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"Et on dansait sur les tombes pour regarder la mort en face" Hopecore blogger

[bardace]

Shut Up, I Don’t Care

[lawbreaker13]

Oh I hate this so much, incredible job OP

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Of course I live in the past, that’s where you are. I could never leave you behind. I hold memories of you dearly. You still are everything to me. Until death. Even in death. Even beyond.

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I am the architect of my own destruction.

Not at first of course. At first I lived a quiet, soft life. At first I was kind and hopeful.

And then I met this guy. And he was… chaos. I discovered after he left why the name tornados after people.

Every organised part of my life he ripped. Every joy he stripped me of.

I died a lot to live a little with him. I sold everything I was for the mere idea of making him content.

My biggest sin, I destroyed myself for nothing.

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I have spent the best part of the last 5 years in utmost denial. I have lied to myself to the upmost degree. I have punished myself with deprivation of truth. I have refused to even entertain the mere existence of the slightest thought of you. I have bound my soul to forbid any memory of you from every resurfacing. I have killed my essence born from any love I had for you… any love I have for you. Yet I saw you last night, for just a moment, and memories came crashing down.

I remember now. How I don’t exist if I don’t love you. 5 years of total negation. 5 years of being, nothing. 5 years without ever seeing you.

You are everything. You always were.

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[textcolorful]

Fyi, moving on does not mean never looking back. It means when doing so, being met with the absolute certainty that the path you are on is the right one and that you would not go back for the world.

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Le drame de ma vie, confondre être choisie et être chérie.

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My baby sister. Only one year younger than me but forever my baby. Forever the person I protect, I cherish, I love. Forever the person that can hurt me the most and make me feel the safest. My skin, my blood, my heart. The best gift of my life.

[resqectable]

“Why wasn’t friendship as good as a relationship? Why wasn’t it even better? It was two people who remained together, day after day, bound not by sex or physical attraction or money or children or property, but only by the shared agreement to keep going, the mutual dedication to a union that could never be codified.”

— Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

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And next time you want to tell him how badly you want to marry him, please remember his reaction the last time you broached the subject. Please remember how when you said « should we get married? » he answered « what for? »

Tic tac, tic tac, white rabbit is gaining ground my love.

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We are oceans apart /

Yet every night /

When I come home late from work /

And the whole world is sound asleep /

When only the moon is my witness /

Every night /

You bless me with your voice. /

Tonight /

As always /

You waited /

For me /

For me /

For me /

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Oh how I suffer from anticipatory grief now. I was always a tormented girl, but every since meeting you… it’s like drowning from the shore. The idea of potentially living in a world where you no longer breathe… I am at loss for words

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To be seen, to be known and still be chosen.

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Of course I laugh too hard and love too intensely, I was an almost-dead 13 year-old and now I am fully healed 24 year-old making time for the years death almost stole from me.

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Healed so hard I now practice the whimsical hobbies my struggling 13 year-old self gave up.

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If I could time-travel, I would no go see the construction of the Pyramids or the Roman Empire, I would go back 10 years to tell my little 13 year-old self that we made it out. I would thank her for everything she did, for the way she kept going. I would tell her how it all worked out.

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My favorite sentence ever, the one I aspire to follow like a Bible verse is « trail of failure or museum of trying? ». What is life if not putting yourself out there? What is life if not facing the vulnerable state of trying again and again because the goal is bigger than the path?

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The thing is… I don’t need him to go to war for me, I can fight my own battles /

I need him to be soft for me… /

To take pictures of flowers that remind him of me. /

To peel a grenade for me because they are beautiful and worth the mess, /

and maybe I am beautiful and worth the mess too.

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