This is our catch-all blog for userboxes, system shenanigans, xenogender posts, 'x culture is...' etcetera! This blog is purely for fun and to help us pass time, so don't expect it to be anything completely professional. But we will be trying our best to do frequent updates and good posts!
☆ Who are we?
We're a polyfragmented system of 200+ discovered alters. We have various other comorbidities (both physical and mental) and we hope to help educate people on more stigmatised disorders, aswell as give some insight to what our life is like with these disorders!
Our collective system name is 'The Visage Of Malformed Encephalon', hence our tumblr name, and our subsystem names aren't going to be disclosed for now. Collectively, we use it/its pronouns.
☆ What is this blog about?
In this blog, we will be doing;
Xenogender coining! You guys can request xenogenders in our asks, and we will create a flag for it! We only ask that you provide the name and vague concept of what the flag will be for so we have something to go off.
Alter role coining! You guys can request alter roles in our ask box, and we'll create a flag and description for it! All we ask is that you give a brief summary of what you want the role to be about.
'x culture is....' You can submit asks that are along the lines of 'system culture is...' '[x disorder] culture is...' etcetera, and we'll post them! This blog is all for systems and disorders of any kind, so if you want to start your ask with a specific system type or disorder, go for it! (note that we are not required to post your submission, and if we find your submission uncomfortable, problematic etc, we won't post it.)
Answering questions! If you have any questions about our system (that are appropriate and not harmful) feel free to ask them, and we'll answer!
Talking about our system/life. Overall we enjoy talking about headspace, system life, our disorders, etcetera.
Userboxes! You can request userboxes of any type in our asks, and we'll make them! (again, we aren't required to make any userboxes we aren't comfortable with making.
System advice! By no means are we professionals, but we'll do our damned best to give advice and assistance to anyone in need.
☆ DNI
Non-Traumagenic systems & supporters. We have a strictly anti-endo stance, and we request that if you are a non-traumagenic system that you do not interact with this blog. Same goes for supporters of non-traumagenic systems. This also includes Endo-neutrals. Reminder that not taking a syscourse stance and allowing endos to interact with you still makes you endo-neutral. DNI if you are not anti-endo.
Xenophobes, homophobes, transphobes, racists, ableists, etcetera. I don't think i have to say elaboration on this one. If we find you are any of these things, you will swiftly be blocked. Do not interact with our blog.
Cluster-B abuse believers. As a system with suspected BPD, we despise people who believe in cluster-B abuse, and we want you off our blog.
Proshippers. Please do not interact with us if you are a proshipper or anything of similar kind.
Radqueers/transIDs. We do not support transIDs nor radqueers, and we ask you to not interact with this blog.
Extremists. As a collective we are pagan, the majority of us being hellenist, and we do not want extremists on this blog preaching their beliefs. (Note that anyone that follows any religion is completely allowed to interact with this blog as long as you are not extremist nor forceful.)
Fakeclaimers. Regardless of 'how much evidence you have', you cannot actually fakeclaim someone, since in the end you do not know what they've gone through, and you aren't them. If you fakeclaim people, do not interact with this blog.
MAPs. I don't think this needs elaboration. Get off our blog.
'Core theory' believers. Core theory is an arguably harmful and genuinely incorrect theory that has been disproven by the theory of structural dissociation, and if you believe in core theory, don't interact with this blog.
Every year Tumblr holds its sexy people contests. And as a result controversial figures around the world seem to die. I purpose we sacrifice Donald Trump for this years contests.
coming out of our hibernation to finish the last 20 days of 30 days of DID, since we forgot tumblr exists and fell out of routine
except this time there's a twist because we have a completely different sidesystem in rotation, the guys who were doing the last one have been pushed back, so i have no idea what they wrote for their responses and no idea how much this will differ
this is probably going to be long
Day Eleven: How much control do you have over switches? Do you know of any specific things which cause specific alters to front?
my layer specifically, we don't really have much control, i think the same goes for people in the other layers? we do have a gatekeeper in our layer, but she only listens to specific people (normally only the handler and the parts that work with him) and normally sabotagues, so eh. We do know some front triggers, but not many, and it's normally a 50/50 if they work or bring out the completely wrong person (or just do nothing)
Day Twelve: What’s the worst thing you’ve woken up to finding out your alter’s done? What’s the best?
