My parents are divorced, I mostly live with my mom, I have severe anxiety and depression and I just want to disappear. I feel like no one would really notice at all. My girlfriend and best friend are just pretending, out of pity, to like me. I feel selfish venting. I have no where to let out my feelings, so that's why I came here. I go to therapy every week and it isn't helpful at all. In my past, I have a failed suicide attempt and want to try again. Help please, and sorry for the long message
Hey darling. I haven’t really checked this blog in a while, but I just saw this and wanted to respond --
Here’s the thing, I swear to you, that even if it feels like no one would notice, someone would. If I’ve learned anything in the past year, its that someone will always notice. there are truly so many people who, even if they don’t talk to someone on a daily basis, or at all even, notice when people are there or not. I work with a lot of high school kids as an assistant director in my school district, and I don’t hang out with everyone. But I know each and every kid involved, and always notice when someone isnt at rehearsal, or doesn’t seem as in it as usual. I notice everyone’s progress and strong points and if something happened to any one of them, I’d be distraught - this is something I don’t think they all know.
Trust me when I say, there will always be someone who notices, and there will always be someone who cares. People aren’t always the best at showing how they care, but they do. I promise.
And you don’t have to feel guilty about venting. It’s important to let all of this out, I know its hard to carry with you. You said you’re already trying therapy? Even if it doesn’t seem to be helping, that’s a start. Have you tried looking for online resources to help express thoughts? I was on a site called Vent for a while, it helped me have a place to put down my thoughts, I highly recommend. And don’t be afraid of reaching out to people in your life for help. I know it's hard, trust me, I know, but people will surprise you.
And one last thing. I know its a total cliche, I know that, but it is absolutely true. If you hold on, things will get better, I guarantee.
No two situations are ever the same, but a year ago, I cried every day, for weeks straight. I thought about dying.
Now, I’ve never been healthier, or in a better place. I’m preparing for college, I’m working through being able to talk to people more openly. I’m confident in my body for the first time in my life, and I believe in myself for the first time in many years. A year ago I would never have imagined I could feel like this. It isn’t that I don’t still have really bad days, or even weeks, but the good outweigh the bad now.
Find little things day to day to help you cope. Try talking to new people, even online. Find a hobby you love, something that makes you feel like you are where youre supposed to be - if you don’t know what that could be, experiment, try things out. Talk to people when you feel sad, be sure not to isolate yourself. Hell, even try little “self care” things, like facemasks or podcasts or whatever, they wont fix your problems, but if you have the mindset of self care, it actually can bring up your mood a bit. Sometimes, when bad thoughts wont stop, its okay to just detach for a while. I can’t tell you how many seasons of the office or weird australian dance sitcoms I watched on bad days. Just keep yourself going. It’ll all be alright, I swear.
1-800-273-8255 -- here is a suicide hotline. Please please please use it if you ever need.
Best of luck, in everything.
