I Am Not Afraid

The wisest of women builds her house. Her children arise and call her blessed, she is clothed with strength and dignity; She can laugh at the days to come; she speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue; She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her home, for all her household are clothed in scarlet

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

Sinead lifted the luggage onto the back of the carriage. "This is just farmland. Perhaps tomorrow we can take a trip to the wildwood preserves. Truly letting nature run its course is a beautifully terrifying thing to behold."

She clicked her tongue to get the horse's attention. Yofina, beauty as she was called, was a pretty and mild-mannered thing with her rich reddish coat and black hair. Sinead imagined had she been less stocky she might have made a good show horse. Yofina nuzzled her, doubtless for treats. "You, young lady, are on the job," she said with a smile.

Then, to Ultana and Lethe, regarding the carriage, "It's a bit of a step up." She offered her hand to help them both before taking her own seat at the helm and with another click of her tongue and motion of the reins, they were off down the road.

"And how are you liking Ceres, Lethe?" she asked.

[the-lady-oneill]

Lethe was mostly grateful for the lack of other people around whom she didn't know who were also trying to address her when her Eldina was right there. Sinead was different, since she was Eldina Ultana's dear friend, and Eldina Ultana was never friends with people who did not consider Lethe to be worth talking to.

"It's cold," she said with a little smile. "But very beautiful, as y'gaviyi says. I think the city was a bit... much for me. Too many new customs and over-friendly people. But I'm excited to visit somewhere smaller."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

@the-lady-oneill

The past week at home felt like heaven to Sinead, if heaven were cold. By the thermometer's reckoning it was downright balmy, but Sinead found herself needing a sweater just to get out of bed. Thol's climate had taken its toll on her.

However, the cool breezes, the rolling grassy hills, the gnarled oak trees and the babbling brooks with their muddy shores spoke one word that warmed her through: home.

It was only her third time back since her marriage (loathe as she was to call it as such) to En. Grace. She's found her feet in her new home, easing the bite of knowing if she failed to return to it, her family's livelihoods would be forfeit. She never told them that. It was a burden she would keep to herself, perhaps to the grave, for their sakes and her own. Even so, where she sat in her parents' home in Dankhal, soaking up what time she could with them, she longed for the days when they were just a trainride away.

She remembered that ride well as she sat waiting at the station. While on her own, Sinead enjoyed the hour-long walk to the farm, Ena. Ultana wasn't used to walking muddy roads. Or mud in general. With that in mind, Sinead decided to spare no expense in renting a more comfortable ride. Well, perhaps spare some expense. A fully personal automatic shuttle felt ostentatious. Her parents would never hear the end of it if one of those came gliding up to their front door. But she had rented a stabilized carriage. It was a moderate compromise. Still drawn by a horse, but smooth as a trolley.

The chestnut mare, who had been idly chewing on rough grass by the rural platform, looked up along with Sinead as the train came into view. When it stopped, only one passenger stepped out and what a sight she was! Bundled up in finery. The trail of her coat alone assured Sinead the carriage was a sound choice.

She came forward to huge her and help with her luggage.

"It's so good to see you!"

[the-lady-oneill]

While traveling without Hugh had felt as uncomfortable as if she'd walked out of the house without her silks (though, in truth, she'd had to do that here as well. She'd been reluctant, but Seamus had insisted and instead helped her choose a few frock coats in appropriate colors), Ultana had been grateful for his absence when the train had started moving. There was no one to scold her about pressing her nose to the glass just to watch the landscape roll by. How good and strange it was to know that you could just keep walking forever and ever and never reach the end of the world! Of course, practically speaking there was the weather to think of, and other people, and wild animals, and the topography... one could not, truly, simply keep walking round and round forever... (how silly!) but even so she couldn't get over the enormity of the world outside. And it was so charming! The people, the horses and herds of sheep, the trees, the little houses and villages they rolled by... she wanted to see it all.

It was... marginally less charming when she and Lethe stepped out of the car and onto the platform and they were hit with the very distinct smell of cattle and mud, which Ultana had the misfortune of recognizing purely due to Hugh's love of the Bokhisii bull-jumping events. Here, at least, it was cut a little by the fresher scent of green, growing things and alleviated by the simple virtue of them being outside, and not crammed into an indoor arena.