yikes
so far, the worst thing was finding a part had heavily self harmed (scars still aren't gone) in a visibly place, don't really think there's been a best thing yet since I'm the part that's mostly been handling the 'good' things
Day Thirteen: Has anyone ever noticed you were multiple before you told them? Do animals seem to know the difference in your switches?
nobody's noticed we were a system, but they have noticed that we 'seem off' when there's other parts in front and quickly pick up on when something's different? we've never really put thought into animals though, but i think they have? our bird, for example, seems to like me a lot more than 🌈
Day Fourteen: To whoever’s fronting; what’s your favorite item to have around when fronting? Is it yours or do you share with other alters in the system?
probably the giant cosplay sword we have in our room if we're talking big items. if it's something portable then i don't really have a favorite thing? i guess pens? they're shared in the system
Day Fifteen: What song(s) do you relate to your DID?
i need to look through our spotify for this one, hang on
Spoken For, Thing, Girl Anachronism, Amnesia Was Her Name, strangers once again, BAMBI, Playing Pretend, SPLIT!, Writing On The Wall, Hello World, Animal, Vibrant Eyes, Time/Space.
Day Sixteen: Where, as a system, is the safest place for you? Why?
physical place? idk probably our bedroom or our sister's apartment, it keeps us away from certain people and keeps us in a safe place we know and are comfortable in
Day Seventeen: Who’s an alter you’re interested in knowing more about or befriending? Which alter do you know best?
i probably know 🌑 the best considering he's my brother. i'd like to know more about and befriend parts who are in the 🗡 group of my layer though, i haven't really gotten to speak to any of them yet besides 🌊☀️
Day Eighteen: What’s your least favorite misconception or common misinformed fact spread abut Dissociative Identity Disorder?
things related to fakeclaiming, i guess? the general consensus that having a high number of parts (especially introjects) or that having a complex system makes you fake? also how people think that you need to be suffering 24/7 and that you can't have anything you like/tolerate about the disorder. like yeah it's an awful disorder that impacts and ruin my life, but let me enjoy myself and try look at the positives
Day Nineteen: Have you ever met another multiple offline? Tell us about it.
we have an irl system friend, yeah (they're our closest friend actually). we met them through our parents being friends years ago, and met again a year or two ago, i think through mutual friends? we used to be friends with someone who called themselves a system and made us realise we had DID in the first place, but we are certain that they only ever claimed to be a system as a way of getting close to us and abusing us, so i don't really count that one
Day Twenty: Do you have a favorite book or TV show about or including DID?
nope
Day Twenty-One: Tell us about your persecutor(s), protector(s), and gatekeeper(s).
okay well I'm keeping this as vague as i can i guess. our persecutors are normally heavy symptom holders and trauma holders, they normally only cause harm to us due to those things (eg; a bpd holder will make us self isolate and have us split over our friends, a trauma holder may purposefully induce flashbacks and breakdowns so they can feel something and to neutralise us to the memories, etc). some aren't as bad as others? some of them just self destruct through things like making really unhealthy choices like drinking multiple energy drinks in the same night as a method of avoidance, others are active suicide risks and cannot front under any circumstance. i know one of the other layers has a persecutor like that, I've read over some of the things it would say and wow is there a lot to unpack
i don't really think there's much to say about protectors besides the fact we all protect different things? example, i protect us emotionally because I'm extremely apathetic and casual towards most things, and i somewhat make sure we get enough rest and protect our physical health because I'm pretty much always tired and great at getting us to sleep
gatekeepers, idk my side doesn't really have many of those, the only one i know of is the one in my layer that literally only listens to one of this layer's handlers + his subordinates and trusted parts. she will not listen to people like me, and she normally sabotages us (not sure if that's intentional or because she's being told to do it, but it's annoying either way)
Day Twenty-Two: Tell us about your littles.
