Josh Floyd

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

If I had a dollar

for every time I used self-deprecating humor to hide my insecurities, I'd be able to afford therapy.

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

A horse with human hands

That is all.

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

How to have sex with an ostrich

Step 1: Find yourself an attractive looking ostrich. Gather a group of friends if you’re into that sort of thing.

Step 2: Occasionally hit the ostrich in the neck with a wooden baton. Since Fifty Shades of Grey has been released, ostriches have been experimenting with S&M.

Step 3: Do not lay on your back! Ostriches only enjoy anal sex with humans.

Step 4: Lay on your stomach and brace yourself for what’s to come.

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

My mom is a mermaid and my dad is a centaur

I guess I got the human halves of my parents. 

My sister was not so lucky.

She has a really great personality.

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

[the-morally-neutral-spiderman]

I created a sand town today.

It consisted of twelve homes all on lakeside property. Five of them were directly on the lake.

A river was dug to increase space for more homes. Six homes were built here and sold at a slightly reduced price as they are in close proximity to one another.

However, my most profitable investment was the island property. Costing just under 17 million dollars, it is my most profitable deal to date.

Little do they know, their house values will decrease in a few hours. With continuous rainfall, water levels will rise causing foundations to weaken. I will buy back the homes at a much lower cost and resell on a sunnier day.