Hi! I was just wondering in general for your happily ever after LL fics where Dratchet are disgustingly in love and working on things every day: is Drift like a sort of, "effective hedonist"? Or can his form of spectralism count as the sort of spirituality that encourages or is in line with Effective Hedonist thought?
Like he knows he has the bad habit of punishing himself (or denying himself certain pleasures) for a variety of reasons, but does that mean he also tries to actively enjoy or plan in small pleasures and appreciate the life he has? Because he knows he otherwise wont?
What about Ratchet? Was he more like a pure Hedonist in his youth before the war took a toll on him? Is he able to indulge in some of that now that its all finally over and he's allowed to be happy? Does this help Drift?
I'm just really interesting in your thoughts on the intersection between Drift's spirituality and spectralism, how that flavour of religion brought him comfort or even some hope, even if he felt performative or wavering in his faith (not that there is anything inherently wrong in performance mind you, if one if genuine in their beliefs. Ceremonies are performances and they have genuine and valid functions).
I had to do some thinking with this one, and some light reading. The concept and definition of Hedonism has changed so much over the years and is to the point that it is vastly varied depending on culture and methodology of practice.Â
This is my opinion, take it with a grain of salt.
I do not view Drift as a hedonist in any sense, and there is a great deal of confusion surrounding his beliefs in the comics.
In truth: Spectralists do not believe in Primus. Their entire practice is the understanding of ones âauraâ or presented colors, usually the optics. The color of ones auras denoted the true nature of ones feelings and pain levels. On multiple occasions Drift speaks about ones such aura, denoting they were in great pain despite their cheerful appearance. Thunderclash was a Spectralist as well.
Decepticons were forbidden from believing in any religion as well, as it was viewed as a transgression against Megatron. Those spouting religion were put to death.
At some point in Drifts time before or during his time in the Dead End he held some beliefs, all of which were stripped away from him with Gaskets death and becoming a Decepticon. His time with the Circle of Light had him questioning himself and his prior beliefs, but it wouldnât be until he stabbed himself in Vector Sigma that he had a religious reawakening. The Circle of Life itself was not what converted Drift, although there is some thought they had developed their own version of the Primal Sacrament and the Guiding Hand belief. Drift began his practice of Spectralism most likely near the end of the war (All Hail Megatron)
While Drift stated he was a Spectralists, the truth was he was pursuing several religions at once, particularly those of the Guiding Hand and the Knights of Cybertron. A belief he held after Rodimus found the map and started the search for the Circle. We can see cracks in his beliefs and convictions throughout the comics, Drift very much was a mech searching for answers to questions he would never get the answers too. You could speak against Primus with him near, or in Ratchets case never have any religious beliefs at all. Drift used his religious beliefs as a front against others, a smokescreen so they wouldn't question his eccentric behaviors. He had issues, been abandoned, friends killed, drug abuse, brainwashing, living as a lone agent for thousands of years. All in the pursuit of questions we all ask ourselves. at some point in our lives.
Why me? Why did I have to suffer so much? All the bad things I have done, the bots I have killed, is there any reality in existence that I could ever atone for my actions?Â
All Drift wanted was to find acceptance and happiness in his life. He wanted friends, and maybe something more, without his past clouding their view of him. The constant risk of their lives being stolen away, a threat that weighed heavy on Drifts mind. The incident of Mederi and âCybertupiaâ, meeting a false Guiding Hand. Even later realizing during a discussion with Ratchet the the vision he had been given were from the telepaths. For years Drift had ventured and preached the words of Primus and the Primal Pastoral, only for it to all be another false prophecy. You cannot tell me that didnât effect him negatively.
If Primus isn't real, and I am not his prophet, then what is my purpose?
It broke him, something he kept hidden. He kept his beliefs in Spectralism and his beliefs in the teaching of the Circle of Light, the pathway forward to atonement that Wing and Dai Atlus had granted him. In a happy world, Ratchet does not die, and the two spend many long years together rebuilding Cybertron.Â
So I donât fully agree with Drift having hedonistic tendencies by definition. He seeks pleasures and comforts in this world, spending credits on anything and everything that is asked of him. If it makes those around him happy, is that not the right thing to do? He even has a perverted side to him, millions of years of repression and chastity sealed away deep in his processor, suddenly he has a partner that can help him work through his issues and allow him to divulge in those scenarios or pleasures. But it is not everyday, and the reality is that the Drift is still very much a broken mech under his soft smile and gentle touch.
