life is a song, sing it

Hello everybody, my name is Mr. Hummel-Anderson and I'll be your teacher today. Just kidding, you can call me Blaine. Anyways, a lot has happened over the past 20+ years and I don't want to bore you guys with the details. Just know that I've enjoyed this life with my incredible husband and four amazing kids.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

and the walls kept tumbling down (/tag-Klaine)

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Kurt wasn’t sure what the future would bring, but there was something he was certain right now, and that was that in this moment, he and Blaine were okay - maybe not in the healthy sense, but okay in that they were alive, together, and would succeed in getting through this rough patch in their lives.  That joke though, helped ease the tension.  The reality was that the two probably couldn’t last a quarter of their usual time. And yeah, eventually there’d be energy for that. For now, both were quite content with blankets, pillows, a nice couch, and Netflix.

“Well - a little dreaming doesn’t hurt.  Also, it’s a good goal to work towards.” He winked and then nodded in agreement.  “Yeah, I say today is a good day to order soup delivery from that nearby deli.  We’ll definitely talk about hiring someone to come in to help with the cooking and cleaning for the both of us, it’d be a good idea.  We need to focus on our health.”  He brushed his lips lightly over Blaine’s before there was a knock on the door, which marked the doctor ready to come in to give a few more details.

It was just a bit more, but then there they were, leaving the doctor’s office, on their way home, with a few prescriptions to drop off at the pharmacy, some reading material, and a list of dietary and treatment guidelines.  They made that follow up appointment, and yes, they were on their way.  Kurt gestured at the prescriptions.  “I - guess we should drop this off at the pharmacy.  Should I get the car?”

[teacherblaine]

Blaine instantly grinned, feeling himself blush. “I say that’s a good goal to have.” He added. As much as he was sad that they were both in these situations, he was very grateful for Kurt. Blaine was usually the optimistic one but it was nice to have Kurt be the optimistic one. He really needed him right now. He needed him to take charge until Blaine felt okay with this diagnosis. “All of that sounds perfect.” He happily hummed as Kurt kissed him, bringing his hand up to touch his cheek. He sat up straight as the doctor knocked and came back in, already feeling a little better about everything. He followed Kurt out if the doctor’s office, nodding at his question. “Yeah. I think we should drop everything off and then we go home. I really just want to go home and lounge around with you.”

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

and the walls kept tumbling down (/tag-Klaine)

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Kurt had to laugh, amidst the madness that life threw at them yet again.  Maybe it wasn’t the idea time for laughter, but hopefully it lightened both their spirits in that moment.  It was almost like a moment where Kurt could pull out of his day-to-day self-blame for all the wrong that he had done through the years.  True, he wouldn’t be able to re-do the past years.  There was a deal of trust to earn with the kids - notably Luke - that was one relationship that was touch and go at that time.  It certainly seemed like Kurt’s relationship with Blaine was on the mend.  Thank goodness, because now, Blaine needed to let go of “not wanting to be a bother” and lean on Kurt.  Kurt was more than ready to step up.  

“Well - you know, playing doctor and patient can add a whole new level of roleplay to our NSFW routine,” Kurt quipped.  “Kidding, of course, or am I?” Well if they were going to lighten the mood… why not?  “I - think we should let the doctor back in to his own office, we can finish what we have to do, and go home, what say you?”  

[teacherblaine]

Blaine truly missed Kurt’s laugh. It had been awhile since he last heard it and it made him a bit sad. They needed to get back to their old selves, despite the fact that they were both sick at the moment. They needed to both fight their own setbacks and really get back on track. If not for themselves, then for their kids. Because they deserved better than this. They deserved a break. Blaine’s eyes nearly shot out of his face at Kurt’s suggestive comments, glancing towards the door. “Kurt! My god...” He laughed, feeling his face turning red as he looked back at his husband. “But yeah, I agree about getting this over with and going home.” He softly smiled, feeling extremely worn down.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

and the walls kept tumbling down (/tag-Klaine)

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt wouldn’t have wished ill health on his worst enemy.  Sometimes, he wondered if his own health predicament wasn’t the result of karma he, himself, had earned in the past years for his own greedy ambitions.  But Blaine? There was nothing on this Earth that Blaine had done to deserve this, especially on top of the situations at home with Kurt.  Kurt knew words like “I understand” wouldn’t even come close, but he could be silent for a moment, hug Blaine, and let him have a good cry.  

When Blaine apologized, Kurt tilted his head to the side, perplexed.  “Why would you apologize?  Life has given you a lot to deal with, Blaine.  Marriage goes both ways. Life is a two-way street.  When you’re weak, I’m here to catch you, just like when I’m weak, you’re there for me.  And trust me, I may look out of it these days, but there’s a lot of fight left in me, enough to hold things together for the both of us.”  He flashed an encouraging grin.  When Blaine kissed him, he returned the kiss, and clung tightly to Blaine - and I have you, which always tells me that I - we’re - going to get out of this alive.  And then we’ll take the longest, most luxurious trip anywhere where we want to go, to enjoy everything life has to offer.”  

Blaine sighed, feeling physically and emotionally drained from everything. But despite how lousy he felt, he knew that he needed to stop wallowing. He needed to do everything possible to keep healthy. And Kurt was right about marriage being a two-way street. He needed to just surrender and let Kurt take care of him. He finally felt well enough to sit up, wiping his eyes. “I hope you know how much I love you. Because I really, really do.” He smiled, pressing one more kiss to his husband’s lips. “So, I guess this is going to be our new normal. But we’ll get through it together. You and I. And hey, at least we don’t have to worry about life being boring after all these years together.” He grinned. He felt like he really needed to lighten the mood after his little meltdown.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

and the walls kept tumbling down (/tag-Klaine)

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

One thing about the medical profession, they were trained to handle patients that broke down.  This doctor cast a sympathetic look at Blaine’s direction.  “This isn’t a death sentence by any means, you must understand that.  We have great advances that can ensure that you live a full life, albeit under the proper medical regimen.”  

