teacupssssss

I watch tv shows and read books and watch movies and then cry

[teacupsinstorm]

It's shit. It sucks. It absolutely sucks that there's nothing exciting for us on the campus. We have no dean di laurentis or peter kawinsky or xaden riorson or any of my absolutely adorable sitcom characters. I've been reading old english love letters. They make me more sad tbh.

But I do care.

I do care. I am so freaking chalant. I am wearing my heart on my sleeves. I don't want to hurt ppl. Will being so wholehearted hurt me more? Definitely yes. On absolutely fucking daily regular basis. But it is what it is. I don't mind being hurt. Ppl disappoint me a bit too much i guess. So I'm kinda used to it now like ahhhhh you're just like everyone else why did i have any expectations for u at all haha. So I'm lowkey chill at the moment.

I guess all i can voluntarily have is a good kind heart. I can't magically improve my iq or get better at studying or get my social skills skyrocketing. I mean i can tryyyy but it's still very very tough to turn into a social butterfly overnight and have the most awesome social skills ever. Soooo yea a good heart is my best shot. Both in duniya and in akhirah. Bring overly sensitive is wayyyy better than being an avoidant loser mf who has never appreciated sunlighted streaming through that therio dept old tree. Yes sometimes it smells. Yes our teacher is traumatizing . Yes there's a lot of insects

But i absolutely adore when sunlight passes through those huge leaves and makes dancing patterns on the ground. It makes me want to live tbh.

Or I don't know if it's absolutely crazy or if U absolutely disagree with me on this. But i truly truly believe that no love is ever wasted. If i have ever loved u than that love is yours to keep. I don't want anything in return. Loving u was my choice. And it is selfish to love just to get love in return. Even if U don't reciprocate my love i don't mind. The universe will reciprocate it in some way. The sky above my head will be the loveliest shade of blue and i will hear birds chirping early in the morning. What is that if not love? No love, however brief is wasted. Ppl will be cruel and unkind and I don't mind anything at all. I hope someone comes in my life who has a warm heart and kind eyes and decides to return my love to me.

If that happens, what else do i need? If that doesn't happen, I'll lay in my grave and when maggots eat my heart, they'll still taste all the love that i had. And I'm happy with that. I'm happy to give and give and give. Maybe I'll receive. Maybe I won't. But I believe God couldn't create a heart like mine and doesn't create it's compliment who can hold me when I'm unable to give. So there must be another heart out there somewhere that compliments mine.

Loneliness won't last forever. Sadness won't last forever. Love will. And i hope it comes my way.

[teacupsinstorm]

Dr. Saperstein named his children mona lisa and jean ralphio and expected them to be normal. Of course they had to be the 🎵wooorsttt🎵

[teacupsinstorm]

Personally, I feel misery often lessens if shared....though I i fear, I am utterly lonely tonight.

[teacupsinstorm]

I won't let the grief make a home out of me again. I won't let the grief make a home out of me again.

Yes, it can stay. Yes, we can be friends. But I'll forget to carry it everywhere. I'll refuse to let it permanently settle in the nook of my heart. Yes, it can come and stay for as long as it likes. But eventually it has to leave, even if it leaves momentarily, it does have to leave. After all, grief is a heavy thing to always carry.

I won't let grief make a home out of me

[teacupsinstorm]

I'll stop the bitterness from entering my bones into this universe. I won't let me be cruel to myself in this universe.

[teacupsinstorm]

Leslie knope was a terrible girlfriend. All the sacrifices and every other effort it was always ben. He resigned in disgrace for her. He became her campaign manager. He was DEPRESSED FOR WEEKS AND LESLIE DIDN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE IT. HE DID EVERYTHING FOR HER AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN HELP HIM FIND A JOB EVEN WHEN SHE WAS SO DESPERATE TO DO SOMETHING SHE CREATED PCP.

Idk all in all i think it was pretty unfair to ben wyatt.

