Naamloos

geeky punk kitty blogging about technology, friendship, and romance!!

[techkittyromance]

the disco is not where i panic. i panic! at the email. panic! at the phone call. panic! at the doctor's appointment. panic! at the disco had it all wrong, i'd love to panic at a disco

[anglaised]

everybody wanna be a anarchist nobody wants to change ‘diapers’ …everybody wanna be a anarchist nobody wants to go thru their pantry and donate things they know they dont need as much as a stranger etc etc like it’s not like ive never met actual anarchist who do good but 99% of the time they r not on social media and if they are they arent being weird about other leftist actually helping their communities like a lot of u see the label and imagine urself like standing on a flipped car thats on fire waving around a pistol while rock music plays but do u have the guts to wash a disabled person? could u care for another person if they were injured at a protest? do you even know how to do cpr…?

[techkittyromance]

i hate the word hobby its like. this thing you do is For Fun and Not Profitable and therefore just a Hobby. we have a specific word for when humans do something just for themselves but it isn't profitable to capitalism. we've stopped just doing things because doing things is what humans do. nothing i do of mine is a hobby it's all my life passions and how i spend my time and add value and worth into this world and capistalist output ideas of work is the thing getting in the way. thank you.

[techkittyromance]

i love singers that refer to themselves as kids in songs, like ''i'm just a stupid kid'' etc. while they're like 35 because uhh adulthood is just a line we decided to draw. not even in an anti-aging way or a rejecting responsibilities, but more of in a way where since we're kids, we're still allowed to be fun, silly, make mistakes, be confused, not know anything and need help because those are human behaviors and something we culturally expect to give up once we turn 18 into an ''adult who can handle life.''

[techkittyromance]

new gay term idea

polar bears

bears but they have the complete opposite personality than you and that's why you're attracted to them

[techkittyromance]

every time i talk about my disability, people who don't have it would tell me ''i could never live like that! that sounds exhausting!''

and i get it it. from their view, having to manage their blood sugar is an additional thing to do on their life. having to manage their stamina and limits is an additional thing to do.

it is unfair in comparison to people who don't have to do that. they do have a privilege.

but also. for a lot of disabled people this isn't an every day constant suffering gripe. it becomes your reality. it's just how your body works. it's what you do. like putting on your shoes in the morning, or your glasses, or getting a jacket for the cold.

i keep thinking about the flipped script: if we introduced ourselves to aliens who didn't have to eat, they would think having to build restaurants and snack corners everywhere and take lunch breaks would be a burden. they would be like ''you have to eat? every day? three meals a day? and you have to remember to eat every day? and your body stops working if you DON'T? oh man I could NEVER imagine having to stop doing what i'm doing to eat!'' do you see how ridiculous that sounds?

eating is one of the things we all have to do. we built our world around it. food is everywhere. it is a human right to have access to food. if we all were in wheelchairs, suddenly ramps would become the norm.

and that's my point. disability shouldn't automatically be seen culturally as a negative -1 on your life Forever that is Unfortunate and a Tragedy that's the person's individual job to navigate. it should be seen as a body type to shape the world around to fit.

[techkittyromance]

was reading the dryest article about the brain and got blown away by this sentence

[techkittyromance]

how are we feeling on the tinderbox mood scale

[techkittyromance]

Disco Elysium left me with a message NO game ever will get right...

So Harry has amnesia, right? That's his deal, that's likely intended as a plot device only - introduce the world of Revachol and its lore as we learn alongside Harry.

But Harry doesn't remember his past, or who he is. He has to repeatedly ask other people basic facts of reality. Constantly, and he gets things wrong sometimes, right other times...

The classic Hollywood amnesia trope seems to work like this: ''they forget everything, they ask a lot of questions at the start, but as they learn new things, they are basically just a normal person a few weeks in. and fully integrated with the ensemble.'' The amnesia is never jarring; just a plot setup to introduce something; where they can do one thing fluently but not the other (usually retaining everything but their life memories). It's a given trauma to the character, but never an ongoing disability.

Disco Elysium flips this. Harry's amnesia had him reading a calendar to check what year it was, reciting the history of a dead king at a monument, asking the bookstore owner what a book is and a bartender how money works. His detective skills are intact one moment and lost the other. It's not a clean blank slate with perfect skills, it's ongoing, visible, selective, better at some points and worse at others.

Now it's Martinaise's response to this that sells me.

