My Guardian Angel Wears a Trench Coat

*Supernatural Fan Blog* Only love for all of the characters and the actors that play them. Shipper of Destiel/Cockles. Writer of fanfiction.

[lucifers-spider-deactivated2020]

Sam, talking to the camera: Ever since Castiel learned about stan language, he’s been going around talking as if he’s on twitter

Castiel : Oof, the call out! The tea is scorching!

Dean, looking into the camera, almost in tears: Please, make it stop

[teamfreedogs]

THE TEA IS SCORCHING

[crack--attack]

Dean: *almost drops bottle but catches it at the last second*

Cas: Oh, nice clutch!

Dean, crying: I don’t understand what you’re saying

[crack--attack]

Sam: Aw, I just put the wrong ingredient into this spell. We have to start over :/

Cas: Oof, mood.

Dean, with a shawl wrapped around himself: When will my true husband return

[crack--attack]

Dean, phone in hand: Um… You are *checks phone* totes adorbs

Cas:

Cas:

Cas: Cringe

Dean: I AM TRYING CASTIEL

Dean: *takes Cas a change of clothes and turns to leave* I’ll give you some privacy

Cas: Bold of your to assume I want that

Dean: Huh?

Cas: Huh?

[crack--attack]

Cas: I would willingly let you murder me

Dean: I beg your pardon?

Cas: Then beg

[dammitradar]

Cas: what the frick frack is this now

Dean, grasping fistfuls of his own hair: please just say fuck like a normal person

[crack--attack]

Cas: And I told Sam, and he was cheesing it so hard!

Dean: He was

Dean: He was what

[dammitradar]

Sam: THERE WILL BE NO NEW KING OF HELL!!

Cas, still stuck in the chair: damn wig absolutely snatched

[crack--attack]

Dean: Okay. I believe in all of us.

Cas: Let’s get this bread

Dean: I take it back

[dammitradar]

Dean: ok the plan is that I’m gonna lock myself in this box and you guys are gonna drop it in the ocean

Cas: OP do you take constructive criticism 

[crack--attack]

Sam: So I told them ‘God bless kale’

Cas: Yaaaaas queen!

Sam:

Sam:

Sam: Thank you 💖

[dammitradar]

Cas: wow I have been blessed this day, my skin is clearing up and my crops are flourishing

Dean: ????

Sam: *sigh* you’re finally wearing a new shirt

Cas: afdjdgsggghhhhhhhzjsgfs I am deceased

Dean: how… how are you doing that with your mouth,,,,,,,

[crack--attack]

*Heat of the Moment plays on the radio*

Cas: what a BOP *headbangs*

Jack: WE STAN *headbangs too*

Sam, crying: I hate this

[dammitradar]

Jack: *destroys a squad of monsters with his powers*

Cas, teary eyed: fucking superb you funky little nephilim

Dean: Chuck, I think he’s broken

Cas, listening to the Mixtape: omg this song frickin slaps

Dean: please don’t talk about Led Zeppelin that way

Cas: I love you

Dean: yeah I know you love all of us.

Cas: fml

Jack: enby pansexual meets disaster bi. I ship you guys so hard

Cas: Thank you Jack 😭

Dean: that…was English???

[crack--attack]

Dean: I’m in love

Sam: :D

Dean: She’s so amazing

Sam: ? ???????

Cas: I mean, I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition but go off I guess

Dean: I’m gonna go to the bottom of the sea forever

Cas: yeah no, chief called…. that ain’t it

Dean: chief? you talking about Sam?

Dean: dammit the Impala’s got a flat tire…we gotta pull over and change it

Cas: rip that’s some shit

Dean: ok rip? like ripping a piece of paper?

