Mauraders @the-mauraders - Tumblr Blog

Posts

not-annefrankjuulpod

shikseh

The correct answer is 3 3 C

goopy-amethyst-deactivated20250

You go 3 4 A if you're not a PUSSY

c0smicbats

5 2 A is not a good answer but it's mine.

the-mauraders

2-3-b

teenagerposts

100 level course prof: Attendance is mandatory, no phones allowed, 12 hours of homework/week, also we have 5 exams and one is in 9 days

500 level course prof: I illegally downloaded the texbook, I’ll send you the link. text me if you need anything. Do you guys wanna go kayaking?

lesbiansinthegarden

FYI

100 level course prof: Usually an adjunct. Very smol and new to teaching. Lives with dept head up their butt and double checking everything they do

500 level course prof: Is presumed to be competent and is left alone to become the true agent of chaos all teachers yearn to be

gardenforsparrows

500 level also has tenure and can do whatever they want with little to no consequences

wormofmouth

also 100 level course: 250 students, at 8:30 AM bc the department is required to schedule at least one class in that timeslot 500 level course: 5 students, a once-a-week four-hour-long shitshow in a coat closet that the prof is fond of

englishmajorhumor

What I thought reading as an English major would be: Ah, let me relax under this tree in a warm sweater and read this classic piece of literature.

What reading as an English major actually is: I have two days to read this 500 page novel about a bunch of horrible people who I think are all cheating on each other but I'm not sure because this writing style is nearly incomprehensible.

haiikyuus-remade

things all girls want to do:

• become medusa

• dance naked around a fire in the woods w other ladies

• eat men

• let their eyes roll back in their head and speak in tongues

• eat men

shirtp

there-is-still-some-liquor-left

hozier: here’s a love song about satan clandestinely falling in love with a human woman, here’s another about rotting in a field with my sweetheart and getting eating by the local fauna, and finally here is one about being reincarnated as a shrike and skewering small rodents onto my beloved’s thorns, who, of course, reincarnated into a thorny plant...as a shrike does

me, every time:

valtsv

can't wait until i have a wife so i can say "i love my wife" and introduce her to people by saying "i'd like you to meet my wife" and get out of boring social engagements by saying "i have to go home to my wife" and talk about her to anyone who will listen to me because she's my wife and i adore her

valtsv

and how could i possibly forget, show my appreciation of her achievements by pointing wildly and shouting "THAT'S MY WIFE!!!" before running over to hug and kiss her and tell her how wonderful she is and how much i love her

valtsv

damn all you have to do is say "wife" and it's like an incantation for summoning every wlw on this site

sirfrogsworth

This might require an encyclopedic knowledge of Avatar characters to understand, but it’s pretty hilarious if you fall into that category.

corpsegirlforever

I actually started laughing out loud from this

cinnamon-rell-deactivated202204

sirfrogsworth

This might require an encyclopedic knowledge of Avatar characters to understand, but it’s pretty hilarious if you fall into that category.

corpsegirlforever

I actually started laughing out loud from this

cinnamon-rell-deactivated202204

secondclassvines

candiikismet

When I tell y’all I howled

mooncombat

I’m laugh crying I didn’t know I could still do that!!!

snugglebearinc

naamahdarling

I’m losing my fucking mind.

kittykat8311

oh my god

cryptid-sighting

my favorite part is that the guys just go along with it in spite of confusion/misgivings because they don’t want to miss out on stickers.

signherepleased

My favorite post

pressxtodavid

“It’s a bit annoying sometimes but she call us handsome when we do and I don’t hear that very often” OH MY GOD

riahchan

the hero we need

alloverthegaf

crime show: well we don’t know what time she was taken but as you can see in this convenience store security footage she’s mouthing something and our lip reading technology tells us she’s saying ‘those three wise men they’ve got a semi by the sea’ which are lyrics to James Blunt’s song ‘Wisemen’ which was playing on that store’s favoured radio station at approximately 3:18PM and she disappears from view exactly five minutes later so therefore

alloverthegaf

crime show: now see usually we’d manage to get a timestamp from the security footage but unfortunately in this case the cameras only record a live feed and while you would think this means we shouldn’t be able to see the footage at all, luckily a famous Twutch streamer happened to be using it as their background footage while recording yesterday so

jenroses

yes, but can you blow it up and enhance it?

alloverthegaf

unfortunately this particular footage is extremely low quality and very grainy but as I zoom in on this super blurry pixelated image you can see the details become much clearer and easier to identify

paintmeahero

But what about the extremely specific pollen found on the camera lens?

