Personal writings

words that keep me going and something that helps me reflect in life.

[thattravellingwriter]

when you know you compliment each other...

You may be forgetful, but I am the one with the best memory.

You may always need someone reminding you, but I’ll never get tired of it.

You may be a spendthrift, but i’m thrifty.

You may be a tad bit immature, but i can say i’m mature (for my age).

You may have a number of flaws I can’t pen down, but I’m willing to look past it and love you truly because I know that’s what you would do for me. 

I know my past experiences have never been that successful nor pretty looking, but when I look at you, I actually see a wonderful future. And I know a keeper when I see one; never letting you go love.

[thattravellingwriter]

/

The only thing that pissed me off yesterday was how you said 

“next week na lang” 

I know sometimes i can let that slide but damn its been twice you said that to me. If you really didn’t want to go, just say so. I know you know that going to church for me is an important thing. I know you don’t really go much and I’m really trying to help you get back to church as well but if you don’t want to help yourself i can’t do anything about it now can I?

I hate it that you didn’t go through with your word. A man’s word is everything. okay, last week you said this week, and when this week came rolling by you said the same thing again.

It just hurts that you wouldn’t even take it seriously. I trust your word you know. I trust you a lot, and it just kills me when you do this. 

I went to the toilet to cry because i just couldn’t’ hold it in, i have no idea if it was just because my hormones were acting up but i do know that i won’t cry if it is not important to me. 

I spent a lot of time thinking about it and maybe this is God’s way of saying I have to persevere and not give up with me helping you get back to church. I know we said we’ll go together and i’m willing to get you back to church. I won’t give up. I know you may think this is petty and i don’t care. This is something important to me. 

I guess I only blog when i have to get my mind off something and i can’t really tell anyone? Well, it’s better anyway. I just hope things get better from here on out. 

[thattravellingwriter]

I need more friends.

Friends who i can actually hang out shit and wouldn't mind the company even though we aren't doing anything. Friends who I can count on. Friends. 

A few of my mates just invited me to go out for a couple of drinks at my friend's place and I'm like thinking, why do you always want to drink, can't we do something better that doesn't involve us being intoxicated? sure, drinking is fun and all, but honestly, it gets insanely tiring. 

I thank you for thinking of me and calling me out to invite me but I'm sorry i just had to sit this one out. I just wasn't feeling the vibe. 

I want to be able to go out and have fun without having to drink just because its cool or whatever. Sure, a few drinks is fine but after that what happens? Do you honestly think that having fun equates to drinking? Sorry to burst your bubble mate but I can have fun without you having to hand me drinks every minute.

sigh, its probably just me being over dramatic and whatnot. i hate myself for being like this sometimes. stab me please get it over with.

PS: Everyone leaves me one way or another. I'm not expecting you to be any different. 

[thattravellingwriter]

guess who's finally going to melbourne on july 4?

That's right, me! 

I'm so excited and scared at the same time!

I'll be attending Deakin Uni, Burwood campus and if any of you are from there, do hit me up!

I'll be there for orientation on the 7th and classes officially start on the 14th! This blog will definitely be more alive bc i'm thinking of adding video diaries (mini ones) on how my day has been :)

I AM SO EXCITED.

[thattravellingwriter]

Simple blessings

Let me start with getting accepted into Deakin Uni. My mom was actually fine with it at first but she found University of Melbourne more appealing due to the prestigiousness of the school and also due to their profound facilities. She then told me to try to apply there to see if I can make it besides Deakin. I tried but failed bc apparently they only accepted As and Bs whilst having accumulated 3 Cs, I was not able to meet the criteria. She was obviously fuming as she thought that school would be a much better choice for me.

I was then struck with a dilemma on whether to continue studying where i am or move to Aus due to the high amount of fees being used and also considering the fact that I still have two younger siblings my parents needed to support.

I was really stuck in a cage and I couldn't find my voice to scream and shout for help to escape.

I prayed everyday for God to give me a sign and discerned if what i was doing the right thing. I couldn't particularly talk to my mother about it as she was always working and always tired when she came home so I don't know when to break it to her that I want to apply to Deakin and that time was running out. 

I did it the night after their household, i confronted her and told her that I want Deakin. And she obliged. I was really touched in a way because despite knowing how much money they would invest in my final years of study, they still went with it even when I said I could just continue schooling here if the fees were too high.

In a way i felt like i didn't deserve it due to the fact that my grades my whole entire existence weren't exactly what they have planned in mind and i felt like such an utter disappointment in everything. Like everything I was doing wasn't right in her eyes anymore. 

