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[tenshiei]

𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖗𝖉 ♱ 𝖘𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 ♱ 𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖘𝖙 ♱ 𝖘𝖕𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖋𝖞 ♱ 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖘

[fukstar]

It  is  an  act  of  undressing,  a  complete  mental  unraveling.  The  sort  of  masochistic  tango  that  always  left  him  wanting,  teetering  along  the  edge  between  desire  and  motion.  There  were  times  where  it  was  easy  to  forget  how  temporary  all  of  this  was  …  and  times  where  the  lack  of  permanence  seemed  to  be  favorable  ──  part  of  the  chase,  the  thrill.  He  was  leaving  town  tomorrow  night,  slipping  into  the  crowd  and  crammed  into  a  bus.  Bursting  the  dream - like  close  quarters  they  had  been  enjoying,  yet  it  came  as  no  surprise.  This  was  their  life,  after  all.  

Cillian  removes  his  hands  from  the  lining  of  his  pockets,  grazing  the  curves  of  the  other’s  hips  before  looping, shifting  around  to  the  small  of  his  back  …  heading  down,  down,  down,  until  the  ends  of  his  fingers  slide  underneath  the  back  of  the  waistband  of  Julian’s  pants.  Flesh  against  flesh,  he  pulls  them  in  closer,  decimating  what  little  space  had  been  between  them  in  the  first  place.  

❛  I can  show  you  that  better  than  I  could  tell  you  …   give  you  a  reason  to  come  back.  If  you  want.  ❜  His  voice  is  low,  and steady  ──  flooded  with  deep  and  tantalizing  intonations,  eyes  flickering  across  the  landscape  of  Julian’s  features  before  settling  on  the  pout  that  had  formed  on  his  lips.

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤYeah. He was definitely going to miss him.  

[tenshiei]

joint still pinched between two fingers, julian's other hand insists on keeping up its incessant teasing with the jacket zipper. only when cillian pulls him closer does julian stop, smiling in spite of his obvious attempt at getting under the other musician's skin. he's wearing his regular docs tonight, no platforms to bridge the gap between their heights. julian makes up for this discrepancy by stepping up onto cillian's boots without hesitation, free arm winding around his neck to keep steady. hanging off of him now, warm hands on his skin, julian is right where he wants to be.

a simple "yes" would have sufficed, but julian knows himself. he prefers the prolonged banter, craves something that makes the end result feel earned. the joint is brought up to his own lips as he regards cillian with a critical gaze, though there is no hiding the spark of amusement behind it. puff, puff. he says nothing at first, expression contemplative—basking in the glow of cillian's full attention.

❝ can you, though? 'cause i'm starting to think you're all talk, roseingrave. ❞ julian's head tilts slightly, studying the other's face in return. as if he doesn't already have it committed to memory. he's been waiting for a moment to get this close, a chance to exchange more than fleeting glances in some studio or a stare from across a bar. now that the opportunity is here, the tension feels so much heavier than julian could have anticipated. there is a sharp edge to his voice when he speaks again, every drop of short-lived sweetness from earlier non-existent. ❝ are you gonna fucking miss me, or not? ❞

[lesvampirs]

CONTINUED, FROM HERE ( ... ) FEATURING ALUKAH & JULIAN DEVEREAUX. @tenshiei.

𝓣he  eldest  daughter  often  carried  the  sins  of  her  mother.  Harbored  every  ounce  of  rage,  every  grudge,  every  scorned  marker  seared  into  her  heart.  She  had  no  sympathy  for  the  angels  that  fell  from  the  sky,  in  the  same  way  she  had  no  sympathy  for  a  bird  with  a  broken  wing  (  JUST  SNAP  THE  NECK  ALREADY  )  …  There’s  a  curt  smile  that  graces  her  lips,  as  though  the  creature  in  front  of  her  was  a  babbling  child  —  amusing,  sure,  but  simply  not  worth  the  time.  Alukah  leans  forward,  awfully  close,  tucking  lush  strands  of  curls  out  of  his  face,  behind  his  ear.  Her  fingers  graze  along  the  sharp  planes  of  his  cheekbones,  inching  closer  …  closer.  Until  her  lips  skim  the  shell  of  his  ear,  and  she  whispers.

