Rating Bloodborne Men Based on Their Facedata and Nothing Else: Part 3, The Rest Of Them
We’re scraping the bottom of the Bloodborne wiki, folks. Also most of these men are bald.
Wait— THAT’S what he looks like!? He passes as a tired college professor who is sick of answering emails about the grade curve. Thoroughly scorned. But surprisingly good looking for a beast butcher? Well, as someone who appreciate animal lovers who love critters outside of cute mammals, I can appreciate an above average reptile hobbyist. 7/10
2. Brador, Church Assassin, GILF form
Literally the exact the same furry assassin, but with more wrinkles and gray hair. The greenish lips stand out even more now. Just how long has he been surviving on the moss growing in the corner of his cell…? I diagnose this man with malnutrition. Brador I will ask you once again: Are you ok??? Anyway, I strongly prefer him with the Beasthide garb on and I’m sure he agrees. 5/10
3. Yahar’gul hunter: Threaded Cane
Y’all know Grimmel from HTTYD 3? 2/10
4. Yahar’gul hunter: Rifle Spear
He’s… disturbingly round. I can’t explain what it is. Why is he so… smooth?? A very strange man baby. 2/10
5. Yahar’gul hunter: Beast Claw
Of the Yahar’gul trio, he’s killed me the most often. He’s looking down upon me, knowing he’s killed me many, many times. However, this facedata simply doesn’t have the energy of a feral man who shouts YEEAAA upon aggroing and chases after you with his friends through a fucked up corpse village. 2/10
6. Nightmare Frontier Hunter(s)
Both the axe and cane guy have the same facedata. He looks like he’s been cast out of his family Hunchback of Norte Dame style and just needs a hug. I still feel kinda disturbed looking at him. His eye proportions just look… buggy? Killer jawline for some reason tho. 2.5/10
7. Yahar’gul Hunter, Church Pick
Originally I thought this guy was Antol because they both use the Church Pick, so I am crushed to learn that they’re not the same. However, I appreciate both of their excessive eyeshadow usages. 4/10
He looks like the Orphan of Kos. The almost white skin. The blank, black void eyes. I am terrified. Absolutely fitting for a madman but I am very close to shitting myself. -1/10
He looks like he’s about to beg me for two shillings to buy a jug of milk. It would be cute if he were a 7 year old Victorian newspaper boy, not the poison knife-throwing jackass preventing me from getting Saint Adeline her goddamn brain juice. 3/10
First of all I want to personally thank this man for his service. It was discovered by Zullie the Witch that the Cum Chalice enemy who dies for your 83,000 blood echoes is in fact Olek. I know we are rating by facedata, but I am obligated to give this otherwise average bald man a 69/10. Godspeed, soldier.