CRWR

[taurus888]

Reflection

Recently I have noticed the many different sounds within different spaces; everything around me is more than just a noise. So I give myself time to soak in my surroundings, listening, feelings and old memories. Every sound is different; some require deep listening, observing or feeling; slow looking has aided me in becoming more in tune with my surroundings. The familiar sounds I hear daily have become more enjoyable than ever; I have evolved my relationship with nature and the environment, bringing out my raw emotions and poetic thoughts. The loud and chaotic noise is now considered small individual noises that bring me memories or feelings I usually do not show. Poetry runs with my imagination, making me more compassionate about what is beautiful in the world. I enjoy this renewed point of view; slow-looking while writing poetry has helped me realize that ordinary sounds are exciting; the small faint sounds and the loud and chaotic sounds are all filled with their own beauty and meaning.

[taurus888]

A cold breeze on my back; sitting by the fireplace; a voice telling me to protect my heavy emotions; I feel a chill in my veins, my parents are calling me outside; an eerie feeling in my stomach; I see the sky, colours of green, dancing in the sky, this looks alive; an eerie feeling inside, watching this sight, memories of her, filling my mind, I try to not think, the frightening possibilities; a bad gut feeling, my intuition speaks, the meaning behind the lights; I breathe out and know, something were to happen, this was her way of saying goodbye, thank you for teaching me, gut feeling will never be wrong.

[taurus888]

Photographs across ages

Photo No.1

This photo from many years ago takes me back to my preschool graduation. My mom and grandma came home in the morning with a white dress for my special day. I had most of my family at my house excited for my cousin and me, as we are the same age. I remember running around the house showing everyone my new dress, going through the kitchen that smelt like turkey and cake batter, stopping every once in a while to do a twirl in my dress, then being called to the back porch so that my mom and dad can take a photo. I stood still while excitement rushed through my body, and as my mom was about to take a picture, my grandma stopped her and said, "let's make her look like a princess," and picked a flower from the pot and added it to my ear. I kept the flower in my ear, and when I walked into the house, everyone told me how pretty I looked with my new hair accessory. This was a happy day for my whole family because it was a big step for me and my cousin as we graduated from preschool and entered kindergarten. 

Photo No.2

Looking at this photo, I can remember the many things that happened this day. I recall that it was the middle of November, and at the beginning of the day, I had started talking to someone I new, before going to work my first shift at Aritzia. After my shift, my best friend and I decided we wanted to go downtown to take pictures. I remember being cold and worrying about taking my jacket off for photos. So, I closed the front on my coat as the cold was piercing my skin, the air was fresh but freezing, and walking past vendors, we smell every kind of deep-fried food, the noise of heels clanking on the pavement; I heard a man the street playing his guitar and singing, the wind picks up, and my friend and I walk to our destination faster. I remember my friend telling me to hurry and pose, so I took my jacket off while I froze, and she started taking pictures; we switched taking pictures so one of us could warm up each time. This had felt like a lyric moment because my friend and I had to keep changing to put on my jacket since we cared that we were both cold.

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A poem special to me...

"Stardust"

By: Land Leave (memories).

If you came to me with a face I have not seen, with a voice I have never heard, I would still know you. Even if centuries separated us, I would still feel you, somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through every collapse and creation, there is a pulse that echoes of you and I. 

When we leave this world, we give up all our possessions and our memories. Love is the only thing we take with us. It is all we carry from one life to the next.

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Poetry in pictures.

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Ekphrasis

In the park, I focus on the individual lives of everyone.

I focus on the women with umbrellas held over their heads. They are well dressed, moving with soft gestures.

Animals are wandering freely, cats and dogs. 

I look out my window and watch the sun as it sets behind the mountains. 

The sails and canoes move slowly in the water, fishing around. 

I sneeze from looking directly at the sun. There are children playing tag around the adults that sit quietly. 

I hear my friends making dinner in the kitchen, stirring the sauce for the pasta. 

A lady stands at the shore listening to the small waves coming to the beach. 

I hear seagulls calling to each other across two buildings. 

A man is observing the activities of the people around him. 

I laugh at my friend who dropped the can of tomato sauce.

[taurus888]

Deep listening

For my domestic space, I chose the hotel room my family and partner set up for my 19th birthday. They had organized the whole thing, the balloons, chocolate, and roses, followed by a dinner and a hockey game after. I heard my feet shuffling as I entered the hotel room, the plastic from the flower bouquet crinkling, and the crackles of the lit-up candle. I listened to the curtains slowly open as my favourite song played while I walked around the room. I heard the fan in the bathroom, the fridge buzzing, and the soft laughter of my partner. I listened to my partner's phone ringing; I heard him answer; our friends told us we needed to meet at a restaurant before we went to the game. I then hear the car honk from the other side of the road; we walk into the restaurant filled with chatter and arrive with everyone yelling, "happy birthday!". I hear the hollering inside the arena, loud AC/DC music, and the announcer names off the players; every sound is filled with life. I then heard the night's first goal, made within the first 2 minutes; laughter and yelling of excitement filled my ears.