At this, Kurt took off his mask and he looked at the doctor with this calculating, judging look.  “That… is the best you can do?” he asked incredulously.  “Your patient is distraught after a life-altering diagnosis, and you talk about how his life will be normal - Really?”  The doctor, used to certain patient and family member outbursts, was unfazed by Kurt’s outburst.  “Mr. Hummel, it’s understandable that this is a lot to take in, I’ll give you two a moment.”   At this, he and his intern stepped out of the room, and Kurt shot another incredulous look at the doctor and the intern’s direction, but quickly turned his attention to Blaine.

“B - look at me - okay?  I’m here - I - am not going anywhere -”  He reached for Blaine’s cheek and gently wiped some tears away with the back of his hand.  “Shh - I’m here - whatever it takes, you won’t go through any of this alone - do you hear me?  We’ll find you the best experts - the best treatments - whatever it takes, and I won’t ever leave your side, I - I swear it.”  His voice shook slightly - as the shock and initial anger towards the doctor was wearing off.  “Oh B - “ he whispered, as he wrapped his arms around his husband, struggling not to start crying himself.  Life really wasn’t fair for the lot of them lately.  

Blaine knew that he was overreacting to his lupus diagnosis. He knew that the doctor was right about this not being a death sentence. He knew all of this but he couldn’t stop himself from crying. It felt like a elephant was sitting his chest and the room was spinning. He just couldn’t believe this was actually happening. After all that they been through, it felt like they were the universe’s punching bag. He slowly started to calm down as soon as he heard Kurt telling off the doctor. He could tell that Kurt was getting very defensive and Blaine honestly didn’t want his doctor to get angry at them. He continued to look down as the doctor and his intern left the room, tears still streaming down his face.

He turned towards Kurt as he spoke, leaning into his touch. “I know. I know you’ll always be here for me. And  I’m sorry for breaking down. I’m just… scared. I’m scared of slowly losing myself to this disease. I’m scared of not being able to take care of you and the kids. I’m scared of not being me anymore.” He frowned. It was then that Blaine noticed the pain and sorrow in Kurt’s eyes. He realized that he needed to be strong for Kurt. He needed to be proactive and deal with this. Blaine held Kurt close as he wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry, Kurt. You’re right about everything. We’ll figure out a way for me to live a long life while maintaining my health. I’m going to be okay because I have you.” He softly smiled, kissing his husband’s cheek.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

and the walls kept tumbling down (/tag-Klaine)

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Kurt could think of many things that he had dreaded in the past.  Starting from coming out to his dad all those years ago, to embracing his sexuality and who he was in a small town, to even facing the challenges into adulthood.  Then, there had been the challenges to his marriage, and even facing his diagnosis.  But all of that paled in comparison to the notion that something could be gravely wrong with Blaine.  When Kurt was diagnosed with cancer, he had to imagine what it could be like if cancer won.  It was hard to think of the possibility, but it was easy to make plans just in case.  But…. nothing could ever prepare him to begin to think of the prospect of Blaine departing this world before him.

To say that Kurt was overprotective was an understatement.  Being a ‘regular’ in the treatment and medical testing scheme these days, he was extremely critical of the treatment and testing performed on Blaine.  If he sensed the slightest bit of incompetence, a careless needle stick, a needless test, even an unnaturally cold draft in the room, he made it known that incompetence would not be tolerated in the slightest bit.  

Letting out a soft, defeated sigh, Kurt reached for the mask and put it on.  He had spotted Blaine’s file, the one at the top, but damn the voices.  In his hurry to take his seat, he managed to smack his shin against the desk.  Now it was fortunate he had the mask on, because it managed to further muffle the sudden explicative Kurt had exclaimed.  He rubbed his injured shin with one hand, held Blaine’s in the other.  The misfortune of that was probably the bruise it’d leave later - a curse of his present malady.  But he’d worry about that later, because there was something suddenly more important.  “B it’s fine - it’s going to be fine,” he murmured, as his eyes focused on the opening door, and the doctor that entered, with someone else, that looked younger - a student or something?

Kurt raised a quizzical eyebrow at this, as both people entered.  The doctor couldn’t see the pursed look of disapproval behind that mask.  If a doctor was going to bring some intern into the room, maybe delivering news to a patient and his spouse wasn’t the ideal moment - in Kurt’s opinion.  

“Hello there, Mr. Anderson, I’m pleased you and your husband could make it.”  Blaine’s doctor looked cheerful, too cheerful in Kurt’s opinion.  Again, he wasn’t exactly sure if Blaine’s doctor could read it, but Kurt was totally judging him.  Was it normal to be so cheerful?  I mean, doctors were all gluttons for pain and punishment, why smile about it?  Of course, that fake, sugary sweet compassion, as if they were genuinely concerned.  Kurt clicked his tongue impatiently, then he took off the mask.  “Well - I gather, you asked both of us to come here, you found something, didn’t you?  Hopefully a diagnosis, something we can treat?”

Of course, Kurt was never the sort to be warm with doctors or nurses, only the one he was related to, his sister in law.  The rest, eh, they were sketchy folk.  Blaine’s doctor looked at Blaine.  “The results confirmed the diagnosis for Lupus, an auto immune disease that targets the healthy tissue in your body.  This explains the pain, inflammation, and stiffness you are feeling.  The good news, it’s treatable, and we have many advances in medicine and research.  The bad  news is, while this disease can reach remission, there is no cure.  At its best, it is manageable. At its worse, it attacks not only the tissue of your muscles and joints, but also your organs, including your kidneys, skin, heart, lungs, and blood.”  