alloverthegaf

good eye! originally I didn’t even notice it was there but while combing through the footage I noticed three different people sneezed while in view of the camera. I did some research and found that the particles represent the pollen of this obscure plant life that is native to this particular state, which really doesn’t help us, except that it only ever blooms in the opposite season! So I did some digging and found four nurseries within a 50 mile radius, only one of which sell that plant all year round, which of course means

mongolman101

Hold on just one moment! If the twitch streamer was using the cameras live feed as background, then we should know the time of the crime! The twitch archive should mark how long the streamer had been on by the time of the perpetrators presence onscreen, and if we know when they went live, we will know the time the perpetrator was in the building!

alloverthegaf

DAMNIT JONES THIS ISN’T YOUR CASE

mongolman101

WELL IT’S MY CASE NOW! The Captain thinks your kidnapping is related to my investigation into that cult up state. So, apparently, we’re supposed to work together. I’m not any happier than you are.

alloverthegaf

but I hate sharing!

mongolman101

TOUGH SHIT MCNAMARA! Your kidnapping case is somehow connected with that cult that’s been sacrificing its members to in the belief that it will appease the elder god Cthulhu. Now, I don’t like it any more than you do, and I’m worse at sharing than a toddler with a new favorite toy, but lives may well be on the line here! Are you willing to put aside our differences, and do what needs to be done?!

alloverthegaf

Alright, but when we catch the perp he’s mine. I don’t care if he’s sacrificed a hundred victims to goddamn Mickey Mouse! That man may know who killed my father, and I won’t let anyone get in my way - not even someone with your develish smile.

mongolman101

Do you think you’re the only one who wants to find Eric’s murderer?! He was my partner! He was my friend! I know we haven’t worked together before, but this case will have us working together for a while, until we eventually find your fathers killer. And I can see this case taking us a long time, and defining both of our lives for the foreseeable future. But don’t worry McNamara, my years of experience on the force, put together with your grit, tenacity, and loose understanding of the rules will make for a great partnership, with plenty of laughs and sexual tension to go around. Until some being from on high decides the precinct isn’t ready for a same sex couple, and I rekindle my relationship with my previously unmentioned ex-wife. But we, and some unknown watchers of our adventures, will always know we were meant to be together, weirdly large age gap be damned!

alloverthegaf

Yeah, and while Eric was off playing cops and robbers with you, I grew up without a dad! Do you know how many times I stared at my baseball glove, wishing he was there to throw it to me? You may have lost Eric, but I never even got to have him!

But you’re right. This case will definitely take at least a full year, especially with the fact that we will be constantly interrupted with other, smaller cases, one of which will be halloween themed. We’re working together for the forseeable future, and my playful countenance and morbid wit will very quickly mesh with your hardened attitude and tendency to keep secrets.

And while you go back to your unhappy, stiff relationship with your ex wife, I will be shown having constant meaningless sex with a multitude of beautiful women so that the writers can really get across how Not Gay I am.

It’s gonna be a wild ride, Jones. And there had better be stakeouts.

brain3at3r

executive producer dick wolf

exigencelost

This is the best demonstration of the principle of “yes, and” that I have ever seen. They should put this in textbooks.

fanonical

ginny wakes up in the middle of the night, from a dream too terrible to remember. she was eleven years old again, and her hands reached for the neck of a rooster without her bidding them to, and tom riddle hovered on the horizon and told her how much he trusted her. harry holds her in his arms and between her shuddering breaths, whispers in her ear it’s okay, he’s gone, you’re safe, it’s okay. then later, when she’s calmed down, i still get them too.

harry sits with his head in his hands, regret buzzing in his ears. you were just a kid, ginny says, you didn’t deserve that responsibility. harry shakes his head. i was old enough to get sirius killed, he says, and the truth of it hangs between them until ginny waves it away. voldemort was manipulating you, she says, it’s as simple as that. just hearing her say the name gives him the courage to meet her eyes.

slowly, they are teaching each other how to be okay again

fanonical

Minerva: ahahahaha voldemort might get past the first few tests but i know his biggest weakness...hes fuckin awful at chess im tellin you Albus like REALLY REALLY shit

richardsikenpdf-archive-deactiv

things i learned from captain marvel

your governemnt is probably lying to you about the reasons behind wars (true)

women have nothing to prove to men (true)

women should use their emotions because they make us stronger and men just need to shut up about it and realize that being emotionless makes you an ugly ass bitch (true)

i am very gay for brie larson (very true)