Batfam

[izbnart]

Batman animation 👍🌟

[papayafromtv]

one of the batkids gets dosed with truth serum and they immediately use it to try to get the others in trouble. not the non-drugged batkids using it to their advantage mind you, but the drugged one.

Dick: B i have to tell you something and you have to remember i literally cannot lie. Jason's on drugs. i saw him taking drugs you need to punish him. he's on drugs.

Bruce:

Jason from across the cave, THE most irritated they've ever heard him: I TOOK AN IBUPROFEN YOU FUCKIN' JACKASS.

-

Damian: father, usually i am not a snitch because Jason trained that out of me at the league, but i am under truth serum so i feel i have no choice but to let you know that Timothy is neglecting to tell you about injuries he gets on patrol again, despite your interventions. he clearly has no respect for you and this should be addressed.

Bruce, grave: Tim, is this true?

Tim, immensely confused: wha- NO?!

Bruce: Damian is currently unable to lie to me, Tim. please, be honest.

Damian: he even did it tonight, he does it all the time father.

Tim: what the- WHAT FUCKING-

Tim: *pauses*

Tim, incredulous: yOU MEAN THE FUCKING SPLINTER I GOT FOUR HOURS AGO?!?!

Bruce:

Bruce: ok but you didn't deny the no respect thing.

Tim: no comment.

-

Tim, through the coms: B, i've been dosed with truth serum. also Jason's killing again.

Jason, just accidentally stepped on a snail but loves to disappoint Batman: and i'll fucking do it again, what are you gonna do about it?

[atomikats]

mfw i come back from the dead and end up with 1 million new brothers that can bully me

(tiktok with the original audio)

[robs-your-robins]

The Riddler probably has such an up and down relationship with the Robins because they all tend to tackle things differently and he’s always so thrown by how they handle his riddles.

The Riddler: To free Batman from my trap, you must answer this riddle, little bird. I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but I come alive with wind. What am I?

Dick, eight years old and freshly Robin: *thinking really hard*

The Riddler looking at Batman dangling upside down: ?

Batman: He just needs an extra minute.

The Riddler:

Batman: English isn’t his first langauge.

The Riddler, feeling a little bad: oh, that’s… take your time, buddy.

Jason, twelve years old: *lifting a hand*

The Riddler: -uh, yes?

Jason: Can you repeat that? The riddle?

The Riddler: um, yeah, sure. I have cities, but no houses. I have mountains, but no trees. I have water, but no fish. What am I?

Jason: Yeah, you’re a map but when you’re talking about multiple species of fish, which you probably are, you can say fishes. If you’re using fish, you’re only talking about one species.

The Riddler:

Jason: I just think you should know that. You know as a “genius”

The Riddler: The more you take, the more you -

Tim: Footsteps, where’s Batman?

The Riddler: No, you have to let me-

Tim: Nuh-uh

The Riddler: The fuck do you mean “nuh-uh”? Who raised you?

Tim, on two hours sleep, with two essays due on this fine Thursday night: *fucking launches himself at The Riddler*

The Riddler: I have-

Damian: *launches himself at the Riddler*

The Riddler: Batman, fuck, FUCK, he’s fucking biting me-

[intersectionalpraxis]

Anti-vaxxer extremist RFK Jr, the US Health Secretary, is now actively trying to collect medical records of folks on the autism spectrum. First, he used dehumanizing and infantilizating language to insist people with autism won't 'pay taxes and live a 'normal life' which we all know is ableist bullshit and is literally a precursor to genocide. This man is a monster.

[thegirlinthebyakko]

Legit this is terrifying. Do not comply in advance, do not submit to this. The erosion of freedom and civil liberties always starts with people on the margins. They’ll be at your door next.

Autistic lives are valuable.

[memewhore]

[bananahomo]

I reblogged this last month, tagged it, and said “might as well see if it works.” I used this video as a reference to find all the forms that i needed (which is A LOT, especially if you’re a dependent) and sent them through the mail, not really allowing myself to hope.

dude.

$2,714 of medical debt from my top surgery - gone. im shaking this was such a weight on me for 2 years and it fucking worked. what the fuck.

