Tu Fui, Ego Eris

38, M, OH. Into horror shit. I have EDS

[thanatos-drive]

I originally had plans to go to a con this weekend. Friends ended up canceling but we made different plans. I now canceller those plans due to how shitty I am feeling tonight.

Maybe I would have cancelled the con too?

I definitely think im bad company.

I cant believe just how much being unhappy with my job is affecting me.

[maskedmenloving]

[whitetrashfaerie]

Presbyterian Cemetery

Grace Street

Lynchburg, VA

[vyva-melinkolya]

Lightening over the Atlantic, Summer 2025

[plighthouse]

[thanatos-drive]

Perhaps I need to take OCD medication?

The more i think about the rules I follow that others don't, the more in line it seems to be a symptom of it, not just vanilla autism.

[buotella]

Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001) Directed by John Cameron Mitchell Animation by Emily Hubley 

[thanatos-drive]

Tw: self harm tw: suicide

Today's a fist. Im not hating on myself for being disabled physically.

But the bug in my head. I can tell im fucked up. I can tell that I follow these stupid rules in my head that NO ONE FOLLOWS and I make myself miserable for it. .

Why does my job say one thing and expect another? If the rules that they expect didnt exist I wouldn't have made myself so miserable and changed professions.

Instead im so fucking miserable in my new position.

I think im going to have an interview with another job. It looks better on paper but given my luck its going to need me to do stuff I physically cant do.

I said this before but it takes a really stupid person to go from a position that I really enjoy, pays my bills and gives me hobbies. To this. Staying extra with ubpaid overtime, barely making more than what I was, and no money for savings let alone hobbies.

If money is the issue that started this and I might have a position that offers me 8k more a year. Id be dumb not to take it right?

What im thinking is if ill be back to traveling to sites with my own car and the cost that will do annually? Will it cancel the raise? Im afraid that if i add costs like that and discover the benefits are less in this new potential role ill actially lose even more.

This is copium but maybe i needed to make a big change anyway... im not saying im hot shit but I feel like i have a better work ethic when it comes to following policies...... that no one follows. Maybe a company with stricter rules will be a better fit? (Idk if its stricter)

Why make the rule if it doesn't matter?

If I didn't have this stupid mental bug i would probably let it slide or not follow it myself.

There was a similar rule in an old job about handwashing and I was very strict about it.

Most employees dont change gloves or wash their hands when they touch food and then touch money. Sometimes ill get change with food stains and I can see then return to making food. I followed the rule and always changed. And it made so many coworkers mad at me because it made them look bad. And it made so many people quit when I was a manager.

Am i a health nut? No. Am I a paragon of moral righteousness and thats why I followed it? No.

Its as stupid as someone told me this is how its done. And it made sense. So I followed it.

Its the same here only in an IT setting. However unlike handwashing the rule is you have to make a ticket or call the line to get help. You cant just message over teams or walk up to someones desk. It really makes me so mad that our bosses say thats how youre supposed to do it. My coworkers (especially the one I dislike) dont. And then i see them get rewarded for it. I see people go from being very friendly to sometimes ignoring me.

Im not saving babies. Just dont follow the rule.

Why am I so broken?

The real regret here is that I could have worked here for so many years if this handt snowballed.

If I wasnt disabled this wouldn't happen. (My disability also has a high chance of autism and im pretty sure its something along those lines that makes me like this. Might even be OCD...I guess what matters is that it makes me miserable

[throatoftheworld]

Roselight by Srijon Chowdhury, 2019

[pokemonarchive]

Celebi (2026) - Promo-B #79 Illustrator: HYOGONOSUKE

[ultimateanna]

Silent Hill Movie - Dark Nurse

[vgbossthemes]

Visit Original Link

[pornochrist]

[stonerparty]

[without-ado]

"Shadows on the Balearic Sea" l Andrew McCarthy

[topmemesdeluxe]

If spongebob is a top then the fuck he got all those holes for

EXCUSE ME?

[kosmogrl]