Cas: no rip like rest in peace

Dean: who’s resting in peace

Cas: the tire

Dean:

Cas: it’s ded af

Dean:

Cas: it is

Dean:

Cas: rip

[dammitradar]

Sam: *kills 20 monsters in a row*

Cas: adfjhghh i love my strange tol son :,) so proud of my boy

Dean: please NEVER call him that again

[mypeopleskillsareasrustyasafork]

Jack: I hav snek

Dean: what

Jack: smol snek

Dean:

Jack:

Dean:

Jack: snek

[dammitradar]

Cas: a precious creature! Let me boop him

Jack: please do!

Cas: *boops Dean*

Dean: why do I put up with this insolence in my house

Jack, holding a phone: shhhhhhh do it again Dads

[bamf-eowyn-deactivated20221227]

Dean: *walks into bunker kitchen after waking up*

Cas: Dean is adorable and precious in the morning despite being grumpy without his coffee, in this essay I will

Dean:

Jack: where’s the essay OP?

Dean: I’m going back to bed

[crack--attack]

Dean: Cas, buddy… I need you

Cas:

Dean: okay how the F U C K did you just do that

[dammitradar]

Jack: omg wait I bet spn has a gif for that hang on

Cas: oh you sweet summer child of course we do

Dean: ……….his birthday’s in May?

[asexualcas]

Cas: [kills a demon]

Dean, visibly sweating, holding a phone: y-yas? he… did that thing

Sam:

Jack:

Dean:

Cas: djskaksjakskak OP’s wig snatched so hard, she cant BREATHE sis!!!!

Dean, crying: please speak english

[obsessedandindistress]

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

I'm dead. 😂😂😂

[redwing]

my lil 15x20 coda comic!!!! heres how onion field cas can still win <3

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

I'm so tired. I love this so much. Thank you for giving us the gift of your art.

[lizleeships]

HERE, PLEASE HAVE MY SOUL IN A TEN-PANEL COMIC

There’s a lot I could say about this… it’s the most rushed I have ever made a comic so there’s a lot of it that’s still wonky- crooked panels, rushed storyline, questionable dialogue, wonky references- but like, I fucking NEEDED this, okay, even if it’s only relevant for the next couple of hours before the new episode ruins us again. If anyone needs me, please forward all calls and tips directly to my grave.) 

(Please have a heart and don’t repost. Ultra super duper special thanks always to @malmuses for your help:)

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Someone send help...

[undeadcas]

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

LOL

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Destiel is CANON and I’m back on my bullshit. Have some angst.

[coffee-and-wings-deactivated202]

R2M is celebrating another candle on each of their birthday cakes this September! Give them the gift of a donation to their favorite charities, and you will be entered to win some SWAG for your good deed courtesy of Nerds & Beyond!

Welcome back to our annual R2M Birthday Project for Rob Benedict, Richard Speight, Jr., and Matt Cohen! These three, who fans like to collec

How can you win by giving?

Each birthday boy has his own prize package! (That's what she said) Check out their packages on the linked article above.

Donate directly to Rob, Rich, or Matt's favorite charity (links in article above) to be entered in to their prize drawing.

Screen shot your confirmation minus personal/financial info to: [email protected]

Entries must be received by September 1st!

Can't choose between them? Can't blame ya. Donate to all 3 to be entered in to all 3 prize drawings!

Help make one of their wishes come true!

Donate now! Please share!

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Hey my long lost Tumblr peeps!  I’m popping back on to make sure you see this opportunity to support some amazing chartities, while wishing these awesome dudes a Happy Birthday.

Also, prize packs. THE PRIZE PACKS ARE FAB.

If you’re not in a position to donate, please give it a reblog? Thank You!

[justjensenanddean]

Jensen Ackles as Red Hood [x]

The MakeWhile Red Hood in Mint Condition was designed as an Easter Egg — a nod to Jensen Ackles’ voice acting performance in Batman: Under The Red Hood — the continuing adventure with the costume was wonderfully unpredictable. The initial version had been a process mainly motivated by my own preexisting excitement, and then, on the first of two days shooting on the set of our fictional comic shop “Smash! Pow! Collectibles”, seeing the reaction from the boys (and director, additional cast and crew for that matter) when they entered the shop was incredibly inspiring. Jared helped position the costumed mannequin, wanting to ensure it was in the opening shot of the main characters entering the store, and Jensen looked at it and immediately expressed his desire for the whole costume for himself for Halloween, a genuinely enthusiastic compliment I graciously accepted.

