Basically the last thing I’ll post about this, and I’m sure most of the internet will look past it and it will become “so Monday” for plenty of people. This is a very long text post, and I don’t expect people to read it or care. But thank you, if you do take the time to read it.
HOWEVER:
This apology is too little too late.
Between the first post, and the final apology, there are 3 major mis-steps.
1. Fighting with your customer base/making them feel insignificant/banning and encouraging censorship and clique behavior.
2. the “Sorry we are not sorry” …apology
3. THAT 8th commandment. That is really the biggest slap in the face and show a complete lack of understanding as to WHY people were justifiably upset when BM not only broke their own commandments, but they insisted on making anybody who disagreed seem like they were “overly sensitive” or “crazy” or had “unpopular” opinions
Those are one too many mishandlings before an actual apology. After a buzzfeed article and a heavily noted post on tumblr… the apology seems forced. And even if it IS sincere, because of all the mishandlings and mightier-than-thou posts, all sincerity is actually questionable now.
I’m not angry, nor fuming. Nor do I personally feel hurt by the company. This is not some hidden agenda, this is not oversensitivity. This is about pointing out the issues, what they mean, why they should matter, and what the actual result has been on the subject of Girl-vs-Girl Hate and it’s perpetuation. To me, that Meme matters, it isn’t the core issue, but it is definitely still an issue…big or small, doesn’t change the issue!
These are the major problems I see with the BM debacle:
1. Shooting yourself in the foot, Cutting your nose to spite the face.
A company such as Black Milk, who has turned themselves into the Luxury Geek Fashion Item Brand, “lightheartedly jokes” at a very real and existing problem within not just the geek community but FEMALE community, GIRL VS GIRL (Slut vs Virgin, Pretty vs Ugly, Skinny vs Fat etc etc).
Then they (BM) respond with a complete utter lack of self-awareness, respect, integrity, and diverges greatly from their own positive-all-inclusive community they’ve helped build. They take zero ownership with the attitude: OMG its not a big deal guys. chill out.
They leave one of their biggest consumers, the geek girl, feeling alienated, unappreciated…and some how as if they are back at the un-cool kids table.
2. With great power comes great responsibility.
When you’re Black Milk, have a huge influence on many people (some of them very young people), have a voice that can be heard, your actions, reactions, and attitudes should be a little more… responsible?
People can say, well they didn’t ASK to be put in that position, but realistically, they did.
With popularity, comes influence, power, a voice, and people who look to you. Whether as a trendsetter or business model or what is socially acceptable, they will value your opinions and actions.
And when you are in that position, a little consideration might be in order. Not just to what you post, but as to how you should react.
3. YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US attitudes and those who reinforce it.
AKA Dehumanization or creating a Second Class Fan group.
The company (or it’s Social Media Representative) with the aid of ‘Supportive Fans’ begin to, in so many ways, attack/label/belittle/dehumanize other fans (also mostly women from what i observed) as ‘overly sensitive’ or ‘crazy’ or ‘taking themselves too seriously’ or ‘if you don’t agree with us, then you can leave’. This causes an even greater divide and alienation of the culture which has brought them to the forefront.
For the record, yes. When you try to act like other people are some how insane for having a different opinion or pointing out your errors because you are in a position of influence/power, when you silence them, treat them as second class citizens/fans, or act as if they are less than ‘normal’ it is how you dehumanize people.
This In-Group, Out-Group dynamic only works to further make one group feel like they are less valuable than another. This seems a pretty bad idea if you are a business who profits from BOTH groups, who wants to grow, and obtain more business.
There are plenty of fans on the other side who are not innocent, whose response to the initial photo… was equally poor.
4. IT IS JUST A MEME. An Irresponsible and Dismissive Attitude.
This is not just BM’s original stance, but also plenty of other fans, and plenty fans continue to stand by this.
And literally you are all right about that, it is just a meme.
And Name calling never hurt anyone right?
Nobody ever did something terrible or tragic to themselves or others because someone or some PEOPLE did something small, like make fun of them, or call them something online, or made a meme about them (or something that represents them). RIGHT? (yes. I am being sarcastic.)
We can go back and forth and argue about intent all day long, but:
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
Whether you believe in religion or hell, I think you are intelligent people and understand that proverb.
Historically, many people have been affected adversely with something as small as “good intentions” or you know, light hearted jokes. Wars, even recent ones, have been started with “good intentions”
And, I can be honest. It is a small issue, made even smaller in the grand scheme of things. But please people, stop trying to sell it as a non-issue. Its sill an issue, related to a whole bunch of other small dismissive behavior social issues.
Name Calling, Gossip, Cat-Calling… aren’t or WEREN’T these things “small” issues too at some point?
Again, lets call a spade a spade.
Call it (the image) a small issue, but don’t tell people that it’s not an actual issue. It is totally an issue. I see things related to this issue reblogged and posted everyday.
5. More Girl on Girl Hate
This is basically the result of the entire thing. Whether you want to see it or not. Take a step back and look at their community now.
From Fans still trying to justify the original actions, to Local Groups separating their opinions from the post/comment/actions of BM, to their growing population of former-customers and people treated poorly during this event.
Two sides arguing with each other, girls telling other girls to calm their tits, pulling one side down over the other. One side telling the other, it’s okay to hate THESE kinds of girls. Whether the “THESE” are the ones who spoke up about it, or now, the ones who continue to support BM.
With an apology, days too late, the damage is kind of done. It was a step backward in the world of “Positivity, Inclusion, and Girl Self Love!”
The apology, well it’s really a tiny band-aid on multiple stab wounds to the trust they had built with their community.
Whether you want to buy from BM again or not, that’s really up to the individual. Just know what you are doing it for, as an individual. Accept the apology, or don’t accept it.
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For the record, I was neither a huge fan or a huge hater of Black Milk. I own 2 pieces (BeetleJuice leggings and Game of Thrones Westeros Dress). I have never paid full price, and one was a gift.
Will I buy from BM again? No. I will probably just avoid them all together and continue supporting other Geek brands: Gold Bubble, Jeffie, We Love Fine, Insert Coin.
Why? Because
1. I have generally had reservations to the pricing and some of the quality control. The reason why I only have 2 things is because those are the only 2 things I have really felt were worth getting for the price and design/picture/print.
2. I have often felt they pandered to the Geek Community, the company started out with just prints/leggings, and their first Geek prints blew up and then the focus began to shift. Which is fine, it was a good business move.
But!!!
Insulting women, censorship, and the “Popular Girl” (or Mean Girl) attitude is something I cannot abide. If you’re a Geek Pop Culture focused company, then you should know better than to continue to treat Geeks like they are unpopular losers, especially if they have helped support your company. It is a whole different level of messed up.
Do I have friends who still support BM?
Of course I do. And they are still my friends.
And that is their own choice and I have to respect it.
To me, its like having religious friends, friends who are vegetarian or vegan, or just have a different belief system.
They have their beliefs and I have mine, as long as we are not trying to shove it down each other’s throats I don’t have a problem, and I don’t make them feel any less valuable.
Please excuse any/all grammatical and spelling errors.
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