Next To Me Pt. 10 (Shuri x Black!Fem!Reader)
Content: angst, profanity, Shuri don lost her mind y'all, but we gon help her find it
Babyboiboyega’s Marvel Masterlist
Babyboiboyega’s Masterlist of Masterlists
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10
You tried to nod, you really did, but that was all it took for every emotion you had been fighting back to make themselves known in a way that you’d surely be embarrassed about later; but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.
You didn’t remember dropping the bag or grabbing the door to steady yourself; you definitely didn’t remember Okoye’s firm hands reaching out to pull you into her body, her arms tight as they kept you steady.
You didn’t want to remember seeing with your tear-filled gaze how the door down the hall shut quietly as Okoye ushered you back into your room. Despite not remembering the moment you fell asleep, the one thing you could recall was that visual.
****************************
It was an exceptionally sunny day. Every window lining the throne room allowed for endless sunlight to stream in, each ray seeming to know exactly what to hit in order to make the entire room…well…glisten.
The throne room looked exactly the way it should've; grand and intimidating in all of its glory to those who had the honor, or misfortune, to enter it. It had been remodeled after Namor's attack; the glass floors were replaced with vibranium-streaked black graphite, similar to the flooring in Shuri's lab. The dais made out of red clay in the center of the throne room, of which the throne and the tribe leaders' respective seats sat, remained the same. The surrounding pillars that seemed to hold up the towering ceiling of the room still had the Wakandan etchings spelling out the names of every ruler Wakanda had seen, bringing literal meaning to how each ruler had a hand in building the country.
One of the first changes implemented in the rebuilding of the throne room had been the addition of her brother's and mother's names, right beside her father's. Shuri had seen to it personally that they were added with respect and honor, no matter how much it hurt to have one more reminder that they were in another plane while she was still on earth.
Shuri had wanted to keep something that reminded her that she was sitting in the exact same spot her father, brother, and mother had sat at one point in their lives. She had done it with the hopes that she could feel the energy, the poise, the leadership each of them had harbored and showed so that she could feel those same things upon sitting on the throne.
The only thing she felt now was a sense of urgency and displeasure at how the Royal Council's meeting had just gone. Words born out of frustration and a desire to rather be ignorant about certain topics had been thrown, along with questions that she knew would only lead to her leadership being questioned. While that would certainly pose a problem, she was more concerned about the current situation and the new players that had decided to show themselves.
A heavy sigh wracked her body, a small groan accompanying it as she leaned forward on the throne. Her hands raised to rub down her face as if she could physically wipe away every single distracting thought that prohibited her from finding the necessary answers.
"How exactly can we trust the word of a girl who not only went after someone close to the Throne of Wakanda but who also has ties to Salvation of Order?"
The River Tribe Elder leaned forward in his seat, one hand gesturing wildly while the other remained clenched around the cane in front of him.
He spoke with enough conviction that a few heads nodded in agreement, small murmurs breaking out amongst the Royal Council that had convened. Each set of eyes in the room trained on their queen, watching as she seemed to be deep in thought.
Shuri had expected as much after relaying the most recent events to the Council, including the confrontation involving you and the capture and detainment of Nondri. She had expected it even more after making them aware of Nondri's ties to S.O.D and how the amount of information she held was no different from how much they had; barely anything. Even so, once a theory had been proposed, they had grabbed it and ran with it; now she had the job of making sure they all made decisions with the facts being presented and not with the fear and anger that still resided in their hearts at this anti-royalist group.
It certainly didn't help when the Mining Tribe's Elder spoke quickly, unable to hold her worries in. Her questions only seemed to pile onto the presumptuous theories that had already been offered, each one only resulting in the Council growing more restless and tense.
"Who's to say that she isn't a part of that group of renegades? Sent here to be an informant- to have one of their people as close to the throne as they can get?"
With the mention of S.O.D came memories of the attacks that had claimed precious lives from the River Province, unresolved feelings of anger and revenge accompanying them. Each person remembered the attacks in their own way and how it had impacted them, and it was clear that each Tribal Leader used those exact memories to sway their opinions on the matter at hand…especially the River Tribe Elder. Since the first mention of the anti-royalist group during the meeting, he had been the one effortlessly keeping the Council's focus on said group.
"What do we know of this informant?"
Okoye's voice was respectful while also commanding the attention of the surrounding elders as she spoke.
"It isn't proven that she's an informant. The palace's Head Challenger, Eza Lindiwe, questioned Miss. Thizondu about her dealings with Salvation of Order. It was concluded that the only ties she has to the organization are that of her uncle and a few distant family members who were involved in the attacks. Other than that, her records show no other ties-"
The General's words were effectively cut off by her own uncle, the Elder that represented the Border Tribe- her home tribe. She was quick to hide the exasperation from the other Elders as it crossed her face, knowing exactly how stubborn he could be, but not quick enough to hide it from Shuri…who honestly couldn't fault her.
