My Girlfriend Is A Stripper Named Steve.

hi, my name is carrie. ive never read these cirque du freak books and i dont even want to know who darren shan is.

[tehcirque]

hey on scale of shan to clare what level of dork are you

[tehcirque]

[festivaloftheundead]

can you do these for more characters? i’m dying

[tehcirque]

I been thinkin of more but lyke idk man I got stuff to do sometime so when I don’t do the stuff I do the characters ya kno yo??

[tehcirque]

So I was just scrolling through Facebook and someone had posted on the incoming freshman page of the school I’m going to next year. And they asked if anyone liked playing Sims and I immediately got super excited because it’s my favorite game ya’ll!! I went to read the comments to see where I could throw myself into the conversation and everyone was talking about how it sparked their love for architecture and how they’re so excited to learn more about architecture more in college.

I mean, I personally really just like to recreate characters on sims and laugh when I drown them in the pool or set them on fire or lock half of the family in the basement to make more babies and raise children and only come out to clean the Worthy Sim’s house. 

And I was like ‘Well, guess I can’t relate to all you guys’

But then this post flooded into my mind and I was like

Oh yeah

I’m a definitely more of a fucking weirdo than I thought.

And after sifting through my archive to find this post I definitely hate myself. Like why the fuck did I decide it was okay to type like that? What the hell? Why was I allowed access to the internet at an early age? What does that sentence even mean? Who is this person? 

[tehcirque]

does anyone like ...wanna talk about the scene when crepsley tastes Steve's blood? bc out of context it's literally a weird description of a blowjob

[tehcirque]

….basically? steve is just a much more aggressive version of charlie kelly imo

[tehcirque]

also? tommy is mac?

[tehcirque]

but that leaves dee and dennis…who would be darren and annie respectively.

[tehcirque]

WHICH MEANS ITS ALWAYS SUNNY IS BASICALLY THE ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE WHERE DARREN NEVER STOLE THAT FUCKING S P I D E R

[tehcirque]

….basically? steve is just a much more aggressive version of charlie kelly imo

[tehcirque]

also? tommy is mac?

[tehcirque]

but that leaves dee and dennis...who would be darren and annie respectively.

[tehcirque]

….basically? steve is just a much more aggressive version of charlie kelly imo

[tehcirque]

also? tommy is mac?

[tehcirque]

why...does the first paragraph of chapter 6 feel like the beginning of a law and order episode

[tehcirque]

….basically? steve is just a much more aggressive version of charlie kelly imo

[tehcirque]

okay, I have to give Darren Shan props because he obviously did make Darren very childlike, to the point where it's literally like a dumbass 12 year old wrote a book.

[tehcirque]

also I haTE this fucking book series but I'm trying to reread it bc I don't remember anything and like? So he tells this story about the vacuumed up spider and he's like "I'm telling you this because this a true story." hoLY COW YOU HAVE CONVINCED ME SIR!! I DO NOT DOUBT YOU OR YOUR CRAZY SPIDER SHENANIGANS!!

[tehcirque]

tbh I think it's kind of funny when people don't see Darren's obvious stupidity? Like he told us from day one he was dumb enough suck his pet tarantula up with a vacuum so??

[tehcirque]

its almost your birthday how do you feel kiddo

like, old. super old. like I’m on my way to becoming one of the elders of the shandom.

[feelsandbooksandshit]

Does anyone in the shandom remember that one time that someone said to replace the whole not drinking blood angst thing in the 2nd book with not eating bagels bc I do

[cirquedukink]

W A T

[thevampatease]

CARRIE

[tehcirque]

um I was just stalking ur blog and I saw this?? I am personally?? Offended?? I do believe I said BEAGELs not BAGELS

[tehcirque]

"I can't wait to finish this book series, then I can go on your blog you were talking about!" [uncomfortable laughter] please don't

[diskothiqueer-deactivated202305]

i think we all have that one piece of media we like that’s basically “i love this thing, but i dont think everyone should watch this thing and would not categorically recommend it to other people i know, this thing has a lot of problems and i am the first person you should ask if you want to know a long list of criticisms, but i REALLY ENJOY THIS THING” its like holding up a can of trash to everyone else and saying “you are a reasonable person and you would not enjoy touching this garbage and i value that about you” and then pouring it out on the ground and rolling around in it yourself

[weloveshortvideos]

View this post on Instagram

[flacomexicano-deactivated201806]

my favorite video

[dogs99999]

omg i love how they throw him at the end 

[tehcirque]

life @ vampire mountain

[tehcirque]

alright so my friends boyfriend is making her read the books and she comes up to me and she’s like “i think this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. This doesn’t flow well at all. Especially the way mr creepsley talks-”

me: "that’s not how you say it”

her: "what? Yes it is”

me: "there’s one e not two”

her: “oh well whatever. And where the hell is the consistency in this character? Why the hell would Darren think Steve would fess up about the spider if Darren was the one who got bitten? That kid was a sneaky little bitch. 'Oh we've been friends forever but since you became a vampire and I didn't, I'm gonna kill you! Just kidding I'm too much of a little bitch to do it!' Darren is so fucking whiney, mr crepsley is being nothing but nice to him and all he is doing is complaining about how he broke some kids leg playing hockey! And how that incident is some how mr crepsley fault! Jesus, I can't even comprehend how bad these books are so far...but I swear to god I will finish them."

me: "ah ah prepare for the biggest shit storm of your entire life my friend"