The doctor continued talking, but suddenly, the droning sounded far away, as if he had been talking through a tunnel. Kurt suddenly couldn’t speak, as his grip tightened around Blaine’s hand. This sounded serious - this was serious. “How - can you be so sure?” he managed to respond - though he looked to Blaine to see what his reaction could be.

[teacherblaine]

Blaine could tell by Kurt’s sigh that he wasn’t too happy about putting his mask on but it was better to be safe than sorry. He needed Kurt to stay as healthy as possible in his condition and who knows how many people have passed through those doors. He immediately sat up when he heard the loud thud of Kurt’s shin slamming against the desk. “Oh, babe!” He hissed, looking down at his husband’s leg. He was positive that was going to leave a nasty bruise later.

He held his breath as soon as the doctor entered, holding on tight to Kurt’s hand. It made him slightly uncomfortable that the doctor decided to bring someone with them. Blaine was about to learn about his fate and here was an audience. But he pushed all those feelings aside because his doctor was smiling. Smiling was a good thing, right? Maybe it wasn’t bad news at all! But he didn’t make up his symptoms though. Something had to be wrong. He was about to answer the doctor but thankfully, Kurt spoke up. He honestly was too anxious to speak at the moment and Kurt was the perfect person to get down to business.

Lupus... Blaine has lupus. He felt all the blood drain from his face and he resisted the urge to throw up. This was bad. This was really bad. His heart sank with every word the doctor was spitting out at him. He was going to be sick for the rest of his life. He thought about how he was supposed to be getting his second chance with Kurt and how he wasn’t going to be able to enjoy it with Kurt. And then he thought about their kids. Was he going to be there to walk them down the aisle or to see their grandkids grow up. He was utterly heartbroken but what pushed him over the edge was Kurt’s grip tightening. He could tell that Kurt was upset and that hurt him the most.

Blaine let out a shaky sigh before finally breaking down in tears. He let go of Kurt’s hand and buried his face in his hands. “This can’t be happening” he muttered between sobs. He desperately wanted to run away because he knew that they had an audience with that random stranger in the room but he was frozen in his seat.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

and the walls kept tumbling down (/tag-Klaine)

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt never liked hospitals.  While it took a huge step to go to them for his own devices, the most nerve-wracking thing was when he was there as family of a patient, like when they ran tests on Blaine, and one test led to another, to another, and to yet another.  They were scary too, ranging from blood work, to scans, to even these scary things involving wires and needles and electrodes.  

Given Kurt’s own illness, he thought he had seen all sorts of scary tests, but there was something about needles being stuck in Blaine’s nerve endings being charged with electrodes to rule out MS.  When it wasn’t MS, it was because something else had fit the mold - something coming up in lab work.  Now, that had been something that brought chills down Kurt’s spine.  But with deep breaths, and a confident front, those performing art years had come in handy.  But in all honesty, Kurt was terrified.  

Looking back to the Chemo, Kurt being in the midst of another round, combined with powerful anti-nausea medication to allow him to keep even the lightest broth down, heavy-duty B12 vitamins, and right now, sipping very strong home-brewed iced tea in a water bottle brought from home because that was the safest way to avoid contamination,his gaze darted nervously between Blaine, and the Dr’s office.  When things couldn’t be said over the phone, it was always something, and the last thing they had done on Blaine had been the biopsy.  Biopsy was already a really scary word.  Especially when earlier in the week, they had been scanning his head and spine.  

He put the bottle away and then pulled out and held the customized and designed mask that coordinated with his outfit for that day.  Being a designer meant that you could fashion appliques and slip covers on just about anything.  “You think we’re safe in his office - or should I - just in case some other person tracked something in here?”  Shifting his gaze towards the doctor’s desk, Kurt looked at Blaine.  “You think I should peek through his desk to see if I can kill the suspense any?”  He was half-joking to keep Blaine in good humor, but also half serious.  But just then, he heard voices down the hall, like people could have been heading in the direction of the office they sat in.  

Kurt reached for Blaine’s hand, and tilted his head to the side.  “You feeling okay B?” he whispered.  

Never in Blaine’s life had he felt more afraid and that was saying something because being gay in Ohio growing up wasn’t a walk in the park. But there was something about not knowing what was wrong with him that made him feel like his life was slowly unraveling. He both physically and emotionally drained. He had been poked and prodded. He had spent many nights, crying in pain while in the shower because he didn’t want the kids to know that something was wrong. Luckily, they were preoccupied teenagers that were dealing with their own problems; so it wasn’t hard to hide. 

Despite how depressed Blaine was feeling, he knew that he had his husband’s unwavering love and support. Actually, it was the only think that was helping him find a reason to wake up every morning. He knew that Kurt was dealing with his own battle with cancer and it meant the world that he insisted on going to every doctor’s visit. Especially since Kurt wasn’t afraid to speak his mind when the nurses would be a little careless with the needles and poke a little too hard. Or when they said that they would give Blaine something for the pain and forgot. He couldn’t help but feel proud of Kurt’s stellar impression of Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment when she was yelling for the nurses to give her daughter the medication. But that was always Kurt. He was always so protective of his family. 

And a protector is exactly what Blaine needed at this moment. His hands shook as they waited in the doctor’s office. He knew it had to be bad news if the doctor wanted to see him in person. They ran every single test on him and Blaine had a feeling that it all pointed to his body shutting down. This was it. They were going to tell him that he was dying. All those plans of traveling once Kurt was done with chemo were about to be thrown out the window. What if he was never going to be able see his children get married or meet his future grandchildren? What if he won’t be able to grow old with Kurt? What if they wasted all those years being estranged and never get the chance to fully get back to where they use to be? 