[taurus888]

Deep listening

For the public space, I was in Penticton for a vacation, and we walked down to the beach at night. I stop talking to my friend and listen to the growing sound of music from the beach, the crickets creaking, dogs barking as we pass their yard, the geese quacking in the pond, and the laughter of people running in the sand playing volleyball. I started to hear the clashes of the waves getting more robust, the wind whistling in my ear, the trees swaying back and forth, the grass being pushed to the side by the wind, and the car engines as they passed. I hear the rocks moving under my feet almost causing me to slip, then I stop and look up to see the numbers 999, which is an angel number that means “release.”

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Deep listening

For the public space, I went to the rodeo grounds and stood by the river so my horse Frenchie could cool off. I stood with Frenchie in silence, listening to the loud crashes of the river, the noise of her moving the water with her hooves, her heavy breathing, the birds chirping in the trees, then the sound of squirrels squeaking, the rustling of bushes across the river, then I see a coyote across the river drinking the water. I hear my dad asking how my horse is doing; then hear my family talking excitedly about the race I just had, followed by giggles and laughter. I hear my hand slowly petting the sparse hair of my horses neck; she looks at me and rubs her face on mine; I hear her neigh and splash the water once more before we walk back up the path. 

[taurus888]

3

I am the #1 barrel racer in all of Canada on my way to the Nationals Final Rodeo in Las Vegas. I will perform in front of millions of people in the arena and on national television. Frenchie and I have been working very hard for this day to come, and we are ready to win this. Finally, we arrived in Las Vegas and coming from a small town; everyone is deeply invested in my accomplishments to get this far to race against other professional women worldwide. 

There are three days of barrel racing, and it is the day of my first National Finals race. Frenchie and I are warming up in the back of the arena. Tension is built up between me and the other barrel racers. My mom and dad notice, and all they do is give me a smile and thumbs up. I feel confident in myself, and walk over to my parents with Frenchie and say, “I don’t want to use the helmet. I am going to be on national TV. Can I please use my cowgirl hat” they both reply with “No! Like we said before it is better to be safe than sorry”. 

I ended up winning first place on my first day of racing and placing third on my second day. At this point of the Nationals Finals Rodeo, I am reflecting on my life of barrel racing, and it is mind-blowing how I started off being petrified of this sport. Now, I am competing for first place in the world. My last and final race will determine this though, and to get first place, I need to win today. This time instead of my parents standing at the gate with me before I take off, they are sitting in the crowd because I told them I was confident enough not to have them there. I walk to my horse trailer just before the announcer calls me to enter the arena for my race. I am shaking because I know my parents may be angry with what I am about to do, but I need to experience this at least one time, and this time is special. 

Stevi Hillman Wins Round 3 Barrel Racing at the WNFR | Stevi Hillman Professional Barrel Racer and her 5 year old horse Lemondrop, wins Roun

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The announcer calls Frenchie and me to the arena, and I am petting her neck and telling her, “we got this,” as I can literally feel her heartbeat in sync with mine. I feel the adrenaline rush, and it is the same feeling I have been chasing since my first-time barrel racing when I was 11. I kick her sides, and we take off faster than ever that. I feel like I am once again holding on for dear life. Wearing my cowgirl hat going this speed feels extraordinary. I see the clock at 10 seconds while turning the last barrel. We got this. I am kicking with my hands reaching to Frenchies ears allowing her to run the fastest we have ever gone. 

As we reach the timer at the finish line, going the fastest speed Frenchie and I have ever gone, the gate to run out of the arena is closed, and the rodeo workers are not opening it for us fast enough. Frenchie had nowhere to go, so she slit off to the right, and BANG, my life flashed before my eyes. When people say “life flashing before your eyes,” you see the things most important to you. I saw Beauty lying in the open field, my first horse, who started me on my journey to becoming a professional barrel racer attending the biggest rodeo in the world. I am suddenly in the back of the ambulance, and my head hurts as well as my body, and my parents are crying. The paramedic is holding onto parts of my body while assuring my parents I will be okay. The last thing I remember is Frenchie turning and the metal fence I was falling headfirst into. I can barely speak, but I utter, “how did I do,” and my parents frantically look back and say, “Sweetie, you did it, you are the #1 barrel racer in the whole world, but if you ever get on a horse without a helmet again we will kill you ourselves!”. I know they are joking, so I faintly giggle, and even though I do not look so good at this very moment, I happily think to myself how amazing my life is. 

[taurus888]

2

"Marika! Come back inside. You have been out there for 8 hours!" says my mom. 

"I want to be ready for the gymkhana tomorrow. It's going to be Beauty and I's first time! Hold on!" I replied. 

