i fking broke down earlier and hopefully that means i'm not breaking down tomorrow
it's just fucking horrible to live as a statistic, it'z already crazy to everybody around me i managed to graduate high school
but now i'm 26 (ooooh 27 tmr imma hide the white lighters) and i realize i'm literally LUCKY i'm not homeless yet, or dead, people like me don't last long
we either end up locked up in jail or hospital, homeless, or dead
i wasn't meant to even live that long and every year it fees worse
psychosis worse, ocd worse, anxiety upgraded to full blown agoraphobia, DID symptoms so much fucking worse, trauma wise i fucking regressed because of The Big Flashback Of 2023 (not sure on the year ngl) where i went from "my parents fucking suck, school was hell between mental health and bullying" to "the same but you got trafficked and your parents might have helped"
and lemme tell you i REGRESSED, i had to relearn how to tie shoelaces and screw bottles
and now i'm the same, too stupid to take an appointement so i'm waiting for the damocles sword to fall eventually, ended up in the er the other day because of flashbacks, my physical health is worse than ever
That's my final post of my 26th year, everything is worse, I'm probably a worse person too, and I don't see things get better anytime soon
my options are being sedated to death or in hospital or intense therapy for the forseeable future, no chance at a normal life ever basically
I'm not feeling chuffed but hey if i manage to kill myself this year then i get to meet kurt cobain and amy winehouse right ? 27 club here i come