He was brought back to reality when he heard Kurt asking a question, looking over at him. “I-I would keep the mask on. It doesn’t hurt to be cautious.” He whispered, looking over at the desk. He gave a small smile at Kurt’s suggestion to search through the papers but his chest tightened as he heard voices nearby. He looked over at Kurt, taking his hand as he shook his head. “I’m not okay. I’m not okay, at all. I’m scared, Kurt. I think something is really wrong with me and I’m afraid.” He whispered, holding back tears.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt bit his lower lip and cast his husband a sympathetic look, before his gaze guiltily wandered down to his own hands.  He could sense that this deeply troubled Blaine, and rightfully so!  Piano and performance was Blaine’s passion.  Teaching too, but in reality, Blaine’s passion had been performance.  Kurt knew he hadn’t been a saint in supporting Blaine’s talent in recent years like he should.  Maybe if he had, Blaine would have still maintained the confidence to unleash his fullest potential to be right at where he should have been all along!  But this wasn’t the time for mental berating.  He had vowed to be that supporting husband he had been when they first married, and into the first years, before he was consumed with his own personal successes.  

Kurt looked back to Blaine and gently cradled Blaine’s hands between his own.  “We will get to the bottom of it, and do whatever it takes to get you back to 100%, I promise.  And… if it gets to that worst case scenario, if … we will make the absolute best out of a totally shitty situation - and I won’t leave your side for a second - I swear it.”  

He had to chuckle, and playfully nudged Blaine as he apologized.  “What are you apologizing for, Silly?  We’re cuddling aren’t we?  And - we’re opening up to one another - this is great.  It means… that all hope wasn’t lost before, and that we are doing this - we are stronger than ever.”  Kurt reached for Blaine’s cheek, which he stroked affectionately.  “And despite the shitty things - in sickness - been dealing with sickness here - could be dealing with it again -  we’re in it for the long run - in sickness and in health.  But you know - this means we can beat anything and still be strong… together.  I’m pretty okay with any moment that confirms this.” 

At this, he smiled deeply.  “I love you too - to the moon and beyond, but you know - I never get tired of hearing you love me.  I’m sure you feel the same.  I also never get tired of doing this…” Kurt then kissed Blaine tenderly on the lips.

Blaine nodded, watching Kurt’s hands. Despite all the weight loss, they still felt strong to Blaine. They still gave him the strength and comfort he needed. And he had a feeling that he was really going to need Kurt from now on. Because he couldn’t hide anymore from what was going on. He needed to know what was wrong with him and face this head on. “I trust you. No matter what the doctor tells me, I know that I’m not alone. We can face this together.” He softly smiled. He blushed when Kurt told him that he had no reason to apologize. He knew that it was dumb to feel so guilty but he really did feel bad for making this all about him. Especially since Kurt was the one battling cancer. He happily hummed as Kurt kissed him. “I most definitely feel the same. I will never be tired of doing this. It’s a good thing that we’re both going to be together forever.” He grinned.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt sighed deeply.  “I - know both of us haven’t exactly been saints about good communication in the past years, but I like to think we’re getting pretty good at it again, like old times.  Enough where as worried and upset as I get, I can stop and realize, I’ve been guilty of that too, we’re human.”  He knitted his eyebrows together (admittedly what was left of them these days, but nothing a little pencil and makeup couldn’t disguise), and looked at Blaine in confusion.  “Why would you have to give up music?  I mean - I’m sure there’s a good explanation, then a good way to fix things.”  

Optimism was key.  No, it wasn’t one of those silly ‘positive thinking’ books that Rachel had shoved under his nose these days, it was just fact.  “Well, fortunately, I’m doing pretty okay, given the circumstances I’ve dealt with lately.  Even if there isn’t something going on with you - I am always going to lose a little sleep worrying or thinking about something or someone, because I’m just wired to not sleep easily.  But what’s really important is that while we’re taking care of me, we’re taking care of you too.”  

Since he had finished his own mug of Cocoa by now, he saw Blaine’s sitting there, and he picked it up with his hands and offered it to Blaine.  “And if you’re having trouble with that, let me help.  We’ll get to the bottom of this together.”    He flashed an encouraging smile at his husband at this.

Blaine cleared his throat, looking down at his hands. “I’m just saying that searched my symtoms online and rheumatoid arthritis was one of the results. So, there’s a chance that my hands are going to get worse to the point where I can’t play the piano anymore. Yeah, I can probably take medication but I can’t even pick up a mug of cocoa! What if this is it? What if my entire body starts to deteriorate?” Yes, he knew that he was overreacting but these thoughts were seriously bothering him. 

As much as he wanted to break down and cry, he couldn’t help but smile when Kurt grabbed his mug. “Thanks.” He leaned forward to take a sip, wiping his mouth afterwards. “I’m sorry about all this. You wanted a cozy night in and I just brought my dark cloud and rained over everything.” He chuckled. “I love you so much. I hope you know that.”

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt had literally counted the days, hours, even minutes, until he was able to be home again.  Being home again, he finally felt like he could contribute to this household.  At least when he was all work, he brought home lots of money and support, though it did come at a great cost.  But when he was laid up in a hospital, that helplessness he felt sensing Blaine’s increasing fatigue and stress was almost unbearable.  Something that got him through that was the mental promise that when he was there, he would see to it that everything was okay.  He would take on enough responsibility in the household, so that Blaine could give himself a well-deserved break.

…Getting Blaine to stay put was easier said than done. Maybe that was because Blaine still freaked out about Kurt.  Kurt wasn’t totally out of the woods, but he was certainly better than he had been a couple months back.  He was at least one step in the right direction.  There were good days, and there were not so good days, but overall, it was manageable.  But at the same time, he couldn’t shake a nagging, doubting worry.  There was something else. But right when they had started to make great strides in putting together the broken pieces in their relationship, Kurt couldn’t outright admit he had doubts about what was going on with Blaine when Kurt wasn’t around, right?