On outward appearances he seems collected and cool, but Ratchet (Rung, perhaps even Rodimus) know that his processor and inner thoughts are a torrent of self reflection and pain. Drift often causes himself serious pain or injuries himself purposely, or doubts his self worth, feeling that he isnât worthy of any attention given. Ratchet would find scratches or gouges in his paint in hidden places.
âHe buys his friendsâ is a comment that was once made while discussing TFs, and you cannot say it isnât true, that Rodimus and some of the others have not benefited from Drifts gross generosity. Drift torments himself on the daily, through mental bereavement and through meditation. He does not consume the finer things in life like Engex or refined energon, he would live simply in a plain habsuite, if Ratchet was not around he most likely would never touch energon treats or candies again.
On his own, Drift would be more akin to a monk. Stripping himself of worldly pleasures such as finer fuels and metal polishes. We see this in EOS, Drift purposely ignores his frame and needs during his exile period, breaking himself down in hopes it will kill him eventually. Suicide was not an option, at the time, although his actions could be described as suicidal. Drift wanted to die, to see his end in the Allspark and be free of his inner turmoils of ever being accepted.
Deadlock was definitely hedonistic, he took great pleasure in hunting down his targets and executing them. Pleasure in serving Megatron, his addictive tendencies leading him to a engex problem. For Deadlock all that mattered was his gun, his target, and his convictions. And that personality still lives in Drift, a constant battle for control. It wears him down, his attitude and feelings going into depressive episodes, knowing that if he lost control for just a moment Deadlock would seize control.
He missed Wing, on the mechs ability to put him back into place. It wasnât that Ratchet was unable too, or unwilling, it was a line Drift didnât want to cross with the medic. Deadlock intensely wanted the medic, possessive thoughts and of claiming him, Drift knowing that Ratchet would give in.
Drift is altruistic more than hedonistic, but if I had to give him a label of that psychological type I would say psychological hedonism, more on the Autosadism aspect. Drift would rather inflict pain on himself than pleasure, because he has convinced himself it is the only thing he deserves.Â
(In a better scenario, if Drift was to adopt any concept of Hedonism, it would be of the Tantric sort, although left or right handed is up to you)
Ratchet, however, is absolutely on the hedonistic scale. As a younger mech in his academic days he earned the nickname of âParty Ambulance,â a moniker he earned by seeking pleasure over studies. Perhaps Ratchet was naturally gifted from forging, or something else entirely. To him grades didnât matter, he knew he was good, and as such he would rather drink and frag his way though academy. His relationship with Pharma may have been the key to loosing his moniker. If any bot could be described as Hedonistic is was Pharma. Prideful in both his looks and work, he thrived on the comments and accolades he received. And he took his pleasure from those around him, including Ratchet. That behavior is ultimately what drove them apart.
Pharma was more concerned with himself and his success, as deserved as it was, but as Ratchet matured and found his place in the medical field he realized he enjoyed helping those around him. His drop in clinic in the Dead End was to benefit others, Ratchet utilizing his skills to save those in desperate need. Never asking for payment or favors, the simple fact that he had succeeded was enough for Ratchet. The war continued that altruistic behavior, helping his fellow Autobots and then humans over himself, placing his frame in danger and injury to keep others safe.Â
He still enjoyed the finer things in life, a clean medical bay, refined engex when he could. Perhaps a frag with an old friend. Medics had a tendency to hit the bottle to self soothe, and Ratchet was no different. He bottled his anger and misgivings up like the rest, hoping the bottom of a glass would dull the pain. When his hands began to fail Ratchet was of the mindset that he was becoming useless and ready to die, his attempt at one more glory ride on the Lost Light before his eventual self termination.