"What she does during her free time will not show on her record, so how are we to know for sure that she is not involved? Treason practically runs in her family-"
"-And while that is partially true, the simple fact is that nothing in her record shows any other dealings with Salvation of Order. No suspicious dealings, no questionable decisions, not even an arrest. She attended a village school in the Border Province until graduating from the tertiary level and entering the Hatut Zeraze Initiative. As soon as the attacks happened and knowledge of her family members being involved was known, she was prohibited from completing her training."
Shuri's interjection caused the Council to quickly look at her, their voices ceasing as their queen's voice filled the space.
She wouldn't admit to anyone, but she had more-or-less practiced her "commanding" voice, using the memories of her family members' voices to develop her own to use while sitting on the throne. Needless to say, the voice that escaped her mouth wasn't exactly the one she had perfected, but more so one of pure vexation and impatience. It was obvious that her voice exuded those exact feelings from the way the elders' eyes, full of uncertainty and wariness, looked between her and each other's.
A silence followed her words; one that allowed each of the Elder's worries and fears to drill into her mind, making a home in the already chaotic expanse. Her eyes roamed the half circle comprised of the Council, connecting with each Elder present. They seemed to be looking for something from her…and it only added to her frustration as she came to the conclusion that she didn't know what that something was. She could only guess what it was and hope that it fit her desire to protect not only her country…but you.
"With all due respect, My Queen, it still begs the question of why she attacked your guest-"
"By Hanuman's glory, have you all refused to listen to what she has said?"
M'Baku's voice drowned out the voice of the Mining Tribe's Elder, a look of barely concealed disdain appearing on the older woman's face. The Jabari's leader paid no mind to it, instead leaning forward in his seat to look at all of the faces of the elders.
"The Queen has explained that this woman's reasoning behind her actions was to warn her and her guest. It is unfortunate that she couldn't think of another, more…sensible way to warn her, but nonetheless, that is what we should be focusing on. Who, or what, was she warning us about?"
The look Shuri sent him could only be described as grateful. Not only was he asking logical questions while also pointing out what seemed to be the last priority of the Royal Council, but he had drawn the attention of the Council away from her and to himself. It gave her the chance to confront and wrangle the feelings that speared through her at the mention of you.
It wasn't as simple as locking them behind a wall in her mind, for anything that involved you would always and effortlessly make itself known at the very forefront of her mind, and this time was no different.
Your face, ridden with exhaustion and alarm, flashed through Shuri's mind with a vengeance and with a mission to remind her that it had been in response to something she had done. It reminded her that it wouldn't be the last time she'd hurt you while simultaneously making her question herself on whether or not her decision of…distancing herself was the right thing.
The parts of her that were focused on both your safety and the safety of her country, said yes; it was the right thing. Distractions could only result in more harm coming to you, and that was something she knew she couldn't handle.
The parts of her that physically ached at the thought of distancing herself from you screamed and thrashed, warning her that it wasn't worth it. Going through something like this alone- on either of your parts- was not something that would end well.
All parts were motivated by a feeling of love that cut so deeply, she didn't know how to deal with it, and that's what caused her inner turmoil. That's what caused her to act one way while longing for something that contradicted entirely with her actions. But it was that same turmoil- that same feeling of love- that motivated her to find whatever answers she needed in order for your life to go back to normal.
And having an entire council of leaders who'd rather dwell on hypotheticals that were motivated by fear was holding her back from getting those answers.
A loud, commanding voice broke through Shuri's thoughts, making her quickly tune back into the debate going on in front of her. She didn't have to look at Okoye to see the knowing look on her face, signifying that the General had most definitely seen the second she had spaced out and the second she had joined the current conversation; she'd certainly hear about it later.
"The only known threat to this country right now is Salvation of Order. They've been terrorizing Wakanda for too long- the killings that have been happening on the outskirts of the capital have all been claimed by them."
Now, it didn't matter how fruitless Shuri thought their theories surrounding the Salvation of Order were; they were all able to sit and recognize the darkness and depravedness behind the deaths that had slowly been increasing for the past month or so. The first she had heard of them had been while she was away, attending school. She had been quickly reassured that steps were being taken to find those responsible and to keep the citizens of Wakanda safe…but now they were increasing, and now they were being claimed by Salvation of Order.
And just like that, yet another potential pathway without any clear answers or even clear questions cemented itself in her mind.
"That is the only known threat to Wakanda. What of the unknown? Eh?" M'Baku placed his club in his lap, freeing one of his hands to join the other as he gestured, addressing the Council.
