Personal History

Hey I'm L and I'm Just another person trying to get though life without reading the instruction manual or the 'How To' book

[thatguy4221]

10-23-2016

It hurts Cuz I love her but there are times when I don't feel like she loves me....there are times when I feel like she's just going through the motions of a relationship. And then he comes over. My cousin and she laughed at everything he says, funny or not, she wants him to do things with us, she takes pictures with him....I feel like she's got feeling for him....truer feelings then what she has for me.....my heart breaks Cuz I've been through this before and it hurts. I don't wanna go through this again. Especially with her. I love her 💔

[thatguy4221]

10-19-2016

I don’t know why or how I got to this point. The girl I’m with is magical and amazing and has made me feel like the luckiest guy in the world, everyday I fall in love with her a little more and more each day but I’m jealous…..jealous when a guy gets to see her smile or hear her laugh because I’m afraid they’ll fall in love with it just like I did. I don’t want that and i dont like it. Earlier today while dropping her off she pointed out an ex and I got SOOOO jealous and I really don’t know why, the emotion came outta no where. So I checked him out on Facebook and most of his older Facebook profile pics where of them when they were together a year a go….idk it made me so mad and jealous….maybe he still loves her?

[thatguy4221]

9-24-16

I just don't know what to do.....for the past 3 days I just feel like I've really been getting on my girlfriends nerves. It scares me to think about what she might do. Best case she's annoyed with me (which I don't want) or worse she leaves me (which would kill me....it would break me) I love her so much and I'm afraid that in ruining something so great. She means the world to me but it seems like I'm just saying the wrong things or doing the wrong things. I would give everything to see her smile and laugh, I would give everything for to just be happy. I love her so much it hurts. I love her to the moon and back and I know she does too. But I hope I just make her happy.

[thatguy4221]

9-23-16

I've been with this girl for just about a month now and she's living with me. She drives me absolute mad, jealous, and she hurts me....idk this isn't how a relationship is suppose to be. I'm gonna stick through it. At least until she's off to college and see what happens then. I love her sooooo much and I think she's by far the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She's literally been placed in my life for a purpose, I just hope she feels the same way. Some times it feels just like that and then others it's as cold as ice. Idk what to do. Im so conflicted. I feel like she doesn't believe me when I tell her how pretty she is or how smart she is. Idk what to do.

[thatguy4221]

9-9-16

I haven't posted in awhile....but that's what ever. So I'm pretty much in a very sticky situation. A girl I love is living with me now but only after knowing her for only 4 weeks...and I feel like I have to walk on egg shells because everything I say or do pissed her off or irritates her. She says she loves me but....idk it doesn't feel real, matter of fact it feels forced. I love this girl, her smile, her eyes, the way her hair looks when it's put up and let down, and oh my God her laugh just fills me warmth and I could listen to it forever on repeat....but.... idk when she says "I love you" it feels forced, when we lay next to each other she turns away. I feel like she's just using me to get back at her family...idk how to feel. I guess I'll just chalk it up to her being on her "period" but what ever. I guess if she stays she loves me?

[thatguy4221]

8-23-16

Tip #1: The young adult experience isn’t complete without a pregnancy scare. To avoid scare. Wrap it.

[thatguy4221]

8-21-16

So I’m over the other girl. Honestly I am. I’ve moved on to someone else. But I’m confused. The girl ive mived on to is unbelievably pretty and I can’t get enough of her…..and late last night to early this morning we had sex for the first time but…. idk I didn’t feel anything. Nothing serious anyway. I wonder what’s wrong with me. While yet I love being able to hold her, cuddle, and kiss her

[thatguy4221]

8-15-16

I hate you and yet love you at the same damn time. It’s just crazy to me that I hate you…hate you because every time I think I’m over you, you text me or call me and everything’s right back to square one. I hate you cuz you send me pictures of you out on dates with other guys and I don’t know if your doing it on purpose or not. But it kills me on the inside. It destroys me. I hate you because it will be awhile before I can feel this way about another person. But I love you because of the moments me had, the laughs we shared, the people and places we got to see and experience. I find it ironic tho that I fell in love in Boston the birthplace of freedom and freewill and yet became a slave to the thought of us having something and losing the freedom to love anyone else.