My response to Jensen was instant: I can make that happen. It’s yours.Realistically, having the costume live in my closet for the rest of eternity seemed useless anyway, and what better use for a designated character outfit than to have the voice actor (and a truly excellent choice for a face-claim) wear it for Halloween. I immediately contacted Tanja from Tiger Stone FX about a new helmet because the one by Tiger Stone which played in the store was a piece belonging to someone to whom I had once given it. Tanja and her husband Nat are the wonderful people behind the brilliant work of Tiger Stone, and also happen to be fans of the show. What a lovely coincidence. They went to work right away making Jensen’s new helmet and mask. It is always a pleasure working with them, and their work is absolutely exceptional. I can’t recommend them enough. The helmet was and is certainly a highlight – as was watching Jensen run around the comic book store wearing it.

There were several other additions I needed to make for the costume, since while the outfit played as a nearly direct reflection of the animated movie design, I felt it needed updates to make it fit a realistic setting. Also, the mannequin is wearing my lace-up tactical boots. They were not going to fit Jensen. They barely fit the mannequin. In fact, let’s start with those.

Regardless of how difficult I thought it would be to have everything come together or get finished in time, nothing was more of a struggle than finding knee-high lace-up boots in Jensen’s size. It’s not even as though he’s an unrealistic size – in fact, that was the problem. Every pair of boots I was even remotely interested in for the costume was out of stock in his size. Call after call to manufacturers and stores across the United States and finally, finally I managed to find a woman willing to go to the warehouse of the factory to see if one of two designs happened to just be sitting on the shelf in the appropriate size. I bought the very last pair after a lot of silent cheering. But it was really down to the wire by the time I managed to get a hold of them.

In addition to the alterations required for the jacket and shirt I had previously made for the episode (luckily the pants were the perfect fit), I made extra accessories for the shoot – like Jensen’s requested hood, bloody ninja stars, belt accessories, new but distressed gloves, and Jason Todd’s pair of handguns. I had a lot more time to finish the extra odds and ends, and because they were part of the costume I had on my dream checklist, I had so much fun with them. I love weathering and painting, and don’t often need to do so on pieces I make. Having the opportunity to utilize some of my other interests for this project was really fantastic.

The Shoot

It was the day before Halloween by the time I had everything done. We were shooting at the Supernatural Stages, and so I had asked Jensen if he wanted to try everything on together to see how it fit. I arrived at studio in the morning to ask if lunchtime for the fitting was a good idea if he’d have time, and his suggestion instead was just to do the photoshoot then. Keep in mind, set-lunch is a half hour marked period of time from when the last crew member on the shooting crew goes through the line, which meant pressure was on. Limited time to dress and shoot…very limited. 

 Luckily, I live extremely close to studio, and went home, packed up absolutely everything costume and camera wise, and drove back as quickly as possible. 

 Having Jensen try on the suit for the first time was pretty unbelievable. I love making costumes for other people – in fact, it gives me far greater joy than any costumes I’ve made for myself ever have and most likely ever will. There is something about another person’s sheer joy and excitement that completely obliterates any negative thoughts I have about my creations. This time was of course no exception. I will never forget when he looked in the full length mirror, straightened his jacket, and said, “Man, I have never felt so cool. I feel like a real superhero.” The ‘me’ who put Red Hood on my dream-costume list years earlier never thought this would be how I would check it off.

Trisha, the Head of our Makeup Department, was a true sport, and helped us out by blackening up the space around Jensen’s eyes and putting on the mask. And with that last step, we jumped into Cliff’s car and were off for a photoshoot, a round-trip adventure of less than twenty minutes. 

