Hey taylorswift
I donāt usually make posts like this in fear of judgment. But I would like to tell you about myself.
So Iāll start from my young ages. I grew up in a small town right outside of Boston, Massachusetts. Ever since pre-k Iāve been known as the weird kid. You wouldnāt expect much from an average school in Massachusetts, but a lot has happened.
In first grade, I started being bullied. I was so young that I was confused and thought this was normal. Years pass. It gets worse and worse. I keep continuing to think this was normal and that it was okay for other girls to tell me that I was ugly and pathetic. 2 years ago, I was on a bus with my friend Sarah. A kid on the bus, I canāt mention names in case they look at my social media so I will call him D, started saying things to me. D told me my mom was fat, ugly and a word that I will not say. That for me was across the line. Being the weak pathetic self I was, I didnāt defend myself. I let it happen and I let myself break after he said more and more. Sarah caught on and when we got off the bus she went straight to my mom. I thought I was in trouble because, again, I thought it was completely normal for things like this to occur.
My moms heart broke. I didnāt know what to do because I saw both my parents so upset. I felt ashamed and so terrible about myself after they told me it was not normal for things like that to happen. I told them more about things going on with bullies. I told them how sad it made me and after explaining everything I realized how miserable I was. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to disappear and not let anyone near me.
I constantly listened to your music. You were my escape. I needed someone to be there for me and the one person who was there for me was you.
Last year I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, insomnia, and PTSD. The reason behind most of this is because while I was getting bullied no one stood up for me. The person who bullied me most, D, had relatives who worked in the government for our state. They had to cover up their precious little boy, right? So, my principals, teachers, and other students did nothing to help me. I was alone. I am still alone. My friends left me during this. I wouldnāt blame them. I was a freak. I was the person who youād see people asking my friends"why are you friends with HER?ā
Being alone was the worst feeling I have ever felt. I lost myself completely during this. I resented so much in my mind. I tried to block everything out. I developed a sleeping disorder (insomnia) and I thought it would never end. The constant pain coursing through my veins never seemed to stop. Every night Iād have nightmares, and I still have them. It kills me.
My old school brought my family to court. They tried to accuse my mother of abuse and negligence. For once, someone was on my side. The judge agreed with my mother. The school lied. I told you this part before when you commented so Iāll save the details.
I switched schools multiple times. Nothing worked. Each school I came home crying everyday about the girls who would leave as I sat down at the lunch table. The only thing that helped me through that was you. That may seem like something everyone says, but I mean that. I wouldnāt use those words lightly. I couldnāt take the loneliness and sadness anymore. I snapped. I completely broke. Iād beg my mom not to send me to school and have panic attacks every day. She would let me and she would secretly cry which I later found out.
My mom pulled me out of school finally. I began online school. I still felt terrible (and I still do feel very awful about myself.) My social anxiety worsened. I donāt have any friends left. I mean no friends. the only people I talk to are online so Iām not comfortable in face to face situations. I canāt even be on the phone with people without getting nervous. Thereās always a constant pit in my stomach and a voice in my head going āoh olivia youāll never have real friends and everyone hates you.ā Iāve tried so hard to make it through the pain and doubt Iāve felt about myself but itās so hard. The voices never seem to ease up. I try to act like Iām confident and donāt need reassurance from anyone but the truth is I am insecure and i constantly need reassurance. I feel insane sometimes. Iām terrified to go back to school next year and I pray to god I will be ready. I donāt want to be left out or scared anymore. The thing is, I donāt want to have doubt or fear about anything. I just want to be this constant happy girl with lots of friends.
After all of this Taylor, I truly want to thank you for helping me through so much. I just want to be happy, you know? I get bullied still. Online and through text message. Itās the little things that get to me. āoh youāre pale that makes you so ugly.ā āstop being so sadā āno one likes girl with a pig nose.ā
I hope everything will change. I love you so much. You were the one who helped me most when I needed it more than anything. The only one whoās helped me.
See you December 10th. I hope you had a great day/night, I just wanted to tell you about myself a bit and tell you the struggles I feel.
Thank you for being the one constant in my life.
Sincerely, Olivia-Deirdre
taylorswift please please please I hope you see this - this girl is so amazing and is one of the best people I know, she's always there to help anyone when they need it and it makes me so incredibly sad to see the things that she's had to go through and it really shows how selfless and caring and how kindhearted she is to constantly help and support others even though she's probably been through more then I could ever imagine, olivia is so so amazing and I hope that with your help someday she might finally even realize it
