death is upon us

Becoming the person I've said I'd never be.

[mommymartinez-deactivated201501]

Oh shit, was today the first day of school?

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

It's not that hard to forget, don't worry.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Anon of the Week: Do you still like Jade?

How can you not...

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Cards on the Table || Jade & Jaxon

[vaughn-jade]

Jade smiled when she thought about the questions game. That game was one of the steps to her falling in love with him. She loved how ridiculous the two of them could be together. “I remember that game, we’d always end up in an intense game of ‘Would You Rather’ by the end of it.” she said while giggling. Some of her favorite memories were during rounds of that game.

She pulled up her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees as the movie started. This movie always made her cry. The beginning car crash always brought out strong emotions in her. Now that the movie held memories, it was sure to be worse. She felt bad about crying. She didn’t want people to pity her or think she was weak and fragile. She hated being treated like a little kid.

She was on edge. She could barely even pay attention to the movie because she was so focused on waiting for the sound of the pizza delivery guy to arrive. Who knew a pizza could stress someone out this much?

She tightened her grip on her legs as she tried to focus more on the movie. After all, the whole point of putting the movie on was so she would take her mind off of everything. She glanced over at Jaxon and noticed him looking at her. Her stomach immediately filled with butterflies and she buried her face in her knees to hide her smile. He always found a way to make her smile.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Jaxons lips went into a small smile when he thought of the past memories they had together. He could tell her litterally anything and she would just listen, he really did miss her.

He kept watching Jade, watching her breathing and her often blinking. He could tell her mind was someplace else. He couldn't get over how small she looked. It scared him. When she noticed him watching his face instantly heated up. But when she hid her smile in her knees, Jaxon felt his heart melt once again for the small girl.

He let out a little laugh as soon as he heard the doorbell ring. He stood up, turning to Jade, "I'll be a minute." he said before disappearing to get the pizza.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Cards on the Table || Jade & Jaxon

[vaughn-jade]

Jade’s heart sunk as she looked at the movie in her hands. She remembered their night when they were going to watch The Vow. She pushed her mind past it and nodded and handed the movie back to him. As for the pizza, she used to love any kind of pizza. He knew that. If she said she wouldn’t eat any, he’d be suspicious.

"Whatever’s fine. I don’t mind. Get whatever you’d normally get." She said with a forced smile. She pulled her sweatshirt sleeves down over her hands and sank deeper into the couch. She wanted to forget that things were different now. "I’ve missed hanging out with you." She let slip. She hoped he didn’t hear her. She didn’t want to admit she still had feelings for him.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

He watched for a reaction with the DVD, but didn't get what he expected. He didn't even know what he expected. Taking the case back he moved towards the TV in front of them and placed it in the DVD player. Pulling his phone out of his pocket he quickly dialed the familiar pizza number. He quickly ordered then put his phone away. 

His eyebrow raised when she told him that she missed him. He swallowed a lump in his throat before turning around and smiling at the small girl. "I've missed it too." He said before sitting beside her. "Remember when we would play questions and ask stupid things?" He said while laughing. The movie began, he looked over at the small innocent girl that he once loved. She looked so fragile, like if he touched her she would shatter into a million pieces.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Cards on the Table || Jade & Jaxon

[vaughn-jade]

Her heart jumped when he called her ‘love’. She missed hearing him call her that. It was strangely soothing to hear. It made her want to hug him tighter, therefore she did.  She really wanted to watch movies, but she couldn’t eat in front of him. She didn’t want to eat at all. She knew where she’d be later if she did. She wanted to patch things up with him though, so she was open to it.

"That sounds good. Just like old times." She briefly smiled before it faded at the thought of the past. She missed hanging out with him before everything got so complicated.

Jade quickly changed the subject. She had to get the past out of her mind before her thoughts changed to a negative light. “What movie do you want to watch?”

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

He rubbed his finger up and down her cheek, not doing it on purpose, but doing it because it felt right. Old times. He remembered old times like they were yesterday. He really did miss just sitting with Jade and watching movies or just talking. She was the only person who seemed to actually listen to what he had to say.

He pulled her small figure to sit on the small couch in his room, he slowly let her go and turned to his movie case. He had all different kinds of movies. "Alright so what would you like on the pizza?" He asked, trying to distract her. He smiled when he saw an old one they were going to watch together. Pulling it out he returned to the brunettes side. Placing the case of The Vow in her hands and watched her face. "How about this one?"

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Cards on the Table || Jade & Jaxon

[vaughn-jade]

Jade felt every inch of her body tense up. A lump rose in her throat at the sound of Tanner’s name. She knew it was a bad idea to come.

"He didn’t do anything to me except hurt me. Nothing else is his fault." Jade stammered out. She felt the tears start to roll down her face. She didn’t want him to see how much pain she was in. She hasn’t been alright since Tanner broke up with her. She had hurt him, he felt guilty, so he dumped her. She just hurt everything she touched.

"It’s all my fault. Trust me, nothing was Tanner’s fault. He was nothing but perfect." The tears rolled faster as she bit her lip to stop its shaking.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Every inch of Jaxon's body ached when the tears started falling from Jade's eyes. By instinct he moved closer. Pulling her into an embrace. As much as they had hurt each other, he could not let her just stand there and cry. He missed holding her, the way she felt in his arms. Her body trembled, making him ache more for her to calm down. He felt bad for even mentioning the asshole who hurt her.

His heart ached when she called Tanner perfect, but that didn't stop him from trying to calm her down. "Jade, calm down, it's not your fault, please calm down love." His eyes widened when he realized what he said. He just kept rubbing her back hoping she didn't catch on. He couldn't help but notice how much tinnier she was in his arms.

