thegreatchasseur:
Standing there in front of Laurence like that, hearing all of those things, Garrett only felt even more confused than he had before. Seeing him again was supposed to make everything easier when all it did was make it worse. His best friend’s face was one he’d dreamed about, one that had haunted him fairly often. Everything that happened between them was for a reason. He was Garrett’s best friend. And that crush, the one he wasn’t even sure about, the one that made him wonder whether or not everything in their friendship and their life was because of it. He wanted to know what made a crush tick, what made anyone really understand their feelings. The fear in his heart struck him like a dagger to the chest. It hurt, far too much. But he’d never been good at this. Feelings weren’t in the cards for him and they’d never been. And yet, standing there, staring at Laurence, he felt things that he hated feeling. Garrett didn’t want them to go away.
“Always,” he stated, his voice gentle and soft. Stepping into his apartment, a wave of calm blew over him. For some reason, being in a place that was strictly Laurence’s was calming. He felt at home and felt like he could be nothing but himself. But was this really a good idea? Could the two of them actually be together? He had no idea, but that was the issue. The tall brunette found himself wanting to try, but he had no understanding of how to go about starting anything of that sort. Sitting down on the couch, he twitched, not sure how this conversation was going to go.
Each word that came out of Laurence’s mouth stabbed Garrett in the chest. He hated how much pain his best friend was in and hated that all of these feelings were welling up inside him. This was too much. Way too much. He wanted all of it, really did, but didn’t know how to do it. Garrett hadn’t had a proper relationship. All he did was sleep around and mess up everyone’s lives in the process. But with Laurence, everything was easy. There was never any problem. They always got along and Garrett always found himself happy around him. So why shouldn’t this work out? “Laurence, I never said that. You should know me well enough by now. I’ve never done any of this before. I’ve never done anything more than a month or so. I just…” His head dropped. “I don’t want to give you false hope.”
As he asked him if he was embarrassed, Garrett felt tears build up in his eyes. Shaking his head, he stood up, walked over to Laurence, bent down and took his hands in his. “Listen to me. I’ve never been embarrassed by you and I never will be. It’s not you. You’re perfect. It’s me. I know that’s just some excuse. But I don’t even understand my sexuality and I didn’t want to stress you out or have you deal with a closet case.” Rubbing the back of his hands, he sighed. “I’ve always thought about you like that, always curious as to what it might be, but I didn’t know what I was and didn’t want to lead you on,” Garrett explained.
Leaning closer to him, he rested his forehead against Laurence’s, their noses touching. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what a relationship is. But I don’t want to imagine my life without you in it. I hated what it felt like when you were gone. I need you to be patient while I figure it out. I don’t know if I’m completely gay or if I’m bisexual or what. I just need to figure it out and I want you here as I do.”
Laurence hated seeing his friend struggle so much. He wished he could just snap his fingers or wave a magic wand to quell the unease his incredibly beautiful friend had. Watching intently as Garrett lifted himself from the faded sofa to approach him, Laurence’s heart rate spiking rapidly as his hands were cradled firmly in the other man’s rough and strong grip. As his first love attempted to explain himself Laurence sat there silently nodding slightly every once in a while as Garrett stumbled over describing his emotional state, knowing better than to interject and potentially embarrass Garrett in regard to his friend’s limited emotional vocabulary. He couldn’t ignore the tears shining across the oceans reflected in Garrett’s eyes as he spoke, and as Laurence listened along he couldn’t help feeling the burning tears welling up for himself as well.
His lips parted in silent shock as his friend poured a little of his heart out and confessed that the romantic feelings Laurence had felt for Garrett all this time had been reciprocated. The emotional swell he felt in his chest was abrupt and powerful as the emotions Laurence had stifled for years bubbled up to the surface, tears flowing freely as Garrett leaned in to press his forehead against his own.
Squeezing Garrett’s hands tightly as Laurence listened intently, holding onto the only anchor he had in this confusing and delicate moment. Feeling his ribcage shake as he took a deep breath in, reaching a hand tentatively up to brush a few strands of hair away from Garrett’s perfect face before finally whispering out, “I’ll wait as long as you want me to. I’ve been waiting for so long already, so I can manage until you’re ready.”
Glancing down briefly to collect his thoughts as he tried to figure out how to gently approach the topic at hand, meeting Garrett’s gaze once again and pressing his hand gently against his friend’s cheek as he tried to articulate his thoughts, “What is there to understand, though? If... If you love someone, why does trying to find a label for it matter? I know you’ve almost always shied away from serious relationships, but I really think if you wanted to be involved with someone long term that you could. What is it about relationships that frighten you so much?”