[cloviepops]

re-reblogging and thinking about when i have another collection agency calling that i can just do this

[secondmoredangerouseyes]

Yo this is such good info to have

[sorceress-foxgirl-ariel]

Cheers Americans, have fun with this one

[alexiaroselikethewine]

Being recently disabled this is going to relieve a FUCK TON of weight holy SHIT

[batfamily]

Not related to Batfam, and not sure if it’ll help anyone, but I’ll leave this here just in case anyone needs this info

[papayafromtv]

i think the rest of the bats probably forget that Tim actually has a full time job. like an important one. they probably text him all the time like ‘wanna help me with this case’ and Tim’s like ‘can’t sorry I’m in Germany for the next 3 days’ and then all the kids are talking for the next week like ‘wow Tim’s probably in some deep shit with this international case he’s working. can’t imagine what he’s dealing with rn’ and then the week after Tim’s at the manor for dinner and Dick’s like ‘so tell us all the gory details of the case in Germany!’ and Tim just looks at him lost.

‘what case’

‘the reason you had to go undercover in Germany and couldn’t join me and Jason’s stakeout!’

‘i never said i was undercover’

‘why the fuck else would you go to Germany?’

‘business convention’

‘…’

‘…i had to give a seminar- you guys know im a CEO right?’

‘well BRUCE never had to travel when HE ran the company-‘

‘BECAUSE BRUCE WAS SHIT AT HIS JOB THATS WHY A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD HAD TO TAKE OVER’

and Bruce is sat at the end of the table just slightly offended.

[bluejaysgonerogue]

and Bruce also Can’t Say Anything because he WAS a bad CEO and he knows it.

[alittlesongbirdchirps]

Clark is not the only kryptonian survivor.

Tim drake unknown to him was not only adopted but an alien as well.

But unlike Clark his powers didn’t kick in, most likely due to lack of sunlight or something.

That was all about to change, while looking for proof of Bruce being lost in time.

His powers activate whether due to having more heighten emotions or being out in the sun more.

They kick in as he was about to be stabbed in the spleen by league of spiders members.

But that’s not why they activated not to save his own skin.

He was watching his temporarily team mates being slaughtered, and that’s when red comes from his eyes and before he knew it, he was surrounded by bodies. By bodies he killed by lived he had taken.

He doesn’t have time to process this, he’s gotta save Bruce he will deal with this later.

And he doesn’t deal with that later even after saving Bruce, however the build up emotions the trauma and no one even discussing anything, the standard bat way, it all comes to light.

It starts with Bruce beginning to learn what Tim did to get him back.

Bruce being a concerned parent who can’t articulate shit properly, so when he states something in concern it comes across as the opposite more criticising.

“If I knew you were gonna join the league and become a criminal Tim I wouldn’t have left information behind for you to follow.”

Tim eyes widen, he felt anger he lost so much did so much just to get him back to only be told that.

He felt a familiar warmth come to his eyes, the same feeling he had right before he killed members of the league of spiders.

“No.”

He covers his eyes.

He doesn’t want to hurt them he doesn’t.

But Damien never misses an opportunity to attack.

“Pathetic your crying already and fathers has barely done anything, disgraceful.”

Cass is the only one who notices Tim shift in behaviour, he feels more dangerous then he should.

She’s about to make a comment when, suddenly red light comes from his hands through the small gaps, shooting out. Destroying one of the glass cases.

Everyone in the cave eyes widen, Bruce immediately gets up from the batcomputer chair, worried.

“Tim you need to calm down-“

He doesn’t get to say much more when Tim tries to shout to tell them to go away, when ice fog just comes out from his mouth.

Bruce eyebrows knitt together along with Damien, they’ve both seemed to realise something before everyone else.

“What’s happening to me?!”

Fear in his voice, Tim was panicking losing even more control then he had already, that’s when Bruce makes a split second decision and shouts.

“Clark!”

Just in time to, as red escapes Tim’a hand again about to hit Bruce but instead hits Clark’s chest.

Tim removes his hands, he knows he can’t hurt Clark. Clark will protect them from him. But as Tim stares up at Clark with fear, relief, regret and guilt.

He notices Clark stares back down at Tim with shock and hope.

