuckles came from both you and Namjoon, and after agreeing to their conditions and then assuring you your make up wasn’t ruined, they convinced you to stay for dinner.
Although you accepted, you reluctantly walked towards the dining room, which was beautifully decorated to your mothers taste.
A big bushy tree decorated with warm yellow lights, long and thin beige ribbons that created beautiful bows and crystal ornaments that looked like ice to match the cold stare you mother gave you as you entered the room.
“There you guys are” you mother said switching big smile and a high pitched faked tone.
You could feel his eyes looking at you for face, and how Namjoon was holding you by the waist.
He was sitting close by your mother, on the left side of the table, between his mom and his…girlfriend.
“I was beginning to think we needed to start without you” your mother continued while you sat at your designated seat, thankful you had Jungkook in front of you, and that your sister left space for Jimin and Namjoon to be on your sides, it had been a long time since you felt so protected.
Dinner came and everyone was congratulating your mother for the very well planned 7 course meal, and she was loving every part of it.
Cause that was the type of person she was, someone who always wanted everyone to believe her life was perfect, her car, home, pets, her daughters, her marriage.
And while she was able to control material things, she most definitely couldn’t control your father, so much so that she had to accept the fact that he would always have someone else, a new girlfriend every now and then as long as he could keep it under the rug and she could continue having her perfect life.
Which is why when your engagement was broken up she lost it. As she had already started planning everything, from the “official” proposal, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, wedding and even honeymoon destinations.
You’d be surprised the amount of large scale things money can get prepared it just 3 months, it’s like all the wedding was ready.
But when he decided that it’s not what he wanted, that you weren’t the one he wanted to spend his life with, and all she cared about was having to announce the failure.
“What do you mean cancelled?” She said with an angry look
You were crounched on the floor of her study, with your sister holding you, and you looked up at her.
You knew you weren’t a nice sight to look at currently, with your nose and eyes so red from all the crying, and you probably haven’t changed your clothes or showered in a couple days, you try to remember, but everything’s been foggy, ever since he left the apartment.
“He…” you choke on your words, you said it one why do you need to say it again? “He left, Mom”
“How can you be so selfish? Let him runaway when everything was ready? How can I cancel the venue now? Things don’t just end from one day to another your could’ve at least warn me before everything was set up”
“I didn’t know” you cried
“I did all of this for YOU and this is how you pay me?”
“I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry I didn’t know I swear, I…I don’t understand how this happened”
It’s probably cause you’ve gained weight, I’ve told you you needed to stop eating that much, besides you never did anything for your image, every time we went over you’d be wearing pijamas, your hair a mess” she said holding you face “ man like to have a good looking woman on their side, and you…” she chuckled “you got too comfortable”
“Mom stop, this isn’t what she needs to hear right now” your sister decided to intervene
“Do you think we should care about what she needs? She just embarrassed our whole family, can’t imagine what everyone will say now”
“Y/n…?” You hear Jimin’s voice calling you softly, and you turned to look at him “How has your work been?”
You realized that you had barely touched your dinner, and how lost in thought you were, and while everyone seemed to not really notice, you knew the people you grew up spending everyday with did.
“Oh it’s been fine, I changed jobs actually!” You said as you started cutting the turkey
“Really? Where did you get into?” Namjoon asked which you noticed attracted Yoongi’s attention
“I’m now the Head of social media for a management company, we handle different brands, it’s quite different from accounting but this background helps me to understand customer behavior”
“Has it been hard adjusting to the change?” Yoongi asked you, which took you and all your friends by surprise, no one thought he would initiate conversation with you, but at least during the dinner table you couldn’t run away from him.
But still, it felt like the question had a double meaning.
“It’s been…” you looked at him at the eye for the first time in the whole night “a challenge, but I’m getting by” you forced a smile
He just nodded and turned to look at his girlfriend that was calling his name, Jimin held your hand under the table and smiled at you.
As the night went on, the stress of being surrounded by so many memories that hurt was overshadowed by the happiness of rekindling friendships you lost along the way.
Wether it was Jin and Hobi joking around, Namjoon and Jungkook impressing you with their improvements at the gym, or slow dancing with Jimin and Taehyung you were actually enjoying yourself for the first time in a while.