❛ No  …  but  they’ll  break  again.  When  He  kicks  you  out  of  His  little  clubhouse,  for  daring  to  have  a  mind  of  your  own.  Trust  me.  Happens  every  time. ❜

[tenshiei]

is there a point to all this? the angel has to wonder with each word alukah speaks, if she has some hidden agenda up her sleeve. one that would see julian coming out of his attempted retirement and joining is some other war. this one would likely have nothing to do with him, but his curiosity is piqued nonetheless. after losing almost everything, the last of his rage remains.

❝ they won't break again, ❞ he insists fiercely, glaring at the beautiful face before him even as alukah finds it necessary to lay hands on him to get her point across. wings still cloaked, julian is frozen in place. let her think she's getting under his skin. he's seen too much and done unspeakable things in this form, more than he ever did as a human being. fear doesn't touch him as deeply anymore. ❝ you let me worry about that... if the time comes. ❞

[ellaetal]

SYMPATHY DID NOT COME NATURALLY TO PLACID, a man with a function rather than feelings. He was not cruel in any sense of the word, took no pleasure in the suffering of others, but he would forever see puzzles in place of people, and at times needed to be reminded of his own humanity.

"Why are you in a cemetery in the first place?" he asked, wanting the finer details before he implicated himself in a crime. The inspector observed Julian with a stillness and detachment that was far from the chaos of his counterpart, and some small part of him wondered if the difference would be unnerving to observe. Had he met Julian before? Or were his memories of him simply transferred over from Potty? He could not recall. He supposed it didn't really matter. "What brings you here so late at night?"

[tenshiei]

❝ why the fuck do you think? i was visiting someone. i'm not out here having a fucking picnic for christ's sake. ❞ he's always preferred to visit imari at night, the day far too bright and cheerful. it feels too much like an exposed nerve to observe his own grief in broad daylight. the sun doesn't deserve to look upon his face in that state.

groaning, he leans against the bars and glares up at alfendi. julian has no clue why the inspector is acting this way, but it's beginning to gnaw at the last of his patience. ❝ i don't like coming here as it is, so will you stop being a dick and help me? please. ❞ the please comes out sounding exasperated, hand pathetically reaching out to alfendi again. ❝ get me out of here and i'll owe you one. within reason. ❞

[rozqnov]

˖ ‧ ᯓ ☦︎ ▒ . ❘❘❘     ──── ‘ i know to be careful ’ , ilya wants to say to / @tenshiei .

all he had been for the past few years was careful . the only thing he had been more than careful was scolded at by shane for not being so . plenty of times shane had rushed ilya inside the door with a grimace on his face in an attempt to hide their tryst from the outside world . each time was a rush met with hurried lips and wandering hands that made ilya realize that every meet up was worth the risk . nothing else on this planet ,  not alcohol or cocaine or sexy foreign women , could make him feel like that boring canadian did when they were pressed together in the confines of a hotel room . it made him sick to his stomach as much as it made his heart race . if shane knew that anyone even had an inkling about what was happening between them , the fragility of whatever they had going on would break into a million pieces . they both had been looking for reasons to call the whole thing off and yet neither one of them actually did and ilya is deadly afraid that this would give shane reason enough . the truth was , ilya was scared , but the jury was still out on whether it was from julian having caught on or from the potential at losing the situation he had with shane .

ilya appreciates his friend’s attempt at band - aiding the wound he just opened , his interest now piqued at the thought of spending time with julian and his mother . it was an olive branch , but at the same time ilya was just excited to have a home cooked meal with someone who obviously , as much as julian would probably deny it , cared about him and how he potentially just hurt him . it wasn’t his fault that he was smart enough to figure it out during one of ilya’s moments of weakness . it was a wonder none of his teammates had when they walked up on him, staring at ads in the airport or scrolling articles about shane on his phone . he was lucky their brains had been jostled around enough by other plays that the dots didn’t connect as easily as they did for jules . finally looking up at jules , recovered from his anger and embarrassment all at once , ilya folds his arms across his chest , lips in a thin line . ──── ❛ i do not want to intrude . is an important day . your mother would be okay with this ? ❜