[thatguy4221]

8-12-16

No one freaking reads this thing besides myself but….dose anyone ever get in one of those situations where they do something and then get a common outcome and they should be use to it but arent and it just destroys what little selfworth or self confidence they had left? Literally me right now

[thatguy4221]

8-7-16

There's so much crap going on and I honestly just feel like I'm all over the place! On one hand I want to continue to work at where I'm at and join the Army reserves and goto school, while on the other I just want to join for a full 4 years and then get out and be a cop. Simple right? But then throw in everyone else's opinion on what I should or shouldn't, throw registration for classes and me not being able to get any, and then throw on top of that me liking and wanting something with two separate people but not wanting to do anything with either of them? I'm seriously lost and not sure what I should do with it all. On top of allll of this....family is bugging me for money to help them pay for stupid crap or to help them pay off credit cards or to help by a new vehicle. Like I can't help with that I'm 20 getting payed minimum wage.

[thatguy4221]

8-4-16

Again gonna keep this one short! I've officially got a new car! life seems to be getting back on track after the cross country move and I even have a date tonight with a girl from my work. I'm a little worried about it tho because I'm afraid I won't like her because Ill compare her every action to yours. It's not truly fair. We don't even talk anymore and I still can't get over you. Sucks.

[thatguy4221]

8-1-16

I’ll keep this one short while I’m at work. I really just hate it when I think I’m over her she texts me or posts a selfie to insta and then BAM! It all comes flooding back. The moment you grabbed my hand while we were laying there.cuddling. The wanting to kiss you in the snow and see how beautiful you looked with the snow flakes in your hair. All of it. And it hurts and I hate it but I also love it because it was the best time of life. I miss you more and more.

[thatguy4221]

7-25-16

Well I'm right back at it. I told myself I was over her and then I got into a conversation with a girl from my work and she asked me a tough question, she told me first that I always looked sad or depressed when I walk in or when I have a moment to myself. She said she could see that something was wrong and asked me if I was ok and I almost broke down. I sucked it up and told her that I was ok and that it was just the tiredness getting to me, but she said she could se wit wasn't and then asked me if it was over a girl. I came clean and told her how I feel about you, how I think about the what ifs, how I can still feel your hand in mind, how it's been almost 4 months now and I still think about you.....she said I needed to tell this to you but how could I? You had shot even the idea of trying down....but once I was done confessing my love for you I broke down. I went home after work and broke down and cried softly knowing that someone else will make you happy, hold your hand, call you babe. And it hurts.....we also use to talk everyday but now with your exams and schooling it's less and less and I told you that you could text me or call when ever you're done with them....and now that you've taken up my offer I regret it. I hate that I offered and now I don't want to call or text you in fear that I would be bothering you or adding more stress to an already stressful situation.....I miss you deeply but I don't know how to tell you...I have literally told you those words but it doesn't seem to matter....I don't know how to show you either...why did I have to go and fall in love with someone in a different country? What the fuck is wrong with me? I miss you.

[thatguy4221]

7-23-16

So being that this is my first post on my blog I guess I should give a little back story on myself? Why I have a blog and maybe what it aims to do? Or what it’s about? So to answer the first part. To tell a little bit about myself…..I guess I would have to say I’m originally from Los Angeles, California and just moved to Kentucky to pursue my dream of being a cop and to live closer to family, i also fell in love recently with a girl who sadly can’t be with me because she lives in Germany and in all honesty she’s part of the reason why I have this blog and why i feel the way that I do as of late, I also feel that I’m a hopeless romantic and as someone who believes in the ‘happy ending’ or believe that something like those silly Rom Coms can actually happen in real life but that’s a story for another post, maybe tomorrow’s and I have this blog so I can get my thoughts out there without having it posted to Facebook or something where ‘she’ can read it or where any of my close friends or family can see it and judge or comment. This in a sense is more of a personal or privet history of my life and what’s happening in it or what I’m feeling in the moment and so I have to place to post/jot down everything or to say I have an online journal ultimately. Now what I aim to get out of this blog is purely nothing but what I hope it does is to show others who are facing a hard time that there are people out there going through the same things that they’re going through or that people are having similar experiences as them or are in the same situation and can hopefully also show them a good method on how or how “NOT” to deal with it. But more later. - L

[thatguy4221]

A wish is a faithless mans prayer.....and I wish I could see you again

Me