Maybe it was because you felt like you were recovering your safe space or maybe it was just the wine that Jin and Jimin kept serving you.
“Yoongi dear, would you mind playing something for us on the piano?” You heard your moms voice as soon as slow the music from the speakers went off.
You heard him shyly laughing and obliging, but all you could feel were the butterflies in your stomach remembering how it felt to listen to his giggles on a daily basis.
It was a late morning, you guys had a fun long night with your friends to celebrate your boyfriends birthday and today you were paying the price or one too many shots.
Both of you were laying on the couch trying to watch a new show on the top 50 most adorable animals in the world, but when his hands were around your body you couldn’t think of anything else but him, his hands, his eyes, his hair, his nose, his mouth.
You’d non stop chaste kiss every bit of him available, making laugh with that beautiful gummy smile of his, and the sound of him made the most beautiful melody.
“I love you” he said looking at your eyes smiling “Thank you for being with me another year, I never thought I could feel so free and loved”
You looked at him smiling holding his face in between your hands.
“I love you eternally”
You then hear a melody all too familiar, why had he chose to play that, here, after this time, in front of so many people, knowing what it meant.
While some people gathered around to watching skillfully play the song he composed back when you started dating, you couldn’t help but be angry, and walking out of the room, going straight to the dimly lit kitchen.
Why did he do that? Was he trying to get a reaction from you? Did he wanted to make you suffer? Or maybe your mother and him orchestrated this to break you, she wanted her revenge for how you made her look like a fool in front of so many, and he was bitter of how you disappeared.
I hate him you thought staring at the window, how he showed up today, knowing this is your home, bringing her disrespecting your presence, no, he didn’t cheat, but he met her and fell in love with her while he was with you, it felt like a betrayal.
And in less than two weeks he was officially dating her.
“I hate him” you whined while laying your head on the breakfast table, like total damsel in distress.
“I know Jin can be a bit obnoxious at times, but I think hating him is far too extreme” Yoongi’s voice came from behind you, surprising you.
However, you didn’t flinch nor moved, not because you didn’t want to see him, he had been standing on sight line all evening but you could never focus on his face, and you wanted nothing more than to see his face.
But because you felt defeated, you loved him still no matter how much you tried to hide or ignore the feeling and he wasn’t yours anymore and you’d have to live with that, you were learning to do so but seeing him again made the fire in your heart ignite.
He sat on the seat to your right, without saying a word and look to his right, watching the lights and the snow on your mother beautiful yard.
“Do you think your mom would asks us to shovel that snow before we leave?” He said calmly
“it’d surprise me she didn’t” Sitting up and with a small smile on your face, he smiled looking down.
“I’m very glad to see you” he said reaching for your hand “I’ve missed you” he looked at you waiting for a reply but all you could do was look at him, while feeling your stomach flip.
“I’ve been worried since the day you left the apartment, I wanted it to be yours, I was working on changing the name on the contract for it to be under your name, and one day the called me to tell me you hadn’t been there for months” Yoongi stopped for a moment and squeezed your hand “I called the guys and asked them about you and they said you stopped replying to them weeks prior, and Jimin called you job and that’s when we found out you had resigned, it was driving me insane not knowing where you were, or if you were alright, that’s when Jungkook and Taehyung came to visit your mother, since they have always been her favorites, and she told them how you wanted to moved back here but she didn’t let you and all that crazy stuff that she said to you” He started intertwining your fingers with his “I never wanted for any of that to happen, I never planned for that and I’ve regretted it everyday since you walked out of my life, you were my best friend”
Tears started spilling from your eyes and you pulled your hand from his, there was a moment of silence were you both looked at each other with so much hurt.
But was it hurt for losing a long time friendship, the love of your life? Or was it pitty that he was feeling?
You decided not to listen anymore, this night had been more than enough for you and it all needed to come to an end, you stood up.
“Thank you for talking to me, it’s better I go now, I have to drive quite a bit” pushing the chair into the table you turned around when you heard him moving and now he was inches from you holding you hip, stopping you.
“I’m sorry if I offended you, and I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you, I wish I could take all that back, that non of that happened” with his free hand he lifted your chin, making you look at him.
