I want to believe

mental diary of a deranged obsessesive manic depressive

[applestruda]

[tealbard]

Getting Ketamine treatment today.

It's supposed to help with treatment resistant depression and it feels great during the treatment but I know I will never really be able to forgive myself for hurting my ex the way I did. I just want to go back to fix it and get my life back but no drug is going to make that happen.

Every day is just a barrage of memories about the time we spent together last year and how memorable and fun it was to be with him... It was the best time of my life and I decided to ruin it all without a thought. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't really want to exist anymore. I just want this pain to stop. There is barely any moment of the day where I am not contemplating suicide...

I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate what I've done and how long I will have to live with it. All I want in this entire world is another chance and I will inevitably die with that regret. I fucking told him that I didn't believe he would be around forever and then I did everything I could to push him away... I'm so fucking tired of feeling like this and now snapchat is giving me reminders of shit from last January which is when we first started getting serious and it's just too fucking much, I fucking hate myself for this so much and the pain will never be enough to bring him back. I don't want this anymore.

[tealbard]

i want to gape your ass until it bleeds ❤️

</3

[judilyart]

Dreaming within an overgrown garden 🍃 Prints of this one and others are available here !

[tealbard]

Are you going to be okay?

I ruined my life so no probably not. Im alone and I will never find a love greater than the one I have lost. I have no skills. No friends. I spend most of my time alive either in bed or at my computer, I don’t even do anything anymore, I just rot my brain on youtube and wait to go back to sleep. I don’t understand why I have to sabotage everything good in my life. I miss my fiancée and the cats and the flights out to see them, I grieve the life I could have had.

I feel worthless and pathetic and nothing but a leach on the people around me. I’ve given up. Everything I say sounds fake and wrong, I can’t believe this is actually real, this is my one and only life and I fucked everything up again. I just want to go back… ​I had a magical life for myself and I threw it away for nothing.

We live too fucking long.

[negiwave2000-deactivated2026041]

[lakevida]

i have to get into bed twenty times a day or ill start following through on various threats ive made

[fatmagic]

[paneerlajwanti]

FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK i got tomorrow tomorrow

[dw]

puts this in my bio

[joytri]

[dailykafka]

Kafka actually wrote like this…

[helenvaughans]

marat/sade (1967)

[tealbard]

Everyday I just wait to take my medication again so I can sleep

I don't eat, I don't shower, I don't go outside, I'm nothing

[lostmf]

[enki2]

[todayontumblr]

Friday, December 29

Everyone's opinion is valid unless your opinion is that seltzer water is bad.

IT's sPiCy. iT tAkEs lIKe sTaTiC. IT's lIkE bEeZlEbUb hImSeLf bUrPeD iNtO mY wAtEr.

Grow up. Enjoy the effervescent appeal of bubbly water. Feel the love of a thousand tiny friends caressing your esophagus as you sip on a Topo Chico.

Your ancestors' ancestors could never dream of quenching their thirst with something as magnificent as water with bubbles in it. You're spitting in the face of the Universe by not taking advantage of the privilege you have to live on this Earth at the same time as seltzer water.

[annesleybug]

La croix embroidery By @annesley.bug on Instagram