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Doug Jones
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cherry valley forever
#extradirty
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@the-american-hero
Uh-huh, sure Alfred, sure~!
-pokes stomach- But now you’re talking to me huh. You are desperate… Not surprised again though, you always seek for attention, even from the people you don’t like -shrugs-
//swats his hand away// I'm not desperate. If I can recall, you were the one who approached me first. But now since your annoying face is here-- No. I'm going to stop right there.
aw, has little Alfred become a loner now? To tell you the truth, I’m not surprise at all, I knew one day you would see just how annoying you truly are!!
It's not--! Ugh, I just didn't want to talk to anyone, dumbass.
no woman rejecting you is the best joke I’ve heard in a while Jones! Well I would not be surprise if I were you, after all they were bound to get bore of you sooner or later.
Al--!
I just haven't gone out in a while, alright? I've been avoiding everyone, that's all.
sighs loudly
-smirks- what? Got rejected by another woman again, idiot? I would not be surprise, since it’s you.
Excuse you, but no woman would ever reject me. But to answer your question, no. I didn't even ask anyone out. I haven't talked to anyone lately.
sighs loudly
you started this now you suffer more
He sighed loudly, his head spinning with all the possibilities of seeing his beloved family again. Seeing Alfred again. “I remind you that I’m half a nation..” He weakly replied, closing his eyes as he fought the urge to just get up and go to the airport.
“Alfred… I wasn’t rained as you were, remember?” He sadly smiled, his eyes falling on the picture in the wall. “I am not prepare to say good-bye again… Not again… God I’m an idiot,” he declared, banging his head lightly on the wall behind him and spreading his stiff legs.
“I am an idiot because I’m letting you convince me to go to the airport right now…” He confessed, his heart beating faster as the idea attached to himself.
"I know," he said softly into the phone. And he understood completely. Being half a nation technically means that you're sort of half a human, too. That people wouldn't even think twice about you because you're not that important. It hurt Alfred that the other was being treated that way, which made him want to express his love some more.
"I remember," he sighed. "But come on. It's not like we're never gonna see each other again if say good-bye one more time." He pursed his lips and scratched his chest.
He smiled at little at that, hoping that he would end up convincing him in the end. "Come on. Please? Just take a break for a couple of days with us and we can spend time like the old days."
you started this now you suffer more
“That part will never change, I believe,” he admitted, a soft smile quickly appearing as he heard the chuckle the other gave. It was so comforting to hear him chuckle, even for a few seconds.
He sighed as the other said he knew that he loved him, even though it was silly to worry about this, Alfred was paranoid that he would be hurting him without even knowing. He smiled at the phone, his heart beating quicker and his hands sweating like if it was the first time he said I love you to someone.
Alfred bit down on his bottom lip, lightly nibbling while he consider the idea of going back home. Going back meant spending at least a few hours with his family, but it also meant having to say goodbye again.
“…I should….”
….
” I want to…. But… Alfred…”
Alfred could feel the other's smile through the phone, his heart beating quicker than it should this late at night. He looked at his alarm clock that was on the nightstand-- two a.m. He couldn't care how late it was at the moment. As long as he kept speaking to Al, then time was frozen to him.
He was afraid that he was hurting Al himself, thinking that maybe because he didn't want to let the other go, then the other couldn't be happy. And all he wanted was for him to be happy. The blonde didn't know what to do, but breaking off their relationship was definitely the last thing he wanted.
"But...?"
He let out a loud sigh, his eyes shut closed with fear. "No. No 'buts', Al. You come home right now. I don't care whether you have to leave a minute after, but I need to see you for one second. Please. Don't be scared that we have to say good-bye again; we always have to do that anyways. It's what us Nations were trained for. But I need to say hello to you again face-to-face."
cami, you know that song from marianas trench "ever after"? that's so darkfred and alfred :I
noo i do not know it but ima listen to it right now
you started this now you suffer more
Alfred’s words hurt, they hurt because it reminded him of times where he was with him and how he would encourage him. Sighing, he took the blanket off of him and pulled his legs closer to him, wrapping his arms around them while holding his phone between his shoulder and ear.
“I am thought and even though you say I am not, I still don’t believe you,” Alfred closed his eyes, listening to the other, enjoying having him so close to him even thought it wasn’t as close as he thought.
