Not Porn

u absolute fucking walnut -previously themockingphoenix-

[meanplastic]

[meanplastic]

[paulyappleseed-deactivated20161]

[bighonkinqueeniesbadbadbackstory]

Why tiptoe into hell when you can backflip into a cannonball. I like Mackenzie’s style.

[dennys]

Egg Personality Test

The way someone likes their eggs can give untold insights into their personality.

Scrambled: You play by your own rules. You only wear white after labor day. You take your martini’s shaken AND stirred. Bartenders dislike you for that.

Hard Boiled: Is there anything you don’t know? You’ve got book smarts, street smarts and great parallel parking skills. But you’re also genetically predisposed to a rare disease. Sorry you had to find out this way.

Fried: You’re a laid back character who can’t be bothered with much. If there’s a flow you’re gonna go with it. But let’s be real, you always pay your taxes on time.

Sunny Side Up: Nobody knows the real you. It’s all a façade covering up the darkness within. You’ve got ‘em all fooled including yourself. Bravo.

Raw: You’re the kind of person whose underdog story could inspire all of Philadelphia. You never quit even when things get rocky.

[thefederalistfreestyle]

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via Will Smith)

[halsyy]

when u finally catch that Pokemon u been tryin to find for forty minutes

[thetrippytrip]

$29 eyeshadow ☠ ☠ ☠

[sohapppily]

[the-murderous-bettie-rage]

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[highreevecain-deactivated202502]

[hillary-for-president2016-blog]

I… guess I couldn’t resist?

[parrisblood]

Shut up

[jennytrout]

Who plays the ukulele?

TRICK QUESTION THEY ALL PLAY THE UKULELE 

[onegirlintheback]

I don’t know why but like I really want Clinton to be the drummer.

“They told me girls can’t be drummers. I said fuck'em.”

[surprisebitch]

Clinton - drums and vocals

Obama - vocals and guitar

Kane - bass

Bernard - keyboards

then yeah, when a ukulele has to be played, one of them will play it. they can also play the banjo

[sdawgggg]

WHAT ABOUT BIDEN

[surprisebitch]

yup

[saheeli-rais-wife]

We dem bois

[acchronychal]

“Hold the fuck up.” I say. I am the fuck up. Please hold me.

[thebootydiaries]

me: *walking casually toward to pet store exit*

employee: ma’am, did u or did u not put a kitten in ur purse

me:

employee: ma’am,

me: *slowly taking a kitten out of my purse* i guess u could say the cat is out of the bag haha :) 

employee:

me: lol :)

employee:

me: :) 

[toocooltobehipster]

bye

[imanes]

weird how lighting a candle can make u feel marginally better like ur still feeling the same but at least there’s a candle burning… nice

[werkn-progress]

I like being invited to things. I don’t necessarily like going But I like being invited.

[alaiha-deactivated20171228]

[staraptor]

im still pissed off that birds get to spend their days flying about and cats get to sleep for 16 hours a day and im stuck dealing with capitalism and expectations

[weloveshortvideos]

[thatsthat24]

Hear his mighty roar.

[kateceratops]

this vine fixes everything