“I knew it -” he breathed out in a shuddering sigh as he took a bit to compose himself.  The weirdest side effect of this ‘chemo brain’ along with some random scatter-mindedness, was some random highs and lows in emotion.  He grimaced apologetically when that hint of frustration slipped, and the fact that some tear escaped was annoyingly frustrating  “I -sorry I didn’t mean - “ he started, but then set aside the remote so he could gently cup his hand against Blaine’s cheek in an attempt to soothe him. 

“I - it’s fine, I mean, admitting there’s something wrong is a good first step.  Uh take it from me, it’s never good to let these snowball out of control.”  His voice hitched up slightly in octave.  Kurt’s voice was always a dead-giveaway when he was nervous about something to those who knew him best.  But the idea of Blaine being in anything but picture perfect health did alarm Kurt.  

“We just have to get you to a doctor to check things out - and please, none of this - but Kurt you’re sick - business.  I’ve got my silly sick business perfectly under control.  But part of us making it for the long haul is you staying in good mental and physical health too.”  He paused and then sighed.  “That - isn’t supposed to come out sounding like some lecture.  Um, if you make an appointment, I’ll come with you, whatever you need.  Even if you want a crazy person to call the doctor’s office barking some demand that things get moved around ASAP to get you in their schedule.  You know I do that well-enough.”  

Blaine felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world. He was so angry at Kurt when he found out that he was hiding his cancer diagnosis but here he was doing the same. Not that Blaine had cancer but he was hiding the fact that he’s been feeling ill for months. He was lying to Kurt and he hated himself for doing it. And what made him feel worse was the fact that Kurt wasn’t even mad at him. He expected him to get upset when he told him but all Blaine heard was the disappointment in his voice. His heart sank and he literally wanted to curl up and cry. He hated that he hurt Kurt.

He resisted the urge to immediately start crying when he felt his husband’s hand on his cheek. “Please, don’t apologize. You have every right to be upset.” He muttered, finally looking over at him. He gently wiped the stray tear from Kurt’s cheek. “But you are sick. I’m supposed to make like easier for you. I’m not supposed to be worrying you whatever the heck is going on with me.” He admitted. “But you’re right. I need to bite the bullet and see a doctor. I need to face the fact that they’re probably going to tell me that I have rheumatoid arthritis or something like that. Which is going to suck because that just means that I have to give up another one of my passions.” That was probably the biggest reason why Blaine kept living in denial. Music was all he had after failing as a performer. 

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt could press and whine and nag for as long as it took, though it did little to set a cheerful, positive mood.  He relented, for now, and instead opted to appreciate the special, intimate moment with his husband. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.  A little tray would kill me,” he chirped as he snuggled closer to Blaine.  It was a bit chilly.  Even illness aside, he had always been fond of layers to keep him warm, but nowadays it was like this deathly chill to the extent that he slept with a heated blanket of his own to make sure that Blaine didn’t sweat bullets at night.  He held his own cup of coca between his hands and flashed a meek, playful grin.  “Okay, horror another day.  Cheesy movie it is.”  

Kurt busied himself with the controller though paused for a moment when Blaine mentioned the cocoa being too hot.  “Huh, really?  I left it to chill for a few -”  He started, but then caught himself.  “Well, um, maybe a few more minutes isn’t so bad,” he finished lamely, but on the inside he wasn’t exactly sure what he just saw.  Usually Kurt was more clumsy at handling things than Blaine.  Blaine had this extensively fine motor skills of his hands to the extent that he could play piano at fast speeds, sometimes blindfolded.  He could have sworn he saw him fumble with the glass.  “Well - hm - Christmas royalty movie or average person romance?” he asked, trying to smooth over that skeptical moment.  

It was getting harder for Blaine to pretend that he was okay. It was also getting harder for him to lie to himself. He knew that things weren’t okay with health. He finally gave in the other day and checked his symptoms on WebMD but all the results were outrageous. He knew that needed to go to the doctor but there was a small part of him that was scared of what they would tell him. 

Blaine noticed Kurt’s lingering gaze on his hands. He was almost positive that his husband knew that something was wrong. He gave Kurt a small smile. “You know much I love those Christmas movies.” He suddenly felt a tightness in his chest and realized that he was hand was slightly shaking. He closed his eyes, trying not to have another anxiety attack. He needed to tell Kurt. All these secrets were obviously making him sick. “Kurt... There’s something I haven’t been telling you. I... I’ve kind of been downplaying my exhaustion. It’s not the holidays. I’ve been feeling sick for awhile.” He blurted out, nervously looking down. 

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Kurt frowned, sensing some unease, something that was off, but knew that it was better to give the benefit that it was just his paranoia.  It had been a roller coaster of emotions in recent months.  They had gone from the brink to a crumbling marriage (in large part to Kurt’s blind ambition - which he still silently blamed himself for) to having to deal with Kurt’s illness right in the middle of working on building back the trust in their marriage.  It wasn’t an easy feat.  For Kurt, there was a lot of self-resentment and guilt, and with Blaine, well, Kurt certainly hoped he was earning back his trust.  In the meantime, right now, he was truly and honestly in that role of concerned husband.  He tilted his head.  “Promise you’ll check things out if it’s more than nothing?  I - take it from me, um, it’s really a horrible thing when things blow up in your face.”  He grimaced at that revelation.  

Though he had to chuckle at the thing about age. “Oh wow, gone are those tequila sunrise and long island iced tea nights.  We drink those, and we’re lucky if we manage to make it to our beds at night instead of the front hall.”  He hummed softly in contemplation about the R&R talk.  “Well, in the meantime before we take on some long weekend getaway, you know I give some pretty good massages.  We got to make sure you’re not so tense and stressed out.  Next thing you know, you’ll wake up with a full head of gray.”  

