some of this definitely tracks but a lot of the time it’s not as simple as that. if you’re a single parent with an autistic child, and you can’t afford childcare, you can’t just leave your kid at home alone while you get food. sometimes taking children to places that they don’t like is 100% necessary. however, something that might help in this situation is giving the child clear information beforehand about what is going to happen, letting them know they are heard, and telling them exactly what is expected of them and how long it will last:
we have to go to the grocery store. i know that you don’t like it there because [anything they have said before about why it makes them upset] and i don’t either, but we have to do it. we are leaving at x time, so you have until then to [transition from what they were doing before]. when we are there, you need to walk next to me/hold my hand/(maybe give them a task such as counting how many types of fruit they can see in the store, a small activity to do, or a stim toy. keeping them grounded and entertained is good). it will take y amount of time, and then it will be over and we can come back home and you can do z [special interest related activity or other reward that will recharge their nd batteries after a draining experience]
autistic children grow up to be autistic adults. sooner or later they will have to go into a grocery store, maybe on their own, maybe every week, for their whole adult life. acclimatising them to knowing how grocery stores work from a reasonably young age, helping them learn that grocery stores are not scary, and that if they are scary they are at least endurable and that trips there don’t last forever, is going to be far more effective and helpful in the long run than simply teaching children that if they don’t like something they don’t have to do it. coping strategies are far more useful than avoidance for situations that are necessary.
i am saying this as an autistic adult, who was an autistic child, and who has very specific difficulties with grocery shopping myself, before anyone comes for me calling me neurotypical or whatever.
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