You intoxicated with his smell and the closeness between you and him, something you longed for. The hand on your hip was now climbing to your waist holding you closer to him, this situation was making you dizzy, and you previously tense body started to loosen on his arms.
With his face now inches from yours he begged “please” and your hand fell on his chest and a simple gesture like that was all he needed.
His lips were on yours in a second, the feeling was strangely familiar and it sent a bolt of electricity through your body, and you know he must’ve felt the same since he hugged you into his body, your free hand rushed to his hair and the other one around his neck.
“I missed you” he said separating from you for a second “I missed you so much” Yoongi deepened the kiss, and you felt tears on your face, however this time you couldn’t tell if they were yours or his.
This is all you wanted, this is how you wanted him all this time, back to you, in your arms, on your lips, you love him so much and you needed him.
But, he wasn’t yours anymore, he was with someone else, this wasn’t your Yoongi, the one you grew up with and almost got married to, that Yoongi wouldn’t kiss someone else while on a relationship.
He had self control, and more than anything respect for the person he was with, you remembered the parties you went to before you got together, with his previous girlfriend, girls and boys would throw themselves at him but he never buldge, he always made sure to have ended the relationship if he wanted to be with someone else.
This Yoongi, he was kissing you now, with his girlfriend on the other room.
You pushed him enough for you to breathe “Stop” and he looked at you with a confused look “You have a girlfriend Yoongi, you…we can’t do this, this isn’t right” you slowly pushed him further “you didn’t break my heart just to break hers now”
“She’s right you know?” Both of you jumped hearing Seokjin’s voice coming from the doorway “Your girlfriend is asking for you, you should be glad I offered to come and get you or this conversation would be completely different, and there’s no need to ruin this lovely night for everyone”
“I know… I just… I’m sorry” he looked at you while letting your hand go.
“You better go with her now” you said and he nodded, he excused himself from the room and gave an apologetic look to Seokjin when he passed next to him, which he only replied with a mix of a disappointed and angry look.
“Hey where were you? Jiyoon was looking for you” you heard Hobi’s voice in the hallway, you didn’t know what Yoongi replied but it probably wasn’t a real response “Hyung what’s wrong with him?” He asked Jin before looking at you but when his eyes met yours it was like everything clicked “oh, my baby what happened?” He said rushing to your side to hug you.
A muffled apology came from you while you looked at Jin, you now felt terrible but for multiple reasons.
“It’s okay” Jin said from behind Hobi “You didn’t do anything wrong” but you weren’t sure how much of it was true.
“I wanna go home, please, let me go home” you said pulling away from Hoseok’s embrace and you could see now how Namjoon and Jungkook entered the room
“Okay, we’ll take you home, let’s get our coats, do you trust Jungkook to drive your car?” Namjoon asked holding your hand to what you simply nodded.
Namjoon and Jin took the job of letting your mother and sister know you would be leaving and saying your goodbyes to the guests that were left while Hobi and Jungkook rushed to get your coats and get you to the car.
Once you reached your car you saw that Jimin and Taehyung decided to leave with you as well.
After inputting your address on Jungkooks phone he convinced you to ride in the back seat with Jimin while he and Taehyung took the front (against the latters wishes).
Once in your car Jimin took your side and hugged you while Hobi, Namjoon, and Jin took Jin’s car.
The car ride was quiet, just the sound of the car and occasionally your whimpers which would make Jungkook look at you through the review mirror, Taehyung pout and Jimin to kiss your forehead.
These three didn’t even know what had happened but were more than willing to drop the fun they were having to rush to your aid, and although you felt guilty for making them do all of this, you couldn’t make it alone, not for a second time.
Here in Jimin’s arms you decided (selfishly you thought) that this time it would be different, you’d let them be there for you if they wanted, you missed them terribly and you couldn’t lose their friendship again.
Maybe you couldn’t get the love of you life back, but you would get your six soulmates back to you.
Thank you so much for reading 🥺
Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. I am not affiliated with BTS, any of the members, their management, or any associated parties. The portrayal of Yoongi and other real-life individuals in this story is entirely fictional and intended for entertainment purposes only. This work is not meant to reflect the actual thoughts, behaviors, or personal lives of any real people mentioned. No copyright infringement is intended.