[tenshiei]

julian rolls his eyes. his mom loves meeting new people, especially when her son has already mentioned said people multiple times during casual conversation. julian's friendships never last, his genuine friends few and far between. whenever he finds someone she deems worthy enough of keeping around, she makes this opinion known in no time flat and makes sure to bother julian about staying in touch with them. call it her way of having extra eyes on julian whenever she can't be there to watch him like a hawk. ❝ you wouldn't be intruding. it's not like we sit around sobbing together on some midsommar shit. just be prepared to have her pack you some extra food to take with you. ❞

moving away from their previous topic seems like the right thing to do in this instance, julian still feeling guilty as sin for leaving ilya rattled. if he was carrying around a life-changing secret, he would also live his days in fear. the thought of ilya going through it and having to be this cautious doesn't sit right with julian, but he also knows he can do little else other than provide a safe space for his friend and not mention it again until ilya is ready to. ❝ she's got daja with her this week. you can meet her too, ❞ and julian knows he's got ilya's attention with this if all else fails, the subject of his border collie coming up more than once in the past. ilya loves dogs, and he loves food. how can he refuse such a perfect peace offering?

[fukstar]

❛ Mate,  it’s  my  fucking  wedding  ring,  what  do  you  mean  how  important  can  it  be ?! ❜    Her  tongue  is  much  like  a  bullet  that  her  teeth  neglected  to  bite,  barking  the words out in  all  her  endless  ferocity.   Her  movements  are  as  frenetic  as  a  ring  haphazardly  clattering  down  a  drain,  helplessly  attempting  to  shove  her  hand  down  the  drain,  yet  to  no  avail. 

❛ Fuck,  fuck,  fuck,  he’s  gonna  fucking  kill  me  —  ! ❜ 

Alice  sighs  in  a  wilting moment  of  utter  defeat,  fist  pounding  against  the  porcelain  plated  rim  of  the  sink.  Turning  to  lean  against  the  tiled  wall,  the  blonde  slides  further  and  further  down  until  her  ass  hits  the  floor.  This  was  the  last  thing  she  needed  today.  Well  and  truly,  the  very  last  fucking  thing.  

❛ How  much  do  you  think  this  hotel  would  fine  me  if  I  took  a  fucking  power  saw  to  the  pipes  underneath to crack it open? ❜

[tenshiei]

wedding ring. right. some people still get married. julian takes a few steps back, part of him wishing he would've just minded his damn business, but it's too late. he's invested now. ❝ he won't kill you, 'cause he's not gonna find out. we'll get it back. ❞

his eyes narrow as he tries to think of a plan on the fly, holding a hand out to alice to help her up off the floor. his other hand digs into his pocket for his phone. ❝ there has to be a tutorial on youtube or some shit on how to get this thing open. so we find one, look up a hardware store, and go get the shit we need. i mean... either that, or i ask a random dilf at the hardware store to come get the ring out for us. everyone wins. ❞

there's somewhat of a sympathetic look in julian's eyes after he rattles off his impulsive thoughts, one he can't easily mask. he wonders then, as he stands there in the midst of his own chaotic energy, if he'll ever love someone to the point of panic like this.

[elysiaemelody]

a  blush  creeps  onto  phainon's  cheeks  and  deepens  a  little  in  color  with  each  gentle  kiss  pressed  to  his  skin.  he  doesn't  have  to  admit  to  being  touch  starved  when  it's  written  all  over  his  face,  so  clearly  pleased  with  the  current  situation  he's  found  himself  in  that  he  has  to  keep  a  grin  at  bay.

❝  of  course  you're  encouraging  it,  ❞  phainon  grumbles  with  a  little  laugh.  it  is  rather  greedy  of  him  to  try  and  keep  julian  in  bed  for  longer  than  he  should,  but  he's  too  distracted  to  care.  ❝  if  i  get  any  greedier,  you  won't  be  able  to  leave  this  bed  at  all  today.  ❞  he  drives  his  point  home  by  playfully  pinching  julian's  side.

[tenshiei]

❝ you say that as if it's a bad thing, ❞ julian says with a sigh, momentarily squishing phainon's face between both hands. he laughs softly at the resulting appearance, only letting go when his side is pinched. scooting down just enough to rest his head on phainon's chest, julian relaxes and closes his eyes. even with the good week they've had, like most things, it won't last forever. next month's busy schedule looms over their newfound dynamic, standing in the periphery of their shared time like a killer from some slasher film.

❝ we won't get to do this when tour starts again. not unless you wanna risk sneaking into my room on hotel nights. ❞ julian sighs again. maybe that's his punishment for being an asshole—having to sleep alone in a cold hotel bed while phainon is next door, an adjoining door keeping them separate.

