thaxstuff @thaxstuff - Tumblr Blog

INFJ sun, INTJ moon

STARDEW VALLEY-THEMED ASK BOX GAME TIME

Somebody has probably done this, but I haven't seen it yet, and I’m not looking very hard.

Submit a character name to the person who has reblogged this and they will answer the following questions as if playing SDV as that character.

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What kind of farm do they have? What's it called? What do they think about inheriting some random rundown farm in the middle of nowhere?

Cat or dog? Name?

What's their main skill area? (e.g., farming, foraging, fishing, mining, combat) How do they spend most of their time? How do they make a living?

What do they think of the other villagers? Who do they like? Who bugs them?

Who do they romance? Who do they marry?

What do they bring to the Luau for the potluck soup?

Are they in bed on time or forever passing out in the middle of a field somewhere?

If someone were to give THEM a birthday gift, what would give them maximum friendship points?

Joja Warehouse or Community Centre?

#stardew valley #I can't actually do this one myself because it's been too long since I played the damn game #I wouldn't know what to answer XD #but this will bring a friend joy #so I do

Anyone else finding it impossible to get Tumblr to load more than five pages worth of your dash? or that certain blogs won’t load at all?

@staff whyyyyy

#tumblr #I made a help request too but whining is more cathartic

me, an introvert: people machine broke

#introvert #I know I'm using the memes wrong #memeing badly as meme #meme me up inside #I'm tired okay #thax stuff

Breaking up with a romantic partner is not the end of the world.

Disappointing someone (by breaking up with them) is not the end of the world.

Being in a romantic relationship is not a cure-all for everything that’s hard in life.

Love does NOT conquer all when two people are incompatible and don’t make each other happy.

You can’t logick or argue someone into loving you and you can’t logick or argue yourself into loving someone even if you can put together a really good case about Why We Should Be Together.

Romantic love is not the only important kind of love. We need lots of kinds of love and connection in order to be happy and healthy, and we need to value those connections at least as much as we value romance.

If you choose to make your partner your sole source of companionship and emotional support, that doesn’t create an obligation for them to be that sole source for you. Resist the Siren Song!

“You’re the only source of happiness in my life” is not a compliment, it’s a snare.

Jennifer P (Captain Awkward) sharing truths on relationships and break-ups

I’m sure someone else will get around to quoting and posting this, but I do not want to wait, I want it on my dash now. Also adding the ever relevant Mark Manson essay to explain why love is not enough.

#relationships #love #breaking up

I am tired of being the person primarily responsible for loving myself. I want to outsource this shit.

#why oh why can't someone else have my self-esteem for me #oh right #I just want to lay facedown in a puddle of self-loathing for a little while #thax stuff

me, listening to classical music: I’d hit that

#I'd fuck an oboe #I'd fuck a clarinet #I'd definitely fuck a french horn #I'd get down with a cello #I'd take it from a timpani #I'd lick a triangle #I'd fuck a whole damn orchestra #you can't stop me #thax stuff

I had a breakthrough today about a self-destructive quirk of behaviour I’ve had for a while but never quite understood.

Short digression: I’m notorious for never finishing video games. I’ll get partway through, sometimes even almost to the very end, but I just won’t finish. I’ll keep avoiding that final battle or the last boss.

I hate losing things. Not “losing” like “fuck where did I put my keys” (though that too), but “losing” like “this was a great thing but now it’s over forever”. I hate endings. I cry at the ends of long books not because the endings are sad but because the book is over. I think I’ve stopped reading new books and started just re-reading the same few favourites over and over again because of it. The investment and the sense of loss. It’s preferable just to endlessly binge on TV (and I still cry at the end of the last season).

So I hate starting things too. Starting means ending. It’s implicit. I’d rather at least quit partway through. My room is full of half-done crochet projects that I can’t quite bring myself to finish. (Though I did finish one magnificent blanket and have no regrets. By the time I tamed that beast it was such a pain I was glad never to have to work on in again.)

Sometimes I won’t stop things even when I don’t enjoy them anymore because I enjoyed them once (if one poptart is good, shouldn’t 10 poptarts in a single sitting be 10 times better?) and I want to keep it going forever. Sometimes I stop doing things not because I’m incapable of doing them or because I don’t enjoy them, but because if I never finish then I never have to end. I think I stopped writing because I was afraid if I did I would run out of ideas, I would run out of things to write, and then I would lose writing forever.