"You would rather go after the organization we are already aware of than focus on the dangers we know nothing about? We know nothing of its origins, its mission, its forces- we know nothing."
He deliberately separated the last word into its two syllables, emphasizing each one with a wave of his hand. That same hand landed back on his club as he continued.
"Besides, this…Nondri never explicitly stated whether or not she was speaking of Salvation of Order-"
"Her refusal to say their name does not mean that she is not involved."
The Mining Tribe's Elder directed an irate look towards M'Baku, who only responded by shrugging one shoulder, leveling a matter-of-fact look towards her. Shuri knew what was coming next, though M'Baku was speaking before she could interject; and while she was the Queen and could interject anytime she wanted to, M'Baku's comments and thoughts were some of the main ones she always listened to, whether they were of a smart-ass nature or not.
However, she knew just by the look on his face what kind of comment it would be.
"If only there were some kind of record that would show any suspicious activities on her part."
"We do not appreciate your tone, Jabari-" The Elder of the River Tribe thumped his cane against the floor once as he spoke, his words slightly slurred due to a combination of his anger and the wooden plate in his lip. The Elders representing the Mining Tribe and the Border Tribe seemed to feed off of the River Tribe Elder's anger, their eyebrows furrowing as they stared at M'Baku. Shuri sat up, her mouth opening and words to end the dispute before it could truly start settling on the edge of her tongue.
"M'Baku has a point." The comment created a lull in the debate, having come from the Merchant Tribe's Elder. She had been silent for most of, if not the entire, meeting, simply retaining the information and thoughts shared and filing them away.
Her eyes, old with wisdom and years far beyond the number Shuri or even a few of the other Elders had ever seen, regarded all of them. While they expressed indifference, the firm set of her mouth as she spoke let on how her patience was running thin.
"Perhaps it would be more logical to see if the young woman knows anything about the deaths that have been occurring. If she does, then it could potentially lead us in figuring out whether she has a deeper connection in all of this. Your Highness," then her eyes were turning to Shuri, fixing her with a stare that was full of both reassurance and persuasion.
"I implore you, and this Council, to take this matter one fact at a time. We cannot deal with it unless we know all of the facts. If we rush ourselves in making these decisions that can affect not only the throne, but the entirety of Wakanda, then we will only have ourselves to blame."
The Merchant Elder's words repeated mercilessly in Shuri's mind as she remained on the throne, the Council having long ago been dismissed. The only person who remained in the room with her was Okoye, who stood silently at her right side. She could feel the General's stare on the side of her face, and it was only after letting out a soft sigh did she straighten and turn to face her.
"…That was certainly a spectacle."
The corner of the young royal's mouth lifted slightly in a rueful grin, her head shaking.
"It was…something." Just as quickly as it appeared, her smile dropped, her eyebrows furrowing in worry.
"Okoye…how did my parents do this? How did my brother do this? I constantly feel as if…everyone expects something of me that fits their opinion- fits their narrative. I don't want to complain, because my parents and brother had to go through much worse, they had to deal with much worse…" her voice trailed off, her eyes landing on the armrest of the throne as she clenched it; the same armrest her family members had clenched in anger, frustration, fear.
"But…its hard when they're not here." Hard was an understatement.
Her words lingered in the air, making the room feel too big without her family. It felt intimidating. It was only another vice around both her mind and her heart, one that didn't know whether it wanted to tighten with the pain of losing them or the healing that she was slowly taking part in.
Okoye stepped until she was in Shuri's line of sight, her eyes showing a different type of grief, but a grief nonetheless.
"Shuri, you're doing exactly what you need to. Being a leader with a huge heart and wanting to satisfy everyone's needs is a hard thing to do. T'Challa knew it. The two of you are similar in that way, you know?"
The familiar, almost breathtaking pang of grief hit her at the mention of her brother's name, even if Okoye's words only brought up good memories. His name would forever be accompanied with that pain, but it would also be accompanied with every good memory that existed regarding him.
Nonetheless, Shuri offered a small, grateful smile to the General.
"I can only wish to be as good of a leader as he was. But thank you, Okoye."
She took a breath, using it to ground herself as much as she could as she once again thought of the next steps to take after the meeting. One hand raised, softly grasping the edge of her chin as she thought.
"Okoye, please tell Eza to meet us in the lab. We have work to do."
It's a common misconception that peace and quiet are mutually inclusive. One's surroundings could be peaceful because of the lack of a cacophony of sounds and chaos, and vice versa, but it was very possible to have one without the other. It was possible to have one surround your very being while the other sat just out of reach, brushing your fingertips almost mockingly…and you were learning just how much of a pain this occurrence was.