[fukstar]

The  nausea  had  settled  in  his  stomach,  but  he  blames  the  bad  fish  from  lunch  more  than  he  blames  the  booze.  He’s  still  standing  after  all,  isn’t  he?  Hands  wound  tight  into  fists,  shoved  into  the  depths  of  his  jacket  pockets,  curled  around  a  half-crushed  pack  of  Marlboros Lights  that  were  itching  to  be  cracked  open.  Pandora’s  box  of  tobacco,  limitless  temptation  and  all.  That  look  Julian  was  giving  him  was  worse,  though.   He  saw  it  at  least  twenty  times  a  day,  and  somehow,  it  never  got  any  easier.  Nonetheless,  laughter  peels  out  from  between  his  lips,  stifled  only  by  the  joint  being  thrust  in  his  face.  

It  was   …  calculated,  more  or  less.  The  way  he  shuffles  forward,  bending  at  the  waist  to  take  the  end  of  the  joint  between  his  lips  as  though  it  were  something  erotic,  letting  the  other  hold  it  in  place  for  him.  Steady  eye  contact  and  smoke  fills  the  space  between  them  as  he  exhales  it  into  Julian’s  face.   The  encounter  was  punctuated  with  a  deep,  quiet  cough  that  ruffled  his  lungs.

❛  No,  no,  no,  what’s  gonna  happen  to  you  at  thirty  six  is  going  to  be  much  worse.  ❜  Cillian  sniffles,  teasing  the  words  out  with  a  bit  of  a  drunken slur  as  he  nudges  the  other  with  his  elbow. ❛  I’ll  make  sure  you  have  a  great  last  day  before  we  put  you  down,  don’t  worry.  ❜

[tenshiei]

unaffected by the smoke, julian smacks cillian in the ribs nonetheless. they've been dancing around the obvious for what feels like a lifetime now, julian having felt the pull of attraction upon first sight. he's been strangely patient about the whole thing, not yet losing interest despite his attention span not being the best. the truth is, if cillian were anyone else, julian would have moved onto someone new by now.

❝ don't make promises you can't keep, ❞ he teases back, unable to keep himself from smiling. nothing but pure mischief in his eyes, he looks at cillian through soft haze of smoke and the alcohol in his own system. there's never been a shortage of confidence where julian is concerned, no need to exert more social energy than necessary. this game of chicken, however, is something he deems worth his time to pursue.

❝ i'm leaving town tomorrow night, ❞ he says, reaching out to mess with one of the zippers on cillian's jacket. julian's demeanor becomes as bold as the makeup look he'd gone with tonight: smoky red shadow and smudged black liner. full lips pout just a touch, gaze following as the zipper tab is pulled up and back down, gesture slowly repeating as if an act of self-soothing. ❝ london. for a whole week, ❞ julian pauses, wanting to initiate eye contact before saying anything else, ❝ you gonna miss me? ❞

[idiotwaldgrave]

the grin on her face is beaming as they successfully make their escape. she takes a deep breath of the outside air with relief and feeling extra thankful that she has someone to run away with during the extremely boring afternoons like these. julian makes her feel a little more at ease and it helps that the ghosts have been so sparse these days. definitely a mood booster. the one in the cafeteria last month was no fun for her and her jello. no one wants to see a rotting face while she's trying to enjoy the raspberry flavoured treat on her plate.

"fuck yeah." she says, while looking back to make sure no one has actually spotted them.

robin puffs her cheeks out and shrugs. "peachy. there's nothing really going on right now. my dad's been working a lot more lately so i've mostly been alone with hubert."