Lethe very reluctantly surrendered a bag to Sinead. Ultana beamed at her, returned the embrace, and exclaimed: "It's so good to see you as well! It is so beautiful here, truly. The capitol was remarkable... but it is a city, and cities are cities even when they are outside. Here, though? Kaor'a, Sinead!"

Okay, well, maybe her manners had gone out the window in her excitement. She could not be bothered to care.

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

Neskel nodded. "My sister follows more in his footsteps. As an artist. Not lifestyle. She's all anti-aristocracy and has built a whole image around it, so she can't exactly show up a function like this. I admire her brand integrity." She said it with a certain nonchalance. To Hugh said said, "Eldina Ultana mentioned her family works in residential property management. Is that a joint effort with you or...?"

[the-lady-oneill]

There were so many things packed into those few sentences that made so little sense that it was a relief when Neskel decided to breeze past them all into a question, so that Hugh was not obliged to think of something to say about anti-aristocratic sisters following in their father's footsteps.

"Oh, no," he said. "House O'Neill manages diplomatic affairs...but this is my first time offworld. That's more my brother's department. I'm usually at home with the ambassadors there. This is charming, though."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"Neskel Frarden," she offered her hand. "You must be Eldarin Hugh O'Neill. Pleasure to meet you. I'm Alek Frarden's daughter. I saw you chatting with him earlier and I'm sure he talked your ear off about his latest art installation."

A waiter passed by with lemon cream puffs. Neskel took one and offered it to the eldina. "I saw how much you liked that fruit tart. You have to try these." With the best chefs and bakers on Ceres catering the event, everything was nothing short of exquisite.

[the-lady-oneill]

Hugh was still getting used to how impolite Cerean women were. Of course, he doubted he would. He didn't exactly have much time to become acquainted with them. As such, it took concerted effort to master his expression when Neskel gave him only a brief greeting and then turned her attention back on his wife, like he wasn't even there.

Ultana took the tart, paid Hugh a brief glance, a little apologetic smile, and thanked the other woman.

"Everything I've had tonight has been a delight, I must say. Wouldn't you agree?" this question, she turned on Hugh, splitting the tart in half so he could try it, too.

"Oh, positively," Hugh answered, grateful that she'd pulled him back into the conversation. "Alek Frarden...I think I met him. The artist?"

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"Abstractionist paintings, art installations, that kind of thing. He used to work in business management, but retired to follow his passions a few years ago." Neskel gestured with her glass to a stocky man engaged in conversation across the ballroom. "He's over there and loves talking about his art. I can introduce you if you'd like."

[the-lady-oneill]

To Ultana's credit, she somehow managed to keep her expression neutral despite the wave of panic that slammed into her at the suggestion.

"Oh," how could she decline...politely? Ultana had no clue what she'd do if Neskel dragged her over to meet her father.

Hugh was the one to save her. He glided into the conversation before she even registered he had approached, placing a hand on the small of her back that nearly made her jump out of her skin in surprise.

"Naratiyi, who's this?"

Ultana let out a breath, smiled, and introduced: "This is Neskel," a pause, then, Ultana flushed red and turned to the other woman. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I never got your family name or title! How rude of me."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"My family's in residential too," Neskel said. "But not quite as extensive as yours it sounds like. We own majority of the rental properties in Mira, which, it being the capitol is pretty lucrative. It doesn't include commercial or, obviously, independently owned properties, so Tunla was exaggerating saying we own half the city. It's more like a quarter. My mom manages most of it, but I stay in the loop since I'm set to inherit. My dad's an artist."

[the-lady-oneill]

For a moment, Ultana didn't know what to say. Women managing real estate was perfectly normal, as was a daughter taking over that job from her mother-in-law. But a daughter inheriting from her mother was such...an odd thing to think about. Certainly not odd from a Cerean perspective. Or, at least, Ultana thought so.

She decided not to comment on it, and instead took a safer: "Oh? What kind of art does he make?"

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

Neskel thought a moment about how to respond without offending or condoning, and finally settled on, "Well who knows what the future holds." Changing the topic, she shifted to more common ground. "You said your family are landowners? Business, farming, or residential?"

[the-lady-oneill]

Ultana didn't know whether to be grateful for the swift change in topic, or worried that Neskel would make all sorts of assumptions with this information and go blabbing to her peers. Ah, well, she supposed that wasn't really her problem right now.