I am now 11 and today is my first time participating in events with Beauty in front of people. My dad is on the side of the rodeo arena, guiding me and instructing me on what to do. Beauty and I are having so much fun, and I feel her energy, and I know she feels mine. We feel invincible. We are near done with the gymkhana. I know the last event is barrel racing; I am terrified of this event because it is very competitive, and you have to run around three cans in the shape of a triangle to try and get the fastest time possible. 

I trot with Beauty back to the horse trailer to get ready to go home, and I hear my dad running behind me. My dad says, "what the hell are you doing? Get back out to the arena and run those barrels" I lie and say, "I feel sick. I can't". My dad grabs Beauty's reins and walks us both to the arena entrance. I am shaking, and now I am actually feeling sick. I am scared because I have not ran fast on Beauty yet. My dad laughs and says, "good luck," and slaps Beauty's behind, and I start holding on for dear life. We start running the barrel pattern, and I am filled with an intense amount of adrenaline; people on the sides of the arena are cheering. We turn the last barrel and head for the end line, and the timer goes off. I had a time of 30 seconds. I beat my fear and did it, and I want to barrel race to experience this feeling again and again. 

Five years pass by. I am now 16, and ever since my first barrel race, I have improved dramatically by getting faster each time. Beauty was older, and I needed to step up my game, so I found my perfect match, Frenchie; she was a chestnut quarter horse built for speed. We were the best team together, we started winning rodeos all over Canada, and I stood as #1. I was insane at barrel racing, and my parents always told me, “in the blink of an eye, you are already done racing!” my fastest time is now 15 seconds. 

In the sport of barrel racing, many girls and women wear a cowgirl hat instead of a helmet. My parents are the only people stopping me from wearing a cowgirl hat during my races. We argue about it whenever I bring it up. My parents already hold their breath each time I race because of how fast I go. I guess seeing your daughter on a 1500 Ib animal going 30 mph is sometimes frightening to watch, but I know what I am doing, and I want to look good with a cowgirl hat doing so.

[taurus888]

1

The last time I pursued my dreams of horseback riding, I almost did not make it out alive. It was the last day of the National Finals Rodeo in Las Vegas, I was riding my horse the fastest I had ever gone, and BAM, I saw images of significant life events; it was my life flashing before my eyes. Unaware of where I am or what I am doing, I hear screams from all surrounding areas. The dirt I am lying in makes me feel like I am being buried alive. The next thing I remember is waking up in the back of an ambulance with my parents crying in the front seat and someone beside me putting pressure on parts of my body while I feel the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. 

Ever since I was a tiny six-year-old girl, I have always loved horses. I grew up in a small town with a few stores, houses and lots of farmland. My parents knew I had a deep spiritual connection with horses like no one else before; they were my happiness and therapy. So my parents brought me to my aunt's farm to ride her miniature pony since it was the safest option for me at six years old. After spending so much time at my aunt's farm, I told my parents that I wanted a horse of my own, and they replied, "not until you are older, hunny, it takes a lot of time and effort to take care of an animal this big." 

In grade 4, I was nine years old, and I never stopped asking my parents to get me a horse of my own. They said I would have to prove to them how responsible I was, and I was only nine, so it was tough to prove that I was mature at that age. However, my mind was set, I knew I would do anything to own a horse, so I began doing chores around the house, washing dishes, sweeping floors, and even doing my own laundry. I proved to them that I could do things on my own at a young age, and they were pleased with me. 

A day before my birthday, my parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents came to my house and gave me hundred-dollar bills. As a nine-year-old, I was more confused than I could ever have been. Then, my dad and mom told me they wanted to take me on a 5-hour road trip; unaware of what was going on, I went along with them and off we went. I slept the whole ride, and we were on a farm when I woke up. I had an idea of what was happening, and my whole body felt ecstatic; it was a joy I had never experienced. 

We arrive at a big red barn, and I am overwhelmed as I see a herd of horses galloping toward us. I jump out of the car running towards the fence to meet the herd of horses. As I am petting all the horses, I feel two hands on my back, my parent's hands, they say "happy birthday Marika, you have proved to us that you are capable of taking this next big step in your life. You can pick out one horse and ONE only". I laugh with tears in my eyes, and these horses are not miniature. They are massive. So I jumped over the fence and started meeting each and every one. When I thought I had met each one, the lady who owns the horses and big red barn told me I had left one horse out. 

I scope out the farm and see a horse lying on the ground in the distance. I run towards the horse. As I slow down, the horse stands up, and we both stop and slowly walk toward each other. My heart is exploding. I touch my hand on her nose and see that her nose has a hair outline of a heart. I hear the lady hollar "her name is Beauty. She is about five hands shorter than a horse, so we call her a pony". She has a bushy black mane, mainly brown hair with spots of white and some black. I go to hug her neck, and she rests her head on my shoulder. I whisper, "we're going to be best friends."

Horse sound - Neigh