[tenshiei]

❝ wait. you mean you've had an empty house and haven't thrown a party yet? if i could get my mom to leave for even a full day i'd be organizing something legendary. real project x type shit. this is so wasting an opportunity you won't get back once we graduate. ❞

he unlocks the car doors, peering over his shoulder again to make sure no one's bearing witness to their great escape in the odds there may be a snitch in their midst. julian kind of can't blame them. there's little else to do in a small town like hawkins.

though he is oblivious to the literal ghosts that plague robin on a day to day basis, he has noticed a shift in her demeanor here and there. broaching the subject has just been a little difficult to attempt, considering he doesn't want to sound too much like he's prying into her personal business. speaking up again only after hawkins high is a blur in the rearview mirror, julian drives in the direction of the diner— ❝ how long do you think it'll take before someone notices we're gone? ❞

[daekaebi]

he knows something had happened, something was seen or said, before julian joined him in the backseat. but prodding him had never worked in his favour in the past, it would even less so now. not unless he fancied having his head chewed off. he scrubs his fingers over his mouth as if to sew his lips shut. julian's response is nothing surprising, but he feels the weight of his words; as heavy as the inevitable tension that followed them around whenever they were together. he had never not cared, even when he left. and leaving hadn't been a quick and easy decision, either. it had been painful, and with a heavy guilt he continued to wear. it wasn't something he could or would ever air to the man beside him. so, what was the point in arguing?

dae-hyun ignores him, staring out the window, at the blur of colourful city lights that pass them by. the name of a bar touches his ears and he gives a sideways glance to julian, directing the driver. his opinion goes unsought, unsurprisingly, and truthfully, the thought of drowning his woes in liquor sounded better than aimlessly meandering about in a cold and empty hotel suite. he anticipates a crowded venue given the late hour, which did not feel him with ease. if they were less conspicuous, they might be able to get away with entering through the front. the driver can apparently read minds and needs no further prompting, escorting them around to a private valet entrance.

“ don't wait, ” dae-hyun mutters to the driver, as he gets out of the car and makes his way in without further fuss. the bar strikes him with a sense of familiarity. “ we've been here before, ” he states, although it sounds more like a question. there's a pause as he ascends the small flight of stars, the unique arch of the entryway plucking at a memory cord. nevertheless, he wanders in, eager to make his way to the bar.

[tenshiei]

don't wait catches julian off guard, but he says nothing about it. perhaps dae-hyun needs a night off just as much as he does, the past week mostly spent holed up in the studio as their song was fine-tuned and finally mixed. they are both perfectionists when it comes to their craft, after all. there's a reason julian never speaks ill of his ex-boyfriend's work whenever asked about it, choosing instead to poke fun at lesser things that don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

❝ we came here for my birthday once. remember? the year you had that red buzzcut. ❞ julian recalls it vividly, the sounds of his friends and colleagues singing happy birthday to him through the haze of smoke and shitty bar lighting. he'd been mostly sober that year, writing a new album and accepting a few modeling jobs at the behest of his mother. dae-hyun had flown in for the occasion, the two of them having been in a short period of having to do long distance. julian doesn't think he's ever been as happy to see dae-hyun as he had been that day, having looked up and smiled at him before blowing out the candles on his extravagant cake.

avoiding the very seat that still lives in his memories, julian chooses one furthest from it. he waves the bartender over, expression once again stoic when he turns to dae-hyun after ordering. ❝ my mom's been asking about you. please fucking humor her before she accuses me of not letting you know. she's already on my ass as it is. there's a dinner next week for ysl. she's gonna put in a good word for you for their next campaign. ❞

[ellaetal]

[  REJECTED  ] :  sender leans in to kiss receiver, but receiver pulls away.  ( for alfendi bc i woke up evil this morning )

@tenshiei

PERHAPS IF JULIAN HAD TIMED IT BETTER, he might've been kissed in return. But the Alfendi sat beside him was not the one who teased and laughed, who accompanied him to coffee shops and bullied him for his tastes. No, it was a man who feared the touch of another more than he feared a bullet.

Placid jerked his head back instinctively, his eyes wide as they glanced between Julian's eyes and lips, not certain which unsettled him more.

"What are you doing?" he asked, an edge to his tone. "We're not-- this is rather improper, don't you think?"

[tenshiei]

the abrupt reaction startles julian just as much, nearly making him drop his cigarette. their gazes meet, eyes wild and confused on both parts. maybe he's been reading the signs wrong these past few weeks, though julian doesn't think he's ever misread them when it comes to anything of this nature. his limbs feel heavier, a pain beginning to settle into his chest. for all of his overt flirtation and teasing, he never actually wants to make anyone uncomfortable with being around him. not when he's been harassed and taken advantage of himself many a time.

julian stands up, disappointed in himself rather than the situation. he doesn't know how he's supposed to look at alfendi now, not remember this moment—this severe miscalculation—and not feel some degree of shame. ❝ nothing, ❞ he says quietly before walking into the kitchen to fix himself a drink, ❝ you're right. i'm sorry. ❞

[tenshiei]

the words have julian smiling against @elysiaemelody's skin, lips pressed to the space just below his left eye. the musician has figured out how easily phainon melts at gentle touches, face cradled in julian's hands with care just like the night of their first kiss.