While your mind was the quietest it had been since waking up, you wouldn't exactly call it "peaceful" as you and Aneka walked out of the training room. A thought accompanied every step, focused on how sore you already were and how sore you would be the following day, while between every step, there was something reminding you of all of the thoughts you had yet to fully confront, all of them stemming from the events that seemed to find a permanent, parasitic-like home in your mind.
But your mind was still quiet, thoughts passing the front of your mind before seamlessly joining the constant rotation of other thoughts. You supposed it had something to do with Aneka's words of advice she had given you…and the slight fatigue from learning and exerting your mind as well as your body, making it harder for your mind to think of other unnecessary, taxing thoughts.
Leave it to the universe to throw something into your path that not only dissipated the quiet inhabiting your mind, but made it harder to obtain that peace that would have gone oh-so-well with it.
Aneka's voice captured the attention of the two women, their heads turning to not only look at Aneka but at you as well. While Okoye's expression changed from being stern to being more collected, the woman you had admittedly, and a little ashamedly been dreading running into, sported one of indifference. There had been a flicker of something else as her eyes had first landed on you, but whatever it was had disappeared. The look she directed towards you could've been directed at someone overstaying their welcome and ignoring the social cues around them, signifying how their presence was affecting everyone.
But, alas; not only was it twisting her face into one that you didn't recognize, but it was also steadily building a wall between the two of you. Steadily, but slowly, so that you could see every metaphorical brick slot into its rightful place, helpless to stop it…angry that Shuri did nothing to stop it. Angry that she didn't look like she wanted to stop it.
You welcomed the anger. It was a hell of a lot better than sulking and asking yourself "why, why, why" when it was obvious that receiving clear answers to those questions was out of the picture.
"Aneka, Y/N." While Okoye's greeting was rather dry, her tone held space for a different interpretation- one that was only emphasized by the way her eyes seemed to communicate something silently with you. It didn't take long at all for you to quickly realize what she was getting at, the memory of her showing up to give you the bag of souvenirs being one of the memories you had no problem confronting. It was only after that moment and before you woke up that was…slightly muddy in your memory. You opted to ignore it for the time being, instead, zeroing in on the conversation her and Aneka were having. Your peripheral granted you the ability to see Shuri as she turned slightly away, her gaze finally relenting it's stiff hold on you.
Aneka looked at you, her eyes narrowing lightheartedly before she turned them back to Okoye. You listened intently to her words, knowing that there'd be a little bit of a difference between the words she had spoken during training and now as she gave a report of sorts to her General (and her queen, the person who had brought up the idea of training sessions in the first place).
"For this to only be her second training session, she isn't failing as much as we expected."
Well…it could be taken as a compliment of sorts. The absence of annoyance or anything akin in her voice prompted you to continue listening instead of interrupting in indignation. Leaning against one of the work tables, you couldn't help letting your eyes wander around the lab while your hearing remained focused on the two women.
The windows spanning across the lab's largest wall were floor to ceiling, giving a perfect view to the landing pad and the bridge that led into the Golden City. The same bridge you, along with Shuri and the entourage of Doras, had crossed the night before.
While the surrounding walls were made out of what looked to be light brown clay, there were plants in different shades of green, sizes, and types spread throughout the lab. Some of them hung from the ceiling in clay or wooden pots while others were displayed in glass cylinders, some even taller than you. The architecture and decor paired with the soft lights and bright sun rays streaming into the lab was a sight beautiful and relaxing enough to make that peace from earlier seem just a little closer.
You let out a sigh, turning over your newly bruised hand in the shaft of sunlight it had fallen into, reveling in the warmth on your skin.
"Her stamina could be improved, but I think you were right; it may be easier to teach her to use some kind of weapon as an extension of herself rather than expect her to extend herself. She isn't the most flexible. Or the fastest."
Okoye's response, a short 'mhm' and a nod, told you that this topic involving you had come up in at least one conversation between the two of them. It made you question exactly what else they had spoken about regarding you.
"Ah, I was sure that would happen. What weapon did you pick?"
Her next question being directed at you made your attention snap to her, the name of the weapon Aneka had taught you right on the tip of your tongue. You swallowed the words, however, as another person, one that you vaguely recognized, walked into the lab. They quickly spotted the four of you, hastily walking over with a file in hand.
Challenger Eza, what you had taken to calling her in your mind instead of HC Eza, a name that reminded you too much of MC Hammer, nodded at the four of you. While you were sure that the contents of the folder were of the utmost importance, the second she stepped into the bright and natural light of the lab, you were immediately reminded of the term "black don't crack".
Her skin practically glowed in the sun, soaking up every ray it had to offer. Her locs had been pulled back into one braid last night, but her now slightly wavy locs in the front were pulled back into a knot while the back hung loose. Each shade of brown and dark red was emphasized as she moved her head even in the slightest.