"Residential. We handle nearly all of the rental contracts on the planet. Well, when I say we-- my father's House is huge. Think of them like city states. And you? I didn't catch your background."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"So much colder. I hate the dead of winter, but I hate hot summers more, so the valley is the perfect middle ground. Besides, everyone who's anyone is either here or in Nurkaun." Neskel lifted a fresh glass of fruit wine from a passing waiter. "I hope you don't mind me asking about your world. It's just such a different way of life. And not just the climate. I mean..." she lowered her voice. "Is it true you don't even get to vote?"

[the-lady-oneill]

Ah, exactly the sort of loaded questions Ultana wished nobody would ask her. Everyone back home expected her and the other Eldinas to avoid these topics, but in truth she didn't know how that would be possible. This was one of the most stark differences between the two planets. How could the Cereans not be curious?

She tucked some of her hair behind her ear, then searched the room to clock her husband. There. Still with Seamus, a good ways off. She returned her attention to Neskel and cautiously said: "Ke'in, that's true."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"There are some beautiful hot spring lodges up north. There's really nothing like soaking in warm natural spring water in the snow. It's my favorite way to relax. My family and I take a trip at least once a year." A waiter passed by with a plate of hors d'oeuvres. Neskel took one and handed him her empty glass. "I've heard you keep the climate warm. All that artificial atmosphere sounds so... utilitarian. I mean, I'm not saying I want to go roll around in the grass under the stars, but fresh air is fresh air. How do you bear it?" She popped the hors d'oeuvre, a little puff pastry with a lamb pate, in her mouth.

[the-lady-oneill]

The mention of hot springs surprised Ultana, considering how unused Sinead had been to the social baths when she'd arrived, but maybe this was different?

"The part of Thol I'm from has...mm, well it doesn't feel like being indoors. Artificial sky, real plants contributing to the air, a river, water gardens, wildlife, hot springs, that sort of thing. And if one wishes for a change of pace, there's the park district. It has all sorts of biomes available." A little laugh. "Still, no snow and no real rain. It just mists in the morning and in the winter. This is my first time off-world, so it never seemed strange to me. Both Eldarin Seamus and Eldina Sinead tell me that it's a perfectly normal temperature here this time of year, but I must admit it seems cold. I can't imagine how much colder it must get when the weather turns."

Since the other woman was eating, she figured it wouldn't be some kind of faux pas to eat, too. Ultana chose something from another passing waiter that looked to be a tiny fruit tart, and it was good.

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"I'm going to go introduce myself," Ei'kal said. "Sinead's said he's a great conversationalist." She slipped past her friends and made her way across the ballroom towards Eldarin Seamus.

"I should probably be making some rounds myself," Tunla sighed. "It's been lovely chatting and enchanting to meet you, Eldina Ultana. You really should stop by Sel Klar's Boutique while you're in town." She and Ge'ir also departed, leaving just Neskel and Mishpa.

Mishpa, suddenly looking very awkward, said, "Sorry my brother's actually waving me down. I was so good to meet you," and dipped.

Neskel let out a big sigh. "Scattered like leaves in the wind. Don't take it personally." She took a sip of her drink. "So, what's your impression of our humble little world?"

[the-lady-oneill]

Ultana had actually been about to take it personally, worried she'd somehow said something so offensive that everyone had found an excuse to leave. Neskel, however, seemed genuine.

Besides, Ultana was not going to complain about having fewer people to navigate around, and she was certainly not going to complain about no longer being expected to maintain conversation with a strange man.

"I haven't seen much yet," she said carefully, "But it's very beautiful. The weather, especially -- yesterday was my first time experiencing rain. I imagine it gets tiresome if you live with it, but admittedly all I wanted to do was stand out in it all day. Eldarin Seamus is planning on taking us up to the mountains for some snow later."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"Ah brother-in-law. My mistake." If Ge'ir was embarrassed, he didn't show it. "I'll have to catch your husband before the night's through."

"Oh that's Eldarin Seamus?" Ei'kal said, brightening at the name.

"Where's his wife? Don't tell me he's single," Neskel remarked, openly ogling. "A man like that cannot be single, politics be damned."

[the-lady-oneill]

Ultana sighed. "His wife is a religious leader and has a great many responsibilities she's not able to leave on Thol." And would be an absolute nightmare to manage at a diplomatic social event. No one ever suggested she should come in the first place. 'Religious leader' might be a stretch, but Ultana was not very keen on explaining the mess that was the Naethris interpretation of the cult of the Python.

