Poe offers some romantic advice
Kylo: General Hux, what is going on here?
Hux: Oh, Supreme Leader! I…..we have captured the enemy pilot, Poe Dameron!
Kylo: Didn’t we capture him last week?
Hux: Er, yes, but he escaped.
Kylo: And the week before that?
Poe: I guess I am just careless.
Kylo: So, it would seem, are we. How does he keep escaping?
Hux: Ah ha ha it’s a mystery. But just to be sure that it does not happen again, Supreme Leader, I shall take personal charge of the prisoner, and escort him to my quarters.
Poe: *Winking* You’re the boss Hugs.
Kylo: Wait! Perhaps I should take charge of the prisoner this time, General, since you have such a habit of letting him escape.
Kylo: Really. This way, rebel scum.
Poe: So, Kylo, what did you want to do with me? Should we get some handcuffs?
Kylo: Why? I could easily subdue you if you tried anything.
Poe: *Smiling* Oh I’m sure you could, it’s just that Hugs sometimes likes to….
Kylo: I cannot overstate how little I want to hear about what General Hux normally does with you.
Poe: Fine. So what did you want?
Kylo: Well, actually, I wanted to….ask you something.
Poe: Trying to get me to reveal Resistance secrets again?
Kylo: Not exactly. It’s about…..Rey.
Poe: I see. Having a little romantic trouble, are we?
Kylo: NO! Well….yes. Sort of. The thing is, Rey and I only have very brief snatches of time together, and I am not sure I am…using the time as well as I could.
Poe: Why, what do you do?
Kylo: Well, mainly I try to justify my actions to her, or explain why the First Order are right to try to dominate the galaxy, or persuade her to forget about her useless parents.
Poe: Ooookay. I think I see the problem here. Hardly romantic, is it? Have you tried saying anything a bit…..nicer? Telling her how you feel about her?
Kylo: Well, I told her that she was nothing, but not to me.
Kylo: You don’t think that was a romantic thing to say?
Poe: No, Kylo, I don’t. Do you?
Poe: Actually, don’t answer that. Look, here’s what you do next time you see her. The Poe Dameron fail-safe five step plan. Step one, you pay her a compliment.
Kylo: What does that mean?
Poe: Oh for heavens……you say something nice about her, her hair, or her eyes, or the way she wields a lightsaber or something. Think you can do that?
Kylo: I think so. What’s step two?
Poe: You move closer to her, and make eye contact.
Kylo: I can do that. I actually have been doing that.
Poe: Atta boy. Step three, you smile.
Kylo: No. I don’t. I don’t smile.
Poe: *Sighing* OK. You don’t smile. How about an intense, romantic, longing gaze then? I bet you could manage that. Come on, practice on me.
Poe: Fine, well, practice makes perfect but it’s your funeral. Step four, you confess your love.
Kylo: I don’t…love is a strong….I……
Poe: Clearly, you do, or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Just tell her how you feel about her. Not the your-parents-were-scum bit, or the you-are-on-the-wrong-side-in-the-war bit, just the I’m-crazy-about-you bit. And then straight on to step five.
Kylo: I really don’t think I can do this.
Poe: Trust me. Poe’s plans never fail.
Kylo: Rey I….*clears his throat* you look very….strong today. Your….arms look…..large.
Kylo: Wait, wait, let me try again. I like your….hair.
Rey: Oh, well thanks. I mean, I like your hair too.
Kylo: You do? *Moves closer, and makes eye contact*
Rey: *Also moving closer* Sure I….are you OK? You look a little in pain.
Kylo: *Attempting romantic look* I….I am in pain. My heart….
Rey: Heartburn? That sucks.
Rey: It’s probably caused by stress you know. Or something in your diet. Have you tried having smaller, more frequent meals?
Kylo: It’s not heartburn, I…
Rey: Well where does it hurt? *Putting her hand on her chest* Here?
Kylo: *Looking down at Rey* It…..yes, there. It hurts there. My heart hurts when I look at you. It hurts when I think about you. It hurts when you are near me, and it hurts most of all when you are gone.
Poe: Wow! That’s the stuff Kylo, that is the business. I feel like I should be applauding here, I really do. That is great. So I take it you then went in for the kiss?
Poe: WHAT? But that was the moment, that was it! Why didn’t you kiss her?
Kylo: I didn’t get a chance. She kissed me.
Poe:…..Well, it looks like my work here is done. The pupil has become the master. Can I escape now?
Poe: Thanks. I’ll just go and let Hugs know.
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