❝ i like when you're greedy with me, ❞ he admits quietly between kisses to the rest of phainon's face. julian had begun at his lips, eventually trailing off to each cheek and forehead before both closed eyelids. the more phainon had relaxed under him, the more incentivized julian had been to keep going. ❝ in fact, i think you should be greedier. ❞

[fukstar]

He  was  waiting,  waiting  for  the  utter catastrophe  of  his  own  personality  to  seem  beautiful  again.  Waiting  for  the  memory  of  why  they  had  started  fighting  in  the  first  place  to  rupture  and  break  through,  to  remind  him  of  what  had  gone  wrong.  The  heeled  boot  flies  past  his  head  with  a  near  startling  accuracy,  sharp  as  a  whip  yet  only  half  as  sweet.  The  thud  is  enough  to  wake  his  tinnitus  out  of  its  dormant  state,  ringing,  ringing,   ringing  …  and  suddenly,  why  it  started  doesn’t  matter  anymore.  What  matters  was  the  turn  it  had  taken.  

❛  What  the  actual  fuck  is  wrong  with  you?!  ❜  Cillian  hardly  raises  his  voice,  ever.  He  was  quiet  by  nature,  soft  spoken  if  nothing  else.  The  exception  was  the  stage  …  and  the  here,  the  now.  Now,  he  was  biting  back   ──  energy  fluctuating  like  the  turning  tides  amidst  a  storm,  rising  to  match  Julian’s  anger.  

❛  ──  You  really  wanna  start  this?  Because  we  can  either  keep  fucking  going  until  we  break  everything  in  the  stupid  goddamn  hotel  room,  or  you  can  try  explaining  like  a  normal  fucking  person  what  the  hell  is  going  on  with  you.  ❜

It  was  a  choice,  and  one  that  only  Julian  could  make.  He  couldn’t  make  it  for  him.  Cillian  knew  better  than  to  try  that.  Yet  still,  he  found  himself  standing  there,  nails  digging  into  the  flesh  of  his  palm,  and  the  ringing again  …  the  ringing.  ❛  Your  fucking  call,  so  what’s  it  gonna  be,  huh?  Gonna  throw  another  shoe  or  act  like  a  fucking  adult  for  once  in  your  life?  ❜

[tenshiei]

❝ right now you're what's wrong with me. ❞ this lie is easier to fall into, to build upon. maybe julian is better off cutting and running. so he begins the process, picking up his other boot and stomping over to retrieve the one he'd flung at cillian's head. he feeds off the anger in the shouts directed at him, preferring them to anything soft. he can't do soft right now.

taking a seat at the edge of the bed, julian shoves his feet into the boots and starts lacing them up in silence. he doesn't know where he's going yet. he could call for a car, or wander around until he finds a bar that's still open. the latter sounds more appealing, so he goes with that plan as he tries his best to tune out cillian's words. standing upright again, he's grateful to be at eye level in this volatile moment.

❝ i don't owe you a fucking explanation for anything. you want me to act like an adult? fine. i'm leaving. problem solved. no more fighting. have fun jerking off to my instagram pictures, 'cause that's the only way you'll ever see me now. ❞

he shoves past cillian, wishing with every fiber of his being that the door he pulls open wasn't one of those stupid doors that's designed to close slowly. slamming it shut would be ideal for his exit, but he works with what he has, giving it a solid kick once it closes behind him and latches into place. fuck cillian. julian doesn't need him. he doesn't need anyone.

[tenshiei]

his mind has been elsewhere. retreating into himself, it gets more and more difficult to climb his way out. julian hears @eatsraw say something, the moment passing him by the first time around. her voice sounds garbled to him, like she's underwater. by the time he lets an inquisitive "hm?" slip out, the delay of his reaction feels awkward and disconcerting. mina repeats herself, and julian blinks, strange reverie broken.