Once Kurt finished with the kitchen and headed back to the couch, he found Blaine there, and he smiled at Blaine as he artfully balanced a tray of two cocoas and a plate of cookies, which he set in the coffee table.  “Hmm, what are you thinking?  Musical, cheesy Hallmark movie?  Comedy?  Or maybe some psycho serial killer thriller?” he asked, as he again looped his arms around Blaine and kissed him gently.  “I - mean - nothing sets the mood better for a psycho serial killer film than biting the heads off then dismembering little cookie people, just kidding,” he quipped.  For a moment, it felt like the old days, before illnesses, before stresses, before blinding ambition got in the way….

[teacherblaine]

“I promise to check things out. But I can assure you that the doctor is just going to say that I need to take it easy and slow down.” Blaine smiled, taking another bite of his cookie. This was probably all stress-related, right? I mean, it makes sense. The past couple of months have been rough and he really hasn’t taken care of himself at all. Not that he didn’t do that his whole life. Blaine was a nurturer. He liked to take care of people. He felt comfortable doing that. But I guess there was only so much one person can handle.

Blaine instinctively held out his hands as Kurt came over with the tray, making sure he was able set it down without any trouble. He was on the verge of suggesting a cheesy Hallmark movie when Kurt brought the suggestion of a scary movie. “We are not watching that! I swear, sometimes it’s not hard to believe that you’re Burt Hummel’s son.” He laughed. He reached for the mug of cocoa but couldn’t quite pick it up. “Still a little hot. I’ll wait for it to cool down.” He lied, nervously smiling to himself. “I think we watch something sappy or Christmasy.”

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt flashed a small, fond smile as he handed Blaine a cookie, and then he turned his attention to start brewing up some cocoa.  “Well, true, cocoa and cookies, that’s a classic for sure.”  Kurt pressed the back of his hand against Blaine’s to make sure he wasn’t coming down with the flu.  Maybe he was simply run down after all.  “Well you don’t feel feverish, but still, you should take it easy.  Stress messes with the immune system. Maybe for the next few days we should up your Vitamin C intake or something to be safe?”  

In all honesty, it made sense that Blaine could be run down and losing sleep.  Being there for Kurt and keeping the household running, all while keeping Kurt’s um - health predicament under wraps - was no easy feat.  “Well, maybe some deserved R&R can help you feel less your age.  45 should be the new 30 after all.”  He hesitated, but then saw that there was the rolled out dough and shapes to be cut out and baked.  “Okay, but don’t do any heavy lifting, unless it’s a mug and a plate of cookies,” he instructed.

It didn’t take Kurt much longer to finish up with putting the last of the cookies to bake, to clean up, then to take the cookies out of the oven.  Though, there were a couple moments where he had to stop, take a breather, and keep going.  While there were bursts of energy, his stamina wasn’t completely there yet.  When finished, he walked up to Blaine and hugged him from behind, before he nuzzled into his neck to take in the moment.  “Well, maybe some tired middle-aged fogies like us could use some quality cuddle time on the couch.  There’s plenty of cookies and Cocoa, and maybe we can pop in a movie or something?” he suggested. 

Blaine grinned as he took a cookie from Kurt, immediately taking a bite. He could be on the brink of death and would still eat anything Kurt made him. He was taken aback when Kurt checked to see if he had a fever, fully aware that he wasn’t sick. He had a uneasy feeling that this was something more serious but he couldn’t bring himself to go to the doctor. Not yet. He could wait until after the holidays. He softly smiled at Kurt’s suggestion about his Vitamin C intake. “I can definitely do that. From now on, oranges will be about 75% of my daily diet.”

He immediately groaned when Kurt brought up his age, taking a sip of the hot cocoa that his husband made. “What I wouldn’t give to be thirty again. I really should’ve appreciated my youth more. They really weren’t lying when they say that youth is wasted on the young.” He sighed, shaking his head and then laughing. “I’m just playing but still, it’s not fair that I have to take beat after one flight of stairs. Like I feel like my body thinks I’m ninety years old. But maybe you’re right about a little R&R being the magic factor in me feeling better. I mean, I do have the tendency to take on a million and one things.” 

While Kurt finished baking, Blaine slipped off to the bathroom. While in there, he noticed in the mirror that a slight rash was forming on his face. He frowned as he touched his face. He didn’t change his face wash or anything. Maybe he was having a delayed reaction to something? He shrugged as he washed his hands and then rushed back to Kurt. He watched his husband clean up and smiled at the mention of couch cuddles. “Yup, that sounds like a plan! Let me get the blankets and stuff. You get the cookies and mugs.” He hopped off the kitchen stool and went to get the blankets from the closet, placing them on the couch.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Kurt had drifted off into a distant memory, where his mother stood, rolling out and cutting out cookies, only stopping to watch Kurt, struggling to hold the piping bag. just hold it steady, and let everything fall into place.  Things always fall into place.  A young Kurt looked up, smiled shyly, and played with the fringe of the scarf his mom wore, tied, twisted, and knotted fashionably at the nape of her neck.  A voice jerked Kurt out of this memory, Blaine’s voice.  “Mm, Good morning, B,” he murmured, as he flashed a soft smile, and returned the kiss with a soft brush over Blaine’s own lips.  “Something just told me it was a perfect moment to pull out Mom’s old recipe.”  He gestured at the cooled off cookies.  “Want to taste test?  Obviously they have to cool before decorating, but I thought it might be fun, for later.  Cookies and cocoa, or more eggnog.  We still have some left.”  

