WHALE

Diary wonderland.

[teenageproject]

fire signs, sparks fly

[teenageproject]

I know it's really hard to see it this way but sometimes finding out the truth is a gift. It means that you can start getting on with your life and stop wasting time with someone who you didn't really have future with. Hang in there, it gets better with time.

[teenageproject]

And it taught my heart that some things, Aren’t meant to last for long, They arrive to teach you lessons, And then continue on,

http://soulanatomy.org/wherever-you-are-is-the-entry-point-the-poem-that-explains-why-the-things-you-lose-arent-losses/

[teenageproject]

lost and despairing; desiring nothing except the shadows of the memories I played over and over again; grasping at projections of our future selves reuniting further down our timelines; digging out a cave in the depths of a mountain of grief – it was dark.

http://soulanatomy.org/zen-and-the-art-of-falling-out-of-love-and-into-life/

[teenageproject]

and again, her heart is broken...

Well, this fucking sucks. Going through this intensive searing pain through your chest that spreads to every inch of nerves inside of you truly sucks...What’s worse is that you know your heart is aching every single time you hear or see his name anywhere.

 All you wanna do is cry in a corner of a room and ask remorsefully ridiculous questions like Why? How? Why does he do this to me? Why can’t he consider? What kind of asshole have you dated? What kind of excuses did he just gave me? 

Well, the fucking truth comes that he doesn’t give a shit anymore. Well, it just can’t work because apparently you don’t mean as much to him to be worth keeping.

You won’t give up, you will make this happen. You try to to mend everything back as how it was. You try so hard but sometimes trying doesn’t prove anything, to him. Every single fucking day, you try to convince everything is okay, everything will be fine... but you know... it’s not going to be.

Can you see it? 

[teenageproject]

Melancholy.

As the earth orbits circular around the sun, the sun slowly decays into a glimpse of shadow... Just like you, you’re slowly fading into the dark while darkness consumes my thoughts hidden in humanity; as far as I’m trying to escape. No path could bring me light, no tunnel could take me away from this pain. All i want, is to be loved. 

and all I feel is pain, this sunken feeling in the back of my throat, all I wanna do is, break down, to shed all this pain away while knowing nothing could be done. All of me could only think of him, while all of him never thought of her. 

A safe zone should be useful sometime in this life. 

But nothing matters anymore. 

[teenageproject]

I eventually found myself again. I walked away from the emotional disaster I was caught in-between. I walked away from a relationship that made my heart anxious from the beginning and from a man I knew I could never trust.

Elite Daily, The Harsh Truth About Thinking You Can Change A Man

[teenageproject]

Faces// The familiar faces// The people in my life.

“Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it”

[teenageproject]

Photo credits to my seals for that sort-of-like-a-hotdog-thing (Tofu), homemade no-bake oreo cheesecake (Tasha) & BURGER! (Grace). 

They just love tempting me with good delicious fattening food, and worst of all, its all my fav food. :(

Of course, I have never felt so confused with life, with myself, with anything that has constantly felt like I am in a fucking battlefield but the only thing I can fight is myself. I’m a mess internally. I need to figure this all out. 

[teenageproject]

A closing of this chapter;

After 2 years of many distraught encounters, I am finally done with my diploma... The hectic schedules, event plannings, assignment deadlines, irrelevant activities that just does not make sense in college, and the sleepless nights trying to get through finals... Altho, I’m grateful for my dedicated lectures (some, but most of them)  &  the people in college that is my classmates, as well as course mates that made so many wonderful memories and taught me so many things.

Mistakes made and lessons learnt. Thank you all for the greatest yet difficult(for now) 2 years of my study life... Farewell all. 

I wonder what’s next in mind, and I hope for a better new beginning, a new chapter awaits...

Photo diary from the past 2 years & currents...

5am photography class at our very famous Chew Jetty

December 2013 Social etiquette dinner!

 class photo!

Our very last gathering after sitting for our last paper , April 2015

[teenageproject]

TAGGED > doodlemywaytolife

Rules

Post the rules

Answer the questions that the person who tagged you has given you and create ten new ones

Let them know that you’ve tagged them

Her questions >

~ Describe yourself in 3 words.

Emotional, Loud, Adventures.

~ Who’s your fashion icon?

I don’t really have a fashion icon that I really follow, I usually look at pictures and be like, oh Im in love with this... and that...  but I love Kylie J’s style so yeah, she’s the closest.

~ What is your fav websites?

that would be definitely, Tumblr ( or else i won’t be doing this), Pintrest and Elite Daily.

~ What is your fav color?

I cannot identify just one fav color, when I was young, i love yellow & green. I still love green... and pink. well.. black and white too... See I can’t pick one.

~ What do you like to do for fun?

hmm... I like to swim, read and spending quality time with ma friends (catch up session) :D

~ What’s your fav TV shows?

I love watching Food Network channel! Unique Sweets, Unwrapped, 30 mins meal, and so many more...Other than food channels, I love The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, The Blacklist, The 100...    

~ What’s your ambition?

Starting from being a teacher, a veterinarian, stewardess, beautician.... well... still figuring out...