Ironically, I never do much for Halloween, despite the vast amount of costume choices I have for the holiday, but I think this was definitely the ultimate way to celebrate for 2018. I have never had so much fun with a costume before.

 I edited the photos that afternoon, ready in time for a Halloween release. The response was overwhelming, and I wish to express my gratitude for the continued support and kind words in regard to my work. I would again like to thank Tanya and Nat at Tiger Stone who helped make this possible, and of course Jensen Ackles for being excited, willing, and one hell of a real life action figure. 

 Photos of Jensen Ackles shot and edited by Clockwork Shadow Creations Nikon D810 / Nikkor 1.4f/58mm / Nikkor 1.4f/10-24mm Behind the scenes photos by Cliff Kosterman Costume Credits: Fabric garments and accessories: Clockwork Shadow Creations (Belt canister print: Retronano) Helmet and mask: Tiger Stone FX Neck guard: Hernandez FX  

clockworkshadowblog.com/jensen-ackles-redhood/

[midnightsilver]

More beards! 😄🧔🏻 (What can I say: I’m a bit obsessed 😋)

If you like these. Then you can find the following design 👇🏻 on my RedBubble (you can DM me if you want me to offer individual designs 😄)

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Oh hell...

[jaredandjensen]

[x] by @sammyhale

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Why is he so damn adorable...

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Heart Notes - Chapter 2

Image Courtesy: Misha Collins Instagram Account

Image Courtesy of Misha Collins on Instagram.

Find the full chapter HERE on AO3

Rating:

Explicit

No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters:

Castiel

Anael 

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Additional Tags:

Musician Dean Winchester

Hippie Castiel (Supernatural)

Angel Castiel (Supernatural)

Friends to Lovers

Not Actually Unrequited Love

Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester

ANGST

See preview for Chapter 2 below!

Dean pulled into the driveway just as the stereotypical pizza delivery kid was leaving Cas at the door. A flash of recognition crossed the boy’s face as he caught a glimpse of Dean behind the wheel but thankfully he didn’t have the nerve to ask for an autograph on the way back to his own vehicle.

Castiel shouldered into the door jamb and waited, pizza box held tight to his hip like a flashback from a decade before as Dean climbed out of the same ‘67 Chevy Impala he drove all those years ago. The chrome gleamed in the sun against its ebony paint job. It was like time stopped the day Dean left…until he got out of the car. A skinny young man in an oversized leather jacket had been replaced by ten years of broadened shoulders and push ups. His chest and arms made his worn gray tee sorry for existing and those jeans may as well have been painted on. Cas couldn’t breathe.

Dean’s heart pounded in his throat though he tried to look calm. Cas hadn’t aged a day since he’d left. The black woodstock t shirt he wore looked like maybe it had actually come from the original Woodstock and those soft, worn jeans hung off his hips like they were trying to escape. Of course he was barefoot, Cas only put shoes on when absolutely necessary.

“Hey Cas…” Dean pinned him with green eyes that said more than he was ready to hear.

“Hello, Dean. Still driving that rust bucket, I see. Must be a struggle.” Cas smirked at his own joke as Dean released a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Still a hippie, I see. Are you allergic to shoes, or…?” Cas couldn’t help but laugh. The easy banter between them was so natural, as if nothing had changed. Almost.

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Heart Notes - Chapter 2

Image Courtesy: Misha Collins Instagram Account

Image Courtesy of Misha Collins on Instagram.

Find the full chapter HERE on AO3

Rating:

Explicit

No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters:

Castiel

Anael 

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Additional Tags:

Musician Dean Winchester

Hippie Castiel (Supernatural)

Angel Castiel (Supernatural)

Friends to Lovers

Not Actually Unrequited Love

Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester

ANGST

See preview for Chapter 2 below!

Dean pulled into the driveway just as the stereotypical pizza delivery kid was leaving Cas at the door. A flash of recognition crossed the boy’s face as he caught a glimpse of Dean behind the wheel but thankfully he didn’t have the nerve to ask for an autograph on the way back to his own vehicle.

