The Old Advice Lesbian

Come to me with all your questions, my gaybies!

[the-advice-lesbian]

Any tips on figuring out if someone is into gjrls?

Only one way to know for sure: ask them.

[the-advice-lesbian]

I’m only pretty recently out and have next to no experience dating. I just got out of a long distance relationship, but while I was in it I got a crush on this other girl. But I ignored those feelings cause I was dating someone else. But me and this girl have been spending a lot of time together and those feelings have come back full force. It’s only been a month since my breakup, is there a way to tell if I’m just rebounding or if these feelings are real?

Hmm, that’s a tough one. If you’ve had feelings for this girl before, it’s possible you might not just be rebounding; at the same time, you could be falling into old patterns. Ultimately, you can only listen to yourself. Take some time to really dig into yourself before you act on these feelings. You don’t want to get hurt and you sure don’t want to hurt her.

Good luck, sweetie.

[the-advice-lesbian]

There’s this girl who became a fast friend when I entered college. She would hold my hand and be really affectionate. She made me question my sexuality and I got afraid of that. Some guys during lunch one time pointed and laughed when she held my hand. She didn’t see it but I did. So I tried to ignore her public advances and would talk about other people in front of her purposely. I shouldn’t have done that but I guess I was afraid of the realization I wasn’t straight. I tried to deny it (1/4)

but finally I am content with who I am. I liked her but since my actions indicated the opposite, she just got in a relationship with someone else. I confessed my feelings to her because I thought maybe I had misread things but then she told me she had feelings for me too at the time (she’s bi). She said that I would gravitate my attention towards other people and make her feel less important, which was true. I feel terrible I did that. She said she cried to her friends one night because (2/4)

she didn’t want to be the gay friend falling for her straight friend. But she’s in a relationship now. I’m completely heartbroken and I don’t know what to do. She said feelings don’t just disappear but rather that she opened her heart to someone else. She said in the future if we are both single that maybe we could try it. But it’s hard, I want to wait for her because I lover her with everything I have. Do you think waiting for something that might not happen is dumb? It hurts so much (3/4)

Watching her love someone else but never having a chance would hurt even more. I just feel so regretful, I wish I could’ve figured out and accepted my feelings sooner. I have learned a lot about myself the past month through this but I hope I didn’t just ruin my whole future. She is everything I could ever want, I’m just not sure I’ll ever get a second chance. She’s such a kind and affectionate person, she broke down walls I didn’t even know I had. I’ve never felt more safe than in her arms (4/4)

~*~

Okay, first, this is unconscionably late and I am very sorry. I’ve been off social media while I searched for a job. Now I’m back. 

Okay, so, first of all, this is not all on you. Remember that she said she had all these feelings for you - but she never said anything. So that’s on her.  As far as waiting for something that might not happen - well. It’s not *dumb* per se, but it’s pretty hopeless and it only hurts you. 

And yeah, it hurts now, but if you get back into the flow of things and find someone else, that hurt will eventually go away. On the other hand, if you stay in it and wallow in it, it’s not ever going to get any better. And then what do you do when/if she either marries that person or they break up but she doesn’t feel the same way about you any more?

In other words, I don’t think it’s dumb, exactly, to want a thing that is probably not going to happen, but I think that wallowing in it will only hurt you needlessly, and I think you should not do it.

Good luck, sweetie.

[the-advice-lesbian]

Hi. Ive been talking to a girl for months.I like her and I was afraid to tell her. Last night she asked me (via text) if I see her as more than just a friend and I said yes and asked her the same thing and she said yes too(YAY)but she says shes confused and she doenst know what to do because among another things,her parents dont accept her but she doesnt want to lie to them about dating a girl.on the 1 hand im happy she likes me but on the other i dont know how to go from here and what to do

You need to be talking to her about this, not me. You already know what YOU want - whether it be dating, friendship with smoochies, or something else entirely - but you need to find out what SHE wants, and then figure out how to make it work for the two of you. Time for what I often advocate: the Frank Conversation. Find some time, just the two of you, to sit down and talk about exactly what each of you wants, where the happy medium is (if there even IS a happy medium), and how you’re going to work things out (if you even CAN work things out).

I’m not going to promise you that you’ll be able to work things out. It might be that between what you and she both want and what the dealbreakers are, there’s no meeting in the middle. If that’s the case, things are gonna hurt for awhile. You’ll get past it, I promise. But if things DO work out, then great!

Let me know if I can help any more. Good luck.