Pulling her back he looked at her face and wiped her tears with his thumb. "Let's not mention anymore of that okay? Lets just get some pizza and watch stupid movies, anything that will distract you, alright?"

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Cards on the Table || Jade & Jaxon

[vaughn-jade]

Jade felt herself wanting to back out of the door and run when Jaxon stepped towards her. At the same time, she almost felt gravitated towards him. She wanted to run into his arms and feel completely safe in them. However she stayed in her place and wrapped her arms around herself, almost as if to hold herself together.

She could feel how thin she was getting. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she ate. Self-care was becoming a problem for her. She’d just stopped caring.

She looked into Jaxon’s brown eyes as she finally found the words to say. “Jaxon. You look like you’ve been doing well.” She said. And she meant it. He looked like he was holding it together, unlike her, who just looked like she was falling apart at the seams.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

He looked at her, but really looked at her. It didn't even look like Jade. His eyes took away from her face and looked at her body. Jade was always a thin girl, but she looked more thin than normal. Her arms were so small as they wrapped around her tiny figure. Her legs were almost just as thin as her arms. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Did he do this to you?" He gestured to her body. Realizing how rude he sounded, he quickly tried to change what he meant. "Did he make you have this whole attitude thing?" His voice was harsh but the thought of Tanner changing Jade in any way made him tense. His fingernails dug into his palms as he thought of his face and how much he wanted to punch him.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Cards on the Table || Jade & Jaxon

[vaughn-jade]

Jade angrily pulled on her sneakers. She couldn’t believe she was actually heading over to Jaxon’s house, of all people. He was the reason she was so upset in the first place. He was the reason she ran to Tanner. If he never hurt her, Tanner wouldn’t of hurt her. If it wasn’t for him, maybe Tanner wouldn’t of left her either.

Jade played angry music in the car as she thought over every detail of her history with Jaxon. Even when she left that note in the hospital telling him she loved him still and wanted to still keep in touch, he never replied. It frustrated her, she apologized and he ignored her. She probably deserved it though, after all she’s toxic and everyone around her gets hurt.

That’s why she distanced herself so much. She didn’t want to hurt anyone else. She blamed herself for Carter’s pain, Jaxon’s pain, and Tanner’s pain. All she did was hurt people.

She pulled up to Jaxon’s house and checked her phone, reading the text that said the door was open. She pulled her oversized sweatshirt over her head and walked through the door. The smell of his house brought back painful memories and brought tears to her eyes. She missed it. She missed him. But he hurt her and she hurt him. She walked up the stairs and towards Jaxon’s bedroom, slowly pushing open the door and stepping into the room to face her demons.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Jaxon immediately sat up when he heard the front door open. His heart suddenly started racing. With an eyebrow raised he watched his door. As her steps got louder, so did his heart in his ears. She created him, then ruined him, but he did the same thing to her. He watched and watched, biting his bottom lip.

Then there she was. The Jade he once loved. His breath caught and any words he had planned to say to her had disappeared. He just sat there, staring at her. Waiting for the words to fill back in his head.

Her big brown eyes were determined as always. But he could tell by her face that she was stressed.

Finally snapping out of it, he stood up. He forgot how much taller he was then her. Taking a cautious step towards her. "Jade." Was all he could manage out of his mouth.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Cards on the Table || Jade & Jaxon

Jaxon closed his laptop, his eyebrow raised. Did he really just invite Jade over? The girl who made him loose his mind? He shook his head. He knew he still had feelings for the girl. But that didn't change the fact that he knew they were going to fight when she got there.

Looking around his room, his eyes grew. His room was extremely messy. He started running around, throwing dirty boxers in his closet aswell as any other dirty clothes he saw. Even though Jade was just an ex girlfriend, he still didn't want to appear as a pig. 

Pulling his phone out, he sent her a quick text. "Doors open." 

Jaxon hasn't seen many people lately, the most he talked was to Marcus and even that wasn't many words. Ever since Jade broke up with him he had distanced himself from mostly everyone. His mother didn't even know what to do with him anymore. She was scared he would commit suicide..again. 

He looked down at his wrists. His scars from when Jade broke up with him were still there. Embarrassed he threw a sweater on so she wouldn't see. He hated to admit it, but he still had a little amount of feelings for the girl.

Sitting back down on his bed, he relaxed, waiting for the girl to appear. Thinking of what to say.

[vaughn-jade]

Yeah, a person who was there when you weren’t. Busy with someone who’s name rhymed with tarcus.

And for the record, he’s not in my life anymore.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Are you serious? Why don't you just come over and discuss this.

And for the record, I still have your voice mail.

[vaughn-jade]

Of course I remember, your life revolved around someone else instead of your girlfriend.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Same goes for you, if you do remember that one guy.

His name rhymed with planner.. Pretty sure he gave you a life.

[vaughn-jade]

Easy for you to say

You actually have friends and a life.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

I can't remember the last time me and my so called friends did something.

I use to have a life though. Remember?

[vaughn-jade]

I think at this point I just get stressed out about everything.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Maybe find something fun to do, that isn't stressful?

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Anon of the week: Biggest regret?

Not being there for people, when they needed me.

[little-martin-blog]

I feel this on a spiritual level.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Watching a whole season in one day?

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

When there's nothing to do at home... Netflix is the answer.

[thatoneguy-jaxon]

Anon of the Week: Do you think you overreacted?

How about you go find someone else to pester, anon.