Too busy were you gawking at the older woman's effortless beauty, you didn't realize she was speaking to you until she was offering her hand.
"Oh! My bad- I'm sorry. I'm Y/N."
Even her laugh was melodic and reassuring as she shook your hand firmly, her lips upturned into a welcoming smile.
"Well, it's certainly nice to meet the Queen's vassal, who also happens to be her friend from school."
The mere mention of "school", the place that had brought you and Shuri together in the first place, left a bittersweet taste in your mouth. That time had been so…easy. So carefree, so nice; the opposite of whatever the two of you were going through now. The word 'friend' evoked almost a visceral reaction out of you, a deep breath going through your body as your eyes instinctively landed on Shuri.
In spite of your ever growing frustration and anger at her, you still wanted her to react in some way. Perhaps it was a wish that stemmed from wanting to know that she still cared in any way, even if it seemed improbable that she could just stop caring…but nonetheless, it was a wish that went unanswered as she kept her attention on whatever had seemed to capture her attention.
You couldn't see how her hand clenched against the work station's tabletop before releasing, her thoughts veering in the same direction as yours; you were too busy trying to keep your face nice and open, even though you had a suspicion that Eza would be able to see right through your facade if she really wanted to.
The questions seemed abnormally…normal compared to everything that had happened recently, reminding you of a time that wasn't that far gone but felt a good ways away.
"Uh, Biophysics and Structural Biology." You nodded, offering a small, reserved smile at being put on the spot. Ironically, you couldn't help the quick and panicked question every college student had thought at least a dozen times after not thinking of school for a while: oh shit, do I have homework?
Of course, you don't. It's winter break.
"Ah, so we have another STEM scholar on our hands, yes?"
Eyes widening slightly, you shook your head. A small laugh fell from your lips at her words, feeling as if she were giving you more credit than you deserved.
"I wouldn't exactly say 'scholar'. I'm no straight A student, but I'm passing."
Eza's eyes narrowed slightly, roaming over your face. Her gaze was heavy and intimidating, but not in a way that set off warning bells in your mind; more so in a way that reminded you that behind that heaviness sat years of wisdom and experience.
"Not everyone passes a subject such as Biophysics and Structural Biology, least of all, get as far as you have. Be proud of it."
Her words harbored that same caring but no-bullshit tone that one often received when talking to a black woman who had no problem showing someone she cared. Had she been in the states, you were sure she would have been the kind of black woman to go around, calling young people "baby" and making them tear up. Hell, you were close to tearing up now just from the sound of confidence in her voice; confidence that was directed at you.
She nodded at you, her smile growing, before she turned to face Shuri. Her back was still turned, though she turned as soon as Eza addressed her.
"Ngangamsha. I brought the report you asked for, as well as something else that I think will help our search. After hearing about this morning's meeting, I figured it'd be best to pull this information as well for this meeting."
Eza walked to the table where Shuri stood, putting two files in front of her. Shuri's eyebrows furrowed, her eyes taking on the focused glint you had seen in them countless times when working on something. The glint usually showed up whenever she had been anticipating something only for it to finally come through. It was a stark contrast to the flat, unfamiliar look they had been harboring mere seconds ago...the same look she had directed at you.
Eza's words were a reminder that there had in fact been a meeting this morning, one that you of course hadn't been invited to for obvious reasons, but one that you had assumed you'd learn about. If last night's events, and the events leading up to then, had been discussed, then it wasn't wrong to assume that you'd be kept in the loop.
"I know the credence behind Nondri's words aren't exactly solid, but the Council should understand-"
"Royal Council matters should be kept amidst the Royal Council and those we permit access to."
You heard Shuri's words, yet you didn't immediately process them. The meaning behind them only cemented in your mind as the other three women immediately looked at you...because who else would she be talking about?
Silence followed Shuri's words, surrounding the five of you in a tense bubble. However, you heard a faint roaring in your ears- one brought on by a slow growing anger and an acute feeling of embarrassment as the other women glanced at you. Their gazes ranged from surprised to cautious as you repeated Shuri's words, surprised that she had the gall to say something like that.
Never had you seen her use her royal status in this way. You never would've thought that she'd use her royal status against you; someone who had always ignored and simultaneously acknowledged that status and how important it was. Someone who could recognize that importance, but never let it get in the way of calling her a friend. Calling her something else.
The realization settled in your mind with a heaviness; your eyebrows furrowed in astonishment, and your tongue was sharp as barbed wire as you let your words spill from your mouth, unbridled.
"Oh, so it's 'Royal Council matters' now? Only when I'm in the room, right?"
The breath that went through Shuri's body was deep, and so was your feeling of frustration as silence followed. It thickened, the tension between you and Shuri becoming even more evident to Okoye, Aneka, and Eza.
