fwoosh!

bringing hot girl summer to all of skyrim one firebolt at a time blog inspired by @lydia-skyrim

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

F.A.Q.

Q: How are you typing without setting the computer on fire?

A: Because I'm special ;)

Q: Wait, how do you know Tamrielic?

A: See the above ;)

Q: Can you carry some stuff for me?

A: Absolutely fucking not.

Q: Do you know any spells besides Firebolt and Flame Cloak?

A: Nope!

Q: Smash/Would/Hear me out/I think I hauve Covid/PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE/Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry./Etc

A:

[FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT] [FIREBOLT]

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

Can flame atronachs fly or can they just sort of levitate there

also you very pretty :)

mostly just levitation 😔 if i wanna get more than a few inches off the ground i have to go provoke a giant. which doesn't usually end well for whoever summoned me, but honestly? worth it.

also thank you! it's so nice to receive a compliment like that without any... ulterior motives... then again, the last guy who DID have ulterior motives was also the guy who got launched by a giant right after i did. so he got what he deserved i think.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

*chomp* Thank you atronachhh. *chomp* Why don't we eat bear more often?

that's a good question actually. if i had to guess i'd say that the average skyrim citizen is more likely to get eaten BY a bear, so maybe everyone else is just too scared to try to get one.

don't let anyone else find out how delicious bear is, they'll be lining up to give you bear meat fetch quests.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

This dungeon sucks. I'm hungry. If I put the bear on a spit, would you be fine roasting it to oblivion for me?

fuck yeah let's get some crispy bear on the menu >:)

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

dragonbornnnnn i KNOW everything in whiterun is made of wood but i PROMISE i won't set anything on fire if you let me come with you this time. i just wanna see what it's like in there. come onnnn. dragonborn you let a fucking dragon into the palace one time. how is that any better.

[lydia-skyrim]

Don't listen to her my thane, think of how much you'll have to pay in property damages. Think of how much cheese you could buy with that gold instead.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

that would be a good point IF anything bad was going to happen. however i am the most well-behaved atronach EVER and also the least clumsy, and also everyone loves me.

additionally, consider the following:

petty pease

[lydia-skyrim]

Lydia. Can you make a fire please. I fucked up. I shoveled the snow off some of the pathways around Whiterun right after taking a bath and now I can't feel my face. Help

(yes i did actually do this irl. my hair is frozen and i can't feel my ears. i finished showering like half an hour ago and just got inside from shovelling my driveway. was it smart? no. do i regret it? absolutely. i was wearing appropriate layers tho so no frostbite 👍)

Oh no, but don't worry my thane I know just who can help! Just stand next to @the-dragonborns-flame-atronach while I go fetch some mulled wine and blankets from the Bannered Mare. Don't try to hug the atronach though, that never ends well.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

one of these days your altruism is gonna get you killed, dragonborn. you should've stopped after the path to breezehome, but nooo you had to HELP people.

also, if you had brought me into whiterun with you i could have melted the snow instead of you busting your ass shoveling it.

anyway you should let me try some of that mulled wine. i promise i won't explode :)

[lydia-skyrim]

heyyy girl sorry i accidentally hit you with a firebolt earlier... in my defense you were standing like, DIRECTLY in front of that wolf. no hard feelings right? (@the-dragonborns-flame-atronach)

hard to be mad at a walking bit of flame I guess... but maybe try to call out a warning next time? Seeing as you can talk and all.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

lydia do you honestly think that i am going to take ANY responsibility here? much less change my behavior?

because... ugh... fine. okay. i'll start communicating or whatever.

but only because the dragonborn was talking about ✨Teamwork✨ earlier, and they've got, like, a 75 in speechcraft, so they passed the persuasion check pretty handily.

and also because whenever i'm a bitch to you they threaten to encircle me with stone and use me as a forge. because they like-like you or something.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

Want some cheese?

mmm cheese :) really melts in your mouth! well, maybe not YOUR mouth. but cheese does melt in MY mouth. you know, because of the fire.

the texture is nice, i just wish i had taste buds.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

uhhh dragonborn... are you SURE you want to be a vampire this playthrough? cause your ass walks into my firebolts kind of a lot and it'll end even worse if you're... you know... weak to fire damage

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

Do you find Tamriel warm enough? I'm worried it would feel freezing compared to Infernace.

you know you'd think it'd suck bad, especially here in skyrim, but it turns out i can't really feel the cold because all the air around me stops being cold. on account of the fire.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

i found the slaughterfish that's stopping us from fast traveling. it won't hold the fuck still though, i'm having trouble flambéing the little bastard

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

aw come on, that was a direct hit! how is it still—

um

it's uh... it's in water. i forgor

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

i found the slaughterfish that's stopping us from fast traveling. it won't hold the fuck still though, i'm having trouble flambéing the little bastard

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

dragonbornnnnn i KNOW everything in whiterun is made of wood but i PROMISE i won't set anything on fire if you let me come with you this time. i just wanna see what it's like in there. come onnnn. dragonborn you let a fucking dragon into the palace one time. how is that any better.

[the-dragonborns-flame-atronach]

dragonborn i know you're doing dialogue-heavy quests right now but i haven't set anything on fire in like 20 minutes. can we PLEASE go fight a bear or something, i'm starting to go into withdrawal