"She's not very fond of traveling anyway. Kita jumped at the opportunity, though, and I don't blame her. It's lovely here." This was genuine. Despite the ordeal of this social gathering, getting to experience the sky, and weather, and temperature changes, and seeing so many plants and live animals and different kinds of people... Ultana was enamored with everything she'd seen so far.

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"Incoming," said Mishpa, the first thing she'd said the entire conversation.

A tall, for Ceres, man with a square jaw and round spectacles swept in at that moment to slip his arm around Tunla's waist and plant a kiss on her cheek.

"How's my little social bug?"

Tunla laughed and patted his cheek. "Buzz buzz and all that. This is Eldina Ultana O'Neill. My fiance, Ge'ir."

Ge'ir kept one hand at Tunla's hip, but offered the other to Ultana. "Pleasure to meet you. O'Neill... You know, I think I was just chatting with your husband. Seamus was it? Is that dark cloud at his heels yours?"

[the-lady-oneill]

Months of preparation could not, in any way, override an entire lifetime of ingrained social expectation.

Just pretend the men aren't here, Seamus had said. It was somewhat doable when Ultana was in the safe company of other women. But now this foreign creature was here and she found herself fighting with every single ingrained instinct, to the point that it was difficult to even register what he had asked her. His smile was cheery, his manner infectious, and he seemed to truly like his wife. Eccentric.

The offered hand was a shock. Right. This was fine. This was perfectly acceptable in Cerean society. Ultana made herself take the handshake, even though her skin crawled with the wrongness of it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well," she managed. Her voice, at least -- that polite cadence trained to please a male ear -- didn't fail her.

She cast her eyes across the room in Seamus' direction, both to get away from Ge'ir's gaze and to avoid the chore of looking at him the way you were supposed to in polite Cerean society. Kita stood at her father's side clad in one of her black gowns, looking around the party with thinly veiled curiosity. Ah.

Ultana breathed a little laugh and shook her head. "That's my brother-in-law and niece, Kita." She gestured to Hugh, who was making conversation with another Cerean diplomat alongside one of the more conservative Tyrconnel Eldarins that the council had deemed a safe representative. "That's my husband, Eldarin Hugh, in the red jacket there. Eldarin Seamus' younger brother."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"She's mentions you a lot in her letters," Ei'kal said, excited to get a peak into her cousin's world. "Actually, she's mentioned that you enjoy charity work." This was with a turn to Neskel.

Neskel waved her hand. "We all do charity work."

"Not like you do," Ei'kal insisted. She turned to Ultana. "Her mom owns half the city, but she still volunteers her time to educating disenfranchised youth."

"More like a quarter and it's mostly residential," Neskel murmured into her drink.

"You're so modest," Tunla chided.

[the-lady-oneill]

"Well, then we have two things in common," Ultana decided to say. "Charity work and parents who deal in residential real estate. In any case, that sounds like a very admirable use of one's time."

Educating disenfranchised youth was so terribly vague, and so Ultana found it hard to compliment. Supposedly, the Cerean public education system was quite extensive, so Ultana was hard-pressed to even think of why that might be a necessary pursuit. She filed it away to ask Sinead about later. How curious.

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

The second woman beamed a bright smile. "I'm Neskel, and this is Ei'kal, and Mishpa."

Ei'kal, a woman with soft brown eyes and soft brown curls, dressed with inspiration from the queen's style, perked up at the eldina's name. "Eldina Utlana? Do you know my cousin Sinead? She's married to-- um.. what's-his-name. Something-something Grace."

"Where is your cousin anyway I thought she'd be here," Tunla said, scanning the crowd. "She didn't go shunning high society again, did she? I don't know why she clung to that lifestyle for so long."

"She sent a letter saying she couldn't make it last month," Ei'kal said. Returning her attention to the eldina, she asked again, "Do you know her?"

[the-lady-oneill]

Ultana's eyes lit up as soon as Ei'kal introduced herself as Sinead's cousin. And she was grateful for the...partial rescue on the question of where Sinead was. She didn't understand it all herself -- only that Sinead was not exactly in good standing with some important members of Cerean government. Not the queen directly, just some superiors, apparently.

"I do," she said, smiling. "She married Eldarin Murdoch of House Grace. We met at a party my mother was hosting during Eldina Sinead's first year on Thol, and have been great friends ever since."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

The gala, hosted at the royal palace, was the extravagant held in a century and was bustling with every politician, wealthy socialite, and influential land and business owner from the furthest reaches of Ceres. While, apart from region representatives, the majority of guests were local to Mira, there were sprinklings of others, even from so far as the second continent Vatnbrun.