I have a strong belief that had the Delphi Incident not occurred, Ratchet would have been driven to suicide. He couldnât face the facts that despite everyone telling him otherwise, Ratchet felt he had become useless. With the exception of Rodimus and Drift, he had been abandoned as well, Optimus and the others rarely checked in on him. Assuming he was fine, Ratchet was always fine. He was always at Swerves when he was off shift, or grumpily cleaning the medbay.Â
Pharmas hands gave him a new lease on life, the bitterness and despair suddenly lifted, only for Drift to leave him. To be tortured by Pharma and forced to kill another medic to survive. To watch bots all around him fade away as they worked to solve the killswitch issue. The biggest pain in his ass that was Megatron now captain of the ship, Ratchet forced to trick him on a daily basis that he was drinking poisoned energon. Hedonistic tendencies took a back seat, Ratchet realizing that a critical piece in his life was missing.
Perhaps it was seeking of pleasure, those stolen moments or comments from Drift, what had seemed to be an agitating gesture was in reality a sign of friendship. Ratchet pursued Drift because he needed him back.Â
Their life was not perfect. They bickered, all couples fight over trivial things. Drift had certain behaviors that bothered Ratchet, sometimes he knew Drift was putting on a front to keep others happy. Days went by where they were on different shifts or so exhausted they rarely saw each other. Stolen moments, a brief touch of servos or a lingering look. Falling asleep on the couch, or sidways on the berth until morning. Other times a comfortable silence existed between them, the two moving about each other with ease, going about their day without a word.
Ratchet was the one that sought pleasure from Drift the majority of the time, rarely did Drift refuse. Most of the time it was simple, other times it was more complex. Drift would go through a periods where he couldnât bring himself to allow Ratchet to touch him, the two working through it together. That is the nature of relationships, especially when you had one partner that was not mentally sound.Â
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Drift used his spectralism to read those around him, a defensive tool for a defensive bot always on edge. It also formed a facade around him, to keep others away. As desperately as Drift wanted someone closer, the old habits (DE Drift/Deadlock) never left him. Keep them wondering, never revealing the truth. Hippy Drippy Drift is a broken mech under a fake smile. Drift would study various religions, even ones outside of Cybertronian circles in pursuit of answers and atonement. A glaring issue with JRO and the comics is they tried to make Drift into a spiritual being when the reality was he more a scholar trying to find answers to the pain in his life. They used it as foil for Drifts character and certain interactions, but made it messy. It was like they were trying to portray Drift as a religious person who flip flopped between being a celibate monk and a overzealous TV preacher. It doesn't work and discredits his character. It wouldn't be until an interview with JRO later on that he described Drift as continuing his religious STUDIES and perhaps building a dojo with a clinic, using his past experience and keystone beliefs as a guiding path. Drift had religious beliefs, but he wasn't firm on them. Did Drift believe in Primus? At one point, probably. But then the reality of the Guiding Hand and Mederi, and that his visions were all false more than likely shook him up. Now it was a concept, a word he read and used, something he questioned in his pursuit of finding answers through other religions.
I like to think his time with the Circle of Light is what set Drift on his current path, his use of aura reading and meditation to find a balance within himself, to keep moving forward. He found peace with Ratchet, and settling down on Cybertron. In teaching others that had lost their way, that they could find their place once more by finding their own path to atonement. Drifts path was self abuse and convictions, the belief that out there was something greater that ruled them all. He kept the Great Sword with him as a tool for balance, Wings spark in the hilt a reminder he had a greater purpose now. He was still a killer, a soldier in lifes great war. That would never change, but Drift killed in the name of balancing the wrongs of the universe now. Setting slaves free, pulling those from misaligned power down, and protecting those he loved.
He loved Ratchet, always had. Even as Deadlock, the possessive side of his former personality a constant threat in his mind. The only path Drift knew was pain, even in those brief moments of pleasure. He would indulge when he could, as he knew the pain would always return.Â
Megatron set his convictions and made him a killer
Wing set him on his path to atonement and acceptance
Drift carved a new path in life based on Wings teachings
Ratchet kept him steady and focused
If Ratchet seeked his own pleasure in Drift, it was reciprocal, the medic knew how much pain he truly was in. It is better to be loved than to be forgotten, or ignored, or even hated. If Ratchet was the only one who ever saw who Drift really was, or the only one who ever loved him, then he was fine with it. He would rather spend his eternity with one than nothing
