floundering through life

kelli. 23. queer. twin. southern california. click here to see my face. (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-19958985-1', 'auto'); ga('send', 'pageview');

[tenderartist]

I got a surprise mullet the other day, oops! https://www.instagram.com/p/CMa0oFDBUz9/?igshid=1sfb39en778d7

[tenderartist]

I have never had filet mignon before, so why not make it for myself as an act of self care and self love on Valentine’s Day? I also made parmesan herb mashed potatoes and shallot lemon asparagus. It’s hard to love yourself wholly, but it’s amazing and an act of resilience when you can find the space for it. https://www.instagram.com/p/CLVsMQBBFYo/?igshid=9xq0z7uff629

[tenderartist]

That’s a SALTED EGG doughnut, and I can’t believe how amazing it was, tbh. Also, the other kind is boba tea, which was also great. Everyone needs to try treats from @chubbybakerslc 😍 https://www.instagram.com/p/CKp8qPhBHJ5/?igshid=ua51jqe1xg62

[tenderartist]

Just a lil reminder tattoo by @donytattoos 🌈✨💕 #gay #queer #trans #nonbinary #thisisms https://www.instagram.com/p/CKdB6fTB1P5/?igshid=amf906j8hgpd

[tenderartist]

Excuse me, but @ez_odrisco made this terrifyingly amazing doll of ME and the world needs to know. 😱 https://www.instagram.com/p/CKVUyOvhWpT/?igshid=1kkq8f0us0d8t

[tenderartist]

I made a pistachio and raspberry topped olive oil cake with a lemon glaze, and the recipe definitely lied about the pan size. https://www.instagram.com/p/CKKpeVHh8JI/?igshid=hr0sd9ebwb29

[tenderartist]

Today was my 24th Tysabri infusion, which means that I’ve been diagnosed and on disease-modifying medication for Multiple Sclerosis 2 years now. Being trans and queer in MS spaces has been a hard time: I have had to research and educate myself extensively on both HRT and MS to debunk doctors’ many unfounded attempts of blaming my symptoms on HRT, finding out there is seemingly no research or support for queer and/or trans MS patients, being required to take pregnancy tests and the embarrassing and often public questioning of why I needed one, and navigating spaces where I clearly don’t fit in, wasn’t given a choice of using a preferred name, and wasn’t made to feel comfortable in any sense. With all of this, I still feel extremely grateful for this journey, diagnosis that named what I was experiencing and has helped to lessen my symptoms, and my ability to seek out a healthier physical and mental life for myself. In this experience, I have found a clinic where I am definitely an outlier patient, but I am able to openly discuss my identity and connect with some of the staff, which has been reassuring after such a hard road to diagnosis. I know that receiving a diagnosis and finding a treatment plan that is working in such a short span of time is a privilege and very lucky, so I’m eternally grateful to the folks who have helped me medically and emotionally get to this point of acceptance and stability with my MS. #gay #nonbinary #queer #trans #thisisms #mssociety #msfighter https://www.instagram.com/p/CJcKRW4B5Iz/?igshid=17daw50bufgtd

[tenderartist]

I made the @damn_delicious Korean beef bowl with some spicy mayo, my @imperfectfoods haul, and bison (my first time using it). 👼🏻 https://www.instagram.com/p/CJaG54CBKkC/?igshid=lv61sjoe0mr5

[tenderartist]

A Very Merry 2020 Christmas 🤠✨👼🏻 https://www.instagram.com/p/CJSWXEyBpov/?igshid=n601n2b2zrl1

[tenderartist]

A month post-op looks like this apparently 🤔 https://www.instagram.com/p/CIzmPt7Bii7/?igshid=8b1122day6a2

[tenderartist]

@imperfectfoods is finally in Utah, so here’s to hoping that I ACTUALLY eat more fruits and vegetables since they’re delivered straight to me lol this is a roasted beet & Brussels sprout citrus salad with feta 🤠 https://www.instagram.com/p/CIZw1JeBe3Y/?igshid=1a9ic0wwn9zks

[tenderartist]

I wore this costume for approximately 10 minutes total, but it still counts. What would you do if I popped outta your closet like this? Happy Halloween to those who observed COVID safety mandates and no one else 👻🎃 😈 https://www.instagram.com/p/CHEt3mMh9Sb/?igshid=8kl2mx2qvitj

[tenderartist]

Things bringing me joy this week: spooky donut delivery, a creepy vintage Halloween costume find, and the moment after queer & trans yoga class. 👼🏻✨💕 #gay #nonbinary #queer #trans #thisisms https://www.instagram.com/p/CG6ZR8FBn3c/?igshid=h1jog55jrnco

[tenderartist]

A visual representation of how happy, excited, AND nervous I am now that I’m only THREE WEEKS AWAY from my top surgery date. 😱😭🥰 #gay #nonbinary #queer #trans #thisisms https://www.instagram.com/p/CGq9XMsBDIY/?igshid=6b2pixtd8uej

[tenderartist]

Baby got me the matte pink kettle of my dreams!! ...that’s me, I’m baby 🤠 It’s time for some perfect brews! #hellofellow https://www.instagram.com/p/CGeCJFhB1W3/?igshid=a74kjwqam4mm

[tenderartist]

I’m exactly six weeks out from top surgery!!! Here are some awkward attempts at photographing that I have the facial hair of a teen boy at 2.5 years in T 😰😂🤦🏻‍♂️ Also, bonus pic of Rocky that fully encapsulates how I feel as a human being living life at this moment and how I feel trying to prepare for surgery. #gay #trans #queer #nonbinary #thisisms https://www.instagram.com/p/CF3U7SzBN5Q/?igshid=y5eigrnqqclc

[tenderartist]

I hit two years on T last month 💕✨🌈 Life’s been a blur as an essential worker in these wild times, and I barely even know what time of day it is most days, tbh. Here’s a look backwards at the past year including the very hard to capture lil bb hairs on my face and the more obvious muscle gains 👼🏻 #gayaf #queeraf #transaf #nonbinary #thisisms https://www.instagram.com/p/CAg_EtgH9VZ/?igshid=1klvgwcqza3w7