“I could never ignore you Alfred, please, just remember that, even though I’m an asshole and I don’t reply, I check everything and I love you… I love you so much…”
He took a deep breath, his heart aching because he needed to say those words in front of the other, but knew he couldn’t.
“I should…” He agreed
Alfred twisted his head a little to look at the pictures on his wall again, a small smile perching on his lips. He loved hearing the sound of his fiancee's voice again, but he hated that it had to be over the phone. He wanted to hear it loud and clear in front of him, calling him and idiot and telling him how much he loved him.
"You never believe anything I say," he chuckled weakly into the phone. He sank down into his bed and let the pillow cocoon his head, turning his body so that he was laying on his side.
His smile widened when the other told him that he could never ignore and that he loved him. He felt like a school boy in love all over again, just like he did the first time they fell in love. "I know. I know you do."
He bit down on his lip while he let the other think it through. "You should take the first flight over here tomorrow morning. Please."
you started this now you suffer more
He continued to look at the ceiling, a struggle between doing what he wanted and doing what was best going on inside of him. He wanted to see Al as much as Al wanted to see him, but he did not want to feel more guilty than what he already felt by leaving Al alone.
“I never pick up because… I…” he sighed, in reality it was mostly his fear of pain.
“I’m a coward that could never answer you… You kept on calling on reminding me.. Leaving me messages … And I was too scared to answer, too scared to promise and to hurt… I did check them though, every single one of them…”
He laughed at himself, shaking his head at his actions, “I am a weak person… I weak person that needs to see you, to hug you and to be wit you… I don’t know what to do Alfred…” He admitted, his head banging lightly against the wall. It was now an hour later since they started, their brain refusing to shut down and neither of them willing to end the call anytime soon.
Alfred got up from the floor and slowly walked back to his room in silence, his ear feeling hot against the phone. He switched the phone to his other ear as he laid on his bed, putting a hand on his heart. It was beating rapidly-- he actually wasn't expecting that. He didn't feel as calm as he sounded.
"You're not a coward," he whispered into the phone. He was so afraid to speak up and clearly. He wanted to pretend that he was still next to the other, sharing secrets into each other's ears and whispering sweet nothings again just like they did before. "You are never a coward."
He licked his lips and listened to him, nodding to himself. "I'm glad you checked the messages, though. I didn't want you to think that I forgot about you. I wanted you to know that no matter where the hell you are, I still love you."
The blonde stayed silent for a moment, the only sound being their breathing. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the backboard of the bed, not even tired.
"You should come home."
the-american-hero replied to your post: the-american-hero replied to your post:…
YOU BROKE ME ROSA YOU BROKE ME AND ALFRED
GOOD NOW YOU’RE AS BROKEN AND DARKFRED AND ME
now i have nothing to do with my life
i have a lot to do in my life but i choose not to because im an idiot
my life is my muses and now since you’ve destroyed one of them i have only have my life
to be fair we been destroying them since last weekend :|
we've been destroying them since they first met, rosa
the-american-hero replied to your post: the-american-hero replied to your post:…
YOU BROKE ME ROSA YOU BROKE ME AND ALFRED
GOOD NOW YOU’RE AS BROKEN AND DARKFRED AND ME
now i have nothing to do with my life
i have a lot to do in my life but i choose not to because im an idiot
my life is my muses and now since you've destroyed one of them i have only have my life
the-american-hero replied to your post: the-american-hero replied to your post:…
YOU BROKE ME ROSA YOU BROKE ME AND ALFRED
GOOD NOW YOU’RE AS BROKEN AND DARKFRED AND ME
now i have nothing to do with my life
you started this now you suffer more
He smiled at his voice, his chest filled with pain as he imagined him, longing to hug him, to run his fingers through soft blonde hair, and look into clear blue eyes. Alfred needed to be with the other and the call had been both a blessing and a mistake because the need to be with the other was greater than it was when he avoided him.
For a long moment a silence fell between them, his eyes tracing the cracks in the ceiling, sleep long gone since the other answered the call. He wished to be back home so much, but he knew that going back meant leaving again and breaking promises again. He was tired of breaking promises. The whisper that came next did not surprise him as much as it could have, after all, he had half expect to hear it once or twice.
“I want to go home,” he answered, his voice slightly controlled because he was overwhelmed with longing and sadness. “I really want to go home… But you and I both know what going home means Alfred… I’m not sure if I can live with myself at making you sad once more…” He shook his head at himself, since when had he become such a softie?
