Im Usually drunk

Just a large collection of nonsense

[th3issu3]

Suck dixxx

A huge fuck u goes out to the guy who bumped my bumper, the lady in a red van who drives at night with no lights and ups for dopping off my xbox 1 and me not getting it.

[th3issu3]

My least favorite sound in the world, my fucking alarm!

[th3issu3]

If you smell something and no matter where the fuck you go, you cant get that funky ass smell out your nose.. that shit you

[th3issu3]

One drunken night in the Alps

This is a unfinished story me and a friend wrote together about one drunken night. A little back story,  I was in the army and lived around the world just doing outlandish dumb drunk shit. enjoy So, the ARMY fucked up by letting Jake and I with a group of buddies go to a all-inclusive Vacation resort in the Alps for a few days, for free none the less. Jake and I choose to start out the night chugging beer in our room with some of the other guys we went down to the resort with. After a somewhat state of inebriation sets in we then decide to meet up with a few other friends to go to the strip club/whore house to go scream out outlandish shit at faceless and heartless excuses for human beings. From there we end up going to a bar to fulfill our plan on getting black out drunk and hooking up with some skanks. After trays and trays of shots and countless beers, Jake spots something that would suffice for us both. Without words we both have a mental drunk connection and there is no need to speak. Needless to say we end up bringing some skuzzer slut back to the room to tag team. Meanwhile walking back she explains to us the whole time she isn’t going to have a threesome with us because she’s been there done that”. Jake and I belt out in laughter as we continue to walk toward our hotel room both knowing what’s about to happen. We get her back; I instantly go to the balcony to puke my fucking brains out. Jake in the meantime is blatantly lying to her telling her that im pissing off the balcony. Mean wile im outside being the loudest puker i can possible be. I then walk back in with puke taste in my mouth, snot running out of my nose, and my eyes still running from the sheer pressure of the stomach contents being hurdled out through my throat and we get to town. Im screaming at her to suck my limp dick because im so inebriated i can’t even force myself to get hard. When she finally does i then again began to yell for some reason that “she IS sucking my limp dick”. Which at that time looked like a piece of stretched out silly putty. Jake and I are laughing our asses off and high fiving the whole time. She then begins to realize what we are doing. She Tells us to stop acting like the two little kids we were acting like. Us being way past the point of drunk take this as a challenge to do it without her noticing. Of course she notices because me n Cory are so shit faced that we think we are being sneaky and getting our high fives in with out her noticing, Cory then decides its time for a couple of beers, so he grabs a couple of cold ones out of the mini fridge jumps back on the bed behind ol scutter ho while shes sucking my dick, we crack our beers and slam them together, overly hard of course and beer goes every where, cory then proceeds to start slamming this chick throws his beer agains the wall and yells at her telling her to say dick down sack up then I began to yell at her telling her the same thing, she pulls her slut mouth up off my dick long enuf to yell dick down sack up, just as cory slaps her in the ass and she instantaneously lets out a moan of pleasure. she liked it, but instead of slaping it again to make her get filthy cory decides that her ass would make a great punching bag and starts punching the fuck out of her ass like mike tyson at a speed bag convention, at this point I start telling her to lick on my ball sack and I hear cory yell my thumb is all up in ur butt, n she just bluntly says I know and tells us she needs more beer...

[th3issu3]

A couple ways to tell if you're a dirtbag

So the other day I was talking to some one about being a dirtbag and they didn't understand what qualified me as one. So im going to give you guys a little list I comprised to see how much of a dirtbag you really are. 1. You only put 10$ in gas in your vehicle at a time. 2. You don't do your dishes until they are over flowing in your sink. 3. There are random open beers left around your house. 4. You leave clean clothes in the dryer for more then one day. 5. The grass at your house goes above the top of your shoes. 6. You usually get more then $30 when u bring back beer bottles. 7. More then one girl "thinks" you're dating them. 8. When your family asks to barrow money and you tell them you're broke because you need to buy beer and weed. 9. You don't care about fucking the opposite sex if they are single or not. That's just a little list. If any one would like to add to it I would love it.

[th3issu3]

Things to say

I don't know what I have to say. I just know I want to say things. I feel like I want to know what other people think about the things I say or do, but without knowing or ever seeing me. At the same time I don't even know if I give a fuck about what you say or think. So its kind of a weird combination. Life is pretty fucking weird though. I mite just have to work one these fucking things to make them longer. I know and have done some shit but it feels like im telling it to a computer screen so its weird night now. Maybe more to follow another time.

[th3issu3]

Day one

I don't know what the fuck this shit is. One of my friends told me about it. Im drunk and have nothing to do so why not. I am a horrible speller, I cant type, and my grammar is choppy at best. Im sure at the most 15 people will read this so fuck it. Suck my balls.