It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage.

Ouida "Redd" Wolfe. Nazi's bane and God's flame. I am a cofounder of Crosseyed Detective Agency, based out of London, although I was born in Austria. Please feel free to drop me a line.

[templarofdoom]

Am I being punished? I’ve been assigned guard duty for the week.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

I’m going to apologize in advance for any of my coworkers that might come harrass you.

[templarofdoom]

Is that a thing? Do Lumis come harass Templar boarder patrol?

[templarofdoom]

Am I being punished? I've been assigned guard duty for the week.

[templarofdoom]

If you had told me in the 50s that my aesthetic in the 10s would be "street hoodlum", I would have been very miffed and confused.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

I ducked into my apartment this morning and…well…the chanting has stopped but there’s an iridescent sludge pool about waist height in my kitchen. Sigh. Back to England until the landlord fixes that.

[templarofdoom]

If you’d like some optomism, London only has black sludge in the rain drains.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

So long as it’s not all whispery and filthy, that’s practically not even a downside.

[templarofdoom]

No, it's pretty Filthy.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

I ducked into my apartment this morning and…well…the chanting has stopped but there’s an iridescent sludge pool about waist height in my kitchen. Sigh. Back to England until the landlord fixes that.

[templarofdoom]

If you'd like some optomism, London only has black sludge in the rain drains.

[templarofdoom]

I'm really hoping Gran ate the last of the pasta, or else someone has been in my flat.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Watching bad scifi movies to celebrate Ouida’s day off this weekend. Any suggestions?

[templarofdoom]

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was always my favorite. I have fond memories of seeing it in theaters.

[templarofdoom]

totallynotilluminati I’m making angel hair pasta tonight if I can get out of Tokyo sometime soon. any preference on sauce?

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Pesto’s my favorite, but anything’s fine.

[templarofdoom]

Alright, I'll split it and make half pesto and half butter and garlic. It can be its own side.

[templarofdoom]

totallynotilluminati I’m making angel hair pasta tonight if I can get out of Tokyo sometime soon. any preference on sauce?

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Ouida went out to do smth and her coworkers keep calling and it feels rude to not answer so I’ve had some awkward conversations today.

[templarofdoom]

I think there’s a button on the machine to forward calls to my cell, but I’m curious who’s calling me. Was it Kal?

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Is Kal the sort of person who immediately assumes that I’ve kidnapped you? Because if so, tell him copying Liam Neeson’s speech from Taken is only funny if you do the voice.

[templarofdoom]

Kal is female, so that is definitely not Kal. Might have been Arnie, I think.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Wait actually can you send Arnie this list of Taken meme images I just googled up? That’d be more appropriate. It’s in your inbox now.

[templarofdoom]

I sent them to him, but despite his love of modern thrillers, he can sometimes be a bit Old Guard. We shall have to wait and see if he responds well.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Ouida went out to do smth and her coworkers keep calling and it feels rude to not answer so I’ve had some awkward conversations today.

[templarofdoom]

I think there’s a button on the machine to forward calls to my cell, but I’m curious who’s calling me. Was it Kal?

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Is Kal the sort of person who immediately assumes that I’ve kidnapped you? Because if so, tell him copying Liam Neeson’s speech from Taken is only funny if you do the voice.

[templarofdoom]

Kal is female, so that is definitely not Kal. Might have been Arnie, I think.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

Ouida went out to do smth and her coworkers keep calling and it feels rude to not answer so I’ve had some awkward conversations today.

[templarofdoom]

I think there's a button on the machine to forward calls to my cell, but I'm curious who's calling me. Was it Kal?

[templarofdoom]

I'm planning to pay my niece's way through college, but I don't know where I want to recommend she goes. She likes engineering and architexture.

[totallynotilluminati-archiv-blog]

I wonder what it’ll be like in forty years when people are still calling me “boy” and telling me that things will be different when I’m thirty.

[templarofdoom]

I've gotten invited to raves in the seedier parts of London, and one time asked "how much?" I almost always want to blurt out that I'm 95 years old.

[templarofdoom]

I’m starting to become very sick of being hit on by Dragon. You’d think it wouldn’t happen as much as it does.

[templarofdoom]

I think the most Templar thing you can do is use your elemental magic to boil tea. Which I just did.

[templarofdoom]

Somebody once told me that the Internet was a passing fad. Six decisive stock investments and a large amount of money later, I have a flat in Chelsea and they are dead. Not of their own wrongdoings, though. They were already fairly old by the 1990s.