Her eyes were focused on the files in front of her while her hands were splayed out on the table, arms locked and holding herself over it. Her curls that dropped in front of her face blocked her face from you, but that didn't stop you. You didn't want to see the frustration or annoyance or regret or anything on her face; you wanted her to hear you. You wanted her to feel the same embarrassment you were feeling, even if it were just a lighter version of it.
Your next words were preceded with a scoff, a dark and humorless laugh underlying them.
"Well, do I have permission to speak, your highness?"
The combination of your words and the tone in your voice finally made her look up, just barely hiding the slightly angry look that had ghosted over her face as her eyes met yours. Her voice matched yours, low and tense, and her eyes held a hint of a warning.
You tilted your head, feigning ignorance that was only overshadowed by the sheer amount of attitude in your voice. It only took a few steps for you to approach the other side of the table she stood behind, and you kept her gaze the entire time.
"Speak as if…we are strangers."
"Well, it's sure as hell feeling like it, Shuri."
You certainly felt the dejection from the night before, but now it was eclipsed by the desire to let your frustrations known. She certainly had in a more physical way, so why couldn't you? Why couldn't you show her how her actions affected you?
"What is that supposed to mean-"
"It means that this whole little...front you puttin' on is getting old, and I'm already getting fed up with it."
Whatever insinuation she had come up with on her own was enough to make her step around the table, her nostrils flaring in anger as she approached you. Her proximity made you straighten, your head tilting back enough to keep your gaze connected with hers. Her words were spoken through a clenched jaw and the warning that resided in her eyes only increased, smoldering as they peered into yours.
"The only front being put on is you thinking you can help in any way."
"What the hell did you just-"
Okoye's voice was strong and firm enough to cut through the band of tension that had been steadily growing tighter around the two of you. Her interjection caused it to snap, both you and Shuri blinking at one another with varying degrees of disappointment and exasperation on your faces. Your chest rose and fell quickly. The skin on your neck and cheeks were hot; a mixture of the anger simmering just beneath the surface of your skin and the heat of Shuri's gaze.
"The two of you are quite frankly too old to be arguing like this- especially given the current set of circumstances that you both have been dealt."
The disappointment that laced Okoye's words wrapped around the two of you, though it did nothing to get rid of the anger and disbelief coursing through your veins. You tried to convey every ounce of it through your unmoving gaze, Shuri returning your stare with one of her own. The corners of her mouth tightened at Okoye's words, but that was the only kind of acknowledgment she offered.
"I don't know what has gotten into either of you, and frankly, I don't think I want to know, but you can certainly set it aside for the sake of this meeting, yes?"
Could you do that? Could you be a part of this meeting, even while knowing that Shuri didn't want you there? Even while knowing that she apparently believed you couldn't do anything to help- that you had no purpose?
You nodded in response to Okoye's question, your eyes narrowing slightly before finally looking away and at the General. The feeling of more words waiting to be spewed on the tip of your tongue prompted you to keep it shut as you nodded once more, trying to convey an apology with your eyes.
Okoye's eyes seem to inspect yours for a second before she turned to Shuri, whose gaze you could still feel on the side of your face. You wouldn't give her the pleasure of seeing how her words affected you, whether she took pleasure in it or not.
As she communicated silently with her queen, your eyes glanced over at Aneka and Eza, seeing their slightly sympathetic and calculating gazes roam over your being. You felt conflicted on whether to accept that sympathy or push it to the side with the other emotions you couldn't be bothered to deal with. Accepting their sympathy would just solidify Shuri's actions and words towards you; that would only result in you having to confront the fact that you didn't know exactly how to deal with her.
"Y/N, I am sure you'd like to stay and learn about the information we've collected so far, as you are just as much a part of this as anyone…" the small downturn of her lips told you what was coming next, and you weren't surprised when you felt another wave of anger course through you, but not directed at Okoye. "But there are certain…topics that would be best left to the Council to discuss in a formal gathering."
Perhaps it had been too wishful of a thought that despite the Wakandan royal's recent change in character towards you, she'd still recognize that you were in the situation she was in, albeit, with different stakes at risk. But that wishful thought had been all but snuffed out in a few words that their queen had spoken.
"I think what the General is trying to say is that you are welcome to sit in on this meeting, but we can't guarantee that you won't feel a sense of…confusion or even exclusion." Eza stepped forward, her voice warm but with a hint of caution in it.
"Any questions you pose have a chance of being inexplicable simply because we aren't allowed to share that information. We completely understand if you'd rather wait until after this meeting when one of us can explain everything-"
"I'd rather stay, but thanks for the warning."
