Texts from Wonderland

A TFLN and HnKnA crossover blog

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Texts From Last Time Period is officially a year old today!

In honor of this, I’ve gone back and found the most popular posts and decided to compile them into a TOP TEN in honor of a full year of making the same couple of jokes over and over again Texts from Last Night.

So without further ado, the Top Ten, under the cut!

10.

(401): This is a mass text.  Does anyone know where I am?

9.

(301): If we were to wake up in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me? (513): Get out now.

8.

(928): I’m gonna die. First I’m gonna throw up but then I’m gonna die.

7.

(912): It’s not kidnapping if it’s romantic

6.

(740): No. Don’t do it. Friends don’t let friends fuck clowns.

5.

(604): I’m not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

4.

(617): Houston, we have a problem. (781): Where are u? (617): Houston. That’s the problem. I don’t know how I got here.

3.

(845): I can’t find my house. (1-845): We dropped you off right in front! I even walked you to the steps less than 3 mins ago. (845): I’m pretty sure my house moved.

2.

(209): Do you want me to make hamburgers? (541): I’m vegan (209): I’ll put lettuce on them

AND THE #1 POST THIS PAST YEAR:

(407): What’s he like? (954): The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.

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(716): I’ll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.

(1-716): I demand a full explanation right now.

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(303): im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality

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(602): why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan

(712): the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?

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(727): The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he’d arrested in a while.  I’m still not sure if it was a come on or not.

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(518): Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip

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(801): Maybe I’m not hungover. Maybe I’m actually dying.

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(937): I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn’t be saying that while I’m that drunk and we are in a car.

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(605): If you don’t believe in my fighting skills, I don’t know if we can be together.

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(814): The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.

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(708): This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.

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(435): The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.

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(584): Stop hooking up with soccer moms! You are ruining my reputation!

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(518): do you think there’s enough of the fabric you game me to make a crop top for a cat?

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(203): I’m invoking the “no judgements” clause of our friendship.

(1-203): My god, what have you done?

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(516): I don’t care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

(1-516): Thanks for the support, sis.

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(617): WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?