juanbase

all your juan needs

[the-juan-ramirez]

A Message

 To all of the wonderful people who eagerly await my posts and presumably frolic about their room upon perusing each new one -- I hate you.

Lengthier update will be posted soon. Expect no mercy.

[the-juan-ramirez]

emotional bullshit

i think that i may have a pussy hidden deep beneath my penis. and in this pussy, there are juices which viciously suck away any testosterone that my endocrines somehow manage to produce. in this "no man's" chamber of sexual befuddlement, i find myself confronted with a daunting ultimatum: be a man, or be a JUAN. you see, many people my age would gladly attest to the positive virtues of masculinity, and thus be perfectly content with the decision to be a man. but you must keep in mind, i am not like many people my age. to embody masculinity, that would render me trapped within a state of utter anhedonia. on the contrary, it is my duty to become a JUAN, that which is holy and not to be questioned by those lacking a sufficient amount of QUIRK. through the use of QUIRK, i can relinquish the parasitic vagina of which i have recently discovered myself to be in possession of. now then, if i shall concentrate all of the QUIRK i have amassed in this otherwise meaningless life, i will finally be capable of asking the question that has haunted my mind for so many lonely winters: "dad, do you think a man can love a solar panel?"

[the-juan-ramirez]

why the concept of rationalism implies the implementation of anarchy within american microsystems

below, i will outline a treatise of my own formulations, which have been precisely calculated with calculated precision, nimbly worded with wordy nimbleness, politically charged with charging politics :: end series.

1. if there are no laws, then there is no child support (alimony). therefore, there are no children, for children must be supported. if there are no children, there is no need for laws.

2. if there is no system of currency, then there is no value of money. if there is no value of money, then everything is free. if everything is free, AND there are no children, then i can sexually pleasure myself in public with heavy machinery.

3. if there is no president, then i can preside over myself, or be presided by heavy machinery.

all of these postulations are derived from the moral principles of immanuel kant, famed philosopher/fry cook.

[the-juan-ramirez]

i got a gig

i'm gonna be an extra on the next episode of sherlock guys don't worry i'll do something really random you'll NOTICE ME (unlike people at school lol)

[the-juan-ramirez]

philosophical thought #69

so i been thinking bout the world and my place in it and i was about to have an existential crises u kno, so i told myself "chill juan just get some ice cream shit will be ok" so i'm going to the car and my neighb stops me, asks me "yo, what's your name" but like i mentioned earlier i'm in an existential stupor so i'm thinking "i don't know i don't know" at that point all i knew was i was getting me some ice cream and so i look up at the moon, sigh heavily and whisper, with eyes clenched closed with emotional pain: "i am the ice cream man" and then the neighb he stops me and says "oh man, you got those rocket popsicles" and this whole time i'm having like a panic attack you know massive anxiety cuz of my existentialist nature you see and anyways i was starting to stutter yknow like "n-no... i forget who i am... i n-need ice cream" then i had an epiphany know what i mean i saw angels, they descending onto me and i just melted onto the asphalt you know and before i could even realize it i was a big puddle of chocolate ice cream and the neighbs goes to his house to get a spoon and starts eating me but it felt aight so i didnt complain yknow?

anyways thats how i lost my virginity and i've been vegan ever since

[the-juan-ramirez]

i got bifocals the other day

bisexuals continue to repress master orientation pansexual, the patriarchy isclosing in and your children are unsafe. local man wins $1 mil, cover up by city mayor for 4 simultaneously days occuring on earth at once

tl;dr jews begins with a j

[the-juan-ramirez]

If you keep doing something badly, you probably won't become an expert at it.

Confucius

[the-juan-ramirez]

Have you ever faked an orgasm while masturbating? #vasdeferens#mycockpitismoist#jillsweet#weinstein#folkdictator#folkdacing

as an 100% mexican, it is in my blood never to fake things. on the rare occurrence that i cannot achieve orgasm through masturbation, i look to caleb for guidance. i experience a vision, in which a silky path embedded with hymens appears before me. i travel long and hard on this path until i can meekly shake the hymen king's hand -- and like that, he's gone. it is a "spiritual orgasm" of sorts, not of the physical world, but much more rewarding nonetheless. it exfoliates my soil and reminds me why i don't eat meat. you should try it some time. :3

[the-juan-ramirez]

interaction with ms. woman of the female gender and black gentleman

woman: hello... are you juan?

juan: why yes i am do you need your love changed?

woman: oh yes i do, my old boyfriend was kind of a poop. he was a statistician, he didn't eat meat.

juan: oh well don't worry i eat dairy and meat products with great vigor. yes, great vigor indeed.

woman: oh ok, will you eat my rotting sardines?

juan: yes, i may need to fondle your mammary glands though

woman: that's ok *blush*, place your phalanges on my areolas please

juan: yes, and then i will gladly consume your sardines as i masticate a fine paste of liquid butter.

black man: woah hey what are you doing with my woman juan

woman: it's ok i'm a statistician don't worry

juan: yes she is

black man: oh, then could you mow my lawn

juan: could i fondle your vas deferens?

black man: yes, with vigor i assume

woman: *dissipates into thin air*

juan: what was that lol i dunno nice cock tho

black man: thanks i grew it myself

i made several new friends today. *pats self on back*

[the-juan-ramirez]

juanyear (2014)

i dedicate the forthcoming year to the advancement of juan culture and education throughout american trailer parks and other welfare institutions and bowling alleys and the like, quirk centers, movie theeeeatres, video game arcades, segregated facilitaties such as the sale of mangoes AND i dedicate my presence to those who choose to be around me - may it forever glaze their face with an upwardly curved mouth

"juan that was beautiful" - said the gecko

"hey gecko... *eyes twinkle* you dun have to tell me that" - said the juan

[the-juan-ramirez]

juan fact #2

i have never seen a vagina.

i have, however, seen two men engaging in anilingus. it was on my dad's camcorder. i think one of the guys was asleep.

[the-juan-ramirez]

As you will, woman. But deny me not, thy hymen will be mine in a matter of time! My fingers are nimble and dexterous, covetous of thy hymen they are and shall forever be. Until the day that I can possess said hymen, let this truth remain so!

Caleb Morrison, from his upcoming biopic

[the-juan-ramirez]

Have you ever been to interfaith dating hell or looked into the mind of a brutally honest, yet charmingly neurotic, archetypal male?

yes i have his name was Weinstein. he said he was looking for the "Golden Shiksa"

i don't know what that means. he was a little TOO quirky :3

[the-juan-ramirez]

juan fact #1

I have "Retractile Testicles." My balls completely retract back into my abdomen when I'm cold or having sex. I used to think this was common.

[the-juan-ramirez]

Visit Original Link

all rights reserved to juanbase and its affiliates.

[the-juan-ramirez]

philosophical thought #2

time is a measure of life

the penis is a measure of life

time is a penis

[the-juan-ramirez]

philosophical thought #1

guys come out of vaginas just to spend their whole life trying to get back in one. except gay guys but they aren't guys lol.