TobiIzu AU where Tobirama at a very young age senses a nice, warm but sparky chakra from over the river and rushes to tell his parents that he’s found his soulmate. Both of them pat him on the head and ignore it, thinking it’s child fancy.
But not for Tobirama, he’s serious - he’s planned the wedding, he knows what the food will be : grilled fish and blueberries for desert (he’s like 4, that’s all he eats) and what his monstuki will look like and what his wife’s shiromuku will look like and his Anija will be there and Kawa and Ita and none of the elders just he doesn’t like them.
And then he grows up and meets Izuna at the River and groans in annoyance once he realizes who it is. Now all his careful planning is for naught.
Preteen Tobirama looks over his meticulous plan and decides it really would be a waste if he threw it out. Maybe he can just tweak it? Obviously the Uchiha would demand he marry in, the shiromuku needs to be readjusted to encompass his height and body mass. And Izuna would need to hem his Monstuki, since the dimensions were based on Tobiramas projections of his adult size (he figures he’ll be tall like his papa) and what do Uchiha eat? Hopefully grilled fish and blueberries. Oh, and now he has to figure out how to get a ceasefire - cue preteen eye roll - his future husband better be grateful.
The next few years includes Tobirama trying all sorts of stuff to find out Izuna’s interests and more about his future husbands clan while also trying to come up with an idea of a ceasefire. Just imagine:
Tobirama, after slicing a large hole in Izuna sleeve: Are you thinking of a spring or Autumn wedding? I’m partial to Spring, but I am willing to hear your argument for another season.
Izuna, flabbergasted: …what?
Tobirama: Do you have a favorite dish? I’ve come to understand that a wedding reception needs more than grilled fish and blueberries.
Izuna: I hate blueberries
Tobirama, missing a step and almost losing his head at Izuna’s swing: A point against you, but that means more for me. What foul things do you enjoy?
Izuna: Inarizushi and plums
Tobirama scrunching his nose: I suppose I’ll have to compromise
Izuna, after successful fireball to the face: The reception needs a fire show portion. We do that at every wedding - do the Senju have anything specific for the reception?
Tobirama, remembering his mothers horrid weddings stories involving the elders and speeches: nope, none I can think of
Eventually Izuna is strutting home, still smoking from the battle and just asks: Father, can I marry a man?
Tajima, knowing he’s won a bet: Will he marry in?
Tajima: Sure, why not. Madara can produce heirs
Now Izuna, who refuses to allow Tobirama to one up him in this, decides to research everything a good husband should be and what they’ll need for the wedding all the while Madara and Hikaku are staring at him like: he knows we’re at war right? Like I killed his future brides weird uncle the other day…
Izuna does not care. All he knows is that he’s behind courting but all the info he has does not fit Tobirama at all: Flowers? Clothes? Love letters? Gifts? He goes to his dad again.
Izuna: what do I get a man I like?
Tajima, looking at his 13yo: depends. How old is this man?
Tajima, hand on his heart: right. Well, what are his interests?
Izuna: swords and water stuff. And blueberries
Tajima: I see - well, why not get him some blueberries? Or a book about swords? Work with his interests instead of following lists.
Izuna, with a bouquet of deadly nightshade: here, for you
Tobirama, catching it: did you…bring me flowers?
Izuna: duh, what kind of husband would I be.
Tobirama, realizing a whole new battlefield: I see. Well played, well played
Tobirama, catching a scroll in his hands and avoiding a blade: what’s this?
Izuna, trying to aim for his throat: I found a scroll for old water torture methods from Kiri
Tobirama, appalled by the warm feeling in his chest: I see, how thoughtful
Izuna, throwing an ornate dagger at his future bride: do you like it? I made it just for you!
Tobirama, looking down at the intricate dragon carved in obsidian and metal: are you opposed to getting married now?
Izuna: yes, I want a party for our reception, hard to do that on a battlefield
Tobirama: I see, very well, I’ll continue planning
Fast forward a few years and Tobirama develops the Hiraishin and figures scaring both his and his soon to be husbands brother into peace is a wonderful and sound idea.
Tobirama: do you mind if I severely injury you?
Izuna, dodging three water dragons: I would be offended if you didn’t
Cue Hiraishin and the Uchiha leaving the battlefield with Izuna as he bleeds out, having refused Hashirama’s help. Tobirama thinks it’s odd but then realizes it would look better if Tobirama healed him
Tobirama, packing his things and laughing softly to himself: my future anata is so clever sometimes
Hashirama, with early greys: no, no he’s not! You can’t waltz into the Uchiha compound after you stabbed him!
Tobirama, tilting his head to the side Iike a puppy: why not? I’m his wife
Hashirama: soon to be, sage what am I saying-
Tobirama: relax, we will have peace soon and then you can drink until you drop at my wedding
Later, at the Uchiha Compound:
Rando Uchiha #1: Madara-sama, there is um. Well the White Demon is at our door asking to be let in
Madara, also with early greys: why?
Rando Uchiha #2: he said he was here to heal his husband…
Madara, who has listened to Izuna rant about his future wedding and who’s recently been asking when Tobirama is going to arrive to fix him: sure, let him in
Tobirama walks in, gets lead to his fiancé’s room and proceeds to patch him up all while catching him up on the recent gossip he heard from the fishwives.
They get married in early autumn, so it’s still warm enough for Tobirama but cool enough for Izuna - they have their inarizushi and grilled fish, their plums and blueberries (and a bunch of other food because jfc guys for people who’ve been planning since they could toddle you’d think they’d expand the menu)
Hashirama cries because he’s happy about his brother getting married and peace. Madara cries because he falsely believes this whole thing is finally over and now the brothers will be normal. But he’ll learn