He finished putting the remaining cookies on a pan, and put it to bake before he turned his total attention to Blaine.  “Did you sleep well?  I - decided to let you sleep, you looked so peaceful.  I figured I’d let you have a day off, let me hold down the fort so you can get all the R&R you need.  Plus, you know, better to be up and at them, instead of some Ambien induced Amazon spree.”  True, also part of Kurt’s treatment involved getting off the sleeping pills he took for insomnia.  Just some days, he was so tired and weak, he didn’t notice.  Other days, he was up and about with minimal sleep and so much energy that it was easy to forget he was sick.  But one thing that was alarming, but perhaps a good sign, not once since he came home, had he logged in to work from home.  

Kurt walked up to Blaine, hugged him from behind, and then gently kneaded on Blaine’s neck and shoulders.  “Babe, you’re so tense, hm - you want me to make you some ginger tea or something to relax?” he asked, as he raised an eyebrow at Blaine. It was true, Blaine had taken on a lot, what with Kurt’s illness, work, and keeping the kids at bay (and from suspecting anything).  With cold and flu season at full swing, and Kurt just getting over it, and Blaine having nursed him through it, the last thing he would ever want is for Blaine to work and stress himself sick (or worse, to death).  

[teacherblaine]

“Of course I want to taste test! You know how much I love that recipe. And I think I’ll stick with the cocoa” He yawned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I slept... okay, I guess. Maybe I should try taking one of your sleeping pills.” He chuckled but was secretly serious about taking a pill. He wasn’t sleeping well and it made him feel drained all the time. It was so frustrating because he wanted to be present for the holidays.

He practically melted into Kurt’s arms, closing his eyes as his husband massaged his back. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I think my age is catching up with me.” He laughed. “I’m fine though. You don’t have to make me tea or anything. I’ll probably start to feel better once I move around. Don’t worry about me; finish your mom’s cookies.” He smiled, grabbing Kurt’s hand and kissing it.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

It had been a couple of weeks back home.  Kurt had immediately taken to bringing the holiday cheer to the Hummel-Anderson household.  Kurt and Blaine had talked about telling the kids about Kurt’s health, but Kurt, being stubborn, kept finding excuses to not want to put a damper on the holidays.  He had promised Blaine that after the holidays, he’d come clean to the whole family. In the meantime, they should behave as normal as a happy family as possible.  The last thing Kurt could ever want was, should things have turned out as none of them wanted, for the last holiday to be depressing.  This was going to be a great holiday, like the ones before things like work and pride and silly ambition got in the way. 

There were good days, and there were weak days, still.  The blood work had revealed that Kurt had stopped progression of his illness, but little improvement had been made.  His doctors expected at least 3-4 more cycles of treatment before Kurt could be declared NED.  For Kurt, this took an emotional toll on him for a few days, until he gathered his bearings once again.  The plan was that he would resume his next cycle of therapy just after Christmas.  However, because his immune system was still weakened from the first round, Kurt managed to catch the flu maybe by just breathing outside.  He had managed to stay out of going back to the hospital, but only because of the concierge medical services he contracted on standby.  

Because of this, doctors hesitated in allowing outpatient Chemo as of yet.  Though Kurt, stubborn and steadfast in making the right calls and proper arrangements, had managed to find a way to get the home sanitized and approved for home-bound, concierge treatment.  He would just have to keep the house free of germs, and have to have the hospital on standby if he happened to get sick to the point of needing round-the-clock medical supervision.  It was funny what possibilities opened up when money was no concern.   

The kids were, well,like most young adults, off in their antics, and occasionally home for supper.  On this particular weekend morning, Kurt and Blaine had the place to themselves. Kurt was definitely feeling much better today, enough that he wished to bring another fun holiday antic into the household.  He woke up early to bake cookies, to later decorate.  The cold air was an indicator that fresh cookies and cocoa (or eggnog) seemed like the way to go.  Before too long, the heavenly sweet aroma of cookies hung in the air, accompanied by the Christmas Music channel on the radio.  

Leave it for Kurt to wear a designer turtleneck, even when covered by an apron in the kitchen. The apron somehow managed to coordinate with said sweater and the designer scarf that was twisted into a fashionable head covering, and elegantly knotted at the nape of Kurt’s neck.  This very moment, Kurt stood over rolled out cookie dough, his cheek unknowingly streaked with flour as he stared at the dough, likely in contemplation of what cookie cutters to use…  

Blaine really loved having Kurt home for the holidays. He was so scared that he would have to spend Christmas in the hospital and then they would be forced to break the news to the kids about Kurt’s illness. Although, Blaine really did feel like they needed to tell them soon rather than later. But this was Kurt’s news to deliver and he did see why he wanted to wait until after the holidays. He saw how happy the kids were singing Christmas carols with Kurt as they decorated the tree. Blaine wanted that happiness to last forever. God, please don’t let this be their last Christmas together.

What made Blaine uncomfortable about Kurt being home was that he was scared of getting him sick or bringing something into the house. The last thing he wanted to do was get Kurt sick, even though Kurt did hire a medical staff to take care of him. It still was daunting. Especially since Blaine had been feeling extremely run down for the past week. He tried not to let it show but he was sure that Kurt noticed that Blaine struggled to keep up with everything. But this was probably just the stress of the holidays getting to him. 

He woke up to the smell of cookies, looking over at the clock. Was Kurt really making cookies at this hour? He winced as he sat up, feeling his entire body tensed up. He really hated getting old. Slowly, he slinked out of bed and grabbed one of his cozy cardigans as he made his way to the kitchen.  “Something smells amazing in here!” He grinned, walking over to Kurt. He gently brushed the flour from his husband’s cheek before kissing it. “Good morning.” He sat at one of the stools, watching over Kurt.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

all you need is love /tag-Blaine

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt smiled fondly at a recollection.  “You always did rock a cool beanie look back in the college days.  Plus with the cold weather days, the beanie look is very rocker chic.”  A knot formed at the bits of Kurt’s stomach at the dismal realization that he now looked even more like a cancer patient.  it was one thing to deal with the fatigue, nausea, and weakness that came with the chemo.  But the pallor and lack of hair certainly made things all so real.  But a voice from within pushed Kurt out of this self-pitying state, as he flashed a confident, never-better smile.  Staring at the face of it all without breaking down made Kurt feel that much stronger.  There was a light at the end of the tunnel.  