[teacupsinstorm]

Outie Mark is kind of badass...innie mark is just a babygirl

[teacupsinstorm]

No ppl I'm not okay i dONT KNOW WHAT COLD HARBOR IS GODDAMNIT WHENS FRIDAY

[teacupsinstorm]

Severance is reviving those Sherlock feelings somehow

[teacupsinstorm]

tHeRe IS a HoRsE LoOSe iN tHe HoSpITaL.....

[teacupsinstorm]

Everyone always talks about break ups and lost loves and romantic relationships just fading away....no one talks about how we eventually lose a love we took for granted..... I'm here...slowly losing my home....is it a home anymore? Does it count as a home if it has a shiny facade of a decent house but everything inside is somehow broken...both people and things...what about the love that was supposed to be always there..to be always welcoming.....slowly fading away...that hurts way more than any other heartbreak. What if I don't have anyone to complain about my hectic routine anymore and what if there is no one waiting for me at all? What if no one wants me any more? Do I even exist if I do not belong anywhere? Do I count if all I can do to save myself from myself is blast music through my headphones at a volume loud enough to drown my thoughts? Do I get a happy ending? Even though everything sucks and life isn't fair and the world is not a wish granting factory?

[teacupsinstorm]

"I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool totally chill", I say five minutes before I projectile vomit due to anxiety

[clickbeetle]

shoutout to whoever stole my amazon package containing nothing but a single pair of shoelaces.

[clickbeetle]

[teacupsinstorm]

My uncle saved my number in his phone as 666....he didn't just save it by name or like "my niece", or something...its 666.......I know I'm not an angel but still...

[teacupsinstorm]

Crushing over Nam Joo Hyuk wasn't in my summer's to do list but I guess here we are...

[teacupsinstorm]

I can't move one from 2521. I rewatch the scenes. I keep listening to the osts. I keep crying. What are you supposed to do when the drama that you're so emotionally invested in ends like this?????

[teacupsinstorm]

Since I can't recover from 2521, here's my rant. Please bear with me:

First of all, HOW DARE THEY DO THIS TO US??? HOW COULD THEY?? THEY SHRED MY HEART INTO HUNDREDS OF PIECES AND BUTCHERED MY FEELINGS! HOW COULD YOU, YOU HEARTLESS MONSTERS!!.

Secondly, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, WHEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, (SCREAMING, CRYING, LYING ON THE FLOOR) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thirdly and most importantly, a part of me does understand their situation. Beak ijin had his hopes and dreams. He was doing everything he could to reach his goals as quickly as possible. His family was relying on him wholly. He was their only hope. And he wasn't in his right state of mind. He was most likely suffering from PTSD and/or nightmares due to his New York trip. Same with Na Heedo. All her life she was lonely, waiting for her mother. She was sick of waiting and longing. And baek ijin couldn't be there for her. And she couldn't bear to spend the rest of her life waiting for another loved one. She needed someone who would prioritise her and not his career. She was the one who decided to break up eventually. This was the rational part of me, trying to understand them.

Now here comes my true self, how much high were the writers while writing the last episode??? It felt out of character for Heedo to just halt their relationship???? She was the hopeful and optimistic one. Beak ijin was the realistic one. Heedo waited for him when he disappeared without a word. She rooted for him. She cheered for him. She was always there for him. But in the last 2 episodes, she just wasn't? What the hell.

Also beak ijin survived so much. With just the hope of Heedo being on his side. It was so heartbreaking to see him in the last episode. He seemed more heartbroken than heedo. Also both of them were sick with grief. And if they wanted us to show that both of them finally found closure. They should've shown a very devoted husband with Heedo and a successful, happy and married Beak Ijin. And Min chae shouldn't have been such a beakdo shipper. And how come minchae didn't even know her other friends? Suengwan? Jiwoong?? Yurimm???? And they didn't even show future beak ijin at all. Was he eventually happy? Was he not? Even Heedo didn't seem that happy to me.

Lastly but most importantly, I believe that Heedo's marriage eventually ran out of happiness after Min chae was grown up. And Beak Ijin finally found her way to her. And they were happy. Maybe at 35, 39 or 41, 45 or 45, 49 but they were meant for each other and they got each other. Sue me or whatever. Actually, don't sue me please. I'm not emotionally stable after watching this drama.