[the-advice-lesbian]

Hi so I like my girl best friend, she’s bi, and honestly I feel like we’ve always been more than best friends she is very touchy feely with me and kinda flirts w me a lot, like I said her chap stick smells good and she got closer to me and said to smell it more but idk if it was a joke or not and I want to tell her I like her or do something to go in that direction but idk how to or if I should

I always advocate for being straightforward. Tell the girl you like her and see what happens. Something tells me it wasn’t a joke; it’s not a very "just friends” sort of thing to say. Give it a shot.

[the-advice-lesbian]

I like this guy from work. I’ve worked with him 5x the last 3 months. He always made an effort to small talk all the times we worked together, but we’ve never had a long convo, I always got this vibe that he found me attractive but I’m not sure if it’s that or that he’s just super friendly. I added him on fb. We had zero mutuals. He accepted my add fast, and did not message me, do you think I over thought that he possibly liked me? he’s too shy to message me or just doesn’t like me like that?

This could go either way. My number one rule, personally, is one I got from my grandfather: don’t shit in your own mess kit. In other words, don’t mess around and potentially cause problems in the place where your food (salary) comes from. It’s entirely possible that he does like you, but it’s also possible and even probable that he likes you as a friend. Be careful.

[the-advice-lesbian]

Hey again, Im the anon who said about falling for a friend + about coming out. I told her I like girls (I was ready) and she’s SO supportive and told me her experiences with girls and I’ve honestly never felt so relieved in a moment. But she isnt aware that she is the girl I like, she would never judge/make things weird between us but my heart is yelling tell her but my brain is saying I shouldn’t. I value her friendship over anything but these feelings are eating me alive, is it worth the risk?

How do you know she would judge/make it weird? Are you sure that’s not you projecting?

I can’t tell you if it’s worth the risk. You have to decide that for yourself. But if you think you can avoid making it weird... maybe it’s worth a shot?

[the-advice-lesbian]

Advice, please? 😥 I’m 21 and bisexual but I’ve never been with a girl, or even dated one. I have a crush on this girl who works in a coffee shop near my work- we haven’t spoken much, but I know we have common interests and I think she may be interested- but I have no experience and no idea what to do. Any advice? Thank you so much...

Give her your number. That’s a pretty clear signal. Then if she calls, fantastic! If not, don’t make it weird. Remember, people in customer service are required to be nice, so... Yeah. Don’t make it weird.

Good luck!

[the-advice-lesbian]

advice, please😅 There's this one girl I have a crush on (she doesn't know I'm gay) and we sometimes talk and text. I sometimes invited her to stuff the last couple months. I get a little bit of a gay vibe from her, but I could be wrong, because she also doesn't know Hayley Kiyoko. Tomorrow we are going to this event at a sea with firework together.How should I approach everything?On one hand I really really like her, but I don't know if she feels the same and I don't want to make things awkward

What the hell does Hayley Kiyoko have with being gay or not?

Moving on. The only way you’re ever going to know is to ask. I suggest something along the lines of the following: “I really like you, and I was hoping that this could be a date.  If you’re not into me, that’s cool, but just in case you are, I thought I’d give it a shot.”  See what happens from there. Just remember that if she’s not into you, she’s just not. No is a complete sentence.

[the-advice-lesbian]

I have a crush on Kakashi from naruto. That's the only guy I've liked ever. I have a crush on this girl from school for awhile now. Am I lesbian or not? I'm not the only one who feels like this right?

You are far from the only one who feels like this. Take a deep breath. You don’t have to know who you are/what you are already. I’m 40 and some days I still don’t know. Not to mention that your identity can and may change as you grow and mature! Don’t worry about it. You don’t need to be able to firmly say “I am a lesbian” today. All you need to do is be you and let the chips fall where they may.

[the-advice-lesbian]

I have a crush on this girl and I know she likes me back because she’s said so but she never actually directly has asked me to be her girlfriend and we haven’t done anything more than just flirt. She’s even told me and that she wants me to make the first move and kiss her. But whenever I’ve tried to in the past, I get nervous and freeze up and can’t seem to initiate anything. How do I get myself to actually ask her to be my girlfriend/ kiss her?

Think about it carefully. You’re having trouble. Are you sure this is a thing you want? I just worry that this might be your inside brain going “Nahhhh.”

But if you’re sure it’s what you want, then screw your courage to the sticking place and just go for it. That’s all you can do.

Good luck!

[the-advice-lesbian]

This is kind of an odd question but here goes: so last night I went down on a girl for the very first time, I didn't know quite what to expect or what to do straight away, so I just tried stuff with my tongue to see what worked - the problem is that this started triggering my gag reflex. Is this common for inexperienced people giving oral? My reflex can be a bit trigger happy sometimes (sometimes just the thought of something in my mouth sets it off) but it was still a little embarrassing.