You weren't worried about her receiving your dry and stiff tone as being directed towards her, as you were sure that she was observant enough to know that the exact opposite was the truth. The spite that speared through you at her words, only prompted by Shuri's decision to keep you out of the loop, was palpable in your words. It was evident in your actions as you leaned against a station across from Shuri, crossing your arms and hardening your gaze once again.
Eza watched you for a second longer before letting out a sigh and turning to the other women present, her eyes connecting with Shuri's. You were grateful that she was the one to further the meeting, for you weren't sure if you'd be able to hold your tongue if Shuri uttered another word.
"My Queen, one folder holds the details of the attacks from 6 years ago, while the other holds Miss. Thizondu's evaluations from when she entered the Hatut Zeraze Initiative.
"Miss. Thizondu's uncle, N'Gezi Thizondu, was one of the known insurgents, and he's currently still imprisoned, along with a few family members. But, according to the details, N'Gezi may have had more of a hand in them than we originally thought."
Shuri straightened, her eyebrows furrowing.
"…Enough to warrant questioning him."
The sigh that left Shuri's mouth was drawn out, weighed down with resolve. The exhaustion underlying her words could be heard by every person present, including you.
The desire to comfort her was strong as it pierced through the layer of spite that had surrounded your heart ever since stepping into the lab. It didn't matter how irritated or frustrated you were with her…the desire only reminded you of the position she was in, and against your spiteful wishes, you…just wanted to be there for her.
But you couldn't be there for her if she didn't want you to be. Not if she continued to push you away. It didn't take a master's degree or a genius level IQ to understand why she was pushing you away, and you were trying your hardest to understand; but your tolerance could only go so far…even with someone who held your heart in their very hands; with someone who had the power to either continue tightening their grip on it or release it in order to care for it.
It was hard to do so when that same person tried their hardest to alienate you.
"Hold up…can we backtrack to the deaths that were mentioned earlier?"
You were quickly reminded that the women around you all held an obligation to their queen, and right now, that obligation included keeping certain information from you.
"Or not. Since we're keeping secrets now."
The frustration came back with a vengeance, and you could only roll your eyes and throw your hands up in exasperation at the silence that followed. Eza turned to you, a subtle apologetic look on her face. Her lips parted, undoubtedly preparing to be the peacemaker in the situation, but another voice filled the space.
"That'll be our next step. We'll travel to Wakanda's reformatory to question N'Gezi to see what he knows, and see how it compares to what Nondri knows."
Shuri nodded assuredly after speaking, but the confidence in her voice did nothing to hide the look on her face at your words. She continued regardless, making it a point to address Aneka, Okoye, and Eza only.
Oh, she was about to get it.
"Eza, you'll question him once we are there; you'll be able to extract the necessary information, but for now, I want you and Okoye to talk to Miss Thizodu once more. Maybe her memory has improved since last night. I'll go and look through the palace records. There has to be something there that can help us. Aneka," Shuri turned to face Aneka who stood right near you, her eyes briefly landing on you and sending a jolt of anticipation racing through your limbs.
"You and Y/N can return to what you two were doing."
You saw Aneka nod out of the corner of your eye before turning to you, presumably to lead you to wherever she had in mind; you, however, were too busy staring at Shuri. You silently urged her to look at you, and when she finally did, it didn't feel like a reward. It didn’t feel like a step in the right direction; it felt like a slap to the face, how indifferent her gaze was as it landed on you.
It stung even more when she turned around without another word, her steps leading her to the exit of the lab. The stinging sensation only turned to a burning anger that continued to fester as she walked further away from you…and then you were following right behind her despite the sensible part of your brain telling you not to.
Her strides were long and purposeful, and it hurt to think that that purpose had to do with you and how quickly she could get away.
Her dismissive tone prompted you to speed up until you were close enough to reach out to her, though you refrained from doing so. A pang of shame shook you as memories from the night before flooded your brain; the sound of the chair being thrown, the sound of it clattering to the floor, the look of pure anger on her face as she had done it…and the fear that had seized your body.
That fear was absent now, stemming from your body's instinctive response to a multitude of triggers; but the apprehension to approach her, especially after her recent attitude, was all yours.
"Look here- I understand you have a lot on your plate as the damn queen, I understand that, but maybe you can dial back the hostility a little bit? I mean, damn, I feel like I did something wrong."
Shuri's steps came to a stop, her body whirling around to face you. Her eyebrows were furrowed, an incredulous look on her face that you should've taken as a warning. Nonetheless, you stayed rooted to the spot, even as she began taking steps towards you.
Her movements were slow, and through the blaring warning alarms in your mind, you couldn't help but liken them to…well, a panther's.
"You understand? You understand?"
Whereas her laughter from your time at the festival would forever be imprinted in your mind, carefree, happy, her smile the epitome of 'could light up a room', the laugh that escaped her mouth now only sent electricity through your limbs. It could be likened to being scared abruptly, making one's body tense as if ready to run while their mind still worked on processing whatever had scared them.