❝ oh. you did? ❞ the words make him smile, confession unexpected. julian had also missed mina, though he was always more cautious to admit such things. so many times over the past week he had composed a message to her, only to never send it. the clingy parts of him long to stretch out like vines and engulf her. he must be careful ... he tests the waters anyway. ❝ i missed you too. should i call next time? ❞

[tenshiei]

temper flaring, it only takes a split second for julian to pick up one of his boots and launch it as hard as he can in @fukstar's direction. the heavier part of the heel makes contact with the wall of the hotel room they're in, inches away from cillian's head. it leaves a sizable dent in the wall, deep enough that it is not something that can be easily explained away upon check-out.

a certain anniversary has reared its ugly head as it does every year, reminding julian of a truth he lives by. everyone will leave. whether they want to or not. he looks over at cillian with the demeanor of someone who is barely hanging on by a thread. ❝ don't fucking talk to me like that. ❞

[fukstar]

tell me yet again about when we met and what you thought of me. ( for cillian 🙂‍↕️ )

YOU SEEM PRETTY SAD FOR A GIRL SO IN LOVE, ACCEPTING ( ... ) FEATURING CILLIAN ROSEINGRAVE & JULIAN DEVEREAUX.

He  had  always  heard  that  honesty  was  the  best  policy,  but  sometimes  the  white  lies  plucked  out  of  thin  air  were  just  a  bit  more  compelling.  Easier  to  swallow,  or  spit  out.   Pour  concrete  over  it,  bury  it  down,  down,  down   …  pretend  the  emotions  didn’t  exist,  hide  it  behind  the  thickened  veneer  of  whatever  costumed  persona  he  was  wearing  that  day.  Leave  the matters  of  the  heart  at  the  bottom  of  a  bottle  ──  rinse  and  repeat,  day  in  and  day  out.  

Cillian  recalls  the  day  they  met  about  as  much  as  he  recognizes  his  own  face  in  the  mirror.  It  becomes  clearer  the  harder  he  focuses,  yet  all  the  more  disconcerting.  He  remembers  first  seeing  the  infinite  mass  of  black  spirals  and  curls,  framing  the  slope  of  his  jaw  and  the  fullness  of  his  lips.  He  remembers  the  gentle  curve  of  his  side,  flesh  peeking  out  from  underneath  the  hem  of  a  shirt.  The  way  his  hip  bones  jutted  out,  elastic  waistband  clinging  on  for  dear  life.  More  than  this,   he  remembers  the  manner  in  which  he  moved  in  perfect  synchronicity  with  the  flow  of  the  work  they  had  thrown  themselves  into  ──   how  quickly  the  two  had  adapted  to  one  another,  nearly  seamless.  The  harmonious  ensemble  of  clockwork,  grinding  out  their  finest  work.  It  was  the  mind  that  always  ensnared  Cillian  first,  and  Julian  was  like  a  goddamn  bear  trap,  teeth  and  all.  

❛ I  remember  …  showing  up  to  the  studio  that  day,  meeting  you,  the  band,  the  engineer.  I  remember  how  seriously  you  took  yourself,  which  ──  I  mean,  I  was  impressed,  you’re  great  at  what  you  do,  but  it’s  kind  of  funny  in  hindsight.  I  don’t  know.  I  think  we  just  worked  really  well  together,  and  that’s  …   the  thing  that  sticks  out  most  about  that  day. ❜

Never  mind  the  fact that  he  doesn’t  recall  a  single  word  that  was  scrawled,  and  that  he  had  physically  felt  time  slipping  through  his  fingers  as  the  session  came  to  a  close.   Never  mind  the  fact  that,  that  night,   his  mind  had  fallen  into  a  pathetic  loop  …  always  returning  to  the  same  burning  curiosity  fluttering  across  the  backs  of  his  eyelids  in  technicolor.  

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤYeah.  Partial  truths  were  easier  to  admit  out  loud.

