@tealiffic - Tumblr Blog

Masyado ng matagal ung pag antay ko. Alam ko naman masaya ka na. Usad na ako ha?

Hi. It's 3am. Thoughts are wild now. Scary as fuck, actually. Been drowning my thoughts with music but it's louder tonight.

You know why I'm here, Tumblr.

I've read many stories of women being abused by their partner, never did I imagine that a close friend of mine would be one of them.

We were casually catching up on everything and anything about our respective lives (she just came back from Manila) and at one moment it went quiet as we ate the cakes we ordered, a slight shift of her blouse revealed a bluish tint on her skin. She rarely wore blouses that cover her chest because she isn't a fan of the heat of this country.

I guess she caught me as she quickly adjusted her blouse while seamlessly uncrossing her legs. Again, it was silent but the cakes now untouched.

"When you're ready" I said.

She grabbed her phone scrolled thru something and showed me a picture.

She's wearing a tank top and shorts - large bruises on her right arm and left thigh.

"You can swipe"

The moment she said that I grabbed her phone and quickly put her phone face down. For fuck's sake. There's more? I thought.

"How long?"

"4months"

"4 long months? Is this why you went home?"

"Yes. Took me long to figure out that needed to go"

"I'm proud of you"

"I know you would be"

I tried my best to make her night less depressing. I normally don't like being emotionally drained with other people's depressing stories but that night I was willing enough to be drained clean for her and a thousand times more.

How could you hurt someone you said you love? I will never understand those people. The moment you raise a hand on someone I'm out. I don't care how long we've known each other, how close we were, how many memories we hold.

You're dead to me. Idc if you're unbothered by it. I just don't want to be associated with anyone who attempts to kill someone slowly.

Lately my best friend is catching up on me. We've been communicating everyday since 2weeks ago. We usually just catch up if we needed to before but lately it's been frequent.

It all started when I randomly told her my thoughts have been wild lately. Its been manic. I usually don't talk much about this but at that time I thought someone needs to know at some point. Her texts goes from "Have you eaten?" to as far as her just sending random memes.

It is nice. But sometimes the random thoughts are scarier that it usually is. And this time, I don't want her finding out. I could manage... for now.

Time to burn bridges

It's 2am and I found myself reading back our messages for the past 3years, and between those conversations I can't help but wonder if in those times we're you trying to mend the friendship or trying to see if I'd still take the bait? If I would've tried to ask you out would I be rejected again or given a chance? You knew you're my weakness, even until now.

It's 2am and I'm thinking of burning the bridge leading up to you. Even though I know you've never walked thru my side. I always did though, just halfway. If I'm being totally honest. It's still going to be you. I don't know, I took the risk and got hurt multiple times. You were very clear with me but I still chose to try again. I guess I did this to myself, the hurting part.

Despite everything. It's nice to see you glowing. You've been through a lot (I know, I was there) and I'm glad you finally tried and succeded in this so called "love". I for one, still walking in this journey.

I miss talking to you tho, the pure friendship. I miss how you'd vent out and I would stop what I'd be doing to listen. You were the only one I could talk about art, movies, music and anything in between. Now, I rarely draw now, I've been away from art galleries (I chose to). The friendship sadly stayed in between the walls of our phones tho. I placed all the pieces you gave that allowed me to know about you, sadly you stopped giving me pieces to work with. You just stopped talking to me. I was really hoping the friendship would grow. Didn't really know if it was appreciated -- I hope you did. You had your reasons for staying away. I know.

I'm really sorry.

You've grown. I'm proud of that. I hope to see you in another lifetime, friend.

"Find someone who looks at you like you hold the stars for them"

spicyvampire

GAP (2022) EP.9

+ Bonus :

nessa-is-bored

bhebah

✨neck kisses✨

Awake listening to sad songs and making up unrealistic stories in my head. Sometimes a safe space I alone can enter.

Don't get me wrong. I'd love to travel outside the country with friends but this time I'm leaning more on spending it with my family and relatives. Even if it'll cost me something to regret about. Family will always be first.

Still, I'm so in love with you even if I haven't known you much.

I could not stop thinking about you. Who would've thought I'd still be here comparing you to everyone after 10yrs. Still could not let go of the thought of what could've been. I relapsed so hard this time.

Still head over heels with the girl who I could not have from 10years ago. Unconsciously going to your IG to see if you're happy. Sadly for me... You are.

My love, I miss you so much the distractions aren't helping anymore. "We could've enjoyed this together" always pops inside my thought bubbles.

Hello Tumblr. It's been a while eh?

I'm always back here when I need to vent out. This is my safe space.

I got my heart broken *again* and I failed an exam. All in a day. Sucks huh? I really don't know which one was more heart breaking.

I knew the relationship wasn't gonna last, who in the right mind would date a straight girl with a 5yr ex? I knew what was coming, didn't know it would hurt this much tho. I may have detachment issues, I got over it in just a week (it's scary, actually). I'll find myself sulking but more afraid on the reason of being alone than losing that person. Maybe it wasn't love. Maybe I was just forcing it to be "love".

It still hurt. I'm exhausted. I really don't care anymore. Not gonna look for my soul mate anymore. I'm gonna wait it out, if they'll come great, if not then fine.

Oh. I haven't prayed since that day. Like I said, I'm exhausted. Whatever your plans, Lord. The path is really depressing. I'm getting too old for this. I'm nothing but patient. Yet I'm here now... Lost and hurting *again*. When is it going to my time to be happy? Bahala ka na.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs