i always told myself i wasn't going to become someone who let the evil parts of hockey ruin my enjoyment, and in many ways studying some of the particular evils were part of the draw for me, in a morbid, pressing the bruise way. i have a strong stomach for many of these evils because they're ones i've lived with and been subjected to. i can handle it! it's fine! but it is in fact very fucking exhausting to root for people who you know do not see you or any other women as people (yes, even their mothers, even their wives), who will happily sit and giggle when a notorious sexual abuser makes a joke about stupid girls. people who will sing the praises of someone who helped to cover up sexual abuse in his organization because "he's just such a good player". like it sucks!!! it fucking sucks!!! and it's evil all the way down because this doesn't just start magically one day when they're adults!! it is drilled into them at every level. and yes, undoubtedly, they are victims of myriad violations and abuses who have had to buy into a system that harms them to get to where they are. but they did it!! they bought in and they went along with everything they've ever been told about how they deserve the world and everything and everyone in it. they continue to buy in because it benefits them much, much more than it harms them, at least for right now. and that is just so deeply exhaustingggg to watch and hear about and then you have to turn around and try to hold any sort of goodwill for them and you just can't, after a while. the whole fucking thing is rotten down to the very core and that is why you do not see me on here anymore and why i had to step away 🫶 i am tired 🫶 and it's also really exhausting to continually see people trying to make excuses for these men 🫶
