no rest for the wicked

😈 💔 "baphomet has 46 miracles to his name, all of which are text messages sent to phones that don't exist yet."

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

2:00 pm

baphomet: haven't heard from esau lately 🐍

cain: ... he's a snake? How the fuck do you expect to hear from him?

baphomet: dunno. you could like send me a pic of him every once in a while or smth

cain: Why?

baphomet: bc he's my m8

cain: He's a SNAKE.

baphomet: u never hear how baphomet has a thing with snakes?

cain: No?

baphomet: maybe u should do ur research m8 😒

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

8:00 am

baphomet: when's ur birthday?

cain: Why?

baphomet: ur my m8 i wanna send u a present 😁

cain: I don't like the sound of that...

baphomet: WHEN'S UR BIRTHDAY?

cain: Not until November, jeez.

baphomet: hmm well i can't wait that long it's too gud

baphomet: keep ur eyes out for a ~package~ 👀

cain: Oh god.

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

11:44 pm

baphomet: u listened to my new single yet?

cain: I don't listen to your music.

baphomet: wtf m8 😳

baphomet: u listen to vali's music tho

cain: Hate to break it to you, but her music is more my taste.

baphomet: low blow m8 low blow 👿👿👿👿👿👿

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

3:55 pm

baphomet: what's ur weekend like? thinking bout popping over the pond for a bit, miss seeing u m8

cain: You've known me for less than a month and seen me in person like three times. Don't get sentimental.

baphomet: not my fault ur so cute when ur angry. which is always.

cain: I'm not going to dignify that with a real response.

baphomet: so you're free next weekend then, yeah?

baphomet: ❓❔❓❔❓❔

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

9:30 am

baphomet: why didn't u reply 2 my text last night m8?

cain masters: I was busy.

baphomet: with?

cain: THINGS.

baphomet: no reason to be cryptic with me cain

cain: I had more important people to be doing, how's that?

baphomet: 😑

baphomet: no one's more important than me

cain: Jesus fucking Christ

baphomet: no, baphomet 😈

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

11:35 am

baphomet: remember when u nearly came in ur trousers when we first shook hands 😭 😭 😭

cain masters: Don't you have better things to do than think about the one time you almost got someone off?

baphomet: cheeky. be nice or next time i'll give u a rash to remember me by instead 💋‍

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

7:25 pm

baphomet: u have snapchat?

cain masters: Nope.

baphomet: well u should get it, send me pics of ur 🐍

cain: That could be taken a few different ways...

baphomet: take it whichever way u want m8 😏 😏 😏

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

midnight

baphomet: 🐍?

cain masters: Isn't it like 5am in London??

baphomet: ye

baphomet: why?

cain: ...

cain: Don't you sleep?

baphomet: i'm a god i don't need sleep 😈

baphomet: anyway how's esau?

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

1 pm

baphomet: u heard from vali today?

cain masters: She doesn't exactly text me all the time like some gods do.

baphomet: she's ignoring me

cain: I wonder why.

baphomet: ikr so weird 😒

baphomet: anyway if u talk to her 2day tell her to txt me

cain: I won't but okay??

baphomet: tnx m8 😘

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

6:15 am

baphomet: how's little esau doing?

cain masters: It's 6:15 in the fucking morning here, can this wait?

baphomet: u don't need to sleep.

baphomet: so how is he?

baphomet: how's my m8?

cain: He's ASLEEP.

baphomet: 😍 😍 😍

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

5:02 pm

cain masters: What the fuck did she do to my chest?!

baphomet: idk she slammed the bloody door in my face after she pulled you in, u don’t remember? at least it wasn’t ur face m8. small blessings. i’m back in nyc in a few weeks, fancy dinner? 😏

[textsfrombaphomet-blog]

3:25 am

baphomet: hope she didn’t mark that pretty face of urs. lmk 😘