1, that's a dangerous question and i wouldn't answer anyways. 2, i don't know of any littles so far
Day Twenty-Three: Do you have an inner world? If so, who can access it? What’s it like?
we do, it heavily links to programming and conditioning though, and for my layer it's pretty much a complete mimicry of our source world. We have several different innerworlds, I'm only talking about the one my layer has here, which means only people from my layer (and handlers) can access it
Day Twenty-Four: Have you ever dealt with denial? What helps you work through it?
i think every system deals with denial, that's kinda one of the symptoms. i think we normally self destruct as a response to denial, it normally leads to persecutors randomly dumping harm and memories into us to remind us of what we've been through to cancel out the denial
Day Twenty-Five: When did you first hear about Dissociative Identity Disorder? Was it before or after you discovered your plurality? In what context did you hear about it?
we heard about it from the ex-friend i mentioned above. before that, i think we thought we just had split personalities or something
Day Twenty-Six: What aspect of DID do you find most challenging in daily life?
all of it? if i had to pick, it would be the amnesia, dissociation and how easy it is to get triggered (+ how dangerous it is)
Day Twenty-Seven: What do you think the biggest differences between living as a singlet and living as a person with DID are?
literally everything? i can't even name specific differences or say anything is 'worse than the others', i just need to make it clear that singlets lead a giant and inherently different life to people with CDDs, ESPECIALLY singlets with no trauma
Day Twenty-Eight: Share a memory of one of a different alter fronting which you’ve either been told about by them or by another friend.
earlier our bsf mentioned on call to me that another part in the other sidesystem had been on call with them once, and named one of their drawings a 'cum monster' so? i wonder what the people in the other side are like for them to come up with stuff like that
Day Twenty-Nine: How do your alters like to express themselves on a daily basis?
we don't
Day Thirty: What’s one last thing you feel should be written about after answering all of that? Talk about whatever you want.
for anyone who does want to do this little question challenge, or who answers other question challenges about systems, please make sure you don't share any dangerous information, especially answering things about vulnerable parts like littles and persecutors and trauma holders. if you want to talk about any of your parts online (especially vulnerable ones), please keep things vague and call them by aliases or emoji's. people online will use information against you, be safe with what you share
i use your terms to spite you. 🩷 you can't stop me from using them, so... as an endogenic system... i use every single one of the terms you make!
good for you?? i don't really care, that just shows you don't know how to respect people's boundaries (especially seeing as you decided to send in a full on ask about it)
I'm very aware i can't control who uses my terms lmao, and the fact you're using them also shows that endos just. can't make good terms, if you're having to actively take terms from anti endos instead of making your own or using ones made by your community
maybe follow your own dni and respect people's boundaries, but knowing endos and knowing the fact you're probably a young teen who doesn't know any better i get the feeling you're not going to do that
if you wouldn't want anti endos talking to you and using stuff you've explicitly made for your community, don't do the same to us, you ableists 💀 you guys are the biggest hypocrites ever
btw we're still alive guys don't worry we've just been on heavy burnout and been busy with things that are a lot more important than a tumblr blog, like helping friends manage things with the police and cps, and meeting up with estranged family to get running away plans in order, so yk
having system friends irl that don't engage with syscource online is so funny, cuz you'll be explaining willo shit, what it means and the like and they'll look at you like this (which yeah, fair reaction)
not an ask or submission but my friend wanted yall to know that you have the same system name! Have a nice timezone :3
oh cool!! this actually isn't our system name or theme anymore, we just keep it as this on tumblr because we don't care enough to make a complete retheme lmao. hope you have a nice timezone too!
hiii! It won't let me tag you for some reason but.. Uh, I'm @queerbutaliltotheleft (previously femboy) and I wanted to let my moot know that @i-got-a-virus-sadly
So. Um... I have to switch accounts in the meantime :')
dangg alright, all good! good luck with the switch, hopefully you can recover the account
ALT text: "This (NOUN) has headmates that are sourced from Pressure, they do not support the game in any way."
Like or reblog if you decide to use it, credits aren't a must but hugely appreciated.