And that’s my small shitty Drabble. (Grammar will be terrible lol.)

[gravygranola]

is he talking about his kids or the justice league? probably both

og text post

[salparadiselost]

I love seeing this man so exhausted by his own decisions.

[freefallintothevoid]

Dick Grayson's unmatched success as a child vigilante makes a lot more sense when you remember the Court of Owls was a thing and that Dick was meant to be the next Grey Son.

There is no way that someone at Haly's Circus wasn't there keeping an eye on him while he grew up. A future weapon needs to be trained and monitored after all, and a circus, a place where weird skills are completely normal, is actually a great place to secretly train a child.

You know, just some knife tricks that translated really well into actual fighting. How to get out of restraints and pick locks while under a time limit. Death defying acrobatic stunts that coincidentally do wonders for parkouring. That sort of thing. Nothing that seems out of place for a boy growing up around circus performers to learn, but would literally any where else.

I mean, while I fully believe that most kids would want to kill the man responsible for their parents deaths, Dick was weirdly prepared to go through it. He tracked down Zucco with way more ease than any normal child should have too. He became the first child vigilante, for goodness sake. The first Robin! He only started getting formal training after he basically forced Bruce into it!

Bruce himself has no idea that this kind of competency in a child is unusual, considering he was much too blinded by the similarities between his and Dick's tragic orphanhoods.

Alfred is in a similar boat because he’s desensitized to weird children after he somehow managed to successfully raise Bruce 'The Batman' Wayne, so he doesn't clock the hyper-competency as abnormal either.

By the time the other batkids start popping up (Jason 'The Audacity' Todd, borderline-street rat with no fear) (Tim 'the greatest stalker in Gotham history' Drake, child genius, also bullied his way into becoming Robin) (Barbara 'raised by the only uncorrupt cop in gotham' Gordon) (Stephanie 'daddy issues and spite' Brown) (Duke 'Pretends he's the normal one and people believe him' Thomas) it's too late.

It would also explain how Dick got along so well with Damian out of all of them. Similar childhood with different approaches and all that. On some subconscious level, Dick recognises and resonates with the murderous ten year old assassin with strong familial ties to a secret elite assassin organization.

It isn't until after the whole Court of Owls and Grey Son reveal that suddenly Dick realises a whole lot of things about his childhood that suddenly make a lot more sense.

[we-r-robin]

Been on motorcycle tiktok… thinking about these two f-ing around on their motorcycles…

—

Duke: There’s a cop

Jason: Just drive away it’s fine

Duke: No s*** I’m already on the other side of the city

—

Bruce: We’re on the same side of the police, even if they’re corrupt we’re all for justice

Duke, a Robin during the Robin War, a motorcyclist, and a black teenager: Uh huh. Of course

—

Dick: There’s a motorcyclist going 200 in Crime Alley

Jason: Damn, that’s me

Dick: Sick, do a wheelie

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

<- Prev Masterlist Next ->

Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[papayafromtv]

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

[wing-wing-the-bat]

Cass shows up a couple times as a sub but her aura is so menacing no one dares to say anything.

[miasonwing]

[justlikebart-allen]

thinking about how Bart probably doesn't see the point in texting or phone calls if he can just run over and have a conversation in person, so all his text threads are probably just messages to him without a single response

[frogaroundandfindout]

Words can’t describe how fucking weird I think dick grayson should be.

How overwhelmingly intense I want him to be in normal meetings with authority figures because he’s been talking with police officers and FBI agents since he was 10 and is now somewhat incapable of turning off that switch when he walks into conference rooms and shit.

Like he needs to be the most intense mf in the dmv line.

He is physically incapable of not making unblinking eye contact with people in suits

When he walks into a conference room he has to restrain himself from sitting at the head of the table (titans team leader) or the chair to the right of the head (Batman’s partner).

His teachers were weirdly charmed when an eleven year old dick immediately went from laughing hellion to tiny “business man” when they asked to speak to him after class (more like tiny crime fighter used to giving Batman debriefs but they don’t need to know that)

[disco-troy]

Tim: good cop

Damian: bad cop

Dick: you better fucking be interrogated by my brothers