It’s completely irrational, but there it is. I’m chronically, deeply, existentially terrified of loss, to the point of giving things up before I “lose” them.

#I don't really do personal posts that much do I #but I've been changing up a lot lately #right now my strategy is #think about what I would normally do #and then do something different #so here we are #loss #anxiety #thax stuff #overeating mention #I've actually improved at that one #mostly because I kept making myself sick #food cw #disordered eating #this is maybe tag overkill but just in case

you: sugar daddy

me, not an intellectual: aspartame papa

me, after intellectualizing it: stevia pater

#when you wanna treat your partner right #but you have not so many monies #it's the little things okay #thax stuff

that time tumblr tried to match-make me with my own boyfriend. I mean, I have to admit, the algorithm is spot on.

#thanks tumblr #we're dating #that was literally what that post was about #but yes good #I will take your advice #thax stuff

Me *is reasonably competent and capable at most things most of the time and occasionally excels or exceeds expectations*: Eh, I guess I'm okay.

Me *makes one largely inconsequential mistake or has a fairly understandable and minor flaw*: I AM A HUMAN TRASH PILE. ALL MUST REVILE ME AND SPIT UPON ME. I AM FOULNESS AND FAILURE INCARNATE.

#the daily battle with self-loathing is sisyphean to put it mildly #why must the successes be so short-lived #while the fuck-ups burn on in memory like ancient stars #whose memory long exceeds their lifespan #anyway #thax stuff #brain do not be this way #self loathing #self esteem

my partner and I were discussing size queens and what the opposite of that would be (purely for descriptive non-stigmatizing purposes--partner is proud size-royalty but was trying to describe someone who wasn’t in similar terms) and ended up on the idea of contrasting size-monarchies with other forms of government, like size-democracies, and then sort of ended up in economic systems when I proposed size-Marxism: “From each according to their ability, to each according to their need”, and that seemed like the ideal, most equitable distribution of cock. So now we’re size-Marxists.

#size-communism in practice may not work out so well #historical precedents and all #but in theory I am down with this #thax stuff #this is the kind of thing we talk about #dating is great #size queen #marxism

Over the last few years I have gotten so much better at coping and processing and handling my shit and taking care of myself but it’s hard to tell because everything in my life has also gotten harder at the same time so I still constantly feel hopeless and overwhelmed and like I’m failing at adulting.

....oh my god my life is dragon ball z.

#like seriously stuff I am dealing with now would have CRUSHED me a few years ago #I think back on 2013 and what a mess I was all the time #and I just can't?????#please give me back my 2013 problems #I can deal with that shit #thax stuff #coping #dragon ball z #if I go cry under maximum gravity #will that help me become even stronger #this is an important question

On the subject of “eggshell fine”, I wish it was easier to be honest about being in a state of total crisis without making other people feel like they need to do something about it or perform emotional labour for you. I mean, sympathy and empathy and the impulse to care about and for one another are important to the survival of the species no doubt, but honestly everyone I know is suffering and struggling so much that I feel like if I say anything other than “I’m fine”, I’m invoking this social contract where they feel obliged to expend energy they don’t have comforting me and then I just feel guilty and say nothing but then I actually feel worse because it sucks to have to pretend you’re fine when you’re not.

I wish I could just say to people “I spent three hours lying in bed crying and my 2017 goal is to get through the year without self-harming and everything kind of sucks right now but I saw a cute dog earlier so there’s that” and have them say “shit me too. what kind of dog was it?” and then we both move on and it’s okay.

And if one of us needs help we ask and the other person actually feels able to say “I would love to but I’m so tapped out that if I have to talk about another feeling I will barf can we watch a movie instead?” and you can say “sure that sounds good” or “no but thanks I’m going to try something else” and there’s zero guilt or feeling of letting the other person down or being too needy.

Basically I want guilt-free communication and boundaries and honesty and reciprocity without coercion and everyone feeling safe enough to feel whatever the hell it is they need to feel and to engage and disengage with that as needed. Though probably if we lived in a world where that happened, we wouldn’t all feel quite as fucked up as we do anyway.