Castiel shouldered into the door jamb and waited, pizza box held tight to his hip like a flashback from a decade before as Dean climbed out of the same ‘67 Chevy Impala he drove all those years ago. The chrome gleamed in the sun against its ebony paint job. It was like time stopped the day Dean left...until he got out of the car. A skinny young man in an oversized leather jacket had been replaced by ten years of broadened shoulders and push ups. His chest and arms made his worn gray tee sorry for existing and those jeans may as well have been painted on. Cas couldn’t breathe.

Dean’s heart pounded in his throat though he tried to look calm. Cas hadn’t aged a day since he’d left. The black woodstock t shirt he wore looked like maybe it had actually come from the original Woodstock and those soft, worn jeans hung off his hips like they were trying to escape. Of course he was barefoot, Cas only put shoes on when absolutely necessary.

“Hey Cas…” Dean pinned him with green eyes that said more than he was ready to hear.

“Hello, Dean. Still driving that rust bucket, I see. Must be a struggle.” Cas smirked at his own joke as Dean released a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Still a hippie, I see. Are you allergic to shoes, or...?” Cas couldn’t help but laugh. The easy banter between them was so natural, as if nothing had changed. Almost.

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Heart Notes - Chapter 1

Image credit: Monica D Photography

Click here to read Chapter 1!

Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Relationships

Castiel/Dean Winchester

Characters:

Castiel

Anael 

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Additional Tags:

Musician Dean Winchester

Hippie Castiel (Supernatural)

Angel Castiel (Supernatural)

Friends to Lovers

Not Actually Unrequited Love

Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester

Eventual Smut

Chapter 1 Teaser: 

Dean Winchester had been holed up in his brother Sam’s home for two weeks licking his proverbial wounds.  His most recent album tanked and though he knew that it would, he just couldn’t shake the embarrassment of failing so publicly. Coming home to Kansas had been the right move, he craved the comfort of family and the familiarity of his old stompin’ ground to get the creative juices flowing. He needed to get back to his roots. What he really needed was Cas.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice carried through the screen door before Sam shouldered through it with a couple beers. He handed one to his older brother and spun an old wooden chair around to straddle it and fold long arms to the back. The fluidity of the movement was second nature to Sam and soothing to his brother.

They sat quietly together as Dean picked out a tune on his guitar, pieces of lyrics running around in his head. If only they would gel together, he’d get somewhere. With a deep sigh, he carefully leaned the old acoustic against the worn slats of the porch rail and took a long draw of his beer.

“Did you call him yet?” Sam didn’t even look over at Dean when he spoke. He knew the answer already.

“Nah, I’m gonna email Cas tonight. I don’t want to put him on the spot with a phone call.” Dean’s eyes were trained squarely on the horizon line. He could feel Sam’s gaze move to his profile and knew exactly what face he was making but he didn’t want to see it. This was hard enough as it was.

“Dean, you need to tell him.”

“Tell him what, Sammy? Why I had to leave?” His hackles were up just thinking about it. It was a shitty thing to do to leave town and not tell his best friend where he was going but he needed to distance himself from Cas, things had grown complicated. Uncomfortably complicated.

“Yes, Dean . He was basically family and you just left and I didn’t know what to tell him. Hell, it was years before I even knew what was going on. You owe him an explanation, and you should get to that before he realizes you’re in town.”  Sam drained what was left of his beer and waited for Dean to process his words.

“I can’t tell him I’m in love with him, Sam. He’s married to Anael . How can we even work together if he knows? No way he’ll be comfortable helping me with this project with that hanging over us. He has to know by now that I’m into dudes - it’s been all over the damn internet and every trash mag imaginable so who knows if he’ll even talk to me.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair before standing to stretch. The tension was so tight in his body he just had to move.

