I havenāt written any personal post in a very long time; but today I need a distraction from my research project and life (which has finally taken its toll on me!)
Friday night, I was walking back from campus, thinking of a hot shower and a cheap good frozen quiche for dinner. While listening to Beethovenās Symphony no 7, I made a stop at the local book store, just because. There is something about books and libraries that make me feel instantly lighter. Ever heard about the fact that visiting libraries makes you as happy as a pay raise? Go and read it here.
While waiting at the red light, four teenage girls (I suppose) just walked past me. I took a glance and a little surprised at the way they were dressed. These beautiful, well-toned, taller than me young women were wearing so little fabric. Hot pants and short skirts paired with tops that couldnāt contain the beewbs. It was 9 degrees with strong wind. I looked down at myself who was wearing 3 layered clothes, including a coat. I got a relatively new tank-top on top of an old T-shirt, a skinny jeans that couldnāt hide my thunder thighs, and a pair of sneakers. To be honest, I feel a little embarrassed at my fashion choice. But again, what is the use of looking provocative when all you have is a thesis to do.
I am genuinely impressed at how those girls can walk around this stormy city wearing such sexy outfits. Of course, itās weekends, and I think itās safe to assume that the girls were going to bars/clubs. Not trying to sound like a judgemental douche here, but you donāt go to church looking like that. And donāt get me wrong; I donāt hate clubs, I just donāt find myself spend much time there.Ā
And then, the thought hit me. I have never been the girl who goes to bars, who puts on make-up on a Friday night, who drinks alcohol until everything goes dark, who wakes up the next morning not remembering a thing, who hooks up with a stranger with beautiful eyes like in the novel for just a night, and who feels all guilty and shame when the sun is out. I have never been that girl. I only feel guilty from eating too much food.Ā
Frankly, I donāt even know if such woman exists. None of my close friends does that (to my best knowledge at least). I got this image from rom-com novels and tv shows we all love and hate. So, does this stereotype of woman exist? Or is it only a socially constructed character? If she is real, then why does she do that? Is it fun? Or is there any peer pressure involved?Ā
I myself, grew up in a Catholic family. I studied abroad the first time when I was 17. My mom made me promise her to come back as a daughter she knows, and I hold onto it. Friends asked me to go clubbing, to drink and to be loose. Saying no to this implies that youāre the uptight, boring friend. For 25 years, I have been living my life to that expectation. On my way home, I question myself if I ever regret my decision to stayĀ āboringā. And I couldnāt find the answer. I have never been wild, so I donāt know. But, one thing I am sure of, that He wants me to live like this. And we are all different from each other. We are on a journey to find our places in this world, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach in making choices. One step at a time, and we will eventually get there.
This is such a random, messy post considering the first paragraph has nothing to do with the last. And this is exactly how my mind works.Ā
ENFP first world problem, everyone.
Bottom line, everybody has a different path, butĀ āthe secret of life though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.ā - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.
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