This is... not really a question I’m qualified to answer. You should really talk to your doctor or dentist about gag reflex trouble. Other than that, all I can say is that if this is someone you want to do this again with, sit down and be honest and explain the problem... and see if she’s willing to let you, um, “practice” if you know what I mean.

Good luck!

[the-advice-lesbian]

HELP. So I was with some friends from uni and one of them I’m interested in and she’s straight. However, when we were all talking about what we were looking for in a person she started talking about girls and then corrected it to boy and later said girlfriend but didn’t correct herself. Later on when it was just me and her she was walking physically very close to me and I think one point she tried to hold my hand, she said I had a sexual voice, but she kept on talking about boys and her ex bf.

The best thing you can do is ask her straight out. “I have the feeling you may be interested in girls, and I’m interested in you. Want to go for a coffee?”

Don’t try to be coy about it. Just ask. Worst thing that can happen is she says no, right? She’s not gonna bite you.

[the-advice-lesbian]

Hi, I’m need of nsfw advice and not sure where to go really. I’m 25 and always been straight until I met my girlfriend, she’s super butch and I’m femme. She’s perfect (and in bed.. omg) str8 girls literally don’t know what their missing 😂.. recently she’s tried “tribbing?” With me and I just can’t get the hang of it. She’s muscular and I’m curvy but not big... Any idea of where I can find advice/more info? (Not porn it has not helped so far)

Sorry for my late reply; I’ve had out of town company and been off Tumblr.

Try this:  https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Lesbian-Sex-Book-Passionate-ebook/dp/B0097DE8WM

Full disclosure: I don’t get any kind of money off you using that link, I just googled for it and that is the best thing I can come up with.

[the-advice-lesbian]

hi i'm freaking out. i had a dream my gf and i had sex and she wore a strap on. i told her about it, and shes uncomfortable and also seems kinda mad. she asked me if i was bi . (i'm not, i'm a lesbian). and she doesn't seem to want to talk to me at all now. and i feel kind of scared and really guilty. i'm not even keen on the idea of strap ons and id never ask her to do that knowing it makes her feel weird but she's more upset than i expected but doesn't wanna talk abt it at all. idk what to do

Wow, that’s a hell of a thing for her to be mad about. I mean, you can’t control what you dream about, right?

So, first of all, there’s nothing you have to feel guilty about. You had a dream. We can’t control our dreams. If we could, well, I have a list. But we can’t. So, again, nothing to feel guilty about.

Nothing to feel scared about, either. Because look. You would only need to feel scared if you’d done something wrong and, again, you’ve done nothing of the sort. Take a few deep breaths, maybe listen to a guided anxiety meditation on YouTube (I recommend thehonestguys, they’re great). Then:

Have a sit-down with her over a cup of tea/coffee and ask her to explain why she’s so upset about the dream you had. Make her examine her feelings and use “I” statements. (“I am concerned because I feel like hearing about my dream upset you.”)See if you can get to the bottom of what upsets her, and talk about it in calm tones. 

If I had to guess, she might be worried about not being/doing enough for you. If she admits this, you can reassure her. If it’s something else... well. Feel free to come back.

Good luck!

[the-advice-lesbian]

I’m actually bi (hope this isn’t a problem) I’ve never been with a women before but things are starting to look like it might happened. Problem I’m so scared because I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t wanna mess it up?

My fiancee is bi; no judgment here. :)  When you say “been,” I assume you mean sexually? Honestly, the best suggestion I have is to read some w/w fanfiction; you’ll learn amazing things. Go slow, and ask her to show you what she likes. Also, keep your nails short and well-cared for.

You can do this, I believe in you!

[the-advice-lesbian]

so i’ve committed the ultimate lesbian sin and have fallen for a straight girl.i met her at work and I’m insanely into her...i go out of my way to do things for her all the time and she’s blissfully unaware..but it’s becoming an issue because i have a tendency to pour from an empty glass so to speak. i don’t do any of the things i do for her in hopes that she falls for me..i just like seeing her happy. but at this point it just feels like I’m torturing myself but can’t will myself to stop.

It’s never a good idea to get romantically involved with someone at work. I’ll explain:

First, you are torturing yourself and you do need to stop. Second, consider: does she know you’re a lesbian? If not, and she finds out, she’s immediately going to assume you did those things to get into her pants. She gets hurt, you get hurt, at best she tells you to stop talking to her and now you have an uncomfortable work environment; at worst you might end up in front of an HR rep or your boss. You gotta stop. 

For this week, I want you to do a thing: Every time you are tempted to go out of your way to do something for her, stop, take a deep breath. Maybe go to the bathroom. Look at this post again and remember me telling you that you have to stop. By the end of the week, it’ll be easier - you’ll be working on developing a habit. And you’ll be able to focus on your job and on not getting fired.