low poly heaven

collectively they/it

[the-night-crew]

This side blog belongs to The night crew

We follow with @might-be-human ◡̈

Bodily adult

TW everything

just generally don't follow me for art or memes, i vent and forget to tw, so tw everything for this whole blog

we are pretty bad mental health and physical health wise, our memory is extremely shitty and the psychosis runs wild, excuse us if we stop making sense

[the-night-crew]

i would NEVER get back to alcohol to cope with the lack of weed

:33333

[gothextramiles]

Just very embarrassingly thought "is like I'm a different person when I have these pain flares." Wow, no shit sherlock. You've got Become a Different Person Disorder. It's almost like I had a coherent thought.

[the-night-crew]

that actually made me not wanna kill myself

i'm not even joking

and the person next to my mii is who i spent the day (and everyday coz we're besties lol) and it feels nice

birthday suck but good friend doesn't i love her :)

also tequila my other good friend lol

[eebie]

i miss everyone

[eebie]

[the-night-crew]

it's my birthdya

i've crying for the past like 5h

fucking hate my birthday

[the-night-crew]

also ngl all these things are why I just haven't been able to do nice long DID centered posts in a while

all i can do is moan and complain

I'm not even "able" to talk about DID in detail anymore, i'm just generally worse any way and the only type of long post i've been able to do the past year or two is word vomit

i'm just not a person anymore i'm sorry

[the-night-crew]

it's my bday tomorrow

i fking broke down earlier and hopefully that means i'm not breaking down tomorrow

it's just fucking horrible to live as a statistic, it'z already crazy to everybody around me i managed to graduate high school

but now i'm 26 (ooooh 27 tmr imma hide the white lighters) and i realize i'm literally LUCKY i'm not homeless yet, or dead, people like me don't last long

we either end up locked up in jail or hospital, homeless, or dead

i wasn't meant to even live that long and every year it fees worse

psychosis worse, ocd worse, anxiety upgraded to full blown agoraphobia, DID symptoms so much fucking worse, trauma wise i fucking regressed because of The Big Flashback Of 2023 (not sure on the year ngl) where i went from "my parents fucking suck, school was hell between mental health and bullying" to "the same but you got trafficked and your parents might have helped"

and lemme tell you i REGRESSED, i had to relearn how to tie shoelaces and screw bottles

and now i'm the same, too stupid to take an appointement so i'm waiting for the damocles sword to fall eventually, ended up in the er the other day because of flashbacks, my physical health is worse than ever

That's my final post of my 26th year, everything is worse, I'm probably a worse person too, and I don't see things get better anytime soon

my options are being sedated to death or in hospital or intense therapy for the forseeable future, no chance at a normal life ever basically

I'm not feeling chuffed but hey if i manage to kill myself this year then i get to meet kurt cobain and amy winehouse right ? 27 club here i come

[the-night-crew]

i hope i can delete before someone else comes but they'll talk about me like the devil like

all i did was cut myself and try to kill myself (they also did that)

and currently the only evil thing is me downloading all babymetal music and vocaloid shit in our mp3

anyways im gonna go back to more downloading of music :)

and then next week you'll see "who tf added pokemon ost to mp3"

its me :)

[the-night-crew]

I WAS 12

YOYRE SHITTING ON A 12 YO

I WAS 12 HOW ELSE WAS I SUPPOZED TO ACT

sry the date on that video just got me

i was a fucking kid reacting how i could and all i get is getting called "the bitch" because they got enough time to "age" I DIDNT! FUCK YOU

[the-night-crew]

i hope i can delete before someone else comes but they'll talk about me like the devil like

all i did was cut myself and try to kill myself (they also did that)

and currently the only evil thing is me downloading all babymetal music and vocaloid shit in our mp3

anyways im gonna go back to more downloading of music :)

and then next week you'll see "who tf added pokemon ost to mp3"

its me :)

[the-night-crew]

on the subject "persecutor" (sry i don't use community terms but that's honestly what she can be described as)

I'm glad she's better, honestly i hope we can chill, i can't help but notice the alcohol consumption going up

not because she likes it but i realized it triggers us, and so she comes

and so alcohol=freedom for her

i wish there was an other way

do i just have to stiffle my mind or break my body, is there no other way?

i'm sad that triggers are all pretty destructive (duh) , some of us absolutely deserve to live and it's so sad they get to when the body or mind get hurt

why do i have to bordeline faint from holding my breath or drink enough alcohol or Specifically take a pill i don't know (if i know it doesn't happen)

why can't i have those positive triggers i hear about

it's pain or hurt or pain or hurt or

i'm tired

anyway i'm gonna go back to lain

[the-night-crew]

thank fucking god i didn't find out about Serial experiment Lain in high school

seeing this during the first episodes of psychosis would've killed me i think

now i'm just relating and feeling comfy and homesick, this anime's sickkkkkk asfffff

[the-night-crew]

oh my fucking did vibes thanks FUCKIGN GOD i didn't find this in high school oh my god

why is the other lain exactly that persecutor i'm scared about (actually she's better now, turns out she's been hanging and she chilled out ???? but still that reminds me of her in high school, scary, intimidating, people telling me they saw me but "not me" like yeah that was her....)

[the-night-crew]

thank fucking god i didn't find out about Serial experiment Lain in high school

seeing this during the first episodes of psychosis would've killed me i think

now i'm just relating and feeling comfy and homesick, this anime's sickkkkkk asfffff

[the-night-crew]

i cant do people

at first its fun and then my brain manages to turn it into some fuckign delusion and paranoia fueled bullshit so it starts feeling dangerous and wrong

usually it's just the corruption bullshit, i am inherently evil and rotten an so being near me in anyway will rot you too

i don't want people to rot because of me , and i'm not even fun to be around anyway

i just gotta contain the rot so it doesnt spread you know ?

[the-night-crew]

how did you manage to learn enough details about a stranger’s experience to identify them as a did faker after one conversation at a parade

yeah so they spent an hour detailling their entire history umprompted lmfaooooo

you'd be right but i was genuinely held hostage by that guy for 2 rral life hours

TRUST ME i had time and bro wouldn't stop even after i asked

it was kinda funny coz he kinda stopped after i said "hey i have that and i REALLY dont wanna talk about it"

took me outing myself for him to stop

idc Lso i just woke up sorry if i make no sense i cant fking seemy screen

[the-night-crew]

once again Deltarune tomorrow falls around my birthday, so once again toby fox is saving me from how suicidal i get on my birthday (month)

thank you Toby radiation fox 🙏

[the-night-crew]

drunk ag-(remembers how many time i said that this month)

I'm actually fine and not relapsing into alcoholism because of life shit

i'm fine and doing great #truthTeller