[thassa]

*clenches fist* losing just under 4 pounds in two weeks is a reasonable pace and a sign your efforts are working and you're on your way to achieving your goal even if it doesn't feel like it especially since you're also gaining muscle

[thassa]

talking about this here to keep weight talks off of main, but i started seeing a nutritionist yesterday to help with PCOS/MS and also to try and lose some weight, and today I weighed myself for the first time in a while so I could have an accurate number to track and I've actually lost 10 pounds from the last time I weighed myself in March🥳

[thassa]

i realize some of this is the pmdd talking but i keep seeing posts and articles about the terrible things happening in my country and abroad and im hurting so much for others. ive been privileged enough to live in a relatively unaffected bubble, but how long until it pops?

[thassa]

made the mistake of looking at the old listing for my grandparents' house. there's a family living there now so i know it's different. but the seller had painted all of our bedrooms and accent walls. painted over all of the wood paneling and built-in cabinets. pulled up my grandfather's gardens. idk. i know there's a family there now and they put a jungle gym out there and im sure the house has life again, but seeing it that way made me tear up. i miss them so much. i miss that house so much.

[thassa]

the people in my ms groups on fb drive me insaneeeeee sometimes

"i don't take any disease modifying treatments i just do the 16-hour intermittent fasting and eat 500 calories two days a week and i lost weight and haven't had any relapses! i don't even work out!" oh okay cool. so the fasting is what i was basically doing naturally anyways when I was only eating twice a day and if I do the restrictive calories thing two days a week I WILL end up falling into dangerous eating habits, if not just feeling like shit those days bc my MS problems are WORSE if i don't eat.

idk i know i could definitely work out more and eat a little better but overall i eat much better than i used to and work out much more (outside of when my pole studio closed) and still feel like shit sometimes. i even track my macros to make sure im eating what i should. i feel better overall but there's definitely periods where the MS is winning. like I got back from the gym this afternoon and have been shaky and tingly all day because of getting too heated. and my muscle mass is changing but im still fat and weigh the same after MONTHS. im just frustrated in general with people who make it seem like if you just do what they do you'll be super healthy and lose all this weight and if you don't you're the problem 🤪

[thassa]

tired of having a shitty memory. had a hard time remembering where exactly a store was. in the town i grew up in. because i don't go out that way maybe once every other month. i keep forgetting words, when i used to be so much more eloquent. i don't think my memory capabilities have necessarily gotten worse since my diagnosis but i still feel so dumb sometimes.

[thassa]

remember kids, don't forget to take your mood stabilizers on vacation and then inconsistently take them when you get back! otherwise you'll feel terrible!!!

[thassa]

had insomnia wednesday and thursday night, finaly got sleep friday night but it is now 3am saturday but im still awake, even though i didn't take ANY naps today when normally im a nap queen. anyways consistently take your mood stabilizers and ssris kids 🤪

[thassa]

sometimes it's hard to be excited about the good things happening in my life when the entire world is crumbling 🫠

[thassa]

im so tired like all the time. i skipped my lunchtime nap and for years any time i do that im exhausted. and then im tired pretty early later in the day. and it seems like no matter how late i stay up and how active my day is i gotta take a nap or be so worn out. idk if it's the MS or some other health problem but it's like this even with being active, and eating better, and even if im out all day. im such a sleepy bitch and i usually don't mind but sometimes it's annoying

[thassa]

i think i finally found a good balance of meds that's helping keep the mania and depression in check and it's like damn, this is what normal actually feels like? during my euphoric phases i always thought the high levels of happiness meant i was "finally cured" and i was unstoppable but now it's like ah. im experiencing emotions for the first time that aren't intense in one direction or another. THIS is how it's supposed to be?

[thassa]

im trying to not be a downer in my other group chats but there was a shooting at the pride event outside of stonewall this weekend. and im really disappointed and hurt for those people.

[thassa]

fuck ms. I've been in remission for a couple years but the permanent damage will never be fixed. I just gotta deal with this when it crops up and hope it goes away. the only things that help are sleep and weed, but i ran out of the stuff i was taking and im afraid of getting a new cart and it causing too many psychoactive problems. so i can only sleep. but sometimes the pain is too much to sleep. im so over this

[thassa]

good news is I haven't had an MS flare in months. bad news is I only realized that bc I'm now in the middle of a two day long flare and I'm in a lot of pain 🤪

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[thassa]

the effects of my mood stabilizer had been p slow and rather unnoticeable but i noticed recently i have less intense bad/paranoid thoughts, and when it's hard to control meditation or affirmations help when in the past i was too wired to accomplish anything. still not perfect and some stuff might just take therapy but my brain is. quieter. it even seems to be helping the rage i would feel when overwhelmed with work