Want something similar but to your prefs? Request one!
zeal has sa and rape allegations from ren/nolongernull, creator of the game's soundtrack iirc? there's loads of documents being made, voiceactors leaving pressure, and nobody knows who to believe, especially since zeal released another document against ren's giant one calling out all the flaws in hers and giving his perspective of things
right now, nobody knows what's true and what isn't, it's very he-said she-said atm. for us personally, we're just abstaining and not playing or interacting with the game until there's a clear final point of truth that's released
Day Eleven: How much control do you have over switches? Do you know of any specific things which cause specific alters to front?
so this is very dependant on a lot of things
i'd like to say we have some form of control- we can frontcall people, and we know quite a lot of front triggers + front repels, but we're normally pretty reliant on our higherups for the whole frontcalling thing? unless it's like a bonded pair or a subsystem we normally need to ask the higherups to frontcall for us
Day Ten: Have you ever done a system map? How extensively have you mapped your system?
we've actually never been able to make a map before bc of how complex our system is internally, because of how constantly it shifts, and because of how many layers and such they are. we do wanna finally start working on maps and atleast logging folk and noting down key areas, but even then we probably can't do it too extensively unless we wanna risk a trigger or anything
wow i should catch us up on that 30 days thing huh
this is gonna be fun as one of the older guys who hasn't fronted in over a year
Day Eight: How did you first discover you were plural? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis?
mkay now this is the era i fronted more often in, so this i can answer. we discovered we were a system through one of our abusers (sadly). at first we just thought we had split personalities or intense mood swings or smth, and we just thought the personalities had different names as a means of identifying themselves and so our friends knew which name meant what and stuff, until our abuser pointed out how a normal person doesn't really have completely separate identities with their own personalities, full identities, likes and dislikes, 'jobs', manners of speaking, completely different memories, and that normal people don't experience severe amnesia and dissociation between their emotions. sooo our old host looked into it more and researched it, and sure as hell, yeah, that sounded a lot like what we were going through! continued to research it over the years, and we're now medically recognised, which is neat
Day Nine: What level of co-consciousness do you have? How do you feel your communication skills are within the system? How do you want to grow in those skills?
ooh this is a complex one, yikes.
i wouldn't say we have no communication.. but it's pretty ass not gonna lie. we can normally communicate with other fronting parts relatively well? but it depends on who those parts are and who else is in front. we can frontcall, but again, those are only really specific parts, and normally it has to be a handler or admin, not a regular part.
we're kinda good at logging and stuff, i guess? and we can somewhat communicate externally? but all in all it definitely isn't great, especially with how many subsystems and layers and sidesystems and shit there are (im one of our oldest known parts but i barely know ANYONE because I'm normally confined to my subsystem, and literally nobody who isn't already in the subsys can enter it, so that says a decent amount ig)
in the future it'd be good if we could get into the habit of just letting eachother exist and leaving notes and stuff for eachother, and communicating calmly
that's my sign to shut up bc my brain's starting to fall apart and melt, sorry guys, lowk don't be surprised if this ends up deleted bc that sudden fog is pretty ominous
Day Seven: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?
ooh boy. I'm gonna be real we genuinely don't know how many parts are in the system
i'd say there's around 60 - 80 full parts in the system (that we're aware of) but there's hundreds of fragments
we also have loads of subsystems and possible sidesystems, so there is going to be so much more than what we know about. right now, i can estimate 300 - 400 including fragments, but the real number is likely much higher, especially seeing as we're still in an abusive situation
gonna do the 30 days of did to distract me from the horrific dissociation and pain rn hi guys
Day Six: How do you feel about talking about the trauma which created your condition? Do you like to write about it privately or publicly? Why?
i guess it depends what the situation is, who we're talking about it with, and which part of the trauma it is. also depends who's fronting. some trauma, we can pretty easily talk about and don't mind discussing, but we're probably not likely to speak about it on tumblr and stuff in detail. we're pretty okay with mentioning surface level stuff and stuff without details (eg; we've experienced ICT and TBMC and still do actively) but we can't really go into detail in public. even when vague mentioning other surface level stuff, it's very dependant on what part of trauma that is, bc we might be unable to talk about it for long
in general we prefer to write about it privately, or in places/with people we trust. we talk about it in some safe servers and with close friends a lot, but otherwise we confine it to private areas so it can't be used against us and so it doesn't make our internal handlers and higherups get pissy
