The Ghost Writer

In a pursuit for self loathing, I began a journey into and beyond the bounds of humanity. After falling into a lake and drowning, I journey back through my regrets and into an unexpected heaven filled only with sorrow. I was alone and needed a companion. As I tried to communicate to her, I found my way from the deceiving grasps of the devil and back into the arms of my love. As I wrote this, I was beyond the grave, writing as a ghost writer.

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There will be no future....

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Check out my band's new site at www.circlethestars.com

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LoK creator Mike DiMartino confirmed today that “Book 3: Change” will take place a few weeks after Book 2 ends in the Avatar universe. Read the full interview here.

Book 3 zomg.

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3 years ago, I was in Cordon, Isabela. #cordon @drrazlo23

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There is beauty in death. Death surrounds us especially in autumn. #beautyindeath #autumncolors #colderweather

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Amazing

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Don't give up.  Somewhere there is a girl with a yellow umbrella for all of us.  Some of us have found her and for some of us, she's still a little ways down the road.

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I'm such a nerd.  I just spent the last 6 hours playing Pokemon.  I went from 4 badges and under 50 pokemon to 8 badges, 74 pokemon and I managed to capture Articuno and Moltres.

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"How am I supposed to be everything they expect me to be when I feel so alone 'cause I left my heart at home?"

I wrote these words I realized how applicable they are to me.  The song that these lyrics are pulled from is called "Miles Away" by Memphis May Fire.  Incidentally, the song is about a man who has to be away from his wife to do some sort of service elsewhere.  My personal interpretation of the song is about his music career and the feeling he feels from being constantly pulled from his home.  I gathered this also from various other songs on the album following a similar theme and emotion.

About two years ago, I left my home to travel to a foreign land knowing very little about it and having spoken the language for only a short while.  During my time away I felt this way.  I was sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ to people in the Philippines and my feeling was that my family needs me but so do the people of the Philippines.  My time there was very enjoyed and I love the people there still, but I felt an urge driving me towards home.

After those two long years, I have felt little comfort in my home.  There is something gone.  During my time away, I gained a change within myself and I became a Filipino.

My heritage is a bit strange.  I was born in South Korea and soon adopted by a family in Utah.  The last name is Italian and I only could up to two years ago speak English.  My own birth language I couldn't even utter the slightest amount of the language.

Now back to my time in the Philippines, people would ask me if I was Filipino.  This made me realize how different I was.  At home, I don't fit in because my skin is slightly darker and I was born in a different country.  All you people that believe you're not racist, you are.  95% of people I come in contact with look weird at me and expect me to utter some strange words.  Then in the Philippines, I didn't belong because I wasn't Filipino and my Korean was non-existent.  However, living there, I became Filipino.  The more time I spent in that country the more people would mistake me as a Filipino.

I came home on September 9, 2011 and never returned until May 14, 2013.  During that time I spent there in my return, I felt a sense of reuniting.  I felt at home.  Then I realized this song didn't apply to me in my home, but the other way around.  This song applies to my absence of belonging.  My home is the Philippines and being here is what is keeping me away.

All of the discomforts of the Philippines give me a sense of comfort that outweighs all the comfort in my life here.  I might be complaining, but I don't belong here.  I belong there.

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Once I dreamt

Whirring moments like spinning

The merry-go-round speaks its language

Pictures in motion

But not a moving picture

Collage of memories, hopes, desires and fears

Random spittle ricocheted inside R.E.M.

This dream I once dreamt

I was famous

Not liked, but loved

Lights were bright

Brighter than our solar system’s source of life

They were dim though

Like a decreasing, fading, dying candle

Fiction was real

Animations standing in 3-D

Not CGI-3-D

But blood

It encompassed us

Like the shade of a holiday animal’s famous nose

Rudolf

Udolf

Adolf

The man Hitler

Escalated in the skies

Towering fields of gore and disgust

Blades spun around like chainsaws

People were broken

As easily as toothpicks

Or cheap pencils

The pencil was in my mouth

Yet it burned ash near the end

Cigarette

I don’t smoke

I don’t wish to smoke

But pencils, I guess

The lights fade from bright to dark

And from dim to unbearable

Haze shifts intensely into my mouth, eyes, teeth, nostrils

I taste dust

Maybe it’s ash

Because of pencils

I hate the taste of pencils, especially when it’s unbearably bright

Pencils?

They are only for writing, not smoking

The bright

Noise floods my ears

Was it quiet this whole time?

Too loud

Louder than an event for music to be performed live

Louder than walls whispering wake up calls

Wake up

Wake up?

It’s only night, but wait

11 a.m.?

Not right.

Shit, I slept in again

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Absolute truth

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Cause and Effect

Sometimes we think only of ourselves.  We selfishly throw away all we have or hope to have because of a spark we believe is the correct decision.  Sometimes we disregard the pain of others and rant our own discomfort expecting full attention.  Sometimes we forget the effect we have on one person can also affect the lifestyle and feelings of another human being.  We hide behind our fears, disguised as reasoning or excuses.  We live in a place of constant motion. Sometimes we forget to slow down and look around.  Sometimes someone needs us, but we focus so little on the chaotic and disastrous blur that spins violently about us that we miss the quiet signals; the cries for help; the mourns for unity.  Sometimes the destination we think we are pursuing is really just a rally point, or sometimes it's a distraction.  We chase shadows of what we are brainwashed to follow.  Sometimes we need to stop running and remain stationary for a few moments.  The place we live in is full of people that wouldn't give a moment's glance at a stranger with a problem.  Each and every choice we make in this life doesn't affect only us.  It doesn't affect just those we aim them at.  It affects anyone with in range.  Sometimes we need a break from the weather, and lifestyles, and the stern, selfish faces.  Sometimes we just give up so we can give more.  Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.  Sometimes true happiness lies in losing all possessions and walking a mile in the shoes of another.  Sometimes the dreams we have set out for ourselves need to be put on the back burner.  We should, and ought to chase after true happiness and open our minds to others.

[lovenalovekosiprincesspauline]

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Magaling naman si Eunice Jorge of Gracenote.  Makadrums, gitara, violin, tsaka piano pa... plus syempre kumanta.

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"The right wing conservatives think it's a decision

And you can be cured with some treatment and religion

Man-made rewiring of a predisposition

Playing God, aw nah here we go

America the brave still fears what we don't know

And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten

But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago"

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I guess I have a thing for Filipina Chick Bands. Bale, nagugustuhan ko naman ang mga Bandang Pilipina-Chika.