And Blaine being there made the world of difference. He was so supportive of Kurt, even at his worst.  Kurt cupped his hand against one of Blaine’s cheeks and nodded.  “It’s fine, I’m fine.  I feel better than I look I promise.”  Something told him it was a good idea to comfort and reassure Blaine.  

When Blaine reassured him about going through with the head shaving, Kurt reached for Blaine’s hand and gently kissed his knuckles.  “Okay,  I’ll be gentle, I promise. Here we go.”  Kurt started working on Blaine, whose ringlets floated to the ground and eventually formed into a fuzzy pile.  After a while, Kurt reached for the hand mirror.  “It’s a new look, yes, but still pretty handsome.  Um, want to take a look?”  

Blaine couldn’t help but chuckle at Kurt’s comment about his ‘rocker style’ in college. He definitely experimented with different looks in college and looking like the lead singer of an indie band was one of them. To be honest, it was nice not worrying about freshly pressed slacks and polos with bowties. Also, it was nice to hide the ‘Freshman Fifteen’ underneath hoodies and graphic tees.

He knew that he needed to be strong for Kurt and couldn’t start crying at this moment. He would do that in the cab or when he got home. Now was time to stand in solidarity with his husband. He softly smiled as Kurt kissed his hand, feeling his heart race. Why was he so nervous about this? His hair had caused him grief for as log as he could remember. This should be a relief for him. But what if he looked goofy? What if he found out his head was shaped weird? What if he... He was interrupted from his inner turmoil when he realized that Kurt was done. Blaine slowly took the mirror from Kurt and was taken aback. He didn’t look half bad. “Whoa... I can’t believe that’s me.” He softly laughed.  “I’m not sure how I feel about it. But if you say you like it, then I’m sold.” He grinned. 

“Now, that we’re done with this; I’m going to insist you rest in bed. And I’ll clean up here.” Blaine quickly stood up and helped guide Kurt back to bed. He then got to work on picking up all the hair. Once he was done, he walked back into the room to see Kurt sound asleep. He smiled as he climbed into bed with for awhile, making sure that his husband was sound asleep before leaving for the night.

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

Being home again is amazing!

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Oh, heh, oops.  I did know it meant something weird.  At least it wasn’t some gang symbol.  Aww, yeah plus a bit more color in the room always puts a nice touch to things.  Oh look, I found the mistletoe…

Well, now you know what we must do.

I love you so much, babe!

[fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson]

all you need is love /tag-Blaine

[teacherblaine]

fashion-b-kurt-hummel-anderson‌:

Kurt shook his head in amazement.  “You know - I can’t remember a time where we were all last carefree, not thinking about kids or work or everyday dramas of life.  A trip would be nice.  And come to think of it, they say this winter will be rough, so maybe someplace warm.  Or someplace foreign.”  The idea of traveling, being anywhere besides that hospital was ideal to Kurt.  But first things first - Kurt couldn’t afford to venture too far from his doctors, not until things were safe again.  He never mentioned what ifs, but sometimes he thought it, maybe in the last lingering moments before drifting off to sleep.  But he knew one thing above all, that he would fight tooth and nail.  

He hummed softly, as he caught one of his locks of hair and then looked back at Blaine, contemplating.  “Do rag? Just kidding.  Um, well I never saw you in a ball cap, but we can try it all.  I - think I’ll get a wig for public appearances.  I - don’t want the press to get the best of me.  If you felt too unconscious, we can match you with one for when you feel that’s best.  In the meantime, hats, scarves, caps galore? But I think you’ll make a mighty hot pirate even.  Way hotter than Johnny Depp for sure.”  

The moment of truth for Kurt came as he looked in the mirror.  He gasped for a moment, but not so much with the lack of hair.  “It’s not - bad - but B - I - when was the last time I ate - I look positively zombie-like.”  He chewed his lower lip thoughtfully, and he didn’t break down like he initially thought he might.  “I’ll live.”  He flashed a soft smile.  “But - not my first choice in look.  I still will rock the head accessories.”  He leaned a bit on Blaine for support to get him standing, and he took a tentative step away from the chair for Blaine.  “Yours for the taking - if you still want to.  You know I’d love you no matter what.”  At this, he wrapped his arms from behind Blaine in a tight embrace. 

“Well, all our lives have been kind of in a whirlwind since we graduated but I think a trip would definitely be must for us. I know this might sound predictable but I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.” He smiled, thinking about lying on the beach with his husband. Blaine immediately made a face when Kurt mentioned a do rag, shaking his head. He thought about the prospect of getting a wig for himself. He didn’t really felt the need to wear a wig since he wasn’t in the limelight anymore. It was Kurt that he was more worried for. He knew how ruthless and cruel the tabloids could be. He knew that they were going to tear him apart. He just hoped that Kurt would take everything with a grain of salt. 

“I think I might stick with caps and beanies. I think I’m too old to pull off the pirate look.” He chuckled. Blaine’s heart sank when Kurt gasped. Maybe this was a bad idea. He was relieved that Kurt wasn’t regretting shaving his head but he had to admit that Kurt did look more sick without his full head of hair. It was like it made the cancer... real. He could feel the tears start to form in his eyes but quickly blinked them away. He helped Kurt stand and then went to take his place. “I still want to.” He whispered, looking up at Kurt.