Alfred stared at his knees as he waited for the other to speak again. He felt a little chilly, so he got up from the floor and walked towards his room, flickering his eyes at the pictures on the wall occasionally until he reached his destination. He walked inside and silently flopped on to the bed, crawling under the covers and pulling the blanket over his head as if he were hiding a secret.
The answer that Al had given him sort of made the pain in chest grow, but he couldn't blame him. It was true, wasn't it? Him coming home meant that he would leave sooner than he had come, and they would be farther apart then ever. But he was willing to risk that. As long as he could feel and touch the other again.
"The only reason I'm sad is because you never pick up the phone or e-mail me back. I want to hear from you, but all you do is ignore me, and that hurt." He pouted to himself. "I want you to come back home. I don't care if you have to leave the next day; I want to see you."
you started this now you suffer more
He sighed as he heard the other’s voice again, his heart beating faster with every word like if Al was next to him, talking to him, sharing this crappy bed that came with the crappy apartment. He slowly sat up, listening to the other, his expression turning sad once he heard broken whisper. He longed to touch him, to hug him and tell him he was wrong and that he was the strongest person he’d ever known.
Alfred staid silence for a moment, breathing slowly though his nose as he thought of what to answer his beloved. Oh so many things he wished he could say to him, but at the same time he just wanted to sit there and listen to the other breathe. Somehow just that was comforting enough to keep him calm, at least, he knew Al was safe and living life.
“I would beg to differ on that, but it is my opinion, I cannot change your opinion about yourself, even though I strongly believe is wrong,” he whispered, it was silly, but it felt like he was telling secrets to the night that only he could listen to, things he would never say to anyone but him.
“It’s unbelievable how you’ve come to take every single aspect of my life and make me depend on you so much like I do now, to a point in which just thinking about you hurts, thinking about being with you is the most desirable thing in the world… I hate you for making me feel like this you know…” he continued to whisper, his insult having no meaning behind it what so ever, it was more of a habit to call him an idiot than actually meaning it.
The silence was extremely content, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying it. Just knowing that the other was on the other side of the line was more important than talking. All he wanted to do was hear him breathe as if he was right next to him just like the old days. Too bad that the phone was the only thing that could keep them together; the only warmth they could receive.
Alfred smiled at what he had told him. Al didn't usually compliment him much, for reasons he knew, but when he did, it made the young American's heart sing. But the smile he had on his face at the moment was a sad smile. It didn't reach his eyes and felt forced.
It all just hurt.
"I know you do." He could clearly hear the word 'idiot' slipping out of the other's mouth and through his words, even though he didn't say it. As Alfred always said, he was his idiot, no matter what. "But you had - still have - a choice not to feel like this anymore."
He licked his lips and thought for a moment. He closed his eyes and sucked his a breath before whispering out, "Come home," for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
you started this now you suffer more
The moment the sound stopped was the moment when his heart stopped as well, his breath catching as he listen to the silence in the other end. He knew he should say something, anything, but he find himself without anything to say.
“…Hello?” The faint whispered made his head swirl, his pain subsiding a little as the voice of his love reached his ears and filled the room around him. He let out a loud breath he did not know he was holding and smiled. Alfred had answer, he had answer…
“I… I..” He kept quiet after stuttering for a few seconds, his head still spinning because of the sudden rush of feelings overwhelming him. He turned his head to look at the picture of them, his eyes fixing on the smiling man beside him.
“You know I wish I could be as brave as you are…” he whispered to the phone, knowing the other will hear it and not really remembering to say hi back.
Alfred listened to the silence on the other end, his heart beating so fast that it could burst out of his chest at any given moment. He wasn't expecting his call-- at least not this late at night, or even ever. He didn't know what to feel; happy, frustrated, ecstatic. He just wanted to feel something!
He leaned against the wall behind him as the other spoke, raising his hand to scratch the back of his neck. He suddenly felt nervous, licking his dry lips every so often to remind himself that yes, he was awake. This was not a dream. And for some odd reason, he wished that it was.
After the other finished speaking, he let out a loud sigh into the phone and slid down the wall to the floor. "I'm not as brave as you think," he whispered back. "I'm actually really weak and I need you more than ever."