Sam watched him intently, still shocked at the change in him. At 35, Dean wasn’t the skinny kid that took off to Nashville in his early 20’s. Tour food had put weight on him but so had those workouts his manager insisted on. Gabriel was an ass but he was good at what he did.  Dean had finally broken into the music scene after five years living on ramen and mac n cheese, doing late night gigs at every bar he could. Now he was three albums into his career and they’d made a wrong turn. Sam was glad to have him home but he worried about him.

“Just apologize Dean. Start with that and see what happens but are you ever going to move on if you don’t tell him?”  Dean shoved his hands into his back pockets as Sam spoke, clearly not ready to talk about this.

“Alright Sammy. Just give me some time, ok?” Dean’s green eyes were misty when he faced his brother, more proof of how deep his pain ran. “I’ve been holding on to this for ten years. I may not be ready to let go of the tiny shred of hope I’ve got left.”

“Just reach out to him soon. It would be a million times worse for you to run into him somewhere before he knows you’re home. Give him that, at least.” Dean nodded his agreement as Sam stood to head back into the house. He paused at the door and looked at Dean, who was back to staring off into nothing. “I’m glad you’re home Dean. You can stay as long as you like, you know that. I just want you to have some happiness in your life.”

Dean swallowed the emotions that were threatening to overflow as he planted his forearms onto the porch railing and wrung his calloused fingers. The screen door slammed shut before he’d composed himself enough to respond so he sat back down on the stool he’d been on for hours. Instead of picking up the guitar, he picked up his phone and started an email.

Cas,

I know you’re probably pretty angry at me, or maybe you don’t even care anymore, but I’ve moved back home for a while - maybe permanently -  and I’d like to see you. I want to apologize in person. Can we grab dinner somewhere?

Let me know.

Dean

Dean hit send and then tossed his phone into the bench swing at the end of the porch like it was on fire. He had ripped the band aid off, now the question was did he want a response? The thought of seeing Cas again both thrilled and terrified him.  He had no problem telling Cas he was bisexual if he somehow didn’t know, but he didn’t think he could ever tell him how he felt. No matter how many one night stands he’d had, getting into a relationship had just been out of the question. Cas was the only one he wanted. It had always been Cas.

[jaredandjensen]

Jensen Ackles at the 2019 Summer TCA Portrait Studio

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Bless...

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Heart Notes - Chapter 1

Image credit: Monica D Photography

Click here to read Chapter 1!

Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warning

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Relationships

Castiel/Dean Winchester

Characters:

Castiel

Anael 

Dean Winchester

Sam Winchester

Additional Tags:

Musician Dean Winchester

Hippie Castiel (Supernatural)

Angel Castiel (Supernatural)

Friends to Lovers

Not Actually Unrequited Love

Unrequited Castiel/Dean Winchester

Eventual Smut

Chapter 1 Teaser: 

Dean Winchester had been holed up in his brother Sam’s home for two weeks licking his proverbial wounds.  His most recent album tanked and though he knew that it would, he just couldn’t shake the embarrassment of failing so publicly. Coming home to Kansas had been the right move, he craved the comfort of family and the familiarity of his old stompin’ ground to get the creative juices flowing. He needed to get back to his roots. What he really needed was Cas.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice carried through the screen door before Sam shouldered through it with a couple beers. He handed one to his older brother and spun an old wooden chair around to straddle it and fold long arms to the back. The fluidity of the movement was second nature to Sam and soothing to his brother.

They sat quietly together as Dean picked out a tune on his guitar, pieces of lyrics running around in his head. If only they would gel together, he’d get somewhere. With a deep sigh, he carefully leaned the old acoustic against the worn slats of the porch rail and took a long draw of his beer.

“Did you call him yet?” Sam didn’t even look over at Dean when he spoke. He knew the answer already.

“Nah, I’m gonna email Cas tonight. I don’t want to put him on the spot with a phone call.” Dean’s eyes were trained squarely on the horizon line. He could feel Sam’s gaze move to his profile and knew exactly what face he was making but he didn’t want to see it. This was hard enough as it was.