~ Describe your dream boyfriend.

Tall, lean, attractive from the inside and out, would accept my flaws and love me for who I am. A man with dreams and goals in life. Well, other than that would be planning romantic trips together... won’t that be sweet?

~ What is the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done?

*inserts answers* I honestly can’t think of anything.... but it might be lying to my parents on going to a rave concert because i knew that they would hell not approve of it

~ What is something you collect?

Stickers and stamps when I was a kid. For now, that would be anything beauty related :P Makeup for sure! heh

-Finally completing this after many many many years of dragging.....I’m not even joking, she tagged me since 2013? or maybe it was 2012 o.o - 

[teenageproject]

These girls… no wait, *correction* monsters will never make a day in your life boring. Period. Yes, these girls are truly beautifully insanely crazy (you need to see for yourself to understand :P) They’ll never leave you alone (well, its just me) but hell, they do annoy the shit outta you… probably twice as annoying as that lizard on your ceiling or that bee buzzing around you. I am sincerely grateful from the bottom of my heart for having their presence, their friendship towards me ( the many years we’ve stuck by each other) Thanks for dealing with all the bullcrap for the past few years too! 

 Just one day, I’ll live under a rock, pineapple or even in my Tiki house with ya’ll bitches! X   

[teenageproject]

In the midst of healing...

All I see is shadows, the grays, 50 shades of black and white, shadows that once were something, once were a part of me that left... all of these imprints in my heart. Why do I sound so .... vulnerable... weak . 

Repeating;

To dispel anxiety, some utter a name or phrase, or repeat a behavior several times. They know these repetitions won't actually guard against injury but fear harm will occur if the repetitions aren't done. 

I shall not repeat the repetition of these anxieties that I've been thru, a thousand times I suppose. and a thousand times left broken. Now lets not talk how despair I once were... (never going back). All we need is time, rephrase: All I need is time. An important factor in the universe. *inserts globe emoji*  Time to heal this miserable soul of mine... I think its driving me insane enough that how crazily I ought things will be... because I know everything will eventually change, for the better, keeping a straight mind. Know your goals, what you should focus on, what/who is there to cut out from your life, what is stopping you from achieving what you're wanting all along... (No, this aint about a relationship that you're thinking of breaking, honey).   With a right mind, you can do anything out of your imagination. I only have one month left in college, a few more weeks to interact, work in a team, be discipline, to study hard one last time before I leave. I know I can do this. I truly know I can. 

Now, photo diary from the past 2 months. Xx

 Blessed with good food everyday...

Coffee gradient and a perfect raspberry slice to end the night with much heart-to-heart conversations and laughter.

Just the crystal clear blue sky.

[teenageproject]

I had to stop a minute, and when I continued, my voice was hoarse, "He's said some w-wonderful things to me. I don't want to lose those memories in a bunch of ugly ones. I keep debating whether I should quit while I'm ahead but I'm hanging in here because I promised him - and myself - that I wouldn't run anymore, that I was going to dig my feet in and fight for this.

pg258, Reflected in You by Sylvia Day 

[teenageproject]

It's not worth it

Waiting and constantly waiting… telling yourself that the one will be back. He will eventually find his way to you.

But has he even called? or text you? The truth is No.

The one will never be who we want him to be, so we keep chasing him. The one that makes us cry then ignore our tears. The one that put us through so much, ruins your entire life with a one word text but you still wait by the phone.The one you think first when you wake up but is never next to you. The one that has no time for you, but you have the time in the world for him.

Why do you do this?   Why does it break you when you know it will crush you harder each time.

You know that he’s the one for you because he’s the one you can’t have. But tell yourself that if you ever let go of him, there will be better guys around you. You will feel loved again.

[teenageproject]

2a.m.

She’s happy, she’s incredibly happy. I haven’t seen her this happy in a really long time. Happy could not even describe it all. She’s surrounded by friends that can be called friends, and how many friends do you have that you can actually call them your ‘friend’? 

—————————————————————————————————-

The last time I’ve seen her this happy was when she was with someone else, someone she never thought would meant …. seemly everything to her. I wouldn’t dare to say ‘the one’ but someone who would made her feel that she belonged to someone, but it doesn’t last forever. 

But what made her broke, shredded, constantly overanalyzing, all those sleepless nights, the whole ‘I’m yours’ was an entire lie. 

Words are just words in the end, words are cheap. Anyone can tell them they love you a hundred times, but they won’t feel the immensity of these emotion until they are acted upon. She could not take this pain that she’s in because it was breaking her.  Crying couldn’t even solve anything, nothing seemed possible to her. But she had her bestfriends who cared for her, they were there for her, consoling, comforting. even just by sitting down at the beach.

 She knew she deserved better. 

Her wall is as high up as the tower that Rapunzel may never escape.

Her hopes are never high because of the word 'trust'.

She might just wanna run away from everything but there is no where to go now. She's lost likes branches creeping through the ground, going everywhere, rooting out to searching for water.

[teenageproject]

How do you do it? You got me losing every breath;What did you give me to make my heart bleed out of my chest?