"Tell me, Y/N, what exactly do you understand?"
Gone was the warmth that usually coated your name when it left her mouth. Another weight, teeming with a sense of unease, settled on your chest. It only increased, acting as a vice as she continued.
"Its clear that you think you're the only one who can find the answers and fix all of this. That's why you're acting like…this." You motioned at her towering figure, quickly pulling your hand away when it lightly brushed against the fabric of her collared shirt. You didn't quite know how to interpret the feeling that jolted through you at the contact.
"That's why you're pushing me- and only me- away when all I'm trying to do is help. Its not right, Shuri."
For a second, you could've sworn that the mask had dropped, allowing you just a glimpse into the same desperation that laced your words. The prospect of your words finally getting through her stubborn mind caused the vice to lessen…though it was temporary.
"I don't want your help."
Her words made you step back, the venom behind them not only tightening the vice around your chest, but hitting you like a brick wall. Eyebrows furrowing, you watched as she shook her head in…annoyance? Disappointment? Detest?
"Nor do I need it. There is nothing you can do to help me, do you understand?"
You clenched your jaw, not really choosing to stay silent, but rather having nothing to say back. Your breaths were slow and deliberate; an attempt on your part to keep your anger at bay as she continued speaking to you without a care in the world.
"You know what'll make it just a little fucking easier? If you stop acting like you know more than you do. If you stay out of my way so that maybe, just maybe, I can figure out how to fix this before something else happens."
Her proximity suddenly felt suffocating, wrapping around you with an intensity that made you take another step back in an effort to escape it. It was almost taunting, only providing a tainted memory of the previous times she had wrapped you in her embrace. Now those memories were exactly that: memories, and not a sensation that you could look forward to. Not when she was like this.
Your voice was rough with emotion as you spoke, echoing off of the metal walls of the hallway the two of you stood in. You couldn't care less about who could walk around the corner and see you; her words had already pushed you to a point where your only concern was making her listen to you.
"Who the hell are you right now? This ain't the same person I met back at school-"
"Well maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do."
The mere thought of her words holding any level of truth made you freeze, your eyes staying connected with hers in an effort to find just one semblance that she was lying…because if she wasn't, then what the hell had all of this been? What had all of her words and actions, layered with sentiment and perceived feelings, meant? If she wasn't lying, that meant every second you had spent convincing yourself that there was something there had been in vain; it had all been preconceived notions on your part. It made you question yourself. It made you question her and everything you had come to feel and know about her.
You had words for her, there was no doubt about that. But you knew that if you were to lash out at her, then she'd just be seeing an anger that stemmed from a love that held more questions than answers. She'd have a front row viewing to an emotion that was intense enough to knock you off of your feet…and you were done giving her that.
"You know what?" You internally cursed at the sound of your voice cracking slightly as you took a step forward. A deep breath wracked your body, shaking slightly on the way out as you fought the feeling of tears gathering in the corners of your eyes.
"Fuck you, Shuri, and all that self-righteous bullshit."
The sight of her simply standing there, her expression still the same as it was since stepping into the damn hallway made your anger flare more.
You stalked past her, shoulder brushing against hers and making her step back. If you were to continue looking at her, you were afraid that the tears that now rolled down your face would be misinterpreted as tears of pain and an overwhelming sense of sadness. You'd be damned if you gave her that.
"You should've left me on that damn sidewalk."
You didn't bother turning back to see if she had heard your words, because you knew she had. They were a last attempt to get some sort of reaction out of her, though you didn't have to turn around to know that they failed to do so.
The only solace you found in walking away was the fact that while you were the one increasing the distance literally between the two of you, you couldn't blame yourself for increasing it emotionally.
The only solace you gained from walking away was knowing that despite being the one to increase the distance between the two of you literally, you hadn't been the one to make the first fissure in your friendship. Shuri had done that all by herself.
Mholo ngalentsasa: good morning
A/N: heyyyyy yaalllllll *smiles as if I haven't been gone for two weeks*
I'm so sorry for the wait, school has been taking all of my attention for the past few weeks. Academic counselors not knowing what they're doing which then makes it harder for me to get the education I need, but THIS AINT ABOUT ME.
I hope y'all enjoyed this part! Shuri has definitely put herself in position that not only makes everything worse for her, but now you're questioning the relationship that you two had. She thinks she's doing the right thing, but ironically, when it comes to your safety, our brilliant, genius, smart as hell queen be trippin <3 still love her though
I would greatly appreciate it if you reblogged and/or left a comment! It really makes my day reading yalls comment.
I hope y'all's week goes well! Stay safe y'all <3
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