“Dean, you need to tell him.”

“Tell him what, Sammy? Why I had to leave?” His hackles were up just thinking about it. It was a shitty thing to do to leave town and not tell his best friend where he was going but he needed to distance himself from Cas, things had grown complicated. Uncomfortably complicated.

“Yes, Dean . He was basically family and you just left and I didn’t know what to tell him. Hell, it was years before I even knew what was going on. You owe him an explanation, and you should get to that before he realizes you’re in town.”  Sam drained what was left of his beer and waited for Dean to process his words.

“I can’t tell him I’m in love with him, Sam. He’s married to Anael . How can we even work together if he knows? No way he’ll be comfortable helping me with this project with that hanging over us. He has to know by now that I’m into dudes - it’s been all over the damn internet and every trash mag imaginable so who knows if he’ll even talk to me.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair before standing to stretch. The tension was so tight in his body he just had to move.

Sam watched him intently, still shocked at the change in him. At 35, Dean wasn’t the skinny kid that took off to Nashville in his early 20’s. Tour food had put weight on him but so had those workouts his manager insisted on. Gabriel was an ass but he was good at what he did.  Dean had finally broken into the music scene after five years living on ramen and mac n cheese, doing late night gigs at every bar he could. Now he was three albums into his career and they’d made a wrong turn. Sam was glad to have him home but he worried about him.

“Just apologize Dean. Start with that and see what happens but are you ever going to move on if you don’t tell him?”  Dean shoved his hands into his back pockets as Sam spoke, clearly not ready to talk about this.

“Alright Sammy. Just give me some time, ok?” Dean’s green eyes were misty when he faced his brother, more proof of how deep his pain ran. “I’ve been holding on to this for ten years. I may not be ready to let go of the tiny shred of hope I’ve got left.”

“Just reach out to him soon. It would be a million times worse for you to run into him somewhere before he knows you’re home. Give him that, at least.” Dean nodded his agreement as Sam stood to head back into the house. He paused at the door and looked at Dean, who was back to staring off into nothing. “I’m glad you’re home Dean. You can stay as long as you like, you know that. I just want you to have some happiness in your life.”

Dean swallowed the emotions that were threatening to overflow as he planted his forearms onto the porch railing and wrung his calloused fingers. The screen door slammed shut before he’d composed himself enough to respond so he sat back down on the stool he’d been on for hours. Instead of picking up the guitar, he picked up his phone and started an email.

Cas,

I know you’re probably pretty angry at me, or maybe you don’t even care anymore, but I’ve moved back home for a while - maybe permanently -  and I’d like to see you. I want to apologize in person. Can we grab dinner somewhere?

Let me know.

Dean

Dean hit send and then tossed his phone into the bench swing at the end of the porch like it was on fire. He had ripped the band aid off, now the question was did he want a response? The thought of seeing Cas again both thrilled and terrified him.  He had no problem telling Cas he was bisexual if he somehow didn’t know, but he didn’t think he could ever tell him how he felt. No matter how many one night stands he’d had, getting into a relationship had just been out of the question. Cas was the only one he wanted. It had always been Cas.

[coffee-and-wings-deactivated202]

“The first step in changing anything is getting people to care.” -Misha

This is more than just Gish...more than just points for the hunt. Join in on making a life changing difference. Click on the link to learn more!

Each year, GISH participants work to Change A Life by making a profound difference in the lives of people and communities facing extra

Please donate. Please share. ❤

“I think that kindness and generosity are infectious qualities, that when you carry them out, you often inspire others to do the same, and that one small act can actually have an exponential effect.”-Misha

[themooseinthetardis-deactivated]

[coffee-and-wings-deactivated202]

@thatsnotwhoifuckingam @bamcrux Freckles

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]

Ooof...

[coffee-and-wings-deactivated202]

I just read Twist & Shout

Cried so hard I had to shower.

[thatsnotwhoifuckingam]