But thank God for my dad who was silently by my side all throughout. Even though my mom likes to nag a lot my dad wouldn't add oil to the fire and do the same thing. I'll just hug him and everything will be alright. I love my dad for even the simplest things, like his hugs, comforts me tremendously.

Also, I was extremely happy to go for YFC PA today and felt like I needed it after a long time and boy was i right! It's like all the worship songs fell right into place and i couldn't help but shed tears while worshipping Him. Also, it felt good seeing many people who i haven't seen in quite a while and I will miss this community in more possible ways than one.

Today was really filled with lots of happiness and blessings on my part and I wish to share it with everyone.

If you're going through a tough time in your life today, don't forget to pray, for God is always with you and He will journey with you through it all. When you think that Jesus has abandoned you with all the bad situations you are facing, that is when you will realise that he has always been there, you just need to reach out to him. For me, praying has always been one of the many comforting things to do and I always thank the Lord for granting my prayers and also showing me how sometimes not everything needs to go my way because He has bigger plans for us. Keep your head held high soldier, God has a beautiful plan in store for you. If you're reading this, keep going and keep smiling and facing everything because you are not alone. Know that one day, you will be stronger than you were today.

[thattravellingwriter]

I wish i could be sarcastic enough to even be funny.

[thattravellingwriter]

conditional offer

I finally went to school yesterday to file an application to Deakin Uni in Australia. The staff said that they do offer conditional offers to students who are still waiting for results or whatever. It'll take about 3-4 weeks to process so hopefully i get it! i really want to!

i feel like i can't be too overly excited coz it might backfire and not happen. If i DO get accepted i'll just ask around on tumblr who lives nearby and we can be mates and hang out and stuff.

Also, i didn't really plan a Plan B for this one coz all I'm looking at is this school and only that. So i have to get in no matter what. it would be a dream come true.

Count down the number of days with me will ya? xx

[thattravellingwriter]

mmfd season 2 finale is perfectly beautiful

The show started with Rae in Liam's bed and how she still feels f***ed up about herself and could only think about herself and actually said she did not care about the baby and meant it. She was so mad that her mom was moving her things out of her room for the new baby and lashed out at her. She tried to apologise to Chloe but she was still missing. Rae then decided to confront Ian but she thought she couldn't do it alone so she tried to get the gang together but that was a failure as well. In the end she confronted Ian alone but when he said that no one will ever want her, she couldn't take it anymore and she took off.

she went back home and found her mom slumped on the floor of the bathroom she hastily called an ambulance and met Kareem there. Honestly I think Kareem is doing his best to be the dad that the family needs. And he's also been working his ass off with two jobs to support them. Kareem asked her to go home and rest and will let her know of any updates. She received a letter from Finn and tried to call him but thought twice about it. She eventually rung Finn when everything was too much at the therapy, but she didn't answer.

It was good that Kester finally helped Rae out (not like I'm saying he hasn't) to remind herself that she's fine the way she is, she's perfect, and that everything will be all okay. I think this was the turning point of the show where she decided to change for herself, to be nicer to herself. Which then she began again to confront Ian, and this time, she didn't let whatever he and the rest of the pricks say about her get to her coz she's better than that. She finally found Chloe and she told her of all her problems and Rae brought her to her house to talk more. She confessed she read her diary but she didn't pay much attention to it. She didn't care about what everyone in college thought about her, she just cared about what her best mate did. And i felt that was the most heart-warming thing ever. 

Yes, she may be a slut, but it's her life and not anybody else's so nobody can talk shit about her. They managed to face Stacey and her obnoxious gang properly and honestly, what they did was the most mature thing ever. I feel extremely proud for the both of them. I'm also glad the rift between Rae and her mom is fixed and really that scene brought tears to my eyes, i hope we do see more of this show coz i want to see the character development.

The gang is finally finally back together. With Izzy apologising, and Chop standing up for Archie gahhhh i love the gang. so. friggin. much. 

AND OMG FINN. YES. NOT SPOILING THIS. BUT I AM SO GLAD RAE GOT OVER HER FEARS AND INSECURITIES even though it is a slow progress, it's going somewhere. 

I honestly do not know if there will be another season, but i sure do hope there will be. This show is just too inspirational and good to let go. The characters, storyline, everything just perfectly falls into place, not to mention the music used as well. I've been having LSS for weeks thanks to this show. and ALL HAIL OASIS.

[thattravellingwriter]

i just realised something

I know i love to read books.

And by books i mean those young adult books that make your inner self squeal and wish you have a romance like that kinda feeling.

