I cannot resist making fun of the lawn care reddit. Some person will be like "can I use this herbicide on the crab grass" and I look it up and it's a wildly dangerous volatile chemical that people are trying to get banned
I don't want to be mean, but i'm scrolling that subreddit like "y'all really live like this??"
Like every other post is like "i've done a soil test, put fertilizer, i'm watering 3 times a day, used fungicide, but I'm still having issues with crabgrass. Should I add pesticide to kill grubs?" and theres a photo and the grass in the photo looks like it's growing in the no-man's-land on a front in World War 1
People post photo after photo of 100% dead, scorched brown lawns like "Should I apply fungicide? I'm seeing no sign of chinch bugs. I just fertilized two days ago, and my pH is blah blah blah..."
Buddy.
You live in Texas.
It's August.
I don't know what to tell you.
Apparently it's a common thing to "nuke" your lawn (kill everything in it and start over) for reasons no deeper than "I've poured every herbicide I can legally obtain on this patch of land and there's still a grass I don't like." I...where do these people think "weeds" come from? Do they plan to just do this repeatedly for the rest of their lives?
people pay good money to have their lawn "aerated" which is basically "expensive machine pokes a bunch of holes in your flat, compacted, concrete-like turf" which. is apparently necessary when you plant a grass monoculture without a robust enough root system to penetrate more than a few inches down on purpose and kill everything with taproots or actual drought adaptations
The water people pour onto their lawns is probably not doing anything. Their grass is like 2 inches tall. There's nothing to hold in moisture. It's all evaporating
Like, I feel BAD for these people. This is sad. They're spending hundreds upon hundreds of dollars and worrying themselves sick over "maintaining" the deadest, most miserable-looking stretches of dirt I've seen in my life.
"Lawn culture" is an intentional and malicious scam. There's no way around it. It convinces people that they need to put incredible amounts of time into "fixing" problems that either don't exist or that were caused in the first place by over-management.