The woman Ultana had approached was local socialite and heiress Tunla, dressed so finely she could have nearly rivaled the queen herself. Her dark hair was loosely, effortlessly styled into an updo that let a few curls artfully fall to frame her face and soften its lines. She had a more gaunt look than was desirable, more suited to the sensibility of their Thollan guests than Cerean fashion, but one would be hard pressed to call someone so elegantly dressed anything but beautiful.

At the compliment, colored by Thollan accent, Tunla smiled warmly and gave the skirt of her flowing shimmering dress a swish, letting it catch the light.

"Oh this? Isn't it just gorgeous? It's a Sel Klar original. I positively adore your people's fashion and wanted to incorporate it into something celebrating our respective cultures and who else than the best designer of our age."

Another woman, shorter, plumper, and dressed in a more Cerean dress, but no less elegant, laughed and said, "More like he insisted. You're practically his brand ambassador at this point."

"Oh hush." Tunla rolled her eyes, than turned her attention back to Ultana. She extended her hand. "Tunla Niven."

[the-lady-oneill]

Already, Ultana found it a little easier to relax. She took Tunla's hand and shook it after the Cerean fashion.

"A pleasure to meet you. I'm Eldina Ultana O'Neill." Then, to the second woman, "And you?"

[the-lady-oneill]

No amount of cultural and language lessons (and extensive conversations with Sinead in Cerean) really could have ever prepared Ultana for the actual ordeal that was a Cerean diplomatic gala. It was one thing to know in theory that Cerean culture was egalitarian between the sexes, and that the Cerean monarch was female, and that any number of the Cerean government were, likewise, female. It was quite another to sit in a mixed social gathering where there weren't even separated tables of gender-appropriate dishes, or spaces for men to retreat from the women and have their private conversations, or vice-versa. No, everybody was all mixed together and even though she was supposed to be here to present a version of her own home that was palatable to Cerean sensibilities, she couldn't help but be glued to Hugh's side just for the overwhelming unfamiliarity of it all.

If Sinead were here, that would be easier. She could shadow her instead. But Sinead, for some political reason, had not been invited, and so she was stuck with only her niece and few other Thollan women for allies, and she figured it would look bad if they all congregated together like a flock of frightened chickens and made no effort to socialize.

Even so, she was finding it impossible to peel herself off of Hugh, who was chatting away with some Cerean dignitary -- male -- blithe and charming as ever.

Seamus came around, returning from circulating through the room, and caught her elbow, bending to say in Thollan: "You don't have to stay by him the whole time here, you know."

Ultana blushed. "Yes. Theoretically. But..." a nervous glance around the room. What if one of the Cerean men talked to her? The thought made her a little queasy.

"Just pretend the men aren't here," he told her. "Introduce yourself to someone just like you would at a party back home."

And just how am I supposed to pretend the men aren't here when they're everywhere?

Ultana bit the inside of her cheek and scanned the room. A small group of Cerean women congregated by one of the drink tables. She asked Hugh to excuse her, then took several steadying breaths, sank into her familiar, high-headed, straight-backed posture, and glided over to the table to get a refill on her own cup.

Glass full, as she passed the group, she stopped -- as if just noticing for the first time, shot the nearest member a smile, and said: "Oh that color you have on tonight is so beautiful. You must give me the name of your tailor. I've been looking to have some Cerean clothes made while I'm here! The weather is so different that it's only practical."

[the-self-proclaimed-prince]

"In any case letting him make me bitter or angry it just letting him continue to influence my life. I think he's done more than enough of that."

Sinead sighed and rested her head on the back of the couch. "It's such a relief to have you here." She turned to Ultana and took her hand. "I truly am sorry for hiding this all from you for so long. And for making you worry." To Seamus she added, "For quite a while she was absolutely convinced my mystery man was going to murder me in my sleep."

[the-lady-oneill]

Seamus laughed. "That would be a perfectly valid fear to have if I was a random swiss mystery man you'd met on holiday."

"Thank you, Seamus!" Ultana exclaimed. "And in any case...this is all...still going to take a while for me to process. It still doesn't feel real."

She was probably going to dissolve into a puddle the second that it actually sunk in, which wouldn't be for a while. Not until she got back to her hotel room at the very least.