But you'll never really experience those unless you get your nose out of your book. It is definitely fun to read once in a while, but make sure you also remember to have fun in the process. 

So i guess this is the part where i come in and say i'm gonna read lesser, but not TOO less, and actually have fun and see the world outside and not coop up in the room no matter how much i love to stay indoors.

oh well, just a lil realisation i came up with. nothing to fancy schmancy. 

[thattravellingwriter]

Australia or Canada?

I think this decision sums up most of my dilemma from last night.

i laid a few pros and cons o studying in both places and i've come to a decision where Australia is the fittest place to be.

Let's begin with distance. If i ever do want to visit Singapore again for a vacay with the family, it's fairly easy compared to Canada where it's hella of a lengthy travel. Also, my mom has accommodations for me thanks to her cousin who's seeking for people to rent her apartment and she lives in Victoria too which is like a 45-50 minute drive to the school (i googled it)

Next is the affiliation with the current school i'm in right now. MDIS is affiliated to Deakin and it will help with the necessary documents needed to travel there and many others, so that's a huge bonus. The school i want in Canada is not affiliated but they did say they'll help (i inquired) but i think it's only to a certain extent.

The only con i can find living in Australia is that i will be solely independent in EVERYTHING, while in Canada i have my mom's two older brothers. 

I really badly want to go, i have tons of emotions right now which i should probably deal with AFTER i get my graduation project done instead of immersing myself in it now when i barely have anything done. It's due on April 8 so bout less than a month. I really shouldn't start procrastinating but i have a few ideas on what to have inside my mini guidebook.

Summing up my post, i've decided to go for Deakin University at Burwood Victoria. Now it's all up to the rents to approve. Which i hope they will,, come on, i only live once, i want to start my journey. please. 

Most importantly, i want to find myself and improve areas in myself.

[thattravellingwriter]

sometimes i wish i could write as beautifully and as intellectual as many out there, but then i remember that my vocabulary is not as extensive no matter how much i read because i always get stuck when trying to think of big bold words that i can use to impress someone when i can just use normal simple words. However to me, simple words may seem like a sign of stupidity because all i can even think about is that i read lots, i like to write, but that's all your puny brain can muster? i'm ashamed.

i know i'm not that good in art and i can't draw to save my life no matter how hard i try and at least muster up the courage to initiate drawing and be as beautiful and abstract as how it is on tumblr, but i just can't.

it's times like these that i tend to put myself down, and i have no idea why. i honestly want to be able to surpass my current me, but how do i do that when i don't really know what my current self is like. i keep trying to change these characteristics in me when i should embrace them first to improve myself better, but i don't know, honestly. it's just one of those nights where your thoughts come back to haunt you.

i sincerely wish i can keep writing daily but that doesn't seem to occur and i'll only write when i feel like it when i should be practicing it daily. sometimes the excuses i give myself are only a small piece of me being lazy but that's not the whole puzzle.

i still have to figure that out.

i will, i know i will.

[thattravellingwriter]

Dreams

Jake. I saw you again. Before going to bed i was thinking about you and before i knew it, you appeared in my dreams. Again. Even if it was only for a short while, i'm glad. I was walking to my brother's school and crossed the curb to the other side to try the cordoned off door as they were busy attending to construction stuff and asked me to try the front gate. I walked over carefully to prevent myself from slipping as the floor was wet and told the guard my purpose of visit and that's when i saw you. I didn't think i'd still remember how you looked like after all these years. You were slightly taller than me, still had that snakeskin cut and when you noticed me, you smiled. I was stuck there rooted to the pavement and didn't know what to do, still processing everything when i decided to wake up. Beautiful aye?

[thattravellingwriter]

trying to see if i can apply to schools besides australia 

and that means canada

[thattravellingwriter]

okay so the person i have to collect my phone from isnt answering dammit do YOU EVEN WANT TO GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE? WHYD YOU CALL AND TELL ME YOU FOUND IT THEN UGH

its been five days

[thattravellingwriter]

I thought losing my phone was a good thing coz i wanted a new one for a while and that idea backfired when someone called to say they found it and should just contact her when im free to go get it. But my uncle (who offered to get it as he lives with my family and his workplace is fairly near where the collection point is) has been trying to contact her today but she isnt responding... Now idk what to do. But maybe shes still out partying it out, its chinese new year anyway~~

[existential---asthmatic-deactiv]

[thattravellingwriter]

if someone were to ask me "how are you" they better be ready to listen to all my shit bc if you're not dont even bother asking if you dont care in the first place