Kim might sigh or roll his eyes at the start, but he explains everything to Harry each time. Joyce gives him a reality lowdown, explains all of the history. Lena helps him out massively. People still take him seriously when he does something competent. His amnesia or disorientation, while it gets jabs and eyerolls at times, doesn't actually discredit him.

The message is: you still count, you are not lesser because you struggle with remembering, good people will help you, and people will notice your intentions and your actions more than your condition.

And here's where the second thing comes in: his self-concept.

He has lost all idea of who he is, and what does he do? He doesn't dig at the past constantly trying to reconstruct it. He asks around if anyone knows something and reminders, sure, but throughout the game, Harry just builds a new self. Superstar cop. Sorry cop. Harry the Communard, Harry the Moralist, or Harry the person who refuses to hurt someone else in favor of the case.

As a person who's struggled so hard with dissosciative disorders - depersonalization, derealization, amnesia - the kind of disorder that feels exactly like how Harry experiences reality - who felt like they should be ashamed of not knowing basic facts about themself sometimes, who felt like they should feel deeply embarrased and hide that they can't recount some of their autobiographical memories...

As a person who never learned things that are common sense to others, the person who struggles with joining into normal conversations because of this, the person who needs things repeated because they genuinely can't remember anything well...

As a person who struggles so hard with the concept of self and identity because of complex trauma, the thing that not only robs you of your life, but also makes it so none of it ever feels recorded in your memory...

Disco Elysium showed me you can be that kind of 'broken' person, and still be loved.

You can still rebuild. At any age. Harry is 44. He starts with a drug addiction, no money, no memories, pain of the loss of his ex, embarrasment and worldst lowest reputation, but makes the partner on his case his best friend and betters the world - however broken it may be - around him.

Harry is the example of someone who's lost everything and still builds himself up through the principle that says: just keep moving forward, you are valid in this state no matter how low or broken, it's what you do from here that defines you.

That's the message I am taking from Disco Elysium.

[techkittyromance]

why are all mlm songs pop music and disco or whatever. i need mlm rock. i want to hear a song about absolutely totaling a car and then kissing your man next to the wreckage ok. where is my divorced gay dad rock.

[techkittyromance]

your honor. my horrific necktie made me do it

[techkittyromance]

new way of dealing with intrusive thoughts: imagine it's cuno saying it

me: [doing work] cuno: Cuno thinks you're a fucking failure, Cuno thinks you should jump off the roof

[techkittyromance]

random post: ya know when you find new music and it's like you found jesus?

me: *remembering that post because i found a band and it DOES feel like i found jesus*

me: *looks up why that is*

research: What's happening is a sudden coherence: the music articulates a feeling you had but couldn't get a handle on, and gives it a shape. The click is phenomenologically identical to a great explanation landing or to religious insight.

me: WHOAAA

[techkittyromance]

not aromantic or anything but i can relate to the experience of not over-romanticizing love and relationships. friendships hit way harder for me. anyway this post is about how i just realised i don't relate to the heavily overdone trope of ''oh no I miss my ex / feel strangely towards my ex'' in media like songs or films. i've always gotten over those romantic breakups very quickly.

...but not friendships.

so new trope idea: the person who can't get over that one best friend breakup. aka me.

[techkittyromance]

sometimes i feel like being a werewolf was my way of being a trans man before i knew it. think about it

you live everyday as your feminine, usual, normal form that everyone thinks you are

but then you literally transform and grow body hair, sideburns, facial hair, stronger muscles and become the most masculine enraged creature

idk i think that's a bit trans coded

[zeetannas]

people will go onnn about how a man’s flaws makes him so nuanced and interesting and then act genuinely confused when u feel the same way about a woman…

[techkittyromance]

i think a huge reason of why ADHD became ''quirky/cute'' is also just because for a lot of us our whole lives we had to be ashamed of these parts of ourselves, never speak about our experiences, we didn't have language for what we were experiencing, we weren't allowed to mention it if we zoned out because it was rude and this new culture being more ADHD accepting and actually embracing those things that made us feel so ashamed and hated before, and being found endearing or a core part of you is actually very healing to that narrative

and yes, some people adopt that without thinking about what it means to genuinely have ADHD but before you accuse someone of romanticizing ADHD please consider that for a lot of us we are also just trying to celebrate that we are allowed to be who we are out loud and that there was never anything actually ''wrong'' with us but just that we needed support/to be seen/to be accepted and to be allowed to use our coping strategies (whether that's medication or setting twenty alarms) openly