[tenshiei]

head idly lying on cillian's lap as they take an impromptu rest upon the concrete, julian's face is turned upwards to the darkening sky as he smokes a pilfered cigarette. his sunglasses are still on, giving him a tinted and rather murky view of cillian's expression after he makes his request. he can't help the way a genuine smirk tugs at his lips when cillian actually listens, julian having expected to hear an emotionless fuck off or something of that ilk.

an ego boost as a quick pick-me-up after a long, mentally taxing day is not something julian is a stranger to. cillian's words are no exception ... however, as each point correlates to professionalism and skill rather than physical appearance, the blood that rushes in julian's veins runs hot. he says nothing at first, biting down on the inside of his bottom lip to keep quiet. accepting praise too enthusiastically despite it being what he'd asked for feels like exposing his belly and begging to be executed, no matter who is witness to it. call it a coping mechanism, forged after years of being taken advantage of. how he wishes he could go back in time to protect his teenage self from the depravity of the industry.

julian takes his sunglasses off and perches them atop messy curls now that the sun has carried out its final bow and dipped below the horizon line. he reaches up, giving cillian a firm tap-tap to the cheek. ❝ hmm. i'm a little disappointed. i mean, it's a start. but you didn't mention how good i looked even once, and i caught you staring at least three times that day... so i know you noticed. ❞ julian's voice is pure velvet when he speaks again, fingertip gently tracing down the slope of cillian's nose, eyes watching carefully even from his inconvenient position— ❝ lying by omission is still a sin, you know. ❞

[elysiaemelody]

❝  i  can  dance  sober,  smartass.  but  having  a  buzz  makes  it  a  little  less  humiliating.  ❞  making  combat  look  effortlessly  smooth  is  one  thing  phainon  excels  at,  but  unfortunately  that  skill  never  extended  to  much  else.  he  knows  that  dancing  in  a  club  should  be  more  about  letting  loose  and  having  fun  and  less  about  being  good  at  it,  but  he'll  do  what  he  can  to  minimize  his  embarrassment  however  he  can  anyways.

phainon  rests  his  free  hand  on  the  bar  top  and  lets  his  fingers  drum  along  to  nothing  in  particular,  mostly  out  of  a  restlessness  he's  never  quite  been  able  to  shake.  the  fidgeting  pauses  once  julian's  head  tilts  over  to  press  against  his  shoulder,  a  fondness  warming  phainon's  gaze  that  he  can't  quite  keep  at  bay  and  a  smile  subconsciously  creeping  onto  the  corners  of  his  lips.  he  considers  teasing  julian  about  being  clingy  tonight—  something  lighthearted  to  cover  up  how  their  growing  closeness  seems to make  phainon's  heart  to  beat  just  a  little  faster.  instead,  he  opts  for  letting  his  thumb  brush  subtly  against  julian's  hand  that  he  still  clutches  onto.  the  watchful  gazes  nearby  only  remind  him  they  should  exercise  caution.  if  anyone  happened  to  snap  a  picture  and  it  gained  any  traction,  phainon  would  no  doubt  be  guaranteed  another  lecture  or  worse.

the bartender slides them their drinks and phainon grabs his with his free hand, pausing to tip it slightly towards julian to offer up a quick cheers. for all of his usual adamance about sticking to the rules of his profession, there's a hint of mirth in bright blues reserved for the little bubble they've found themselves in together.  ❝  to  a  fun  night  out.  i  know  you  don't  get  them  as  much  lately,  so  let's  make  it  a  good  one.  ❞

[tenshiei]

the thumb that rubs against his hand is soothing, julian mirroring the gesture. it's not like this is the first time he's held phainon's hand ... sometimes, in the chaos of being in public and getting from point a to point b, they are forced to clasp hands so that julian can keep up with phainon's longer strides. other times, it's for his safety as they move up a flight of stairs or through tricky flooring situations if julian is wearing any form of heeled boot or platform. tonight is different, however. he'd taken phainon's hand initially out of need for an anchor; something to tether them to one another as they'd moved through the mess of strangers.

only when their drinks arrive and they toast, does julian let go of the bodyguard's hand. he regrets it immediately, even if he had begun to feel ridiculous in the seconds that had led up to their departure. the look in phainon's eyes is brand new and mesmerizing to someone like julian, who always tries to get people out of their comfort zone. as he downs half his drink in one go, julian wonders what the turning point was for phainon tonight. what had convinced him he needs to relax sometimes too.

❝ do you really think dancing is humiliating? ❞ julian asks after he steps directly into phainon's space, using the excuse of the club's music being loud. he sips on the rest of his drink as he waits for an answer, eyes narrowing playfully. they're practically pressed against one another now, julian holding his glass out of the way as he looks up at phainon expectantly, though some of the mischief from the bus makes its way back. ❝ because i really don't think you should be embarrassed about anything when you look this good. ❞